This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Friday, June 26, 2015


I always felt kind of sorry for Monica Lewinsky.  She goes to the White House as an young 20 something intern, a battling weight a little bit, and catches the attention of a very charismatic sociopath type of president who took advantage of her and turned her into his personal sex toy.  Hey, maybe she knew what she was doing, maybe not, but I'm sure she was clueless what would happen if it ever got out.

And it did.  Clinton, for some reason, didn't have to step down, whereas any other president of any organization, military, etc would have been forced out of office.  And the Clinton machine turned it all on Monica and pretty much destroyed the girl.

How would you like to go through life with your name synonymous with oral sex?  I give the girl credit, many a person might have just killed themselves faced with that future.

But now, as a 40 year old, she is going around claiming to be patient zero of cyberbullying?  Seriously?

So now it's the fault of Drudge, bloggers, and posters on newsgroups?

Sorry kid, there is a lot of blame to go around on this, but Drudge and the internet are not to blame.

You are to blame for doing what you were doing with a married man in the oval office.  The president is to blame for cheating on his wife, using the power of his office to seduce a young impressionable girl into oral sex over and over and over.  The media friendly to the president; a few of the female reporters probably also having performed on the man, and some male members of the media who came out to support the president and later discovered they were cheating on their wives at the time too; all supported the president and made you into the bad girl that you, well, were.

You did it.  Others just reported it.  Not their fault.  Let's face it, if you'd interned at some AM radio station in Kalamazoo and did your thing with the station manager, nobody would have heard of you.  But you wanted to play in the big leagues, welcome to the big leagues.

But going around now playing the victim?

And in other news......

Someday, it would be really nice to learn what sort of blackmail the WH has on Roberts and some other justices.  This week they said, although it says XYZ specifically in the ObamaCare bill, in this case we will interpret it as ABC and okay the case.  Then to really top the week off, all the states now have to accept gay marriage.  I didn't have an issue when Colorado passed a civil union law to give rights to couples, I thought that was fair.  But now the courts have once again overruled the will of the people.

See, gay marriage has been on state ballots since 1998 and was 0 - 31 in voting thru 2012.  Since 2012 a couple of states have said yes, but more said no, and the courts today said tough shit.  It says right there in the constitution that two men can marry each other.

What, you can't find it?

Me either, but that is because we didn't go to law school.  See, if you go to law school, you learn that every word has a specific definition which is why lawyers spend weeks arguing over a simple paragraph to make sure each word and sentence lacks any ambiguity that can be used later to harm a client.  After years of such practice at this careful definition of words, lawyers become judges and eventually work themselves up to where they can now define a word or sentence any way they see fit.

Which is why terms in the constitution like "right of the people" we are now told means 'the state'.  And since you actually can't find the word marriage anywhere in the constitution and there is that 10th Amendment that says anything not defined here is to be left to the states, we now are told two men can marry, your votes don't mean crap, state laws don't mean crap, just bend over and take it.

What do they have on Roberts?

When history is written about the downfall of Amerika, they will ponder how the American people  allowed their politicians, judges, corporate leaders, to steal the country blind.

We watched the tragedy unfold
We did as we were told
We bought and sold
It was the greatest show on earth
But then it was over
We ohhed and aahed
We drove our racing cars
We ate our last few jars of caviar
And somewhere out there in the stars
A keen-eyed look-out
Spied a flickering light
Our last hurrah
Our last hurrah
And when they found our shadows
Grouped around the TV sets
They ran down every lead
They repeated every test
They checked out all the data on their lists
And then the alien anthropologists
Admitted they were still perplexed
But on eliminating every other reason
For our sad demise
They logged the explanation left
This species has amused itself to death
No tears to cry, no feelings left
This species has amused itself to death

Roger Waters

Sunday, June 21, 2015


Okay, sorry for all the typos and bad grammar in yesterday's post, I think I caught them all and fixed them.

Recently, I ordered the complete WKRP in Cincinnati, one of my favorite all time sitcoms.  It's never been fully released on DVD, seems there is some sort of issue with all the music in the show and rights with artists and so the only DVD release of season 1 was with fake music.  This series, well, there are still issues like not using Pink Floyd's Dogs in a scene, does get supposedly about 85% of the original music.

So last night I'm watching some of season one and get to the episode where they have a contest and the DJ makes a mistake and says 5,000 dollars, not 50 dollars.  Decimal points are pesky little things.  I remembered this episode quite well.  In the show, the Big Guy, Herb and Les are waiting for the winner to show up with a briefcase full of cash, the guy comes early, played by Vincent Schiavelli, says his wife is in the hospital, and as he is leaving he walks out with Johnny Fever.  A minute later the real winner shows up, they realize their mistake, humorous panic ensues and then Fever walks back in with the brief case, saying he knew even less about music than you do to the Big Guy.

I remember that.

So last night I'm watching and when the character walks around the corner, it's not him.  It's some short bald guy, doesn't walk out with Johnny Fever, the end is different and I'm sitting on the couch absolutely freaking out in a major panic.

There was a Twilight Zone episode like this where history starts changing and you are the only one that knows.

So I start looking it up on IMDB.com and sure enough, it's the bald short guy.  No reference to Schiavelli in WKRP or on his page.  I know I am right.  I don't know I'm not nuts.

It took nearly three hours before I finally found, somewhere on the internet, one reference to this show. Apparently when WKRP filmed, they would film the show scene by scene during the day, so each was in the can, then do the whole show in front of a live audience in the evening and any mistakes with the live show were covered by the earlier filming.  And apparently, in this show, they made a change, changed the actors, changed the ending, and the Schiavelli scene replaced the short bald guy and the ending was changed or visa versa, and the official show is the non Schiavelli but the Schiavelli was the scene seen on TV and early reruns.

