This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Saturday, March 26, 2016


So here is a question I bet I know the answer to:  when you sell stock or mutual fund shares, there is a 'settlement' period which I think is three business days before your money is available.  So if you sell order on Tuesday evening, it fills on Wednesday, then it's Thursday, Friday, Monday and finally on Tuesday you get your cash.

How much you want to bet when trading houses make these one gillion dollar buys at 20.65  in the morning and then sell later in the day at 21 that they don't have to wait three business days, which is really like 5 business days to normal person counting, like the rest of us to get the cash.

Imagine waking up Monday morning and finding out China, after 50 years of being an "open" country decides to become closed again.  Oh, and by the way, the Chinese government is 'nationalizing' all plants and factories in China.  So all the computer makers, chip makers, phone makers, TV makers, etc will effectively have lost their business.  Alone with stereos, speakers, ovens, washers, dryers, stoves, ovens microwaves, fridges, water heaters, furnaces, air conditioners and just about anything else.

And watch the chaos ensue.  Overnight, every tech companies stock will crash to penny stocks, no new products for probably two years.  Car companies will stop building cars, no electronic parts, total economic chaos.  Oh sure, we can freeze chinese assets, but it's a mole hill compared to the plants they will have making phones etc.

Then China will announce after a week they will still gladly export, no more imports, they will say.  So you can still get the phone speakers etc but now it's going to have a chinese label on it.

Do companies ever think like this?  Do they ever consider how vulnerable they are?

Look at how many oil companies took it on the chin when south american companies or middle eastern countries 'nationalized' all the oil wells.  So don't say it can't happen.

But thinking still about the economy, there really is only one solution, one way to bring back America like it was in the 50's and 60's.

We need another world war.  Another big one that destroys China, Japan, Korea, Vietnam, and Europe.  While we are at it wipe out the middle east again too for that matter.  Well, and unfortunately, Mexico is going to have to go.  Leaving only America standing and having capacity to rebuild.

Do governments ever think like this?  Do we ever consider how vulnerable we are?

One decision by one leader, whether at a corporation or a government, and your comfortable life will be completed ruined in an instant.  One stupid person getting behind the wheel of a car drunk, one illegal immigrant wanting your wallet, and your illusion of being in control of your life.

Life lately has been getting pretty good for me.  For the first time since taking care of my dad and the alzheimers got bad, things are kind of looking up.  Job is good, health is good, car is running fine, some cash in saving - not as much after paying uncle sam 1400 bucks, but still nice, and I'm just going to enjoy it while it lasts.  Just wonder what's coming to wreck it all.

I know, negative thinking, where's Zig Ziglar when you need him, but that is how my brain works now.

One eye goes laughing,
One eye goes crying
Through the trials and trying of one life
One hand is tied,
One step gets behind
In one breath we're dying

I've been waiting for the sun to come up
Waiting for the showers to stop
Waiting for the penny to drop
One time
And I've been standing in a cloud of plans
Standing on the shifting sands
Hoping for an open hand
One time

King Crimson 


Anthropologists, visiting Earth in 3,000 years, will wonder what happened to society.

I can tell them right now what happened, we got suckered and the majority of the world was too stupid to realize what was happening until it was too late.

Europe went down the toilet first.  Those liberal open minded countries with their free health care and education, never worrying about national defense because the big good old USA would rescue their blonde blue eyed butts if something ever happened.  So they were able to create this wonderful society and let foreigners come knowing that foreigners would adopt their way of life because it was so good.

Problem is, many Muslims don't want the way of life in those countries, they want their way of life from the old country in their new country.

Are you reading the European papers?  Here is one new way to define stupid.  You let your wife, daughter, or son walk alone in France, Sweden, Norway, Germany, of Denmark.  The amount of gang raping and molesting is unbelievable.  Even had a case where a young lad in England was buggered by some muslim dude at the public swimming pool and then the guy went back to the pool and kept on swimming so when police arrived he was like what's the big deal?

Of course, pointing these things out, makes me a racist, bigot, possibly homophobe, or some other adjective in the liberal little red book of debate by calling people names.  Be that as it may, it doesn't change the fact that in our modern world, we are immigrating to the lowest common denominator.

