This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Friday, February 26, 2016


Al Sharpton has said if Trump is elected, he will leave the country.  Whatever Hell Trump releases on America, an America without Al Sharpton can't fail to be an improvement.

Sad week, one of my favorite 'takes me forever to read his books' authors has passed away, Umberto Eco.  Often I finish a novel of his and have no idea what was going on, what the purpose of the book was, but somehow I feel like I am smarter at the end of the book than when I started.   His essay books  on subjects are always fascinating, but the novels.  Foucault's Pendulum was a brain teaser like no other, well, until Dan Brown came along, stole the plot, took out all the big words, philosophy, and wrapped 200 pages of history onto the back of a Bazooka Joe bubble gum wrapper.  Brown's version was probably something Eco used as toilet paper after reading it through in one or two bathroom breaks.  Sad though that he is gone.  Now Mark Helprin still publishes books and while he is a completely different writer in style and substance when you finish his books you get that same feeling of accomplishment.

No more John Gardner, nor more John Fowles and no more Umberto Eco.

I read thru Bernie Sander's web site and his 'points' and came away thinking, can't do it.  It's not that I disagreed with everything, some of the economic things I totally agree with.

Health care, you know, I have no issues with birth to death medicare in this country, just how is it going to be paid for is my problem.  More payroll taxes?  No thanks.  A sales tax, might be okay, want to see what it is and what controls are put on it to make sure in 10 years it's not a 20% sales tax, which could happen easily.  I still like that 1 cent tax every time a dollar changes hands idea, as long as Wall Street pays it too.  Think about it this way, when you buy a car, sell a car, or buy anything you pay a tax.  When you sell stock you pay capital gains taxes.  But when Wells or Goldman buys 100,000,000 shares of XYZ  in the morning at 20 and sells it later in the day at 20.5, they make 50 cents a share and no taxing is done.  Put a 1 cent tax on each end of the transaction and they will need to stock to move more than 2% before they can make any money.

 Raising minimum to 15 is another example.  Look, corporations in this country have gotten away with 'murder'.  They stock manual labor with illegal aliens, move manufacturing overseas, and now use this visa program to put Americans out of work and keep labor costs down.  Yet these same corporations pay the equivalent of more than 15 dollars an hour in European counties and you know what?  They are making money in those European countries, otherwise they would not be there.

The trouble with Sanders is he wants open borders, for one thing.  Fact: we will never get this economy turned around and people working as long as there are 20 million illegal aliens in this country, no matter where they are from.  And as long as America does not put tariffs on foreign goods coming into this country from countries that put tariffs on US goods coming into their country we are screwed and swirling down the toilet ever faster.

I don't care who builds the damn wall, just build it.  Where I live, I know there is one apartment that every morning 8 people pile out of to go to work.  That is illegal and in Fort Collins there is even a 3 person non family members in a unit law.

Oh yea, Sanders wants to empty the prisons.  Now I've gone off several times on the travesty that is our prison system in this country,   Corporate run prisons that have incentives in their contracts to have over 90% occupancy so the pressure is on states, counties, and cities to make sure they put enough people in prison and keep them there as long as they can so the cost per prisoner is lower; meanwhile same judges, lawyers, and others invest in those companies so they make money on the little scheme.  I'm all for breaking that up, but when over 40% of the people working age in this country are not working, what happens when you release another million into that equation?

Picture a country where illegal aliens are gone.  Restaurant and labor jobs open up at 15 bucks an hour or more and guess what, that 90 million is going to drop down to less than 50 million pretty quick.  Yes, your burger will cost a little more, but guess what, your salary is going to go up with the bottom of the labor goes up to 15.  And as I pointed out, the restaurants, bars and shops are full in Europe with people who can afford those things so it must work better than what we've been doing for 30 years.

What I just cannot fathom is how the hell democrats are so for Hillary.  Are they really that stupid and blind?  Are they even following the email server thing?  Nixon and his aides lost their jobs and most went to prison for doing so little compared to what this email server is.  And I am so sick of Bill Clinton walking around like he was the most popular president ever, HE NEVER GOT 50% OF THE VOTE IN EITHER ELECTION.

Damn that Ross Perot.  If that idiot had not run for president in 92, Clinton never would have been elected and no one would have ever heard of Hillary.  And PT Barnum would throw flowers at her for proving the point of how many people can be so fooled by lie after lie.