Sanity is such a frail thing.

But the panic I felt, it reminded me of the ending of Somewhere in Time, which by the way is the greatest chick flick of all time, where Christopher Reeves is living in the past with Jane Symour at the hotel on Mackinaw Island and pulls out of his pocket some change and finds a 1980 something penny and suddenly the whole reality unravels.  It almost felt like that.  I KNEW, but there was no proof, all the evidence pointed to something else entirely.

You know, but all evidence says otherwise, and your brain is saying, well, either you are right and there is a whole conspiracy or you are wrong, what do you do?

I don't know, not much of a story when you write it out, but last night was a very scary night for several hours when you are fighting for your reality.

The lunatic is on the grass. The lunatic is on the grass. 
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs. 
Got to keep the loonies on the path.

The lunatic is in the hall. The lunatics are in my hall. 

The paper holds their folded faces to the floor 
And every day the paper boy brings more.

And if the dam breaks open many years too soon 

And if there is no room upon the hill 
And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too
 I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

The lunatic is in my head. The lunatic is in my head 

You raise the blade, you make the change 
You re-arrange me 'til I'm sane. 
You lock the door And throw away the key 
There's someone in my head but it's not me.

And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear 

You shout and no one seems to hear. 
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes 
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

Pink Floyd

Saturday, June 20, 2015


Out of the box thinking.  If you've been in the business world the last 30 years, you've heard of 'out of the box thinking' a million times, it's almost as brain numbing as paradigm shit, er, I mean paradigm shift.

Don't marketing psychological catch phrases have some sort of lifecycle, cause these should be pretty close to their end.

The fact is, there is no such thing as 'out of the box' thinking.

We are born, live our lives, in the box.  We are the box.

Science came along and defined the most popular box today.  It's the box that says only things that are observable and measurable exist.  Actually, Hume is there too, then Kant came along to redefine what Hume said because Kant realized the danger of Hume; that the rules of science are not provable, therefore don't really exist.  Kant was the philosophical equivalent of a public relations executive for Hume and tells us what Hume really meant was not what Hume said.

So science builds this box, only what is observable and measurable is factual, then they fill the box with a bunch of tools like logic and math that will be used to determine what is measurable, observable, and factual.  Except, those rules did not come from the science box, they were brought in with the assumption that these are the rules, but they first existed outside the 'science box' and were brought in while supernatural was excluded from the science box.

Of course, many things we are told by scientists, don't fit the requirements of the box.  Dark matter, for example, has never been observed, only 'measured' mathematically, never photographed, nada.  Much of science cosmology is nothing more than made up, not observable, not measurable, not provable by the very definition of science.

But science is not the only box.  We all live in boxes, those we create and those we share.  Our boxes are how we define reality.  What is true, what is real, what is false, what is fantasy.  The differences between us are not just what is in our box, but the size of the box.

Some people have very small boxes.  Those people are easy to spot, they are very very organized, very into planning, they think that anything bad that occurs in your life is because you failed to plan properly.  I use to know an ex military guy, retired living in the UP of Michigan, and on the old MSN newsgroups he constantly would harp about whatever happened in others lives, it happened because they failed to plan properly.  I genuinely liked the guy, and was internally torn between never wishing bad upon anyone and the desire to see a large boulder land smack dab in the middle of his controlled planned life just so I could say, "gee, you didn't plan for that?".

Everyone has their box.  Shared boxes are those who listen to NPR versus those who listen to Limbaugh.  The KJV only churches who think that the KJV of the Bible is the perfect Bible word for word and will never read or listen to anyone explain the mistakes in the KJV.  Denominations, like religions are boxes.  Politics are boxes.  Companies have boxes and boxes within boxes.  Bean counters see things quite differently than quality engineers than plant workers etc.  They share a box, but the boxes for each slightly overlap each other, but never completely.

I can't count the number of meetings I've sat in over the years where people who spent their lives toeing party lines, dotting i's and crossing t's, are asked to 'think out of the box' and they don't realize they are incapable of 'thinking out of the box'.

What defines creativity is not thinking out of the box, because we can't, but creative people have very large boxes.  The ability to see problems differently, to pull solutions from places no one else would think of, comes from having a very large box  - or, to put another way or use another simile, it's the difference between viewing an issue when you only wear a carpenter belt and your tools are hammers and saws - pound it or cut it - and having a complete tool room where you are skilled, not only in carpentry, but also welding, and other such skills.  The tool room provides more opportunity for possible solutions than the hammer and saw alone.  Creative people have many areas to call on in the large box of their reality, small box people are the carpenter, pound it or saw it just add to it with more wood and nails.  Bureaucrats, when you think about it, are carpenters, they just keep nailing on more and more wood, cutting, adding, nailing until an ugly monstrous mess grows uncontrolled.

How do you get a large box?  You expand the inputs, information, skills, and knowledge.  So, on a Saturday afternoon, you read, you go to youtube, you watch or read a liberal, a libertarian, a classical liberal, a conservative.  You watch or read people who are ostracized in their field of study.  Sutterfield, for example, has been showing for 40 years that the speed of light has not been constant, that the speed of light is varies, that the speed of light in the universe was faster in the past than today, and the implication of that throw all science facts about age and time out the windows and down the toilets.  Today, other scientists are now echoing his findings, though many ignore his 40 years of contribution.

You listen to shows like Coast to Coast for a 'far out' series of shows.  You don't have to agree with guests, just hear what they say, expand your box.  Are there really Black Eyed Kids who try to get you to invite them inside?  I don't know, but if you listen and read about them, should you ever actually run into the situation, you won't be totally freaked out like the person with the little box.

