This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Monday, February 23, 2015


Well, the Chapter 7 is on temporary hold.  Seems all that overtime during Xmas at double time has screwed up my 'average' weekly wage and I don't qualify.  So I've been having to not do overtime for the past month and have to not do overtime for another few months in order to bring down the 'average' monthly income so the computer will allow me to file Chapter 7.

I scream and no one hears in the vacuum of technology.

First of all, apparently we are on a runaway train of thoughtlessness.  Why should humans think when we have computers that can think for us?  It takes your income over six months, expands it to a year, then divides by 12 and that is your monthly income.  Except, it's not.  It's wrong and no one cares.

When you are paid every two weeks, you get two checks a month, ten months of the year.  Two months a year, you get an extra check.  But that extra check, in those two months, is extrapolated into six months so it claims you have monthly income of several hundred dollars that you do not actually have.  Then, when you have a situation like working over the holidays and getting double time that also gets extrapolated across making that monthly income inflated from actual income.

Let's say, for example and easy math, your take home pay is 36000 a year.  So what is your monthly take home pay?  Did you immediately say 3,000?  Wrong.  If you are paid every two weeks, your monthly take home is 2770 ten months a year.  But our little algorithm is saying 3k.  Now, lets' say you get a Xmas bonus of 3k on top of that and now it wants your income for the last six months and instead of 18k it will show 21k, making your yearly income take home 42k, not 36k plus a 3k bonus and now your monthly income is figured to be 42,000/12 or 3500/ month but it's really 2770.  So it calculates you have over 700 more dollars a month to spend than you actually do.

Honestly, I'm not making this stuff up.  All accurate, however, all totally incorrect.

Then it says you are making too much money, when it figures you are taking home money each month you are not actually taking home.  And apparently, if it rejects, you cannot move forward, no human to interpret and correct.  The Almighty Computer has spoken.

I scream in the vacuum of technology.

And who do I argue with?  The idiot programmer who wrote the algorithm?  When people write programs that will do your thinking for us, but said programmer doesn't know how to think, what do you get?  A non discriminating series of mistakes, but since it doesn't discriminate, it's okay, it's fair.  Wrong, but fair.

So now, my lawyer wants me to work another three or four months and not do any overtime until those Xmas bonuses are off the 6 month average so we can trick the system into coming up with the more closely correct answer it should have been capable of figuring out in the first place if it had been programmed properly.

This is what scares me so of self driving cars.  It will be programmed with a series of options based on the incoming data, but those options will be limited, unforeseen events will have no answer,  and sometimes no available option will be correct, and then you will have a series of automobiles all making incorrect decisions based on data and limited programming options and all sorts of bad is going to ensue.

Massive deaths will be caused by a computer error, all cars will be updated, and people will go on and accept these excuses because they don't think anymore.  Television news readers tell them all is well.  Back to your programming.

Wow, kind of reminds you of some old SciFi shows of civilizations where computers run everything and people are like little furry animals who just do whatever the computer tells them.

I scream and no one hears in the vacuum of technology.

In the book, The Singularity is Near: When Humans Transcend Biology, author Ray Kurzweil predicts that with the ever-accelerating rate of technological change, humanity is fast approaching an era in which our intelligence will become increasingly non-biological and millions of times more powerful. This will be the dawning of a new civilization enabling us to transcend our biological limitations. In Kurzweil's post-biological world, boundaries blur between human and machine, real and virtual. Human aging and illness are reversed, world hunger and poverty are solved, and we cure death.
(above paragraph mostly copied from his web site)

The blending of man and machine into one new being.  Transhumanism, Homotechno.  Once humans become incapable of thought, logical thought, because we gave it up to the machines, we will be combined with the machines.

Won't that be a beautiful world.  Live for 500 years, no disease, hunger and poverty is solved which is weird because if we are living 500 years, then there will be some serious overpopulation and we don't have enough jobs and food now, but somehow this is all going to work out until there is a solar flare and then what?

Think about that, oh future man/machine.  You may cure human disease but a good old solar flare or electromagnetic pulse will shut you down and kill you.

Eve in the garden, wanting to be like God.  Nimrod wanting to be like God.  Lucifer wanting to be like God.  Man wanting to be like God; all knowing and immortal.  And man is becoming more like a machine every day, not thinking, just doing what it's told; never questioning it's programming.

I scream, waiting to be charged with a hate crime for using the term Homotechno.

They're waiting just outside my door.
This is where I make my stand, because I can't stand it anymore.

They have no heart and soul.
But make no doubt about it, they're the ones that's in control.
So prepare yourself, for a war unlike you've ever seen.
Hmmmm. This is man against machine.

Day in, day out, bust your back and turn it out.
Next morning do it all again!
Hard job or two, so your children won't have to.
That's just the ways it's always been!
But lately I swear the machines, are living the American dream.

Careful calculations, details drawn down to design.
Is it really for the better or a better bottom line.
It don't know me from Adam, man it's rotten to the core.
It's going to get reminded, man has kicked its ass before.
John Henry is about to show them his team.
In this war of man, against the machine!

Up early, uphill, spend your youth to pay the bills.
Each generation makes a trade!
Top Floor, brass tax, colds the hand that holds the ax.
Acts like my dues have not been paid!
But pay attention now when I say, formation isn't happening today.

