This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Friday, July 17, 2015


Boy, did I do something stupid.  I've had my gmail email account for nearly 15 years.  And over that time I might have gotten 1 junk email a month, maybe.  I mean I would go months with no junk email.

Then a few weeks ago, I'm reading some news story and see this add about looking up yourself, so I do it.  Use my gmail account.  Get to the end and find out after collecting all this info from all these sources I can read it for 20 bucks.  So I cancel out.

Now, I get 50 junk emails a day.  All to Barkley.  I emailed the company offering that look into your life and really blasted them, they said they would take me off their mailing list, after they sold my email to hundreds of email marketers, so now I got a useless account.  I can't believe I did something that stupid after 15 years of protecting it so well.

Of course, small potatoes to The Joker's day.  Jury took just long enough for a couple more free meals to convict him of everything the prosecution asked for.

His law team never disputed whether he was the shooter, just said he did it and was nuts, jury said no, guilty.  And if I were on the jury, I would have come to that conclusion too, based on what was given.  So why am I still bothered by this?

Well, one, what forensic evidence do they have that he pulled a trigger?  You seen it?  I haven't.  Did they even run the tests?  I mean he should have gun powder and tear gas residue all over him, but unless I missed it, that was never admitted as evidence.

All they have is him sitting in a car, fully dressed in all his glory including as gas mask, and puts his hands up.  Even the arresting cops thought it was really weird, never saw anything like it before.

Witnesses after the shooting swear there were two shooters, one on each side, tossing tear gas and shooting.  They were not called during the trial.  However, one girl positively identified Holmes as the shooter which she apparently saw while lying on the ground in a row and used her Xray vision to see thru the military grade suit and headgear he was wearing thru the teargas.

And if he was wearing the gas mask, why are there photos of one laying on the ground outside the backdoor of the theatre?

And what of his roommates?  Yea, that three bedroom apartment that was expertly wired to blow, he had two roommates, but they were no where to be found, never have been found, does that bother anyone?  In fact, witnesses saw him in the parking lot of the building talking with someone three hours before the shooting, going back into the apartment, coming out and the two driving off together.

And back to the wired apartment.  Do you realize the time and effort that went into setting up that apartment, how it took them two days to disarm all the bombs in the apartment.  It was an amazing job, a sophisticated job, took a lot of time to setup and how did the cops know about it?  The joker casually mentioned it in the police car on the way to the police station.

Am I the only one bothered by any of this?

Sometimes you just get this feeling deep inside that so much is not real, it's all a show, it's all mind control, it's all brainwashing.

Wish I was back in the city
Instead of this old bank of sand,
With the sun beating down over the chimney tops
And the one I love so close at hand.
If I had wings and I could fly,
I know where I would go.
But right now I'll just sit here so contentedly
And watch the river flow.

People disagreeing on all just about everything, yeah,
Makes you stop and all wonder why.
Why only yesterday I saw somebody on the street
Who just couldn't help but cry.
Oh, this ol' river keeps on rollin', though,
No matter what gets in the way and which way the wind does blow,
And as long as it does I'll just sit here
And watch the river flow.

Bob Dylan