And America is quickly following suit, cause lets face it, liberals would love for America to be like Europe.  So every month tens of thousands of people of muslim faith are allowed to immigrate to the US to escape their cesspool of a country.  Christians in those countries, they are not allowed to immigrate, they have to stay behind to be martyred.

And we are putting many of these immigrants in smaller towns, where apple pie and Chevy drivers are suddenly surrounded by the Sudanese and Syrians and eventually will expect the pork chops and bacon to be banned at schools.

Perhaps Swedish dads can make their wives, daughters and sons cover themselves in pig blood before they leave the house for protection, safe sex.

Here is how immigration works: when a person moves from country A to country B and wants more than anything to be a citizen of country B.  Here is how immigration doesn't work - like it's being done now.

Let's face a fact: Mixing races and cultures rarely ever works.  The US is pretty much an outlier in history.  Oh sure, you have Roman empires and such, but the conquered countries didn't really mix in, they were forced to under dictatorship to get along.

Take Yugoslavia for example.  It was suppose to be this shining example of a country with a mixture of cultures that lived side by side in peace under Tito.  Then Tito died and suddenly those friendly neighbors who'd gotten along so well despite being Slavic, Croatians, and Muslims started killing each other left and right once the foot on their backs were removed.

Soon to be a coming chapter in American history?

Look at this election.  Sanders is continuing to win everywhere but the south, but is trailing Clinton because of Super delegates and you could see a democratic convention where there is quite a riot when Sanders supporters are unhappy being forced fed Hillary.

And Trump is running away with the republican nomination, but behind the scenes efforts are strongly being made to steal delegates from him and while I don't mind Cruz, if there is some coup to cheat voters out of whom we voted for, then who knows what will happen.

The point is Trump and Sanders represent the dismay the majority of Americans are feeling.  We know that something seriously sucks in this country.  We know jobs are scarce due to outsourcing and when people lose jobs they can't find work because illegals have taken all the jobs at the start of the market.  Which is why 95 million Americans are out of work, about 150 million are working, which means 40% of americans eligible to work can't find a job.  Musical chairs and the chairs just keep disappearing.

So what happens?  I see people attending the republican convention are trying to get concealed carry allowed at the convention because they think there is a high possibility of something happening and don't want to be sitting ducks.  Do you really think the Roves and others who are planning to steal this thing are going to want convention goers armed?

There is a volcano about to erupt in this country, but it won't be Yellowstone.

The wall on which the prophets wrote
Is cracking at the seams
Upon the instruments of death
The sunlight brightly gleams

When every man is torn apart
With nightmares and with dreams
Will no one lay the laurel wreath
When silence drowns the screams?

Confusion will be my epitaph
As I crawl a cracked and broken path
If we make it we can all sit back and laugh
But I fear tomorrow I'll be crying
Yes, I fear tomorrow I'll be crying

Between the iron gates of fate
The seeds of time were sown
And watered by the deeds of those
Who know and who are known

Knowledge is a deadly friend
When no one sets the rules
The fate of all mankind I see
Is in the hands of fools

Confusion will be my epitaph
As I crawl a cracked and broken path
If we make it we can all sit back and laugh
But I fear tomorrow I'll be crying
Yes, I fear tomorrow I'll be crying

King Crimson


Long time ago, in a far away land, the first Matrix movie came out and everyone was just raving about the movie.  So, when it came out on video, I watched it.

It wasn't as bad as the made for TV movie Landgoliers, which is just about the closest thing I could think of saying complimentary about The Matrix.

And now I've spent over 15 years listening to people quote the movie like Star Wars; 'take the blue pill or take the red pill' like there was some deep meaning.

First of all, here is what bothered me with the concept from the beginning.  IF such a thing existed, as the matrix, don't you think the designers would have come up with something to handle those who think they are escaping?  In other words, take the blue pill and you go back to oblivion and if you take the red pill you are still in oblivion, only you are just now dreaming you are some sort of anarchist fighting the system but really nothing more than a dream.

In other words, wait for the green or white pill.