Careful calculations, details drawn down to design.
Is it really for the better or a better bottom line.
It don't know me from Adam, man it's rotten to the core.
It's going to get reminded, man has kicked its ass before.
John Henry is about to blow off some steam.
In this war of man, against the machine!

The powers out, the machines are down.
But in this world of darkness, I can still hear a sound.
That sound tells us apart.
Cause I'm a machine myself, but I'm one with a working heart!

Careful calculations, details drawn down to design.
Is it really for the better or a better bottom line.
It don't know me from Adam, man it's rotten to the core.
It's going to get reminded, man has kicked its ass before.
The gloves are off, no love lost between.
This war of man, against the machine!

Garth Brooks

Sunday, February 22, 2015


But, I'm not watching.

I've found a new hobby on Sundays, when I should be studying Hebrew and am not, but it's picking topics of off the wall stuff and searching YouTube and spending the day watching them.  Saw a really interesting thing about the model of our solar system being wrong, the earth is at the center a couple of weeks ago - not sure I buy it, but it was interesting.

Today I am finding old Prophecy Conference lectures and kind of enjoying them.  Guy named Woodward was talking about Nazi's after WWII and how Russia, Britain, and the US swept all those scientists out of Germany - also interesting was how Germany had deals with General Motors and Ford for synthetic fuels and trucks that one general said after the war without they never could have invaded Austria, let alone Poland, France, etc.

Now I remember why I never buy an American car.

Back in those early days of our modern life, I use to love going to the video store on Saturdays and I'd always look for one or two really bizarre movies to watch on Sundays.  Which led me to the topic of todays blog: My Favorite Movies.  Now this is not something I normally will do, or ever did, but it's my blog and that is what my imaginary readers are screaming for.  But unlike most Top 10 or Top 100, I'm going with my own classifications.

1.  The Quiet Earth - I love this movie.  End of the world, guy knows it's coming when they turn on the 'space grid' at midnight so he commits suicide exactly at midnight and wakes up the only person on the planet.  Then, after months, finds a woman who also committed suicide at midnight.  Adam and Eve, cept there will be a twist and a solution.
2.  Brazil - not really sure what exactly it is about, but I watch it every couple of years
3.  A Boy and His Dog - a young Don Johnson, an apocalyptic world where man can talk to dogs.

First of all, let's define an anti hero, which has been sabotaged by the modern bad boy.  The anti hero is just an every day joe who is not bad, just finds in situations he must deal with and in winning, doesn't really win.
1.  Shampoo - really, it's not about sex, trust me.
2.  Three Days of the Condor
3.  Lifeguard
4.  Dirty Harry
5.  Billy Jack - yea, tell me they are bad but I still like 'em
6.  Chinatown
7.  Marathon Man (dare you to watch this the night before you go to the dentist)
8.  Dear Hunter - maybe the best of the vietnam war films
9.  Coming Home - different type of anti war film, but never forget the Bruce Dern walking into the ocean scene
10. The Parallax View

1.  The Philadelphia Story - funny and quick dialog
2.  The Thin Man Series
3.  Notorious - one of my favs - the Grant and Bergman, not the rapper
4.  Casablanca
5.  Harvey
6.  Talk of the Town - very unknown but excellent film
7.  The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance one of the best westerns ever made
8.  Hombre - the other great western ever made

1.  Citizen Kane - gawd is it boring
2.  Apocalypse Now -  Joseph Conrads Heart of Darkness with bullets and bombs, still boring
3.  Wizard of Oz - just listen to Dark Side of the Moon without the visuals and thinking wow, dude.
4.  Can I get away with just about anything nominated for best picture the last 20 years?

1.. What About Bob - just makes me laugh every time I see it, from beginning to end
2.  Real Genius - some of the best one liners in movie history
3.  Independence Day - may be the greatest movie of all time, hear me out.  They must have sat down with shrinks and got a list of every possible button you could push in a person and then built a movie around it.  You name it, it's in this movie.
4.  High Noon - how to be a man.
5.  Strange Brew
6. Blazing Saddles - watch it with young people and watch them totally freak out with culture shock.  Have smelling salts ready for them when they pass out.  It's a scream.
7.  Semi Tough - funny thing is, BEAT is really EST and nothing is faked, it was really like that

1.  Sabotaur one of Hitchcocks lesser known films
2.  Rocky I, II, III, IV
3.  The Betsy - Olivier, Jane Alexander, Robert Duvall, Kathrine Ross, Leslie Ann Down and a young Tommy Lee Jones trying to keep up with that talent - you've seen 2x4's less stiff.
4.  Any Marx Brothers movie.

Okay, so those are my Oscars

Everybody's a dreamer and everybody's a star,
And everybody's in movies, it doesn't matter who you are.
There are stars in every city,
In every house and on every street,
And if you walk down Hollywood Boulevard
Their names are written in concrete!

Don't step on Greta Garbo as you walk down the Boulevard,
She looks so weak and fragile that's why she tried to be so hard
But they turned her into a princess
And they sat her on a throne,
But she turned her back on stardom,
Because she wanted to be alone.


Friday, February 20, 2015


Why oh why do I never take my own advice?

I learned about six years ago not to go looking up old friends on the internet, found someone from college years that had died.  So I haven't done it since.

So why today, after lunch, did I do it again?

Don Small died.  Two bloody years ago.  Sixty seven years old.....