You ask why, you ask why not.  You listen to every argument, and this is very key, sit back and ask yourself, what are the assumptions, the givens, that all this is based on and then you dig into those assumptions to see if they should be granted.  Think of a courtroom, a witness is brought up and they start going thru the all the qualifications of the witness, and the other attorney stands up and says 'yea, we agree with his qualifications'.  Those are like assumptions.

Just like when science and Hume built the box, and just added in logic and math from the outside before closing the box, you should ask and question why logic, why math, why not something else?  That choice of science, just logic and math, predetermines every conclusion it will ever make.

Why do we assume, for example, just because some guy or gal spent 20 years in college and have a couple of PhD's that they really know what they are talking about?  Or what they say is a fact, just because they prolonged their adolescence into their 30's?  And let's face it, anyone who ever went to college knows many of those PhD professors were kind of nuts.

The funny thing, is science uses their superiority of PhD's all the time, yet defending any position based upon the person's school or PhD, is a logical fallacy - the same logic they use in their box, they constantly disobey - see Richard Dawkins debate.

Always question the assumptions, listen and read books outside your comfort zone.  Are you a Bible thumping Baptist?  Read Bart Erhman and figure out where he is wrong.  Read Michael Heiser to see what someone who can read the ancient Hebrew says it says - expand.  Listen to shows like Coast to Coast and expand the box.  But apply those same rules to the guests.

Small boxes, marching in lockstep - you can never be creative.  You also run a danger when your worldview is a small box, it's very easy to use successive approximations to move people in small boxes where you want them to go, it's how otherwise normal people will go along with evil things you and frankly they, never thought they would - like Lutherans in 1930's Germany - people with very big boxes are much harder to move, because they can see where things are going.  People with big boxes are dangerous to the bureaucracy, dangerous to the government, dangerous to the corporations.

Expand your box.

Gazing past the planets
Looking for total view
I've been laying here for hours
You gotta make the journey out and in

Wonders of a lifetime
Right there before your eyes
Searching with this life of ours
You gotta make the journey out and in
Out and in, out and in

Will you think it's a joke
That's all right
Do what you want to do
I've said my peace
And I'll leave it all up to you

Moody Blues

Thursday, June 18, 2015


Well, this year I was smart and scheduled tomorrow off.

Two years since my dad died.  It's not easier than last year.  I've been spacey all week, the past knocking, not wanting to look, unable to not answer the knock.  I hate looking back, focusing on what was, spending time thinking about something I cannot change, yet as the day approaches, the memories move aside the present.

And, today, could I really smell him?  Was my mind playing a trick on me?  Or did I really smell him in the hallway.  I prefer the mind trick explanation.

One good thing, tomorrow is only 24 hours and then it will be done, well, until the 24th and the anniversary of my mom's death, then the 26th an old friend, then the 28th, my dog Kahlua - the good border collie - and then the month will be over and hopefully no one will be added to the month.  I really hate June now.

But in all honesty, the others don't match what I feel about tomorrow.  I miss my mom, don't get me wrong, and there was a lot of work taking care of her for six years, lifting her out of beds to put on portable toilets, cleaning her, cleaning the bed, washing the clothes, making the bed dressing her and getting her back in bed - but it was  a shared experience; my dad was functioning fairly fine then, he helped a lot, we had a caretaker coming in while I was working.  My dad was 24/7 for 4 years, no breaks, no vacations, no income, no runs, no drips, no errors.

Okay, maybe a few dozen errors.

The intensity of the experience created some bond that will never leave.  I'll never get rid of it, and know that it's entirely possible 10 years from now, it will be just as strong as it is now.  And I'm okay with that, I'm not sure what I would do if one day looked at the calendar and realized it was June 29th and I didn't even think of my dad or mom as the dates passed.

That would be sad, too.

So two years have passed, and where I am?  Well, have a good job, not great, not hard, not challenging too much anymore, but it's good.  Stable.  Roof over head, same roof, same furniture, same car, same 24k in debt. Two years older.  But then, when you don't have goals, what you get is what you planned.

And I'm okay with that.  I'm alive, which I wouldn't have bet on a few years ago.  I'm healthy, so not complaining.  It's hard to pray now, not because I'm mad at God or anything, there is just nothing I need, so I thank God for my health, my job, a car that starts, stops, and doesn't blow up in between, the food on  my table, the roof over my head.

But sometimes I feel like I'm hiding.  Hidden from the world.  If I didn't have to walk the dog 3x a day, I could go three or four days and never leave the apartment.  Hiding from what?  Life?  Living?

Feeling?  No joy, no pain.  No happy no sad.  Just being, just existing.  Is this bad?  What I need?  Or will it become too comfortable over time?

Jeepers I hate this time of year.

Just look at the comfort that you call your home
Just kidding yourself that you're never alone
Well, maybe there's something, just one thing you shouldn't have said
So, you better beware

And, you better get, and you better get light in your head
And, you better get, and you better get peace in your bed
If you wanna get, if you wanna get high

You're watching the movie go blistering by
Just look at the sadness, I wish I could cry
Or maybe there's something, just one thing, that I should have said
Well, it better be said

Has the record been, has the record been holding your heart
It's beginning to, it's beginning to squeeze you apart
Don't you wanna get, don't you wanna get high

You're holding the world in the palm of your hand
Watch'ya tellin' your children, you don't understand

If you know what the meaning is


Saturday, June 13, 2015


Been listening to a few Coast to Coast AM's of late.  May join up with the premium membership again, they do have interesting shows some nights without the hysteria of some of the other previously mentioned shows.

They had one this week about EMP/Solar flares and our electrical system and I'll tell you what, if you listen to it and hear how several times in the last 10 years the house has passed the law to require the utilities to insulate themselves against such an event and each time it is totally killed in the Senate in committee before it ever gets a vote will make you cry.

