This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Saturday, July 29, 2017


So, John McCain is once again the toast of the democratic party and the main stream media.  A brain tumor is eating away at his brain but he flies back to DC so, after many speeches against ObamaCare, he can vote to keep ObamaCare.  I'm trying to work this thru in my brain, does that mean that a democrat is a republican with brain damage?

I just know there is a joke in there somewhere.

And of course our darling Senator from Alaska has once again stuck a knife in the back of the American people.  Murkowski also voted to keep, which makes sense she is also famous for not once but twice, voting in committee to kill legislation that would have had our electrical system secured against EMP by now.  Yep, she killed in around 2005, which means by now it would be done, though I'm sure at twice the 2billion - of course, today it will take 10b and that will probably double with how government contracts work - you bid low, then claim unknown issues and double or triple the final bill and the government goes okay, sure.

Now if smart, you work it like the senator from the hopefully soon independent country of California where once again, her husband's company just keeps winning those blind bids and now his biz will be selling a whole bunch of post office property and will pocket some nice millions into the family coffer.

I never liked McCain, never thought he should have run for president.  Look, anyone who spent several years in a Viet Cong prison camp should not be president, because I am sorry, it messed with his head, trust me.  My experience caretaking my dad with Alzheimers screwed my brain up a bit and that was nothing to a prison camp in Vietnam.  I can see what taking care of someone with  Alzheimer's did to me and to multiply that, well, there is a reason John McCain was constantly wanting to war war war anywhere and everywhere, some people deep down want to see the world burn, as Alfred told Batman about the Joker.

Want to know a secret?  John McCain misses it, as bad as it was, he was never more alive than when he was a prisoner.  I've realized that because not only do I still miss my dad, I miss caring for him; all the pain, the struggles, the hopelessness; but never was I more alive.

Now, I just exist, not happy, not sad, just going thru the motions to look happy but bored to the teeth with getting up; walking dog, breakfast work, lunch, work, bike/workout, shower eat blah blah blah, day after day.

Go up to the mountains, do a hike, and when I'm done I'm like 'yea, so what?'.  Back to the cave.  Just no passion for anything anymore.  McCain on the other hand, has had a passion, for power, for wars, for chaos.  And he knew his vote would create chaos.

Haven't all votes in Washington DC produced pretty much nothing but chaos?  Okay, good point.

I've been playing with math recently, but can't figure out how to blog it.  It's this theory of parallel universe everyone is always talking about.  The 'every time you make a decision, another universe is created with the opposite of what you decide and so there are millions of parallel universes' and everyone goes 'ooooh' and thinks that is cool and nobody goes, 'hey, wait a minute'......

See, one person will product trillions if not more over the course of a lifetime of choices from birth to death, well, death here, but then if you did die yesterday in a parallel universe a new one is created where you don't die and of course then you have to take into account, you are not the only person on the planet so everybody is doing tens of thousands of choices a day and each are interacting with each other and then you realize, well, wait, why would this parallel thing only create parallel universes for people, it would also account for animals and simple cause effect of this space rock hitting / not hitting this other space rock or this star going supernova versus that star not going supernova every second of time since the beginning and now do you begin to get it.  Think of the very first letter I typed in my first blog being a 1 and every other letter I've typed in every blog I've written  being a zero and you would still need to multiply it by an exponent of googolplex to begin to approach all the parallel universes this one universe created, then multiple that by all those numbers of universes created since the beginning of time and next time instead of going 'oooooh' and thinking man, that is deep, you can go 'BS'.

Watched a couple of videos today on Probability Waves which was the whole point of Schrödinger's Cat though the cat was probably never aware of the math equation he helped the doctor by dying or not dying in the cage.

So here what is cool, lets say you have a wall, with two holes, one left one right and another wall 20ft back of it.  If you fire a gazillion electrons thru the two holes, what will the back wall look like?

Give up?

It will have seven vertical columns/stripes on it from the electrons, 33% in the center and 7% on the two outside stripes on the left and the right, it will alway break down this way.  What you see is probability is a wave and you measure/observe the electron at that point in time.  If you move the wall back another 30 feet, what will you see?  The exact same thing, except, the electron that was in, say, column 3 is now in column 1 or not, the breakdown is exactly the same but which electron is where will most likely be different because the measurement distance/time changed.

Now I understand why I always won money playing Keno in the Michigan lottery back in 89 to 91.  I'd figured out if you just bet all the numbers between 30 and 60 (1-89 I think) then you would alway win more money that it cost, like 5 or ten bucks a week.  That Schrödinger equation is what I found but didn't realize it, I thought I was just being clever.

I see spending an afternoon very soon just staring at the ceiling thinking about this and what it means in other areas of life.  But I doubt it will save America from the likes of McCain and Murkowski; has anyone checked Murkowski  for a brain tumor too?  Just curious.

The lunatic is on the grass
The lunatic is on the grass
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs
Got to keep the loonies on the path

The lunatic is in the hall
The lunatics are in my hall
The paper holds their folded faces to the floor
And every day the paper boy brings more

And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too

I'll see you on the dark side of the moon

The lunatic is in my head
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me 'til I'm sane
You lock the door And throw away the key
There's someone in my head but it's not me.

And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear.
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

Pink Floyd