This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Sunday, June 21, 2015


Okay, sorry for all the typos and bad grammar in yesterday's post, I think I caught them all and fixed them.

Recently, I ordered the complete WKRP in Cincinnati, one of my favorite all time sitcoms.  It's never been fully released on DVD, seems there is some sort of issue with all the music in the show and rights with artists and so the only DVD release of season 1 was with fake music.  This series, well, there are still issues like not using Pink Floyd's Dogs in a scene, does get supposedly about 85% of the original music.

So last night I'm watching some of season one and get to the episode where they have a contest and the DJ makes a mistake and says 5,000 dollars, not 50 dollars.  Decimal points are pesky little things.  I remembered this episode quite well.  In the show, the Big Guy, Herb and Les are waiting for the winner to show up with a briefcase full of cash, the guy comes early, played by Vincent Schiavelli, says his wife is in the hospital, and as he is leaving he walks out with Johnny Fever.  A minute later the real winner shows up, they realize their mistake, humorous panic ensues and then Fever walks back in with the brief case, saying he knew even less about music than you do to the Big Guy.

I remember that.

So last night I'm watching and when the character walks around the corner, it's not him.  It's some short bald guy, doesn't walk out with Johnny Fever, the end is different and I'm sitting on the couch absolutely freaking out in a major panic.

There was a Twilight Zone episode like this where history starts changing and you are the only one that knows.

So I start looking it up on IMDB.com and sure enough, it's the bald short guy.  No reference to Schiavelli in WKRP or on his page.  I know I am right.  I don't know I'm not nuts.

It took nearly three hours before I finally found, somewhere on the internet, one reference to this show. Apparently when WKRP filmed, they would film the show scene by scene during the day, so each was in the can, then do the whole show in front of a live audience in the evening and any mistakes with the live show were covered by the earlier filming.  And apparently, in this show, they made a change, changed the actors, changed the ending, and the Schiavelli scene replaced the short bald guy and the ending was changed or visa versa, and the official show is the non Schiavelli but the Schiavelli was the scene seen on TV and early reruns.

Sanity is such a frail thing.

But the panic I felt, it reminded me of the ending of Somewhere in Time, which by the way is the greatest chick flick of all time, where Christopher Reeves is living in the past with Jane Symour at the hotel on Mackinaw Island and pulls out of his pocket some change and finds a 1980 something penny and suddenly the whole reality unravels.  It almost felt like that.  I KNEW, but there was no proof, all the evidence pointed to something else entirely.

You know, but all evidence says otherwise, and your brain is saying, well, either you are right and there is a whole conspiracy or you are wrong, what do you do?

I don't know, not much of a story when you write it out, but last night was a very scary night for several hours when you are fighting for your reality.

The lunatic is on the grass. The lunatic is on the grass. 
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs. 
Got to keep the loonies on the path.

The lunatic is in the hall. The lunatics are in my hall. 

The paper holds their folded faces to the floor 
And every day the paper boy brings more.

And if the dam breaks open many years too soon 

And if there is no room upon the hill 
And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too
 I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

The lunatic is in my head. The lunatic is in my head 

You raise the blade, you make the change 
You re-arrange me 'til I'm sane. 
You lock the door And throw away the key 
There's someone in my head but it's not me.

And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear 

You shout and no one seems to hear. 
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes 
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

Pink Floyd