My favorite was Bill Clinton claiming when he would fly from England back to NY from Oxford he often had long layovers and use to use the time to walk thru Harlem.  AND PEOPLE BOUGHT IT.  Now picture a pudgy young farm block wearing english tween sports jacket with fat boy jeans walking down the streets of Harlem in the 1970's.  Really?  Seriously?

Any time God wants to start the 7 year clock is okay with me, the sooner the better.

Afterglow in a distant row
The door is open and the lights are cold
The children come in here and they dare the ghost
Like a fire burning in a stone
Silent light in the theatre's sky
Phantom cigarette and a silent cry
The door swings open and it's cold outside
Run and hide, run and hide
Ah, ah

They can still see him singing on the corner singing songs
That never fade away, fade into the kids that come along

Memory in a silent seat
Melody on a long retreat
Like an angel on a balcony


Saturday, February 13, 2016



Just kidding, don't fall asleep yet.

First of all, am about to get back to my masters in theology, well, except I'm changing schools to one I can afford, I think, and it will be a Masters in Divinity not Theology.  The good news is when I finish it will allow me to be ordained.  I think that is good news.

But it is a small college in MO, which I think has more Xian colleges than any other state, and it's not 'standard' in positions, which I think I will fit in better with overall, though I think I'll keep my concerns about the Pauline Epistles to myself for awhile - not the first paper if you know what I mean.

Comments are gone for now.  Wasn't getting any and it always disappoints me, makes me think what I type isn't interesting, depresses me, so I don't write more, and finally decided to remove them.  On the other hand, if you want to email at my gee mail account, the clues are in this letter - hell, everyone else seems to have the email now, after 15 years and getting less than a dozen junk emails a year, I know get 2 dozen a day.


So Carrier is moving a plant that employs 1400 workers from Indiana to Mexico - why are so many mexicans coming to the US when all our plants are being moved to Mexico?  There was a video of the meeting on the net today, and it was so irritating?  Sad?  They make the announcement and people are yelling, booing, crying and the president asks for silence there is important information to still come concerning the transition.

The transition.  That is what they call it.  To the workers, life just became very very hard.  Soon 1400 families are out of work. Kids in college will not be in college, mortgages will be missed, homes taken away, cars, bankruptcy, a suicide or two.  People with medical problems will no longer have insurance - oh wait, we have Obama care now, so they will no longer afford the insurance or get that really cheap plan that will change or cancel the treatments as not being cost effective and people will die.  Not a tragedy, a transition.

I have a better idea for the transition.  Move the executive jobs to Mexico or India.  They must have plenty of MBA's in those countries who will work for a fraction of what the Carrier executives are being paid.  But you never see that, do you.  What you will see is Carrier stock go up, the executives will get millions from stock options, and overall it will be a great thing except for the 5k some workers, spouses, kids, etc who have to take it on the chin.

Hold it, thought coming up, sue the executives for their stock options and bonuses - give those options to the soon to be out of work employees.

In a related story, robots are going to be replacing over 50% of all jobs in less than 50 years.  Pharmacists, for example.  Can't you wait to go to the pharmacy and explain your problem to a robot.  Same with bartenders, nurses, police, firemen, just a whole list of jobs robots will be doing which really makes you wonder what will people do? And what will happen when countries stock 5 million robot soldiers?  Think about that one for a moment.

More leisure time?  To do what?  Do we all have robots assigned to us and what they are paid comes to us?  Doubt it.  So a planet of unemployable people all with nothing to do.  Meanwhile, science races forward with improvements to make it possible to live to 200 or 300.  What for?  300 years of unemployment?

The point being, something in all this doesn't fit.  The race to opposing goals, longer lives and fewer jobs.  Must think that one through for awhile.....

Well- you can have me all the time
Or you can never come my way
But Mother Earth is waiting for you
There's a debt you've got to pay
I don't care how rich you are
I don't care what you earn
You know that when it all comes down
You've got to go back to Mother Earth

You know you may have a million dollars
Or you may drive a cadillac
You may have enough money
To buy anything, ANYTHING you lack
Well- I don't care how rich you are
I don't care what you're worth
'cause you know when it all comes down
You've got to go back
You've got to go back to
Mother Earth



Well, tonight was able to watch the republican debate.  As many of my imaginary readers know, my first choice of republicans was Scott Walker - why he got slaughtered is beyond me to this day.  Was he boring?  Guy rides a Harley.  Was he short and looked weak when Trump attacked him?  Probably, since most people today mistake meekness or weakness.  Funny how the party of Christians are loving a guy who appears to go to bed each night and check off the characteristics of the Sermon on the Mount and feel proud he didn't do any of them.