If you do not know what an EMP is, there are two types.  One is one nuclear bomb is exploded about 30 miles above the center of the US and the electromagnetic shock wave will knock out everything, and I mean everything.  All the electrical transformers will be burned out, so no electricity.  No computer, no internet, your smart phone instantly has value only for throwing at someone, no ipads, ipods, digital music, TV, movies.  Oh, turn on the faucet and no water (except what is in the hot water heater - so check it out to see how to disconnect and how to drain the water out of the bottom.  You might need some to, oh, I don't know, flush your toilets?  Cause they won't work either.  All this is of course dependent on your home not catching fire from the electrical surge rushing thru all the wires.  And, your car probably won't start, the older, the more likely, but it could burn all the computer chips and so even cars from the 90's will probably have issues.

So, very quickly, no news, society breaks down but you prepared!  You got food, you got water filters, you will rebuke the hundreds of zombies, formerly known as friends and neighbors, because you got your guns and ammo so you will still be alive for a couple of weeks when all those used fuel rods stored at every nuke plant in the US, and haven't had running water to cool them, go critical and blow, spreading enough radiation to kill whatever is left in north america, then europe, asia etc.

Now, just so you understand, the probability of this happening one day is 100%.  The solar flare has happened before, back in the 1800's lots of telegraph operators were killed when one hit and travelled on the lines, hundreds of fires broke out across the world from the overload.  Unless you were a telegraph operator though, probably were not effected.  And unless you are some hermit or farmer in the third world who gets along fine without electricity, you will die when this happens again.

And, just keep this in mind, NK and those cuddly little islamic terrorists know about this too and are working very hard to get one bomb on one missile to launch from a container ship 100 miles off our coast to take America back to the stone age.

And what would it take to stop this?  Well, a couple of billion dollars and about 5 years, which means it could have been done by now if the senate hadn't killed it in 2004.  Or 2009.  Now it's up again, except this time it's not sailing smoothly through the house.  See?  Tsunami.  Our leaders in Washington fiddle with climate change while this goes undone.

Ain't nobody gonna be worried about climate change, free trade, gay marriage, the Apple Watch, the new season of whatever is on TV, is Bruce call me a chick Jenner or are the Cubs going all the way if and when this happens.

In other words, dear readers, we could have protected the entire electrical grid by now for less money than we provide Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Iran, and several other countries in one year.  For less than we give to the south of the border countries to stop drugs from coming into this country in one year.

Stopped by the Fort Collins police station today to get the final word on whether carrying a telescoping baton is illegal or not and came back with a definitive, not sure.  They don't know either, they had books out reading the statue and some said section 102 while not saying it specifically could be read to include it and others said it would not so I left there confident nobody knows anything.  Their suggestion, just go get your CCW from Larimer county and then the CCW would cover the baton along with a gun.  Unless of course when I pick up the app the Sheriffs department tells me it's not required to carry a baton then I can quit worrying about it.

So, glad that cleared things up.  Like almost everything, it is now illegal if they want it to be illegal.  I'm sure sitting here with a macbook on a pillow listening to REM while I type a blog and drink Jones Real Sugar Cola  is illegal in some jurisdiction somewhere.

By the way, since I quit drinking the new Pepsi with real sugar and started drinking Jones, I've dropped 10lbs.  I KNEW that Pepsi was not using real cane sugar in that replacement for Pepsi Throwback.  But of course, Pepsi can lie on their cans and that is legal, if I drink it with a baton in my pocket it's not.

Okay, now to the point.  Another one of the shows I listened to this week was the interview with Howe, co author of The Fourth Turning with Strauss, and one of the best books I've read.  I'm always proud of three books I read before anyone heard of them or they became famous:  Megatrends, The Firm, and The Fourth Turning.  Read all three before they ever hit any best seller lists.

Howe's conversation about generations is very fascinating, talking about Baby Boomers, Generation X and Millinials, hang on, got to fix the spelling, milennials - well, google says that is wrong too but tells me that is how it's spelled on a search, go figure - and how these generations are interacting today and the issues.  Baby boomers are required to work more years now than previous generations because we live longer, because of the unanticipated costs of raising kids, and Gen X is trapped with BB's not retiring and Milennials pushing from behind.  It was also interesting how milennials are extremely positive about the future, which is very surprising since most are saddled with huge amounts of college debts, unable to find jobs, and living with their folks at 30, so I'm not sure where they get their optimism from other than the reality of life has not hit them yet because they borrowed money and live off mom and dad still.

Side note:  had a conversation recently about teens and milenniums who grew up texting.  Seems by texting that teens don't feel nearly as shy in dealing with the opposite sex as most teens have thru centuries so by texting they avoid all those embarrassing moments of stumbling over words, drooling, wetting your pants when asking a girl to a dance because you are so nervous - not that I ever did that mind you - BUT in reality they are now in their 20's and still haven't quite gone through the process of dealing with people face to face.  So all they managed to do is delay emotional growth from their teens to later years.

Honestly, I never wet my pants asking a girl out.  No comment on drooling.

But here is always my issue with generations.  Baby Boomers were defined as 1945 to 1964 for years, but now it seems since 2008, it's been defined as 1961 as the cutoff.  Why?  Because supposedly, who knows for sure, that is the year Obama claims to have been hatched and he wanted to be part of the Gen X generation so professors and media across the country just changed the date to accommodate the man.

My problem is Generation X really started in 1957, let me explain.  We claim baby boomers started when soldiers came home from the war and started families, but BB should probably have started about 1941 because there were lots of kids born between 1941 and 1945 from husbands and boyfriends headed off to war and wanting to leave kids behind.  But more importantly, baby boomer children are not really defined by the year, but by Vietnam.