I don't know what got into me, but decided to rent all three of them, thought maybe I'd give it another chance or maybe seeing the entire trilogy I would find some deeper meaning.

So, I watched the first one and came away realizing I'd been unfair in my evaluation all those years ago, it really was as bad as The Landgoliers.

The second one I was thinking I need a girlfriend or should have worked overtime or maybe gotten that colonoscopy.

I actually liked the third one, a little.  Then I realized one of the main issues, I really dislike Keanu Reeves as an actor.  I haven't seen him in much, but nothing he ever did I liked, oh shut up, Point Break was okay, but the ending totally sucked.  Should of put Swazye in handcuffs at the end and then it might have been a good movie, letting him go was just a stupid Hollywood ending that made me hate myself for getting suckered into the movie for 90 minutes.

So my review of the Matrix is this:  Watch The Landgoliers and when it's over and you think that really sucked and you just wasted 4 hours of your life, be happy you didn't watch The Matrix Trilogy and lose over 7 hours of your life.

A THUNDER-STORM of the olden days! 
The red sun' sinks in a sleepy haze; 
The sultry twilight, close and still, 
Muffles the cricket's drowsy trill. 
Then a round-topped cloud rolls up the west, 
Black to its smouldering, ashy crest, 
And the chariot of the storm you hear, 
With its jarring axle rumbling near; 
Till the blue is hid, and here and there 
The sudden, blinding lightnings glare. 
Scattering now the big drops fall, 
Till the rushing rain in a silver wall 
Blurs the line of the bending elms, 
Then blots them out and the landscape whelms. 
A flash—a clap, and a rumbling peal: 
The broken clouds the blue reveal; 
The last bright drops fall far away, 
And the wind, that had slept for heat all day, 
With a long-drawn sigh awakes again 
And drinks the cool of the blessed rain. 

November! night, and a sleety storm: 
Close are the ruddy curtains, warm 
And rich in the glow of the roaring grate. 
It may howl outside like a baffled fate, 
And rage on the roof, and lash the pane 
With its fierce and impotent wrath in vain. 
Sitting within at our royal ease 
We sing to the chime of the ivory keys, 
And feast our hearts from script and score 
With the wealth of the mellow hearts of yore. 

A winter's night on a world of snow! 
Not a sound above, not a stir below: 
The moon hangs white in the icy air, 
And the shadows are motionless everywhere. 
Is this the planet that we know— 
This silent floor of the ghostly snow? 
Or is this the moon, so still and dead, 
And yonder orb far overhead, 
With its silver map of plain and sea, 
Is that the earth where we used to be? 
Shall we float away in the frosty blue 
To that living, summer world we knew, 
With its full, hot heart-beats as of old, 
Or be frozen phantoms of the cold? 

A river of ice, all blue and glare, 
Under a star-shine dim and rare. 
The sheeny sheet in the sparkling light 
Is ribbed with slender wisps of white— 
Crinkles of snow, that the flying steel 
Lightly crunches with ringing heel. 
Swinging swift as the swallows skim, 
You round the shadowy river's rim: 
Falling somewhere out of the sky 
Hollow and weird is the owlet's cry; 
The gloaming woods seem phantom hosts, 
And the bushes cower in the snow like ghosts. 

Till the tinkling feet that with you glide 
Skate closer and closer to your side, 
And something steals from a furry muff, 
And you clasp it and cannot wonder enough 
That a little palm so soft and fair 
Could keep so warm in the frosty air. 

'T is thus we dream in our tranquil clime, 
Rooted still in the olden time; 
Longing for all those glooms and gleams 
Of passionate Nature's mad extremes. 
Or was it only our hearts, that swelled 
With the youth and life and love they held? 
Edward Rowland Sill

Monday, March 21, 2016


This just in:  Tim Cook's Apple Presentation!  Tim Cook has his shirt tucked in and is wearing a sweater with elbow patches.  Geeks and nerds across the world are standing at their desks,  tucking in their shirts and telling Amazon to overnight sweaters with elbow patches.

