This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Sunday, November 8, 2015


Today's burning question: Why, when I live alone, do I close the bathroom door when I'm using the bathroom?  I went in this evening, realized I needed to use the toilet, turned around and shut the door.  Why, so the dog wouldn't watch me poop?  I stand there watching the dog poop all the time, then pick it up in a plastic bag to throw away, well, most of the time, maybe if it's really dark outside and no one is around I will skip picking it up as my protest against the system.  A rebel is a rebel.

Which brings up something else that has been bother me that doesn't involve poop.  Rebellion versus following the rules.

Kick back, smoke one if you still smoke, and ponder this question.  Who are your heroes in film, TV, literature or acknowledging the 21st century, graphic novels/comic books.  Think about it.  I'm going to make a list.

Tarzan, Indiana Jones, Redford in 3 Days of the Condor or Electric Horseman, Beatty in Shampoo, Morse, Foyle, Gene Hunt and Sam Tyler, John Corey in DeMille books, Davenport in Sandford books,  Dirty Harry, John Wayne, Paul Newman characters, Bogart, Nick Charles and so on and so on.

And of course, Billy Jack.

Point is this, why are we told and forced to go by so many rules in life and all our heroes in film and literature are people who don't follow rules?  But more importantly, why are those that always seem so anal in enforcing rules in business and life never making the connection that their behavior is the antithesis of those they spend their free time watching and reading?  In fact, they are not the enemy of their heroes, but those little people always bugging and getting in the way of their hero.

Is that our escape?  Vicariously living thru characters who stand up against all the pesky little rules and laws, who ignore those rules and laws to 'get the bad guy' or 'save the victim'.  An escape from the frustration we feel in daily lives putting up with one thousand cuts of death at the office?  In our home?

Let's be honest, every married guy resents getting yelled at about the toilet seat and rarely do we have the courage to ask, 'why do I know to put the seat down before taking a dump and you can't seem to remember to look before you sit on the toilet'.  Well, we all know what happens when some poor sap says that, and eventually the desire to have sex at least one more time in your lifetime will cause us to give in and start paying attention to the position of the toilet seat for both of you.  But we resent it.

Sorry, where'd that come from?

And what happens to a person who regularly ignores the rules?  In todays world you get the all powerful government with unlimited tax confiscation and unlimited guns and ammo making your life miserable until you break or they shoot you.  Tangent: Speaking of that, did you hear about the case in Idaho where two deputies shot a rancher?  Apparently his bull got loose, got hit by a car, and in ranch country they give you a call to come out and take care of the cattle in the road so he went out, family follows, when he gets there the two deputies have already unloaded their revolvers into the bull, not killing it but pissing it off a little more, it's lying on the ground with a broken leg and two dozen bullets and the farmer comes up with his rifle, gets behind the bull, is ready for the mercy shot to the brain and one of the deputies standing behind him, grab him to spin him around, he falls and the rifle goes off and the deputies shoot the rancher dead.  Wife sees it and has a heart attack.  No word on what happened to the bull.

And in business, you get the corporate equivalent of the government, called HR, who will play like good cop but always remember they are being paid and they will follow orders to the letter to keep their job because their job is to terminate those who miss letters.

Then they go home and watch TV shows of characters who break the rules to win the prize.  And this is normal, life in the United States.

What is the line by Malcolm Reynolds "you think following the rules will buy you a nice life, even when it makes you a slave."

Nothing's good, the news is bad
The heat goes on and it drives you mad
Scornful thoughts that fly your way
You should turn away
'Cause there's nothing more to say

You gave the best you had to give
You only have one life to live
You fought so hard, you were a slave
After all you gave
There was nothing left to save

You've got nothing left to lose
(You've got nothing left to lose)
No, you've got nothing left to lose
(Who'd wanna be standing in your shoes)

You read the book, you turn the page
You change your life in a thousand ways
The dawn of reason lights your eyes
With the key you realize
To the kingdom of the wise

You've got nothing left to lose
(You've got nothing left to lose)
No, you've got nothing left to lose
(Who'd wanna be standing in your shoes)

Nothing ventured, nothing gained
No more lingering doubt remained
Nothing sacred or profane
Everything to gain
'Cause you've nothing left

Alan Parsons