Back a few decades with me for a moment.  It was 1983 and I started thinking this whole personal computer thing might take off so I gave up the bartending and got a job in outside sales at Inwood Business Machines.  They wanted to make a big push into the computer market but after about six or eight months it became obvious they were more interested in pushing typewriters and calculators than personal computers, so I walked into a ComputerLand in Carrolton Tx and was hired.

I told some stories awhile back about working at ComputerLand but not really about the people.  Don Small was kind of my mentor back then, I guess.  He handled the Southland account and that was pretty much it.  Use to drive back and forth listening to Freebird enjoying how good life was.  Don was 40, his wife Cindy or Cindi, or Cyndi or however else they spell it, was 25 and at that point the only happy married couple I knew in Dallas.  They kind of took me under their wing, had me over to their home often for dinner, treated me out at restaurants.

It was a lesson I learned.  When I worked at the chemical plant, we had a golf league and I would, when teamed up with one of the younger workers not making much money, pay their green fees.  When one asked my why I paid, I told them about Don and how he use to kind of carry me when I was their age and now I'm returning the favor.

Another lesson learned: Don used Sidekick, had all the phone numbers on his computer, would click the keys, highlight the number and dial.  Seemed so cool, well, until the day he broke down on the Stemmons Expressway and when he got towed to the garage he went to the phone and, couldn't remember a single number; not work, not his wife's.

Don had the coolest ability.  My desk was face to face with his and when he talked on the phone, you could not hear a word he said.  He wasn't quiet, just could focus the projection of his voice so no one around could hear a word.  Me?  Crap, you could hear me in the next zip code when I whispered.

I still remember leaving their home one night, kind of buzzed, and looking up at the sky, over at Orion's Belt, and realizing Betelgeuse was 2.5 times the size of the Earths orbit around the sun and the three of us just thinking, 'wow'.  Guess you had to be there.

Sitting around Don and Cindi's living room, some drinking, some getting buzzed, not saying who what, listening to Supertramp's "Brother Where Are You Bound" on the stereo while watching their dog PC play.  Simple times, good times.

We kept in touch, Don and I, for a few years.  When I was living in back in SLC around 1992 he came out for some Novell conference and we spent the day skiing at Deer Valley.  Who knew that was the last time we'd see each other.

And today, I searched for Don, wondered what became of him, and see he passed away in December 2012 at only 67.   Been bummed out all evening.  Way too young.

Think of the number of people I've known, people that were close and a huge part of my life at different times, and today how few I keep in touch with, know where they are, what they are doing, if they are alive.  Good friends, conversations of wine or weed, debating life, laughing crying, just being. Who I am today was forged in those moments, those people, and we never realized at the time it was nothing more than ships passing in the night.

Sure, we think of lost loves, half the time thinking of what might of been and half thinking probably just as well.  But those others, classmates, co workers, neighbors.  We just blindly move forward, leaving each other in our wakes.

In the old days, of small towns and neighborhoods, there were connections.  You played as kids, you went to school, you became the adults in the town and then the old.  Now, you are here, then there, then across the country. Our lives drift, memories fade.

I thought of Don over the years, wondered how he and Cindi were, but never made an effort to find out.  Now, too late.

But memories of Don will never fade.  Old friends never die, they just don't call anymore.

I want to find my own answers
It's time I knew what my plans were
I'm going to find what I'm looking for

I'm gonna take all my chances
Gonna make my advances
Gonna see what my life has in store

I've got a feeling inside me
I'll put the past way behind me
Pick myself up from the floor

I want my sun in the morning
Want my friends to come calling
I'll keep a welcome outside my door

Ever Open Door
Brother, Where are You Bound

Thursday, February 19, 2015


Isis is coming to America, probably on visas supplied by Caliph Mawlawi Obama.  And these sand cowboys are threatening America, saying they will come here to cut off the heads of Christians in America.

Well, they certainly are doing so in the Middle East and Africa.  I actually collected about a dozen pictures, each from a different country, to show what is going on throughout Africa and the Middle East right now, but decided it would be overkill to post them all.

This is Islam.  This is what Islam is, was, and will continue to be.  It is not a religion of peace, it is a political system of war, conquest, and control.  Caliph Obama recently said that these small factions are no different than the crusades; how did he get elected twice?  First of all, the Crusades were a response to Islam.  Islam had spread north to Spain and was finally stopped in France.  The Crusades pushed them back to their sand castles.

In Britain last year, a soldier, after leaving the base, was attacked like this on the street.  Nobody stopped it, the soldier could not stop it.  France, Britain, Sweden, Denmark, etc are all experiencing this on a small but growing level.

So, what will happen here in the US?  Well, if the Islamic followers are smart, they will get away with it in NY, Illinois, Maryland, and other states.

But what will happen if they try it in the southeast?  Texas?  The western states?  I know I am taking this verse out of context, God forgive me, but out west, when we turn the other cheek, we are either reloading or going for the backup piece.  Isis is very tough against an unarmed population, but as long as Americans hold on to their right to bear arms, this will not happen here unabated.

Remember that movie a few years ago with Denzel Washington and Bruce Willis?  Anyone other than me now think Bruce Willis was the hero and Washington the antagonist?