Speaking of standing at your desk, latest european research just in and it has determined that standing at your desk rather than sitting at a desk all day offers zero health benefits.  Here is a tip.  If you sit all day at a desk, put your feet up on the desk, higher than your butt, so the blood flows downhill out of the legs.  So simple a solution.

Why is Obama getting a total pass on the absolute mess in the Middle East?  Think about this a second.  When Obama came into office, Iraq's war was over, it was delivered.  People were voting in Iraq, remember the pictures of people with purple thumbs?

Egypt was a stable friendly country with no issues, Libya was, well, Libya, but ol' Momar had found religion, after Afghanistan and Iraq, he figured he was next in line, dismantled the nuke program, really did, and was helping the USA in fight against terrorism.

What has Obama wrought?  Well, Iraq is a divided war torn country again with mass killings by rogue zombies across the land.  Afghanistan has seen an Islamic renaissance if that is not an oxymoron of some sort.  Egypt has descended into hell with radical islam now running the show and Libya is now a total cesspool of hunger, starvation, murder, etc.  And then not to be ignored, Obama went after Syria with ISIS, the Egyptian Goddess of gay presidents, and nearly was successful in overturning Syria and turning it into a cesspool except Russia stepped in and said "enough, little boy".

Think about the millions that have been slaughtered by the man they gave a Nobel Peace Prize to before he took office.  A Peace Prize?  President Numb Nuts should have been awarded the first ever Novel War Prize for causing more death and disruption of any foreign leader since Adolph.

And, he gets a total pass from the media on this issue. A media still living in the Bush administration saying there were no weapons of mass destruction.  Well, here is a news flash for you: President Obama is a weapon of mass destruction and he has less than a year to accomplish his last goal, the total destruction of the USA.

So, as you all play your March Madness brackets, I was wondering if it would be against the law to have a Donald Madness Gambling thing where people can be money on the date and location the shadow government takes out Trump?  We should have a tie breaker, guess the middle name of the alleged shooter; all assassins and serial killers of note have middle names, well except Sirhan Sirhan, unless his middle name is also Sirhan which would be excuse enough to grow up into a nut job patsy of a killer.

As stated, I'm still not on the Trump bandwagon but I do have a question or two.  I can understand about 20 million illegal aliens from south of the border protesting the guy who claims if elected he is going to make them go home and stop breaking the law. ( can you imagine a president coming out against, oh, rape or pedophillia and having hundreds of rapists and pedophiles protesting at their stump speeches?)   But in all the debates - I must confess I haven't watched any speeches or interviews - why do blacks suddenly hate him?  What has he said about black america other than 'hey, you've been getting screwed by the democrats for 50 years'?

Do they realize that if 20 million illegal aliens left this country that would be 20 million jobs available for black youth and adults?  The doors of opportunities to a better life that would be available?   So where is all this hatred coming from?

George Soros I'd bet.

I'd hate to be black, I mean besides from being pulled over by cops all the time, having to listen to rap music,  and every one thinking I'd be good at basketball, I'd hate to be so duped by some rich white Nazi sympathizing guy like Soros who lavishly spends millions to make me dance like a puppet.

And every election, tens of millions of blacks rush to the voting booth to pull democrat and after nearly 60 years of voting democrat, what have you got for it?  Single moms, welfare, gangs, drugs, Air Jordans, shootings, no plumbing, no jobs, all the young men in jail.  Golly, what a deal.

Let's face it; when the government comes and says 'we will take care of you' here are your examples to choose from:

The American Indian
The American Black
The American Veteran
The Medicaid Paid Old Folks Home

I'm not sure how long I would survive living in a cave in the mountains, but somehow I think it would be a better chance than the government taking care of me.

They took the whole Cherokee nation
put us on this reservation
took away our way of life
Tonmahawk and bow and knife
Took away our native tongue
taught their engish to our young
and all the beards we made by hand
are nowadays made in japan
cherokee people
cherokee tribe

Monday, March 14, 2016


So, John Kaisch has announced that in his first 100 days in office, he will do amnesty for the 30, or 20 or the politically correct number of 10 million illegal aliens.

And he thought this would help his chances?  Seriously?  I mean if Kaisch thinks granting amnesty to 30 million illegal aliens is going to help his chances in Illinois and Ohio, then Kaisch either knows that millions of illegal aliens are also illegally voting in republican primaries or he is delusional.

