This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Saturday, May 9, 2015


Okay, not sure what is going on, but went to bed last night, end of the work week, at 12:30, which is my normal time but since I have Saturday's off now, no alarm and I slept to 1:15pm.

What the hell is that about?

I normally get about 8 hours each night, so why suddenly 13 hours?  Weird.  Now, of course, I'm pretty sure I won't be able to get to sleep tonite after getting 13 hours of sleep, which is just going to throw everything off, so I might just stay up all night cleaning, cause Lord knows my apartment needs cleaning.  Hell, at this point if I walked into a service station, I'd probably marvel at how clean their bathroom is.

I guess Colorado has a new rainy season, two or three years in a row now, May has just been nothing but rain.  First three years out here, it didn't rain in May or June historically, rains came with the monsoon season in the pacific in July.  But for two weeks now, every day it is rain rain rain.  Rivers are not yet at flood stage but it's almost inevitable at this point we are going to see flooding soon.  And to top it off, it is going to stop raining tonight...... and we are expecting 5 to 10 inches of heavy wet snow. On May 10th.  Strange Days.

Yesterday I ran a couple of errands at lunch, and stopped at a restaurant - I keep feeling like I wrote this already but checked yesterdays blog and it wasn't there so got me - and suddenly noticed everyone in the restaurant, except me, were dressed in black, dark blue, or dark grey.  Me, I've got a Texas Red long sleeve T shirt and my yellow, laugh at me all you want but it's the best, raincoat.  And today at the grocery store which was an utter madhouse, same thing.  Everyone is dark colors.  Funny how the weather seems to affect the clothing choices of people.  Or is it just a reflection of the mood of a country that knows, deep down, something wicked this way comes.

Which also made me think about something.  All the prepping in the world and it dawned on me if society broke down and you were living somewhere and the weather turned and you got three weeks of 40/50 degree weather and rain every day, most people will die very soon afterwards.  I don't think even the best preppers are prepared to be soaking wet in that cold.

Are we coming to a major snap this summer?  So far this year we've had two major breakouts of rioting in MO and Baltimore.  Is this going to be our long hot summer?

I do blame those folks, and I don't.  We've developed a system in this country that basically designed the desperation we see in the inner cities.  Frankly, the Great Society of LBJ, on of the more bigoted men to ever sit in the Oval Office, so we rounded up all the blacks, stuck them in housing projects, then moved all the jobs in manufacturing overseas, allowed illegal immigrants to come and take what lower level jobs were left and left them with nothing.  We paid them to have kids out of wedlock, we supplied hard drugs to them and then go on a rampage that fills corporate prisons with millions of black men and women for drugs when there might be a pretty strong case that the US government has been involved in bringing the drugs into this country in the first place.  The schools suck and just pass them along and those that finish have the education that use to get people past 3rd grade, not high school.  And in spite of the spirit of Margaret Sanger's Planned Parenthood to control the black population thru abortion and the millions of babies aborted in our inner cities, we've created a massive block of the population that will very soon rise up in violence across this country.  Uneducated, no dads, no jobs, drugs, and guns.

Jeepers, at least the Indians got a lot of land when we shuffled them off.  But that combination is why you should never give up your guns, might as well let the police shoot you dead, probably be more humane than what will happen if there is a huge uprising across this nation of the poor.

Martin Luther King, your dream is hereby declared dead. Noble try though.  Too bad your message was picked up by Jessie and Al, who were always more interested in fame and fortune than actually improving society.

Was the 60's the last decade of great dreamers?  Men and women who saw a better future?  Now our dreamers design computer hardware and software to enslave a nation.  How many different worlds do we live in?  Science loves to speculate of parallel universes but why look there, just look around.  Do you really think you live on the same planet as the blacks in the ghetto?  Or people in the middle east?  Or Africa, our person petrie dish for scientific experiments because people in america cringe at the idea of testing things on dogs, so let us use Africans!  Reality to a black in a ghetto is so much different that reality to some white dude living in a nice home in the suburbs - heck, even in a condo in some city.