We, America, well those powers that be, created Isis.  We armed them.  We are ultimately responsible for what you see above.  We elected the officials, how the hell did Caliph Obama get elected twice, we allowed the corporate entertainment military industrial government complex to do this.

I have to file taxes, I owe 500 bucks.  If I'd overpayed by 500, I wouldn't file for it, as much as I can use it.  Probably over did the W4 back when I started because I needed the cash, but I'll fix that now so next year it comes out even or a little bit over.  I asked God to forgive me when I hit the button to file, forgive me for funding this war against Christians in the middle east, for funding a Caliph moon worshiping devil minion president.

Think back to 2008.  Iraq was won and under control, elections were being held.  Afghanistan was still going on, but we did control most of the country.  Egypt was stable, Libyan President Gadafi, a very bad man, saw the light and was helping the US because he didn't want to be next on this list.  Today, Iraq is a mess, mostly controlled by Isis, Syria is a mess because of our meddling, Egypt is a mess, Libya is a mess, all of north Africa is a mess, Jordan is becoming a mess, and we are leaving Afghanistan, not won, but leaving it to return to the Taliban.

Good job voters.  Good job Caliph Obama.  The Obama legacy: total destruction of the planet and turning the US into a joke and a third world country.  Makes a guy kind of miss Clinton, BJ's and apparently his use of underage girls with other millionaires.

I'm sorry, when God pulls the plug on us, I'm cheering.  We deserve whatever wrath He puts on us.

It's going to be an exciting two years ahead of us, don't you know.  Russia and China realize they have two years left with Sissy in office and know this is the window of opportunity.  Russia is flying nuke bombers into US airspace and British airspace, have their subs lined up and down the east coast and gulf of mexico, the Chinese are probably on the west coast.

And most Americans are totally oblivious to what is about to happen.

Did you say what you mean?
Do you mean what you say?
About this new scene
Is it really that way?
But the blindness goes on
The blindness goes on
You say it's not so
But what do you know?

I've been waiting so long
I'm not feeling so strong

Ain't nothing new, it's just the same old thing
You've got me singing those old blues again

Angry music, words of fire
Painted faces filled with rage
Even then they sound so tired
I must be set in my old ways

If this world is unimpressive
It's been that way for quite awhile
I don't need no heavy message
Just turn me on and make me smile

Yes I've been waiting such a long time
Just for something to ring true
Now I'd rather taste the old wine
Than mess around with something new


Wednesday, February 18, 2015


What are your favorite books in the Bible?  I'm always fascinated asking people this question and to hear the answers.  I tend to love the 'J' books; Job, Jonah, John, James and Jude.  Yet not so much on the prophecy books, I don't know why, though I do enjoy Daniel, I have a hard time getting thru the rest of them and I am not a fan of all these people writing books trying to make what is obviously a prophecy about Israel and making it about New York or something.

And then there is Revelation.  People love Revelation, must be as many interpretations as people who read it.  Lots of guessing going on plus people tend to interpret based on their position on certain issues; believe in a pre tribulation rapture and you can read it into Revelation.  Believe in pre Wrath and it's there, believe in no rapture until the 7 years is done and it's there.  Now sometimes you have to re order the whole book to prove your point, like Jimmy DeYoung does.  Somehow I doubt God gave this to John, thinking we'd have to wait 2000 years or so for Jimmy to come along and put in it order so people could understand it.

My favorite part of Revelation are the letters to the seven churches, that part at the beginning most people fly right through after confirming that THEY are the church of Philadelphia and on to the rest.
I mean, who really thinks they belong to the church at Laodicea.  Problem is, most are, I think.

Now some people interpret the seven churches as some sort of evolutionary phase all denominations go through but that doesn't make a lot of sense.  Others think on any given Sunday, all seven are represented in any church, which is probably true to some extent.  And finally, these are the seven types of churches.  Maybe even we, as individuals, are all seven at times in our lives.

But the most important thing in each is the advice Jesus gives at the end of each letter!  Well, I think it is.

The church at Ephesus, which comes out pretty good on the report card.  Jesus is happy with the works of the church but at the same time admonishes them because they lost their first love; Him.  So focused on the works and the doctrine, they forgot the worship, spending time with God.  His advice, devotion comes before works, not afterwards.  Solomon sought wisdom over God, David sought fellowship with God.  The overcomer will eat from the tree of life in paradise with God.

The church at Smyrna is one of two churches where there is no bad mentioned.  Smyrna is the persecuted church.  Jesus is letting it know not to fear persecution, it is temporary.  Fear is the opposite of faith and he that overcometh need not fear a 2nd death.  I wonder how many churches right now in Africa, the middle east, Russia, China, South America fall under the Smyrna banner?

Interesting note: Polycarp was killed at Smyrna.  It is recorded his last words were "eighty-six years I served Him and He never did me wrong.  How can I blasphemy my King?  Bring on the flames".

The church at Pergamos probably resembles many churches in Europe and the US.  Pergamos is The City of the Serpent.  The church lives in Satan's throne and held fast to their belief in Jesus.  However, they allowed the pagan culture to infiltrate the church and it's practices.  And if they don't repent of these sins, Jesus will strike them down.  To the overcomer comes one of the mysteries: they will be given hidden manna, a white store, and new name written on the white stone that only they will know.
Interesting side note:  the Yule Log comes from here, and Yule in the chaldean means infant and the burning of a yule log symbolizes the burning of the infant.  Betcha didn't know that.