The draft did not take place for those kids born in 1957 and later, it did take place for 1956 and earlier.  For me, for example, born in 57, what I was going to do if I was drafted was always a theoretical exercise - and forever is a theoretical exercise.  But for children born between 1941 and 1956, it was not theoretical, they were drafted and many were called and had to make a choice, especially after college deferments were stopped.  That defined the baby boomers, not Make Room For Daddy or Leave it to Beaver. Lumping those from 1957 to 1964 into that generation disregards the one word that defined that generation, Vietnam.  So really Generation X should start in 1957 and probably run till about 1982, where someone born in 1982 would graduate high school in 2000.

These 'second half' babyboomers have much more in common with Generation X than baby boomers.  Yes, we might remember when JFK was shot, but all we knew was we got off of school about 4 extra days.  Vietnam was a show on TV news, unless our older brother went away and never came home or never was the same when he got back.  And second half boomers were just as stuck behind the first half boomers on corporate ladders as generation X - in fact, I will bet more second half boomers have started their own companies than first half boomers or gen Xer's have.

In fact, the Generation X generation is probably more related to the Silent Generation than anything, since both followed a 'great generation'.  There is probably some generation envy going on.  the silent generation missed WWII but had Korea and early Vietnam.  Actually, the Silent Generation were really the instigators of much of the unrest in the 1960's; Hoffman, Ruben, etc were all part of the silent generation, the baby boomers were the followers.

And maybe so it will be in the future, as Generation X takes over the reigns, will they lead the Millennium Generation to revolt against society again?  Entirely possible, the most vocal rabble rousers we see today are people born between 1957 and 1981, and the Millenniums are just waiting for a leader to get them out of mom and dad's house, to protest the debt, lack of jobs, etc.

This could be the saddest dusk
I've ever seen
Turn to a miracle
high alive
My mind is racing
As it always will
My hand is tired my heart aches
I'm half a world away here
my head sworn
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
Go it alone
Hold it along and hold, hold.

This lonely deep sit hollow
I'm half a world
Half the world away
My shoes are gone
My life spent
I had too much to drink
I didn't think
and I I didn't think of you
I guess that's all I needed
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
Blackbirds backwards forwards and fall and hold hold.

Oh this lonely world is wasted
Pathetic eyes high alive
blind to the tide that turns the sea
This storm it came up strong
it shook the trees
And blew away our fear
I couldn't even hear



Were you confused this week?  Were you reading headlines and thinking the stories were screwed up? Now, will you also start rooting for that comet or volcano that will cause a tsunami that will wipe out the east coast and all members of congress, the WH, all lobbyists, and media?

Oh yea, lawyers too.  Always with the lawyers.

The big news is this pacific trade pack which will give the president fast track and, well, not sure what else because it's not public.  And a prominent member of congress pushing this for the president told us this week that we have to wait until they pass the bill to read what's in it.

Wait, there must be a scratch in the record, we've heard this before.  Obamacare was passed without any one in the public knowing what was in it and we were told by Nancy Pelosi we had to wait until it was passed to read what was in it.  And now, they are doing the same thing with the trade bill.

Well, almost the same.

This time, the members of congress that are pushing for passage are the republicans along with Obama and Paul Ryan, Mr. P90X workout man, is the republican pushing this thru congress and telling everyone we have to pass the bill before anyone can read it.  And if failed in the vote Friday because Nancy Pelosi led a group of democrats in congress to join conservatives in congress to defeat the bill and I'm thinking have we really reached a point in bizarre where I have to write a blog patting Nancy Pelosi on the back?

Now some people have read the bills, but they have to go to a special room, can take no pictures, can take no notes, and read the bill.  So this TPP, Trans Pacific Partnership, is not only a trade bill, but apparently from what some people have said, it also allows other countries to pass rules for members of the TPP that override whatever individual countries laws are in place; like on immigration or gun control.

So why do republicans want this?  Big business.  Businesses want this.  Business' that love to import foreign workers to do their IT work and replace american IT workers making 100k with benefits with Indian workers for 24k and no benefits.  Some companies, like Disney, even make current American workers train their replacements - which is really as cold hearted as making someone dig their grave before you shoot them.

Now Pelosi and the dems, they stood against this because organized labor was against it and it's because they didn't get their payoff so as soon as the payoffs to organize labor occur, the Pelosi dems will change their vote and this will pass.

Once again, my couple of real living readers and millions of my imaginary readers, we are being sold down the path by members of Congress who are taking massive payoffs and doing insider trading to pad their escape accounts and the rest of us are going to take it on the chin, or up the wazoo if you prefer.

TPP will cause the US to lose it's independence.  With TPP, you will no longer see on products where it is made, did you know that?  So that steak you are buying will no longer be labeled where it's from, it might be from Colorado, or Mexico, or Argentina, or China.

Yummmm. Chinese steak, oh yea, that should work out nicely.

So, those like me who trend to republicans, congratulations, you now no longer require any further evidence to decide that the reps are selling us down the river just as much as the dems have been doing.

I keep thinking I should start a website for a new political party, the Anti Incumbent Party, AIP, with very simple guidelines to join.  A $1 yearly membership and every member agrees to vote in every election and vote against any incumbent in the primary and in the general election.  No candidates in this party, no endorsements in this party, just a simple rule never vote for anyone running for re elections.

