This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Sunday, May 21, 2017


About 3 1/2 years ago, I wrote a blog titled Martin's Dream Died in Memphis.  I thought of him again this past week.

Seems students at some college, black students, wanted their own private graduation ceremony with only blacks allowed.  Fifty years of segregation just came to a screeching halt.

And all those tornadoes, caused by Martin spinning in his grave.

Any sentences lately that begins with "students and some college" is bound to be a head scratching chuckling story because I've never seen so much stupidity coming from any part of the universe that can approach what you read today on college campuses.

Students at some school are complaining that the dark wood panelling in hallways and classrooms and some building that is like 150 years old is triggering them and causing them mental anguish.  Wood panels.  And this isn't that fake wood, no sir, this is solid maple.

When I was in school, we also had triggers, but they usually resulted in shots of tequila or hits on a bong when triggered.

No doubt about it, the 30 or 40 year experiment in not spanking kids should come to an end, it's been a failure.  Next alt left or whatever it's called now, student riot protesting the president because they didn't vote for him and get their way should be dealt with by all those students arrested should get paddled two or three times then sent home - better yet, when the parents show up to complain, paddle their asses too for raising such spoiled little brats.

But now after 50 years of progress, black students want their own graduation.  Spinning with you Martin, spinning with you on this one.


Sad night.

Just watched the final performance of the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus.  They were kind enough to stream the even on You Tube.

For nearly 150 years, this circus has traveled across North America by train and trucks, setting up in cities and the circus has come to town for a few days.  And my dad, great dad that he was, use to take me every year when I was a kid.  I'm sorry now I grew out of it.

But watching the show tonite, it resembled little of what I remember as a kid.  First thing I remember is the smell, the elephants, lions, and tigers and bears, oh my, what a smell; but it is a good smell, a smell of childhood in better times, like the taste of Grape Nehi, just something that lies forgotten, waiting to be remembered.

But the elephants, the clowns before they were creepy, trapeze artists, the big cats; memories long forgotten.  Tonights show, well it is a different circus, different times.  There are no elephants anymore, clowns were not really a big part - but I remember a lot of those clowns were working the audience, not really part of the show, well except when like two dozen pile out of a VW Beatle.  But they did have the big cats, one man, 11th generation with the circus, in the ring with 8 tigers and two lions at one time making them do tricks when just one turning on him would created a feeding frenzy.  And the trapeze artists were amazing as a child and amazing as an adult.

All gone now, lost on the sands of time to video games and smart phones.  And age.  I miss what I haven't thought about for years, can't remember the last time I thought I should go see the circus.  So age and forgetfulness are as complicit as the video games.  Can't blame everything on the millennials.

In Chicago, the circus use to be held as Shriners Hall or Masonic Temple, can't quite remember for sure but leaning towards Shriners, and we'd drive downtown Chicago, off to the north or west, maybe south side, and as soon as you got out of the car, the smell of the circus would hit.

You know what else I remember?  Chameleons.  Every year, would get out the aquarium turned terrarium about a week before the circus and get it ready because at the circus you could buy a chameleon, in a box, and bring it home.  My dad would buy me two every year and every year I'd bring those things home, put them in the terrarium, feed them, play with them but no matter what, every year,  within two or three weeks the Chameleons would be dead - I wonder if that is why my folks were so nervous when I said I would take care of them in their old age?

And, checking Google Earth, yep, still there, in Blue Island on Maple Ave if you got back on the driveway of the house I grew up in, there is a little section of grass just off the south side of the drive before you get to the garage, and I bet if you dig up that area you will find the skeletons of two dozen chameleons, and a few turtles, in the ground probably remains of  small boxes that each of those chameleons.  Poor mom, she probably thought I was going to bury her in a box next to the driveway too.

Eleven generations of raising, training, taming and showing the cats.  And I'll bet there are clowns and trapeze artists with a longer history in the RBBBC and now it is over, gone.  I wonder what they will do now, now that the only life they have known is gone, the family is gone.  What happens to the clowns, the skaters, the lions, the trainers.  Train keeps a rolling, with no reason why.

Some things shouldn't change.

"I am forever searching high and low
But why does everybody tell me no
Neptune of the seas have you an answer for me please
The lily of the valley doesn't know

I lie in wait with open eyes
I carry on through stormy skies
I follow every course
My kingdom for a horse
But each time I grow old
Serpent of the Nile
Relieve me for a while
And cast me from your spell - let me go

Messenger from seven seas has flown
To tell the king of Rhye he's lost his throne
Wars will never cease
Is there time enough for peace
But the lily of the valley doesn't know."

Sunday, May 14, 2017


Boy, you just must admit that this weeks slight of hand should be nominated for some sort of award, maybe even name the award after it.

On earlier this week, news broke of the major FUBAR in Washington, the story was going absolutely viral and then BAM BAM the story is gone and a new story goes viral and 5 days later you have to really really search for a new story on the FUBAR but the news is still full of the President firing the FBI director.

Kind of makes you wonder just how bad that disaster in Washington State is leaking radioactive particles into the atmosphere - I did see as of Friday the airspace above the collapsed tunnel and surrounding area is still closed, but hey, talk about one of the ultimate misdirections.

And why would reporters fall for it?  Because they can stay in DC and write scathing articles about how unfair firing the FBI director is, a scandal of Watergate proportions rather than get on a plane and fly to Washington state and perhaps die from radioactivity.  Kind of a no brainer for a profession with no brains to begin with if you ask me.

And so it goes, the american public being led by the nose from crisis to crisis, golly Brad has lost weight, while evil megalomaniacs position for a war.  Rumors are there might be a little trading going on letting the US take out NK, China grabs Taiwan and Russia grabs the Ukraine and they all shout each other down in the UN for a few weeks then it all settles down.  But Turkey is one you want to keep an eye on, just saying.

And ransomware is running amok.  Apparently, some smart 22 year old IT security wiz figured out how to kind of halt that outbreak.  Guy's on vacation and did something with registering the domain of the hack and that stopped it cold, now there is a battle going on right now in the dark net between people trying to rerelease it and those stopping it.  Exciting TV, watching burned out pencil necked Red Bull drinking twerps type at the keyboard faster than I can think keyboard, good luck dark net warriors, however it ends up.

Apparently, the hack is being done with software developed by our very own NSA, with tax payer funding, and the NSA has been using said software for years to infiltrate computers around the world but the dark netters got into the NSA and stole all their software, which makes Tim Cook look like a prophet because two years ago when the government was trying to get Apple to develop a program to get around passcode and that only the feds would have it Cook laughed and said if they did that it would be in the hands of hackers within a year or two.  That would be a Bingo, gringos.

And finally, how absolutely gut busting funny it is watching democrats calling for special prosecutors and investigators and calling for the FBI director to be returned to his post and you can go back to last fall and see the very same democrats ranting, foaming at the mouth calling for the very same FBI director to be fired, showing you that even if a republican does exactly what the democrats want, they will then say he should be fired for doing what they asked of him.

Which, come to think of it, is the one time democrats are correct, any republican that goes along and thinks it will make things nicey should lose his/her job for being a fool.