The letter to the church at Thyatira comes next.  Originally known as Semirama, the name of the wife of Nimrod, so you know this is not going to end well.  The problems with the church at Thyatira are many; it tolerates the woman Jezebel symbolically - sexual immorality, fornication, idolatry, etc etc etc. There are many that see this as the Catholic Church, but frankly I don't think there is enough room in the blog to list who this could be today, how many denominations today are ordaining gay and lesbian clergy for example?  Now here comes an interesting comment.  Jesus said those who follow Jezebel will go thru the tribulation unless they repent.  Those that will repent and follow Jesus' words will survive.  Interesting for the pretribulation crowd.

The church at Sardis, oh will you recognize this, is a very wealthy place.  All the money they need and more left over.  Style over substance.  Joel Osteen, Robert Schueler, and others - your table is ready.  Jesus' advice?  Repent or your end will come like a thief in the night!  And in later years, the enemy climbed the cliff side of Sardis in the night and took over the city while the people slept.  Didn't repent.  Same who think the Thyatira church is the catholic church believe the Sardis is the reformation church - think about it, look at how the Lutherans were asleep during the 1930s in Germany.

The church at Philadelphia, the good one, the one everyone thinks they belong to.  No wrongs, just a warning of keeping their faith when evil comes.  We wish.

And finally, Laodicea.  Neither hot nor cold, lukewarm.  Jesus will spit us out.  Jesus is outside this church.  All the trappings, none of the substance.  Going through the motions, think they are rich, think they are saved, and want for nothing.  The Apostate Church.

Where is your church?  Be honest.  Where are you.  Be honest.  Now do something about it.

Joy to the world the Savior reigns
Let men their songs employ
While fields and floods, rocks, hills, and plains
Repeat the sounding joy, repeat the sounding joy
Repeat, repeat the sounding joy

He rules the world with truth and grace
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness
And wonders of His love and wonders of His love
And wonders and wonders of His love

Sunday, February 15, 2015


Not really getting use to this Tuesday-Saturday thing.  At least I finally remembered to go to church tonight, that it was Sunday and not Saturday.  However, one thing I've noticed; it's really different grocery shopping on Sundays than on Saturdays.  The first week, I figured it was just because it was Superbowl Sunday or something but it's been like that every Sunday.

The people are rude, cut in front, literally knock into you with their carts, fly out of the aisles without looking.

Finally, today, I talked to one of the workers about it and she agreed Sunday afternoons or mornings were really different than Saturdays, so I'm not nuts.  I asked her why and she said when the church lets out down the street, they all come to the store.

That, pretty much explained it all.  The store is next to Timberline Church.  My long term imaginary and real living readers of my book might remember Timberline Church.  That is the church my dad and I attended, mostly because he could hear the sermons.  The one that probably has over 10k people attending services between Saturday nights, and three services on Sunday mornings.  The one where after over a year of attending, my dad had an upset during a service on a Saturday evening, a minister was sitting right in front of me, another with is wife behind me, and neither helped a bit while I got the wheelchair or walker, can't remember now, memories fade,  and got my dad up and out of the arena.  No call the next week asking how things are going.  Finally I called another pastor, who is there to work with the elderly, explained the situation to him, he said he would get back to me and, well, still waiting to hear back from him.

So they leave the arena, drive across the lots to the store, and after sitting thru a mini rock concert and hearing gospel stories about golf and motorcycles, come to the grocery store and shove their carts around and treat each other rudely.  Think I'll start waiting till Mondays to shop from now on.

But this brings me to the topic of church, why is it so damn boring?  I like the church I'm at, though by attendance you might not think so; the pastor gives good sermons, not a golf story to be found, though an occasional Bronco's reference.  And the music if from a Hymnal, good ol' tunes with a piano.  But it's predictable, sounds the same every week.  Stand up and sing a hymn, sit down and sing two more, then announcements, the collection while some kid plays a musical instrument, then an update on some missionary we are supporting, another standing hymn, then the sermon and some potluck food thing afterwards - well that's the evening service.  Morning service has a longer sermon and more announcements and singing.

It lacks, something.  Or maybe I lack something.  Probably both.  Tonight I was thinking of all the Christians in the middle east being wiped out the the satanic horde of muslims. Syria, Iraq, Egypt, Africa, and who knows where else.  Hebrews in Europe terrified now.  Jews are fleeing Paris, probably Germany now too if they were smart.  And we heard about the Pie Baking Contest after church.

I would love a church, with big stain glass windows, pews, and a cross.  Music like they have in churches in Britain with the choirs and a fire and brimstone sermon that would make Jonathon Edwards proud.

Been thinking and will soon write a blog kind of in response to the one Ann Barnhardt wrote recently about only Catholics going to heaven, how the Catholic church is the only real church.  Still researching things, history, etc.