But Walker is gone and Kaisch is now my guy.  Great experience, good governor, has some personality, positive message and tonight he must of thought "WTF am I doing here on stage with all these bozos?"  I wish he had leaned forward and said to Carson, "Ben, these guys are nuts, what do you say we leave, form a team Kaisch/Carson, and let the other four kill each other off?"

Who is the idiot that thought it would be a great idea to fill the audience with the big contributors to the candidates?  It became as irritating as a bad laugh track on a sitcom, but then,  the whole thing was a bad sitcom.

Trump, still don't like him, still don't trust him and with the death of Scalia today the importance of who is picking justices must make any person wonder who the hell Trump would put on the court.  I'm sorry, the man is a jerk.  Next time he talks about The Bible I wish someone would ask him a question on the Bible like "name 5 OT and 5 NT books in the Bible" and see if he can answer.

I don't get the Rubio love affair either, the guy is a lightweight and will be every bit as bad as Obama.  He's bought and sold by the powers that be.

Jeb, boy, he taking steroids or something?  Apparently he know thinks the way to the nomination is to bash everyone else on stage.  But another Bush?  Sorry.

Cruz, unlike Rubio, the guy does have a background.  He's argued cases in front of the SC.  But as I said from the beginning, the wife is VP at Goldman so you know he's going to be as bought as anyone.  But of those four, I dislike him the least.

Before moving on, I also get tired of middle age guys who never served in the military standing now on stage talking like Napoleon and wanting to send troops all over the place to kick some serious ass.  If you wanted to kick ass, should have joined the military when you were young.

Anyways, I kept thinking if Rubio Trump or Bush get elected and run against Hillary, I will just stay home.  But I think I would vote for Sanders over those three.  At least Sanders would finish off the country quickly instead of this slow slippery slope towards obligation we are now on.

Carson, after seeing him now in several debates, getting to like the guy.  But would he make a good president?  Does being a surgeon make for a good president?

I have a new theory, all future debates should be done only on radio and each candidate can take for 3 minutes and are not allowed to mention the other candidates.

So many good republican governors that would make excellent candidates, we only got one left and he's losing big, Kaisch, not Bush, and the best the dems can do is Hillary and I think at this point it is safe to say the fat lady is singing the finale.

Monday, February 8, 2016


I've been reading news stories lately about Apple and the stance they are taking about customer data versus the competition and thinking Apple really is missing a great opportunity.

For those not familiar with this topic, it's all over the news.  Apple does not put a back door in their software to allow federal agencies access to the data on the products.  Apparently, blackberry, google, microsoft, and others voluntarily do.

And the government is not happy with Apple.  In NY they are voting on a bill that bans the sale of any tech product that does not have a backdoor that will allow the government to access the data.  What would be really funny is if they pass the law and Apple should immediately shut down all the Apple stores in NY, build new ones in CT, NJ, PA - just over the border of NY, and say sorry NY, don't blame us.

Even more impact if they have to disable all the iPhones in NYC and read a statement don't blame us, this is your government in action and provide phone numbers of all the members of the NY government who voted for the bill on the front of the device.

But more importantly, what a great idea for a commercial.  Bring back the Mac versus PC commercials except this time be iPhone versus Android, for example.

While the two are comparing features, the Android person keeps being interrupted by some guy in a suit with sun glasses, saying "oh sure" and the guy plugs into the phone for a few seconds, unplugs the walks away.  Have it happen 4 or 5 times and finally Apple guy says "who are those guys?"  And Android man says "oh, that is the government, we give them complete access to our customer data any time they want.  Don't you?"

And Apple guy says, "no, we believe our customer data is our customer data so we encrypt it and don't allow government or corporations to access the information without customer consent."

Then have the Android man look at Apple man and say something like "what are you, some commie?" and walk away and Apple Man say "no, we are constitutionalists".

Wouldn't that make a great commercial for Apple?

Unfortunately, what is going to happen soon is there will be some coordinated terrorist attack in this country and then the story will be released that the reason the government was unable to uncover this terrorist attack before it happened is because the terrorists were using Apple products and Apple is evil because it prevents the government from accessing data on it's devices so all those dead people are Apple fault.

Watching and waiting.