I wonder how many people have ever tried to figure out, if there was a major power outage, how can you get home from downtown to your suburban home without going thru a 'ghetto'?  I tried to figure that out once when I lived in Chicago and it would have taken about a 100 mile hike to get from downtown to a southwest suburb without going thru a 'bad area'.

Even Art has moved from warning people of a future to almost brainwashing us towards this future.  Somewhere in the 1990's it started, rather than movies, TV shows and books trying to warn us of the dangers of the road we were on, it became making us look forward to being Borg.  Creating Terminators. Becoming HomoTechni - how cool it will be to be the Borg.

But what to do with all these wastes of humanity, those animals breeding in ghettos, those religious nuts, constitutional nuts, individualists who won't play along?

I don't know if anyone reading this blog and also read my book will remember one of the blogs I wrote talking about SV40 and how I hesitated to even write it.  SV40 is a monkey virus that was in the polio vaccine.  It causes cancers.  They realized in 1959 that it was in the vaccine and kept using it until 1964.  Tens of millions of kids were injected with the virus in the vaccine.  Funny thing is, incidents of cancer in this country just took off around 1960.  There is a hockey stick graph that is not faked.  And I speculated that if you wanted to really solve the financial burdens of this nation, just figure out a way to put something in the food supple or flu vaccines that would cause that SV40 to kick off, not in around 20% of the population, but in 90% of the population and you could wipe out the baby boomer generation, making Social Security instantly solvent for decades, medicare solvent for decades, and think of all those retirement accounts earlier generations would get after the trillions in estate taxes collected by the government.  Our debt would go from 19 trillion to less than 10 trillion in a year or so.

I think about these things.  I think what plans are in place to deal with the inner cities catching fire and going on rampages throughout cities and suburbs of a population recently unarmed by the government. Millions killed, military cleans up and exterminates the perps ridding society of millions of people who are not contributing.  While the elite sit it out in underground cities around the country.

This is what writers in the 50's and 60's and earlier wrote about, foresaw as the logical conclusion to what they saw happening.  New societies born on the blood and violence, clean controlled worlds out of the chaos and planning of people with no names.

But what of God's plan, you cry?  Well, if you sit in church tomorrow morning, you will sing some songs, maybe even dance in the aisles as rock bands work you into a frenzy, and a bible verse is referred to as the preacher talks about how great mothers are, tell some golf metaphor, and not a word will be mentioned of our culture, not a word about Christians being executed overseas - dragged out of their homes and beheaded for YouTube  - because no matter what denomination you are, your pastors was taught by theologians who were taught, by theologians who were taught that before all this bad stuff happens you will be swept up to heaven and miss the whole thing.  I wonder if those Christians kneeling on the sand about to get their heads chopped off believed in a pretrib rapture.  Oh well.

Unfortunately, you won't, it's not there.  Not in the Bible.  Earliest reference to what is known as pretrib rapture comes centuries after Christ.  So what ever is coming our way, you will go through it and probably not survive it.  And if you or I fail in our faith, if we go along to live, we will get it in the end. And if we don't give in, we get it sooner rather than later.  But then, why try to hold onto something you won't get to keep anyways?

Strange days we live in and they are only going to get stranger.

The Indian Serenade

   I arise from dreams of thee
In the first sweet sleep of night,
When the winds are breathing low,
And the stars are shining bright:
I arise from dreams of thee,
And a spirit in my feet
Hath led me—who knows how?
To thy chamber window, Sweet!

   The wandering airs they faint
On the dark, the silent stream—
The Champak odours fail
Like sweet thoughts in a dream;
The Nightingale's complaint,
It dies upon her heart;—
As I must on thine,
Oh, belov├Ęd as thou art!

   Oh lift me from the grass!
I die! I faint! I fail!
Let thy love in kisses rain
On my lips and eyelids pale.
My cheek is cold and white, alas!
My heart beats loud and fast;—
Oh! press it to thine own again,
Where it will break at last.