Strange thing about the Eucharist, it all comes from John 6 versus starting at 53.  What bugs me is that the Catholic Church, over the centuries, have made allegory out of everything in the Bible, from Adam and Eve to Moses to David to Job to the prophets to Jesus and Revelation.  Even the parables Jesus gives which seem pretty damn obvious as to what the point is are not the obvious, but something else entirely - like the Good Samaritan where he is really Jesus and the Inn is the church or something like that, I was too busy laughing and thinking Freud was right about one thing, sometimes a banana is really just a banana.  Back to John 6:53.  If you read this section without reading the entire chapter, it sounds incredibly strange, Jesus telling people they have to eat his flesh and drink his blood.  But in the context of the whole conversation, there is a purpose to what Jesus said, it builds from people who were following and getting the cures and free meals and Jesus was tired of the people thinking this was all a free ride of some sort.  But the Catholics, and Orthodox Greeks for that matter, took THIS ONE SECTION LITERALLY.  Let's face it, Jesus, in the Last Supper, explained the whole thing fairly well, if He really meant us to literally feed on the flesh and blood, He would have skipped the whole bread wine thing and just stuck out his arms and said "okay, boys, feed" like some sort of quasi dracula figure.

Yet, my mind has not been made up on this issue for it bothers me that these two churches that can trace their beginnings back to the 1st century both follow this creed.  I know these two churches split at some point, not sure exactly when, but also not sure when the whole eucharist thing started; if I ever do find it was in the 1st century, I might be finding myself at the Greek church fairly quickly.

All this was going thru my head during the sermon, which was on John 6, but somewhat different than what I was thinking about.

Mostly, now, it bothers me that I cannot remember whether it was a wheel chair or walker.

Scratch the ice
Let the telephone ring
Sense of time is a powerful thing
And we love to laugh
Love to cry
Half alive
We love to
Go slow when we're dancing for rain
Dry skin flakes where there's ice in the vein
And we love to cry
Half alive

Is this the start of the breakdown?

Scratch the earth
Dig the burial ground
Sense of time would be easily found
Ten out of ten
For the ones who defend
Pretend too
Breakdown is a final demand
We stand firm with our head in our hands
As we love to to cry
Half alive

Is this the start of the breakdown?

Tears for Fears

Sunday, February 8, 2015


The Book of James warns us of an uncontrolled tongue, of how our words can damn our souls.  Certainly we've all said things we wish we had not said, but what about those times we could have spoken up, could have said something, and didn't?

"The ill-timed truth we might have kept—  25
  Who knows how sharp it pierced and stung? 
The word we had not sense to say— 
  Who knows how grandly it had rung?

What got me on this topic is the story of Bruce Jenner.  Now I'm not one to pay much attention to popular culture, never watched any of the TV reality shows, but I remember Bruce Jenner as, at one point in time, the world's greatest male athlete.  I remember watching the Olympics, where Jenner won the decathlon, running, jumping, throwing better than any other athlete.

And now, in his 60's, he is a chick?  I finally read an article on it, about how his kids from his one marriage and kids from another marriage have supported their dad becoming their mom - did read where the first wife or the second one, not sure which is which, wasn't real thrilled.  But this is where it might have been nice, somewhere along the line, if just one of them, ten years ago, might have sat the guy down and said "Dad, you need help.  You are not a chick, you are not a babe, you are a guy, so stop this!"

Shame shame shame on those kids.  Shame on the shrinks he's visited who supported this atrocity.

More people have screwed up their lives doing years of introspection and self actualization than alcohol.  I know, I've screwed my life up with both.  Looking inward for long periods of time is dangerous,  it's the devil's playground to screw you up more and more until there is no coming back from the damage.

I don't know the whole story of Bruce Jenner, but what I've read, which is two articles today, is that he really hasn't done much with his life, had no goals, dreams, ambitions, in midlife and later years.  He got bored and more bored.  Bored is not a good thing to be.  Bored and introspective is even worse.  Wealthy, bored, and introspective is the worst.  Just look what it did to Jenner.

Shame all his kids were brainwashed with California relativism, making them believe if a guy wants to be a chick or a chick a guy, no problem.  Well, it is a problem.  It shows a person who has gotten seriously tied in mental knots and no one had the courage to stand up, slap him across the face, and say "dude, get a grip".

I know there are some weird things in the world we deal with today.  I think most Christians probably don't appreciate the depth of struggle a person goes thru in deciding they are gay, for example.  I really don't know what the process is, I do know there are some similarities in environment and experience with most gays, but to say I understand the mental struggles and angst a person goes through is naive on my part.

And I don't know the struggles Jenner went through, all I do know is that if someone would have stood up and spoke up years ago, this carnival would not be happening.

And our media just loves this story.  Jenner is heroic, brave, etc.  Oh please.  Heroic?  A wealthy self absorbed psychologically screwed up person who's about to chop off his genitals and let a nation of peeping tom's watch on TV is not a hero.  He's a carnival, a sideshow, a joke.  Heroes are soldiers home from a corporate war, missing body parts, and moving on with their lives.  Heroes are not on the front pages, they live lives of anonymity.  The media only love to destroy heroes, not make them.  The media loves clowns.

And what does this say about us, as a nation, that we will watch, or will watch, this on TV?  Read about it in People?  Are we, as a nation, any better or are we as mentally screwed up as Jenner?

Here is a bet.  If Jenner is unhappy as a man, he will be unhappy as a woman.  Once the novelty of playing with your own boobs wears off, once you've shopped till you've dropped for shoes to go with the dress, he or she or it will have to look in the mirror and all the makeup in the world is not going to hide the sadness in the eyes staring back.