As a little kid going to a methodist church, there were many issues that bothered me when reading the Bible and one of them was when I read some of Paul's letters, I couldn't shake the feeling or thought that 'huh, that's not right'.  By right, I meant that it seems to contradict.

And, in the wisdom of a teen decided just to stop believing in God entirely.

Fortunately, God brought me back.  But I still could not shake the issue of Paul.

Now, what I am about to say is dangerous territory.  No matter what christian church you might belong, there is this list of things that it believes and almost every one starts out with 1. The Bible is the inerrant word of God and everything in it is true.

But, what if it's not?  What if in this great battle between God and Satan, outlined in Job and Genesis, do you really think Satan would sit back and just let a 100% Word of God survive centuries?  If Satan could get to Judas, is it possible Satan got to people who picked the books for the NT; scribes who copied, translators, etc?  Did Satan successfully pollute the NT with false doctrine?  After all the criticism Peter took in Paul's letters, did Peter really put in 2nd Peter 3:15 that comment about Paul's letters or was that added later.  Take 1/2 the previous verse out and 3:15 and the paragraph actually flows and makes better sense.

Take it from this: if the Bible is 100% no mistakes fact, then would their be contradictions?  Let's focus NT here my few remaining imaginary readers.  So let me ask who was chosen to be the prophet or apostle to the Gentiles?  How many of you said Paul?  Let me see your hands.....  Okay, you are right, the Bible says Paul is the apostle who will preach to the Gentiles.  How many of you said Peter?  Keep those hands up.... Okay, and you are right, in the Book of Acts, Peter is the apostle selected to preach the gospel to the Gentiles.

Hmmm.  Is this a problem?  Peter, in Acts, is the apostle who is suppose to go out and preach to the gentiles, Peter is not writing Acts mind you.  But Paul claims several times in letters he is writing that HE is the apostle to the gentiles.  And if you read Paul's letters you will find Paul is not a fan of Peter and makes several attempts to slap Peter down.

Same Peter that was chosen by that bloke Jesus to be in the inner circle of disciples of the Son of God.  Yea, that Peter.

One way Paul slaps Peter down is over eating food sacrificed to false gods.  Well, I mean in over the idea of eating food sacrificed to false idols, not overeating.  Peter, James and the other disciples say it is a big no no, never eat.  Paul, on the other hand, says there is no issue since we know no such false god actually exists, what's the big deal, it's a meaningless thing and the only reason NOT to eat it is if you are with a 'weaker' follower of Paul, I mean Christ, then you shouldn't until that person is as wise as you.

Hmmm, so who is right?  Well, if you read those seven letters to the seven churches in Revelation, one of those churches is being slapped down by Jesus for.......  any guesses...... yes, eating foods sacrificed to false gods and idols.

And that is where you start wondering, start thinking - which is always dangerous - and start reading and realize if you pay very close attention to what Jesus says, what James says, what Peter says, what John says and compare them to what Paul says in Galatians or Corinthians, you see two entirely different philosophies or theologies being taught.

And then the walls come tumbling down.

Most churches, most pastors today teach Paulinian Christianity.  And in doing so ignore what or explain away what is said in James, Jude, Hebrews, John, Peter, Matthew, Luke, and Mark.

Don't take my word for this and don't mention this to your pastor.  Holy moly, don't tell your pastor.  For if this is true, that Paul is not whom we are told, if Paul is not right, then millions of Christians have been taught a false gospel.  Pastors won't like to think about the idea that everything they learned every thing they preaches is just wrong.  And the truth is Paulinian Christianity is easy.  It does not take a lot of effort, it does not take a lot of commitment, say a prayer, you are saved, try to behave.

And remember what happened to Paul.  He was about to get whipped and rather than trust God he trusted his Roman citizenship and stopped the whipping so he could be tried in Rome where, they cut off his head instead.  Lesson there.

But I can't shake this feeling that when I read Matthew, John, Jude, James, Hebrews, Peter, Revelation, I get this feeling in me that is not there when I read Corinthians, Romans, Thess, etc.  When I read the latter, I only have this feeling that something is not right.

The consequences, oh my head reels.  Salvation by grace alone.  Once saved always saved.  What if that is false?  So I quietly, well till now, read the first 5 books, skip to hebrews and james, then jump to john, peter, jude and revelation now.  And I avoid Paul's epistles.

Or what if on Judgement Day I am met at the gates with Jesus and his arm is around a man and Jesus says "this is my brother Paul, got anything to say before he kicks you ass all the way to Hell?"