This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Sunday, March 1, 2015


Remember when you held me tight
And you kissed me all through the night
Think of all that we've been through
Breaking up is hard to do

They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know, I know that it's true
Don't say that this is the end
Instead of breaking up I wish that we were making up again

I beg of you, don't say goodbye
Can't we give our love another try
Come on baby, let's start a new
'Cause breaking up is hard to do

Oh, putting songs at the top now, that's new.

I really hate that song.  Came out when I was in high school.  I'd just started dating a girl who had recently broken up with a guy she'd been seeing for a couple of years, kind of a parental forced thing,  and I was apparently the anti him.  So we'd gone out a couple of times and on this night were out parking, little beer being consumed, and not long after the kissing started that song comes on the damn radio and she starts crying.  Or maybe we were just talking and I was fantasizing we were necking and the song came on and she started crying.  Either way, she started crying, kind of ruined the evening for me, and I have hated that song since.

Without giving up who I work for, I do seem to get a lot of calls, mostly women calling, who after breaking up with husbands, boyfriends etc have their systems all screwed up and hijacked by the ex.  It can sometimes take hours renaming accounts, new passwords, and all the things that go with it.

Dating must be hard today.  Between social diseases, social networking with your private pictures suddenly available to millions, and accounts being screwed around with by the person you thought you would love forever, which I learned early means about a year, or a month, or a week.  

I guess gone are the days when a phone call, a letter, or a conversation ends a romance.  Now it's tweeted twited facebooked and otherwise available across the internet while you try to get back into your accounts the ex has managed to lock up.  In my day, all I had to worry about was bad timing by the DJ's.

Though in all fairness, there was not music playing when she dumped me a week after prom.

Trader Joe's opened in Fort Collins this weekend and I went by today.  Man, I've missed that store, but oh lordy was it crowded, more on that in a minute.  It was like shopping at Disneyworld, everyone just sort of stayed in a line that moved around the store, grabbing what you wanted as you passed.  I got down 1/3 of the perimeter, shot down one frozen aisle and then headed for the exit, couldn't take anymore.  But got lamb, a tenderloin roast that will make about 5 steak sandwiches this week, and a few other things that brought smiles to my face because I've missed eating or cooking with them.  But this Sunday shopping is for the birds.

I've notice the last year or so, I get really anxious and nervous when I'm in a crowed location.  Never had that issue before, not sure if it's just from not getting out much for 5 years or something else.  I did mention it before to a couple of people who got weird looks on their faces and said they've also been experiencing the same problem, very strange people who never had such issues are suddenly experiencing them.

Some sort of subconscious issue, the collective consciousness warning of some future event?  Entanglement of our minds.  In quantum mechanics, entanglement is the term used to describe something they don't understand, how sister particles, separated by large distances, seem affected by changes in each other, instantly.  They even suspect, but can't prove, that future events in these particles actually change past events, which is mind blowing.  The idea that events that occur today, or will occur in the future, can change events in the past.  But how can that be?  We know what happened yesterday, but do we know the same thing about past events today that we knew yesterday?  This kind of goes along with the parallel universe thing, multiple outcomes all occurring, which means we may wake up today knowing the North won the civil war, but yesterday we might have thought the south won the war, but will have no memory of it.

Well, whatever parallel universe we are in, rent/mortgage is due today.  Entanglement and parallel universes are not acceptable excuses for being late on rent, then again, never actually tried it.

They say two hearts should beat as one for us
We'll fight it out to see it through
I say that won't be too much fun for us
Though it's oh so nice to get advice
it's oh so hard to do

Could we be much closer if we tried?
We could stay at home and stare
into each other's eyes
Maybe we could last an hour
maybe then we'd see right through
Always something breaking us in two

Is it wrong for a straight guy to like Joe Jackson music?