It's a train wreck and the emptiness of our lives is reflected in, and directly proportional to, our watching it happen.  Do you really want to stand before God one day, in judgement, and have your life decisions reviewed and have to explain the hours you spent watching Bruce Jenner become Bertha Jenner?  Not me, I've got enough garbage God has to weigh through without having to deal with this.

The Fool's Prayer
THE ROYAL feast was done; the King 
  Sought some new sport to banish care, 
And to his jester cried: "Sir Fool, 
  Kneel now, and make for us a prayer!" 
The jester doffed his cap and bells,         5
  And stood the mocking court before; 
They could not see the bitter smile 
  Behind the painted grin he wore. 
He bowed his head, and bent his knee 
  Upon the monarch's silken stool;  10
His pleading voice arose: "O Lord, 
  Be merciful to me, a fool! 
"No pity, Lord, could change the heart 
  From red with wrong to white as wool; 
The rod must heal the sin: but, Lord,  15
  Be merciful to me, a fool! 
"'T is not by guilt the onward sweep 
  Of truth and right, O Lord, we stay; 
'T is by our follies that so long 
  We hold the earth from heaven away.  20
"These clumsy feet, still in the mire, 
  Go crushing blossoms without end; 
These hard, well-meaning hands we thrust 
  Among the heart-strings of a friend. 
"The ill-timed truth we might have kept—  25
  Who knows how sharp it pierced and stung? 
The word we had not sense to say— 
  Who knows how grandly it had rung? 
"Our faults no tenderness should ask, 
  The chastening stripes must cleanse them all;  30
But for our blunders—oh, in shame 
  Before the eyes of heaven we fall. 
"Earth bears no balsam for mistakes; 
  Men crown the knave, and scourge the tool 
That did his will; but Thou, O Lord,  35
  Be merciful to me, a fool!" 
The room was hushed; in silence rose 
  The King, and sought his gardens cool, 
And walked apart, and murmured low, 
  "Be merciful to me, a fool!"  40
 Edward Sill

Thursday, February 5, 2015


A militant Muslim is the person cutting the head of the infidel while the moderate Muslim holds the victims feet”.
                                                              not Marco Polo

Well, it wasn't actually said by Marco Polo, but he probably wishes he'd said it.

So our friendly ISIS group took a Jordanian pilot, put him in a cage, doused him and the area and lit him on fire.  I'm sorry, people with souls, people in touch with God, do not light others on fire.  Satanic minions light people on fire.

Anyways, the reason I'm trying to 'fit' a blog in today is because I was reading thru some news stories today and caught the story about the president's remarks at a prayer breakfast.  When I read the following paragraph, I did a double take and went WTF?

"We are summoned to push back against those who would distort our religion for their nihilistic ends," Obama said during remarks at the National Prayer Breakfast. He singled out the Islamic State group in Iraq and Syria, calling the militants a "death cult," as well as those responsible for last month's terror attacks in Paris and deadly assault on a school in Pakistan.


Distort OUR RELIGION?  Did Obama slip up again and just admit he was Moslem?  Oh my.  No friendly reporter there to correct him, it stands.

Obama is, what many of us have known, is a Moslem, a Muslim, or however else you want to spell it.

And later in the speech, Obama used the age old argument that Christians used God to commit genocide, which is a little bit of a stretch and misrepresentation of history, since the Crusades were against Moslems, but then how else would a Moslem view the Crusades, kind of like the south refers to the civil war as The War of Northern Aggression.

Then Obama went on about slavery and Jim Crow in the name of Jesus, but that is also a lie and misleading.  Because it was the work of Christians who also ended slavery and Jim Crow.  Does he forget Rev. Martin Luther King, using his position as a pastor to force his religious beliefs on Dixie?

Funny how a pastor comes out against abortion or gay marriage and people scream bloody murder about separation of church and state and never realize they would have to be against MLK if they were logically consistent.  But I digress.

Anyways, just wanted to grab onto that quote while it's still available on the net, I'm sure it will be adjusted soon, which is why I also took a screen shot of it.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015


Anyone catch the piece by the CEO of Gallup polling this week?


Basically, the unemployment numbers are fudged and have been fudged for years.  But instead of some lonely voice in the night blogger or nutty conspiracy believer writing it out with all the facts, now we have the CEO of largest polling company in the world saying it and proving it.

This quote sums up a lot:
"defines a good job as 30+ hours per week for an organization that provides a regular paycheck. Right now, the U.S. is delivering at a staggeringly low rate of 44%, which is the number of full-time jobs as a percent of the adult population, 18 years and older. We need that to be 50% and a bare minimum of 10 million new, good jobs to replenish America's middle class."

Did a little research and 20 years ago that figure was in the low 60's.  Now consider the other information out recently that just about all the 18,000,000 jobs created in the past ten years have gone to foreigners, not Americans.  And another story that shows the WH has been backdooring work vistas to illegal aliens whom, by law, can't have said work vistas, but why let law interfere with the president's wishes.

Are you a native american, not necessarily an indian, but including them, anyone born in the USA?  We are being hosed.  It's bad enough the tax burden on us is twice what it was in the early 1980's, it's bad enough that the a dollar in the early 80's is worth less than 50 cents today, but our government, corporations, legal system, banking systems are all designed to suck us dry and then job creation goes to illegal aliens.