On another note.  Recently due to a change in some of the residents in the apartment complex I live in, and seeing a fox attempt to grab someones little doggie and walking out with the garbage one night and seeing two coyotes walking through are parking lot, I decided it's not safe walking around these parts totally unarmed.  Now, I did not want to start carrying a gun, with all the concrete, cars, etc I would not want to miss and a ricochet go thru a window and kill someone; so I ordered a couple of seriously military grade telescoping batons.  These are great, fit in the pocket, flick of the wrist and you have a 21 inch metal stick in your hand that properly placed on top of the head of an animal will kill it, use properly on knees, ribs, thigh, core, arm, shoulders and you can disable a guy twice your size in seconds.

Now, even in Colorado, I find I'm committing a felony, most likely.  They are not specifically mentioned, but laws are no longer specific or written in such a way it's not illegal to have it, but if you use it, it's a felony.  Like it's legal to own a gun, but if you fire the gun, it's a felony.  Seriously, some CSU student in Rocky Mountain National Park is currently in trouble because some aggressive ram charged him several times and after avoiding it twice, pulled his handgun and shot the ram.  It is legal to have a gun in RMNP, but it's illegal to fire a gun in RMNP.

And apparently it's legal to have a telescoping baton in your pocket, but if you use it to defend yourself, it's a felony.  Simple truth of the matter anymore is if you don't just allow yourself to be beaten, raped, eaten or killed, you are a criminal in most states in this country.  Die, and you won't be charged.  Defend yourself and the whole federal, state, local legal system will come down on your and crush you.

The black hole of life in the 21st century.

This is a black hole. It consumes matter, sucks it in, and crushes it beyond existence. When I first heard that, I thought that's evil in its most pure. Something that drags you in, crushes you, makes you nothing. - Alice Morgan  "Luther"

It's now official for those that have not already figured it out.  We are canon fodder, we are expendable, we are nothing to the people in power and elected officials and the sooner we are eliminated the happier they will be.  Stick your head out of the ground and they will just crush you.  Keep your head in the ground and they will just crush you, well, unless Denny Hassertt is around, he might have other ideas.

What is worse, living in a society where you know it's evil, where they don't pretend to be anything but evil, where you know the deck is stacked against you; or to live under an illusion of freedom only to find, when you act in a way you thought you were entitled to, and find out your life is an illusion?

Plain and simple.  Vote.  Pay no attention to party.  Just vote out anyone and everyone who runs for reelection, who has already served in state houses or Washington.  One term and gone.

I wonder if the people of Wisconsin in Paul Ryan's district would consider a recall election?  Nah, let's just root for that comet to hit about 20 miles off the coast of DC, when congress is in session, and no warning whatsoever.

Long as I remember
the rain been comin' down.
Clouds of myst'ry pouring
confusion on the ground.
Good men through the ages,
try'n' to find the sun,
and I wonder, still I wonder,
who'll stop the rain.

I went down Virgina
seekin' shelter from the storm.
Caught up in the fable,
I watched the tower grow.
Five years plans and new deals,
wrapped in golden chains,
and I wonder, still I wonder,
who'll stop the rain

Creedence again

Wednesday, June 10, 2015


So, on Tuesday, John Moore and Steve Quayle publish their latest, which, just so happens, to be Jade Helm is about putting resources in place because of a visit by some space rock.  Not chinese, not russians, not economics, not take over by Illuminate.  Chuckle.

Not so funny, coming up in ten or so days on the two year anniversary of my dad dying, 14 days for the 7 year of my mom, and 16 for a dog and I can't tell you how much I hate the end of June.  But here I catch an article today about some stupid reality show where stupid people go to some island and apparently one of them gets seriously constipated and another one with medical background gets to DRIP the guy and dig out pounds of crap.

I'm not going to lie and say I've managed to completely lay those days and times deep into my subconscious, forever repressed.  No, much of what I went through taking care of my dad, and mom, will never get repressed, unfortunately.  But now to see it made, whatever, to where some guy is going to do this on TV, probably win because of it, well, I don't know, just piling on at the end of June.

Several weeks ago, read a couple of articles on a topic that has been stewing and swimming in my head now and apparently it's not going to go away until I write about it.

We live on one serious scumbag run planet.  We live in a world where very very wealthy men use their power, money and influence to run children around and they buy them, steal them, rape them all for their, well, whatever.  These kids are kidnapped or sold by their parents and these kids are looking at a life a sexual slavery, prostitution, drugs, and death.  Kids and young teens.

I always wondered if that girl that went missing about a decade ago in Aruba, with that Danish guy, wasn't a sex slave kidnapping of some sort, some arab or south american drug kingpin wanting an american blond to play with.

It is a world wide thing.  Pulling kids from Asia, Africa, Europe, the Americas.  And these men are rich and powerful, the richest and most powerful.  Remember the now buried story of that billionaire who did jail time but owns that island and that plane that President Clinton's flown on quite a few times along with lots of other 'famous' people and the young girls to entertain.  Or Denny Hassert, our republican speaker of the house whom apparently buggered a few teens as a wrestling coach in high school and you can bet the entire national debt that in congress he was buggering boys the whole time.  Your tax dollars at work.

I can't even look at politicians anymore without this gut feeling that they are seriously perverted people who do things in their private lives that would make us sick.  When will I finally have enough and just refuse to vote anymore?  I always talk about it, never actually do it.

When you read about the traffic of children in the middle east, Europe, and the americas, jeepers, maybe aborting kids is saving them.  And these wealthy mideasterners who couldn't connect two dots with a ruler, are billionaires who speak of the Koran on one hand with a stable of little boys and girls; Europeans, those sophisticated superior multi language Euros who run much of this trafficking empire, to our politicians, business leaders, and hollywood 'elite', oh Lord, for a world wide solar flare that puts us all back to square one.

Oh, did I mention children's organs get a higher price for transplants?