So kiss Kaisch good bye and good riddance; to think I was actually pulling for him and he comes out of left field with this?  What was he thinking, 'hey, it worked so well for Rubio, I'll try it too?"

Put aside for a moment the thought that people who are opposed to having 30 million illegal aliens in this country are nothing but racist white people.  There are logical reasons for this opinion.

First of all, hey black americans, why are you voting for the party, democrats, that are trying to make you obsolete except for basketball?  Singing Basketball Jones as I type.

But let's move on and talk some facts of life.  You grow up in America and get a high school diploma and want to go to work.  What can you do?

Well, you can work in factories building stuff.  You can work in service jobs serving and cleaning up after people who went to college and found careers.  You could, um, well, that is about it.  You can build stuff in plants, service people who will pay you or clean up after people that don't want to clean up after themselves.  You can drive a truck, move boxes, clean hotels rooms, homes, streets and parks.  This is the future for people with high school diplomas and not much else - oh wait, if you can sell, you can work in sales, which is probably the best of the lot.

Now, let's see what has happened in America the last 30 years.  There use to be about 30 million manufacturing jobs in this country.  Today it's down to 12 million.  That is 18 million jobs gone while the population went up nearly 100 million in those 30 years.

So now more high school grads are competing for fewer jobs and what have we done?  We've added 20 million illegal aliens to our country.  And what do they do for  a living?  They work manufacturing, service, and well, all those jobs the high school grads get. Well, use to get, because the illegals will work for much less and live 10 to an apartment.

So this is not about racism, this is about simple math.  Illegal aliens are one of the reasons so many Americans are unemployed today.  Don't give me the crap about just doing the jobs americans don't want to do, that is a lie for the most part.  Yes, most americans don't dream of growing up and picking lettuce heads out of a 1,000 acre field, I get that, but these are not just those types of jobs.

And soon truck drivers in this country will become obsolete.  We are about to invaded from down south with trucks from Mexico coming into the US and racing down our highways with sub standard safety and drivers.  Won't that be fun!

Note to self: no more driving on interstates even in a Volvo.

Cracks me up.  Blacks vote for democrats who have done everything they could to screw black america into the ground.  Now they are replacing you with cheap labor from south of the border and blacks run out and vote for more democrats every election.

Eight years of a black president and you are worse off than you've been since slavery was legal.  And you will run to the polls this fall and vote for another Clinton.  At least conservative republicans stay home on election day when our wishes and desires in a candidate are ignored and they give us a Dole, McCain, or Romney.

Of course, we did vote for Bush, so stupidity runs deeper than skin color I guess.

Do I want to see 30 million people thrown out of this country?  No.  But we do needs to send a good portion back.  If you were brought here when you were 3 by your folks, illegally, but you've grown up here, gone to school, have a job, do I think you should go back?  Nope.  But your parents, yep.  Sorry, they made the conscious choice to break the law and it's time to go home.  Been arrested for a serious crime, bye.  Gang membership?  Bye.

I'm sorry, but can you imagine freeing up 20 million jobs in this country next year?  how many people would be able to go back to work?  But not if Hillary, Bernie, or John John get into office.

I still say americans should seriously start considering consolidating into about 25 states from the Carolinas across thru Texas and up the middle of the country to CA/OR/WA borders and start talking very loudly about a split.

Is that treason to express that thought?

Nope, treason is allowing 30 million illegals invade your country.  Treason is allowing China to buy up our mines, farms, and water.  Treason is selling our military technology to China in the 1990's.  Treason is accepting donations from large corporations to support their moving all our jobs overseas.  Treason is getting into 10 year wars and investing in companies that benefit from subcontracting those war efforts.

Treason is not illegal; treason is how our government operates.

