This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Sunday, February 8, 2015


The Book of James warns us of an uncontrolled tongue, of how our words can damn our souls.  Certainly we've all said things we wish we had not said, but what about those times we could have spoken up, could have said something, and didn't?

"The ill-timed truth we might have kept—  25
  Who knows how sharp it pierced and stung? 
The word we had not sense to say— 
  Who knows how grandly it had rung?

What got me on this topic is the story of Bruce Jenner.  Now I'm not one to pay much attention to popular culture, never watched any of the TV reality shows, but I remember Bruce Jenner as, at one point in time, the world's greatest male athlete.  I remember watching the Olympics, where Jenner won the decathlon, running, jumping, throwing better than any other athlete.

And now, in his 60's, he is a chick?  I finally read an article on it, about how his kids from his one marriage and kids from another marriage have supported their dad becoming their mom - did read where the first wife or the second one, not sure which is which, wasn't real thrilled.  But this is where it might have been nice, somewhere along the line, if just one of them, ten years ago, might have sat the guy down and said "Dad, you need help.  You are not a chick, you are not a babe, you are a guy, so stop this!"

Shame shame shame on those kids.  Shame on the shrinks he's visited who supported this atrocity.

More people have screwed up their lives doing years of introspection and self actualization than alcohol.  I know, I've screwed my life up with both.  Looking inward for long periods of time is dangerous,  it's the devil's playground to screw you up more and more until there is no coming back from the damage.

I don't know the whole story of Bruce Jenner, but what I've read, which is two articles today, is that he really hasn't done much with his life, had no goals, dreams, ambitions, in midlife and later years.  He got bored and more bored.  Bored is not a good thing to be.  Bored and introspective is even worse.  Wealthy, bored, and introspective is the worst.  Just look what it did to Jenner.

Shame all his kids were brainwashed with California relativism, making them believe if a guy wants to be a chick or a chick a guy, no problem.  Well, it is a problem.  It shows a person who has gotten seriously tied in mental knots and no one had the courage to stand up, slap him across the face, and say "dude, get a grip".

I know there are some weird things in the world we deal with today.  I think most Christians probably don't appreciate the depth of struggle a person goes thru in deciding they are gay, for example.  I really don't know what the process is, I do know there are some similarities in environment and experience with most gays, but to say I understand the mental struggles and angst a person goes through is naive on my part.

And I don't know the struggles Jenner went through, all I do know is that if someone would have stood up and spoke up years ago, this carnival would not be happening.

And our media just loves this story.  Jenner is heroic, brave, etc.  Oh please.  Heroic?  A wealthy self absorbed psychologically screwed up person who's about to chop off his genitals and let a nation of peeping tom's watch on TV is not a hero.  He's a carnival, a sideshow, a joke.  Heroes are soldiers home from a corporate war, missing body parts, and moving on with their lives.  Heroes are not on the front pages, they live lives of anonymity.  The media only love to destroy heroes, not make them.  The media loves clowns.

And what does this say about us, as a nation, that we will watch, or will watch, this on TV?  Read about it in People?  Are we, as a nation, any better or are we as mentally screwed up as Jenner?

Here is a bet.  If Jenner is unhappy as a man, he will be unhappy as a woman.  Once the novelty of playing with your own boobs wears off, once you've shopped till you've dropped for shoes to go with the dress, he or she or it will have to look in the mirror and all the makeup in the world is not going to hide the sadness in the eyes staring back.

It's a train wreck and the emptiness of our lives is reflected in, and directly proportional to, our watching it happen.  Do you really want to stand before God one day, in judgement, and have your life decisions reviewed and have to explain the hours you spent watching Bruce Jenner become Bertha Jenner?  Not me, I've got enough garbage God has to weigh through without having to deal with this.

The Fool's Prayer
THE ROYAL feast was done; the King 
  Sought some new sport to banish care, 
And to his jester cried: "Sir Fool, 
  Kneel now, and make for us a prayer!" 
The jester doffed his cap and bells,         5
  And stood the mocking court before; 
They could not see the bitter smile 
  Behind the painted grin he wore. 
He bowed his head, and bent his knee 
  Upon the monarch's silken stool;  10
His pleading voice arose: "O Lord, 
  Be merciful to me, a fool! 
"No pity, Lord, could change the heart 
  From red with wrong to white as wool; 
The rod must heal the sin: but, Lord,  15
  Be merciful to me, a fool! 
"'T is not by guilt the onward sweep 
  Of truth and right, O Lord, we stay; 
'T is by our follies that so long 
  We hold the earth from heaven away.  20
"These clumsy feet, still in the mire, 
  Go crushing blossoms without end; 
These hard, well-meaning hands we thrust 
  Among the heart-strings of a friend. 
"The ill-timed truth we might have kept—  25
  Who knows how sharp it pierced and stung? 
The word we had not sense to say— 
  Who knows how grandly it had rung? 
"Our faults no tenderness should ask, 
  The chastening stripes must cleanse them all;  30
But for our blunders—oh, in shame 
  Before the eyes of heaven we fall. 
"Earth bears no balsam for mistakes; 
  Men crown the knave, and scourge the tool 
That did his will; but Thou, O Lord,  35
  Be merciful to me, a fool!" 
The room was hushed; in silence rose 
  The King, and sought his gardens cool, 
And walked apart, and murmured low, 
  "Be merciful to me, a fool!"  40
 Edward Sill