You read of hollywood directors that rape child actors and then wonder why so many are screwed up so bad and are on drugs and commit suicide.  The rich and powerful, politicians, judges, press, media, business leaders, royalty, all are so scummy I wouldn't let them use my toilet to take a wizz.  Well, at least if they did I might finally get around to cleaning my bathroom with a gallon of bleach and then spreading holy oil around the whole apartment.

Almost 20 years ago, I got into a debate on one of the old MSN boards and spend a weekend researching these perversions.  Most of it I remember, but don't hold me to the exact numbers.
If you take 100 randomly selected men, 2-3% have had sex, as adults, with minors.  If you randomly select 100 straight men, 2-3% have had sex with minors.  If you choose 100 randomly gay men, just over 70% of them have.

This is a lousy sample size, but 5 gay men I've known, not too well mind you, but I asked them if they were molested as kids and all 5 were.  Three lesbians I asked were also molested by a man.  Well, I asked four but the fourth one punch me in the face for asking so I've stopped asking those type of questions.

So is that was this crap is about?  Molested as a kid, molest as an adult?  Is it power?  Is it boredom with life?  Have all these rich powerful men sold their souls to satan and this is part of the deal?  We know this goes on in the halls of the catholic hierarchy, I  heard rumors of such in the mormon church, I suspect it's probably in the halls of power in every major boardroom, church, palace and everywhere else.

And what is just about as bad are parents who take the cash, look the other way, as their child is molested to get  a movie role, or by that rock star.

These are the people that are destroying us, destroying our economies, our jobs, our futures.  These are the men who make billions sending young men and women to die in wars.  We can't open our wallets fast enough to see their movies, watch their shows, buy their latest toys.  And they laugh all the way to their secret locations where 10 year old boys huddle in corners waiting to be chosen to get their anuses poked.

Maybe if we showed this on TV, maybe if we showed the scum lives of the rich and famous, the real background, no pun intended, of these people, maybe the masses would get angry.  Maybe, ah crap, who am I kidding.  Nobody does anything.  Hell, they just uncovered UN relief workers were buggering boys and girls all over Haiti, the same kids they were sent to save, and they were raping them with your UNICEF money.

There, I wrote it, and I don't feel better.  I don't suppose on judgement day God's going to say "and way to go ranting in a blog about this abomination".

How the hell do you do that to a kid?  How the hell do you get your rocks off with a scared 14 year old?  How the hell, do you know people who do this, and not do something?  I just don't understand.

When the sky is gray
And the moon is hate
I'll be down to get you
Roots of earth will shake

Sinister purpose
Knockin' at your door
Come and take my hand

Burn away the goodness
You and I remain
Did you see the last war?
Well, here I am again

Sinister purpose
Knockin' at your door
Come and take my hand

I can set you free
Make you rich and wise
We can live forever
Look into my eyes

Sinister purpose
Knockin' at your door
Come and take my hand

Creedence Clearwater Revival
(gonna see a lot of their lyrics for awhile, fell in love again with their music)

Sunday, June 7, 2015


Frankly, I've totally had it with the Jade Helm thing.  I'm still listening and studying all these shows and people who are talking about it and finally said enough.

I swear some of these talking heads pay no attention to what they said last week and what they say this week.

So far, if you listen to Dave Hodges, Hagmann & Hagmann, Alex Jones, Steve Quayle, John Moore, and all their guests, this is what you get in no particular order.  Actually, it's probably unfair putting Alex Jones in that, haven't listened to him for at least a year, maybe longer, just guessing he is on board.

The US military, maybe with UN Forces or The Chinese Army or the Russian Army is going to have an operation in this country in 15 states or 30 some states where people who are 'unfriendlies' are going to be taken from their homes and offices and swept away to FEMA camps or local Wal-Marts which are really now owned by the Chinese or Russians and UN or Chinese or Russian forces along with or not your local police department are going to knock on every door in these 15 states or across the country and confiscate every gun owned by real americans but not gang members in the cities apparently, and the reason for this is we cannot pay our debts and have promised China our national parks, women, smart phones or something else in return for those bonds and we will have a big economic collapse either before or after and then nuclear war.

Or something like that, it is confusing listening to all this and each week the reasons all change except for 1.  scare the crap out of listeners and 2. offer to sell something to make the catastrophe less painful.  All you need is to buy more stored foods, gold, silver, ammo, etc to survive the event.

Basic rule of selling.  Find a need/want, exploit the pain of such need or want, offer solution.  There lies the verbal wanderings of every politician, every radio talk show host these days.  Democrats scare every black voter in every election with 'if republicans win, slavery will return' or ' asking for proof you are a US citizen is a way to prevent blacks from voting'. Or 'if republicans win, abortion will be banned' even though Reagan, Bush I and Bush II were in office and none of it has happened.

So it goes with all this Jade Helm thing.  Do any of these people stop and think this stuff thru at all?  First of all, all this 'inside' information they are getting from sources who KNOW.  Excuse me, but we live in a country where every phone call, email, text, cell call are recorded by every provider and the US government.  So how do all these 'insiders' who call these people regularly manage to avoid detection?  I'm sorry, but V or X or Z or whatever would have been busted long ago.

And so, let's give them the benefit of the doubt.  Let's say this summer, the US military with or without foreign troops, invades Texas, Utah, Florida,  and grab people up in the middle of the night, go door to door to take guns etc.  What do you think is going to happen in the other 30 states?  Oh, sure, some pencil neck liberal estrogen powered NY Times reading types will think its a good thing, but what do you suppose the people of ID, MT, MO, ND, SD, WI, MI, PA, VA, WV, VT, NH, MA etc are going to do or say?  I thought of including Minnesota on that list, but the Twins are in first place right now and they won't even notice anything else.

In other words, you can't partially attack some of the states, taking people to FEMA camps who speak out against Obama, and expect it to work.