RIP John Kaisch, your reservation has been cancelled.

es, I am the victim of a Basketball Jones 
Ever since I was a little baby, I always be dribblin' 
In fac', I was de baddest dribbler in the whole neighborhood 
Then one day, my mama bought me a basketball 
And I loved that basketball 
I took that basketball with me everywhere I went 
That basketball was like a basketball to me 

I even put that basketball underneath my pillow 
Maybe that's why I can't sleep at night 
I need help, ladies and gentlemens 
I need someone to stand beside me 
I need, I need someone to set a pick for me 

At the free-throw line of life, someone I can pass to 
Someone to hit the open man on the give-and-go 
And not end up in the popcorn machine 
So cheerleaders, help me out 

Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones 
I got a Basketball Jones, oh baby, oo-oo-ooo 

Tuesday, March 8, 2016


Let us face the facts; the fault of Donald Trump lays at the feet of  the Republican Party establishment.  So it is to them I write this blog.

You lied to us and you ignored us.  We sent Reagan to Washington, not you.  We gave republicans the congress in the 1990's and you became fat lazy and rich sending our jobs overseas.  We put W in the WH and we got two long wars that never needed to happen.  Afghanistan could have been over fast, but you gave them a24 hour cease fire at Tora Bora so we ended up there over a decade; a decade of young men and women losing arms, legs, and lives so those subcontractors who buy you off with booze, hookers, young girls and young boys could make billions in taxpayer payoffs.

And you invested in them, didn't you? You became millionaires on the wars and all it cost were the arms and legs of your neighbors kids.

You rammed McCain on us, you rammed Romney on us.  Many stayed home and we got eight years of Obama-then we voted republicans into the house and senate, you promised to stand against Obama and what did you do?

You bent over for him like a young boy in Denny Hasertt's office.  You ran against illegal immigration and now say amnesty.  You say a wall or fence won't work then put a wall and fence around your home Speaker Ryan?

So now you got Trump.  We know he's not conservative.  We know he probably could pass a third grade Bible test.  And we know he will destroy your little Grand Old Party, maybe the whole country, and we can't wait.

You have acted like Bill Clinton for the last 20 years.  You lied, you cheated, got caught and promised to be better then lied and cheated even more.

But we are not Hillary.  We are a woman scorned.  We are going to bring you down.  And Trump is the high paid bastard of a divorce attorney who is going to do the job.

You should of listened to us.  You should not of mocked us, and you never should have ignored us.

The party is over and you have only yourself to blame.

Saturday, March 5, 2016


My mom passed away in June 2008.  My dad passed away in June 2013.

And I still have 'stuff'.

Not a lot of stuff, just some stuff that is still here and haven't been able to throw away and I don't know why.

A picture on the wall.  In 1968 the Rock Island Railroad sent my dad to Harvard for some 3 month management program that apparently is a big deal.  From the look of the panorama picture, well over 100 men attended the 68th Management Program.  Which means of course, there were 67 before and probably now at 400 something so was it really that special?

But there is this black and white photo of over 100 businessmen and their wives taken on the front steps of some Harvard building, must be very early in the morning because there were no hippies protesting the war, poverty, the environment, the end of 45's - the records, not the guns, and such.

And there somewhere in the middle right, row three are my mom and dad, a point in time.

I've spent hours at times studying the picture, checking out each face.  Probably mostly WWII vets, some military men in the picture and wonder what this three months meant to them, to their lives.  It meant a lot to my dad, not career wise, but the fact he attended, abet for a quarter, Harvard Advance Management Program.  He had a rug on the floor with a Harvard logo and there is still a set of Harvard dishes up in the kitchen cabinets which I never use but haven't got a clue what to do with.  I guess I could throw them like frisbees at zombies should they ever attack.

But today I threw the photo out.  And now I am looking at a book of photos at the bottom of a bookcase, the photos from when my mom and dad married.  Long before I was born, no one in the pictures are still alive, there is this really funny page with a picture missing and the story goes that the picture was my mom and dad toasting with champaign and when my grandmother, dad's side, saw it she was horrified because she was a good ol' Bible thumping Missouri Baptist who never ever drank and could not believe her little boy had been led to such a sinful life by this harlot who got him to drink and she took the picture out of the book on the sly and probably burned it in some ceremony one night with the other members of the Daughters of the American Revolution or something.

Mom and grandma never got a long that well as you might guess.

Just a book of pictures with a story and I never look at the book, never will probably look at the book again, but there is a story to that book and I feel wrong to just toss it into the garbage bin, but stupid for hanging on to the book.

I had the same problem after my dad died, clothes and stuff were easy to get rid of, but there were two very old books with photos and I didn't have a clue who the people were in them, I mean old pictures of not just my grandparents but probably great grandparents and maybe older.  I'm sure a couple were 1800 era, stern faces, hard faces looking back at you, your ancestry tree looking at you in judgement and then into the garbage bin; the last moment and memory of existence off to the dump.  Their faces now mixing with last years pizza off Taft Hill Road.

Still on the wall in the bedroom, a crochet flower thing my mom made once, and still it hangs.  Never really liked it, but it was knitted with her hands and hung on her wall since the 1970's and I suppose if I live another 40 years it will be hanging on the wall when I die.

In the living room there is a print of an old steam engine Rock Island and on the matting around the picture are about 100 signatures of people my dad worked with over the years at the Rock Island, a retirement gift.  Some signatures are faded, like Bonesteele, who later ran Amtrak in the late 70s.  I recognize some names, most are probably dead too, but still it hangs.

Why do we hang on to some of these things, what are we hanging on to?  Funny thing is I have very little  of my life I've ever hung on to; not a yearbook to be found, not a childhood book, medal, anything.  Do you ever wonder why you save what you save?  By keeping that flower pot crochet thing on the wall, am I hanging on to my mom at some subconscious level I can't otherwise reach because even typing it I'm like "no".

Sometimes I just look around and think, if I had to leave, just taking what will fit in the car, what will make the cut?  Cedar chest my grandpa made won't fit, maybe my next volvo should be wagon, but the quilts inside would, my flute, the dog, just what would be most important, what books etc.  But is there a talisman to my past?

Sometimes we can hang onto one thing, even a little nicknack and define a whole life or memory of one person, and when you toss it there is something lost, a string broken, never to connect.

I've thrown away a lot of nicknacks in my life, burning bridges every chance I could.  However, some bridges, it seems,  never burn.

And this book of poems was given to me
By a girl I used to know
I guess I read it front to back
Fifty times or so

It's all about the good life
And stayin' at ease with the world
It's funny how I love that book
And I never loved that girl

Step inside this house girl
I'll sing for you a song
I'll tell you 'bout just where I've been
It shouldn't take too long

I'll show you all the things that I own
My treasures you might say
It couldn't be more then ten dollars worth
That brighten up my day

Lyle Lovett

Wednesday, March 2, 2016


Boy, was that an exciting come from behind victory last night in Minnesota by Marco Rubio or what?  Rubio finally has won a state, little Spanky of the Grand Old Party Gang, recipient of all the GOP money, is now still in the game by taking Minnesota.

So bask in the glory of your victory Spanky, bask in the glory of being 1 and 15 in the voting and winning the only state that voted for Walter Mondale against Ronald Reagan in 1984.

A victory to be proud of.

I've said from the beginning, I don't trust Trump.  I did read something recently about Cruz I found interesting; a comment by Alan Dershowitz, great liberal legal mind and possible participant in those private flights to an island with young girls, who had Cruz as a student at Harvard Law and apparently Cruz held his own in debates and Alan said something to the effect that Cruz was the smartest student he'd ever taught.

But will Cruz keep his word?  Doubt it.  But Cruz is not a lightweight, like Obama, like Rubio.

I've heard rumors on some shows that Mitt Romney is going to get into the race is Rubio loses Florida.  Won't that be exciting, they guy that wussed out in the final two debates and somehow managed to lose to Obama, giving the guy a second term and being the only president to get re elected in a piss pour economy and he wants to run again?  That is who the money is going to go to?

Let's face it, the country is pissed off.  Sanders voters will not come out for Hillary, Trump voters will not come out for another republican candidate and I suspect conservative Bible thumping types will not vote for Trump.  But the fact that Sanders, Cruz and Trump are doing this well shows both sides of this nation are very very upset; as someone recently described, it's the equivalent of hiring one of those bastard divorce attorneys.

Be careful what you ask for.