So the other theory is there will be an EMP attack, wiping out all electronics, the electrical system, then China and Russia will come in to 'aid' and just take over.  Problem with an EMP is you know all that debt we owe China?  Well those bonds are no longer paper, just electronic records and they EMP us and suddenly we no longer have records of any of those bonds, so, we don't owe it.  And China and
Russia won't invade the US as long as we all have guns, and any attempt to go door to door in this country will quickly turn into a massive fire fight because as I said before, I have no desire to ever shoot a cop, but being shot and killed by the cops would be better than being left unarmed when gangs will still be armed, because you can bet your ass that any attempt to disarm Americans by the military or law enforcement does not include going door to door in South Central, the West Side of Chicago, the south side of Chicago, Bed Sty, or Detroit.

In other words, this whole line of some massive government, military, foreign troop takeover of parts of the US where all these talk show hosts are getting inside information and we are going to be taken to FEMA camps/WalMarts in the middle of the night for not liking Obama is a crock of crap designed to scare the crap out of listeners to get them to buy products advertised on the shows.  There, I said it.

However, and remember I don't sell or advertise on my blog, at least to my knowledge there are no ads on my blog other than my lowest selling book in the history of Amazon, what might fit this whole thing is a coming event that is known, kept secret from the populace, and they are putting troops in place and preparing for some comet crashing into the Atlantic or North America or Yellowstone going to blow, etc etc etc.

I don't buy the economic thing.  All currency is fiat.  Gold is fiat.  Silver is fiat.  Paper is fiat.  Credits are fiat.  We could default on our debt, kill the dollar, institute a new currency over a weekend, one dollar equals one credit, make it all electronic, and while there would be some serious chaos for awhile, Europe, Asia, etc will eventually accept US Credits because we buy more crap than anyone else.  Saudi's will take our credits for oil or we will let them go and they will be overrun by the other muslim countries in a flash.  Israel will take our credits because the same.  So will the European countries.  China and Russia might balk, but when the rest of Asia comes along because they want our threat of protection to hold back China.

A reboot, a start over, it's all 1's and 0's on computers anyway.  So there is no need for Jade Helm for the economic reasons, though it would be very smart to have our fleet at sea protecting the coasts, Hawaii, and Alaska for a time, along with some B1 bombers flying at all times.

So it keeps coming back to some geological event.

In the end of all this out of my butt speculation, it all comes down to this.  We live in a world at war.  It is at war over ideologies, land, resources, economics, and politics.  The average person is the US is really not all that different from the average person in France, Sweden, Russia, China, Chile, South Africa, Canada, etc.  We all just want to getup, earn a good living, buy our family stuff, have a roof over our head, get old and die in bed with our loved ones around telling us we mattered.  But our lives are controlled at all times by the megalomaniacs who worship power.

But most importantly, we live in a world at war between God and Satan.  We live in a world where we choose.  And it's easy to be a good man in good times, but what will you choose to be in bad times?  Look around the world, neighbors who got along for years in Yugoslavia, fractured when the country fractured and Serbs living next to Croatians for years now lined up Croatians and put bullets in their heads; Croatians lined up Muslims, Muslims lined up Serbs, Croatians lined up Serbs.  It's hard to be good in bad times, very few can really do it; though we all like to think WE will be different.  We won't.  That neighbor you always say hi to, borrow tools from each other, maybe drank a few beers with, will be busting down your door to kill you in bad times.  Or you him.  That is the battle between God and Satan.  That is Job.  All Satan wanted to see was Job curse God, for Job to give up on God.

And whatever happens, from nothing to the worst possible thing you can imagine, cubed, this is what it is all about.  Will you trust God, will you curse God?  Will you ignore God altogether?

I know people don't believe in God, His Son, the Bible, and the often ignored Holy Ghost.  Here is an interesting factoid for you non believers to chew on.

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth.  Genesis 1:1.

Now, if you had the hebrew in front of you of this verse, do you know each letter in Hebrew, and Greek, have a number associated with each letter.

Well, if you take that first verse and do the following:  take the number of letters, then, add up all the numbers each letter represent and multiply the two.  now, add up all the words, then add up the product of all the words.  then divide and it comes out to 3.1416.


What are the odds of that?

You can do the same thing with the Greek and John 1:1.  Except it doesn't equal pi.  It equals 2.71828. Which just happens to be E, the natural log.  Strange how the two constant, infinite mathematical constants show up there, huh.

So, I guess it comes down to this.  One, I'm thru listening to all these hucksters trying to scare the crap out of everyone.  Well, until Jade Helm is over and I want to listen to them explain how nothing happened, how their public outcries prevented it from happening, and see what the next end of the world sky is falling thing they will come up with.  Two, someday, life is going to go very bad, it's going by the book, as Johnny Cash use to sing, and when it does it does not matter if you are prepped and hiding in a nuke proof bunker with 10 years of food and water or if you don't even have so much as an extra tooth brush, your survival is going to be based on one thing and one thing only.  God.  If God wants you here, you will be here.  If not, you won't.

So going to check out to see how the Twins did now.

Well, take me back down where cool water flow, yeh.
Let me remember things I love.
Stoppin' at the log where catfish bite,
walkin' along the river road at night,
barefoot girls dancin' in the moonlight.

I can hear the bull frog callin' me.
Wonder if my rope's still hangin' to the tree.
Love to kick my feet way down the shallow water,
shoe fly, dragon fly, get back t your mother.
Pick up a flat rock, skip it across Green River.

Up at Cody's camp I spent my days, oh,
with flat car riders and cross-tie walkers.
Old Cody, Junior took me over,
said, you're gonna find the world is smould rin
an' if you get lost come on home to Green River.

Creedence Clearwater Revival