But, I must be crazy, we have a labor shortage and need highly trained foreigners to fill all the jobs?  That our H-1B program is designed to fill that void?  Now pay close attention to this section of the H-1B:

2) Working Conditions: The employer attests that H-1B, H-1B1 or E-3 foreign workers in the named occupation will not adversely affect the working conditions of workers similarly employed. The employer further attests that nonimmigrants will be afforded working conditions on the same basis, and in accordance with the same criteria, as offered to U.S. workers. See 20 CFR 655.732.

So, how is this being use?  Ask the formerly 1800 employees of Southern California Energy IT Department who are facing massive layoffs next month after spending the last 8 months training their replacements, all subcontract people from India working for Infosys and Tata.

Now, this is great.  This is a great example of business psychobabble that should be engraved in a bronze casting of bullshit:

SCE said the transition to Infosys and Tata "will lead to enhancements that deliver faster and more efficient tools and applications for services that customers rely on. Through outsourcing, SCE's information technology organization will adopt a proven business strategy commonly and successfully used by top U.S. companies that SCE benchmarks against."

Now, read between the lines.  SCE figured out that instead of paying an american technical working 60k a year or more in salary, plus health benefits, plus SS/MED, plus pensions or matching, they could hire Infosys who will charge SCE 48,000 for each employee, cover the benefits and pass on the savings to the customers in lower rates.

Wait, scratch that last line, I got carried away.

The full article is here:


Now, understand, this is in direct violation of the law, but they are getting away with it because they are lining the pockets of representatives.  And forcing the workers to train the people who will be replacing them is the corporate equivalent of making someone dig their own grave before you kill them.

What a mess we've created.  The free love end the war live for today baby boom generation have become everything they accused the older generations of being times 10; they cried freedom and gave us socialism.  They rejected capitalism and brought us fascism.  They rallied against a war and we now have perpetual wars with no end to fatten the balance sheets of Wall Street.

Lies lies and more lies.  Our freedoms, our security, our futures have all been bought and sold while we sit in front of 5 by 6 foot flat panel televisions made overseas and drift off to oblivion.

Oh, how sadly sound the songs, the queen must sing of dying
A prisoner upon her throne of melancholy sighing
If she could see her mirror now
She would be free of those who bow
And scrape the ground beneath her feet

Silently she walks among her dying midnight roses
And watches as each moment goes that never really know us
And so it seems she doesn't care
If she has dreams of no one there
Within the shadows of her room

But all my frozen words agree and say it's time to
Call back all the birds I sent to
Fly behind her castle walls and I'm
Weary of the nights I've seen
Inside these empty halls


Sunday, February 1, 2015


Last spring and early summer, I watched the Battlestar Galactica series from Sci Fi.  I'd owned it for several years but it became like some soap opera, As The Universe Turns or All My Galaxy's in season  three and I never finished it.  Last May and June I did watch it all the way through.  It got better.

I thought of it the other day, after reading an article in the news.  It always worries me the way everything we have is computerized and electronic today.  Couple that to the fact that all the chips are manufactured in China.  From our war planes, aircraft carriers, submarines, anti this or that systems, they all depend on chips made in China.  Now, if China was our benevolent friend, or BFF in modern terms, it would be one thing.  But I don't think China views us as our friend, just a necessary evil they have to play with until they can wipe us out one day.

When the Cylons attack the humans in Battlestar, they pretty much wipe out most of them by hacking into the defense shields and shutting it down, then they turn off all the electronics on the raptors and battlestars making them helpless and easy pickings.

Why do our leaders not see the future?  One day when China is ready, our ships, planes, subs, and defense shields will be neutralized with a single command.  One day Americans will survive with revolvers, lever action rifles, and good old stuff.  We will make knives and arrowheads from system boards and glue the chips upside down to our gloves to cut whatever we hit.

Anyways, the other day there was an article where the US government is once again outsourcing - this time it's going to be the 911 system will be using Russian satellites to relay information - so consequently when the Russians and Chinese invade the US, we won't know it for hours because the satellites will fail to relay the information.

I am surprised our government allows us to lock our doors.

I wonder when we will be hiding in caves how many people will sit there thinking about all the movies and books that warned us but we blindly went forward, selling our infrastructure to foreign countries, selling our secrets, selling our souls.

How refreshing it would have been if some president, a Carter, or a Reagan had made the declaration long ago that business, manufacturing, and skills were a national security issue - that making computer chips, computers, phones, etc were not to be exported.  Sure, we could sell the finished products, just not the manufacturing, programming, building, and such.  FDR would have made that move, even Teddy.  But Clinton began the sell off, selling secrets to the Chinese, NAFTA, which really means Necessary Annihilation For The Americans, and other such deals.

Our government.  Ship tens of millions of jobs overseas, neuter our manufacturing base, allow 30 million illegal aliens into the country, who according to this administration have a right to a job - something Americans don't have, and you have 100 million native born americans who can't find jobs.

How's that Super Bowl going?

Eventually, more states will legalize pot, so that more people can just numb themselves to the downfall of this country and won't cause a stink when it's keys are finally given to the invaders.

Unfortunately, there are no star ships to escape to a new world, which is just as well, I'm sure we would screw that up just as badly as we screwed this one up.

Quick updates, did my pre bankruptcy class today online and afterwards chatted with a 'consultant' who suggested I could get a roommate.  They also showed I should move to an apartment for 750 a month, which actually is in the Fairly Land area of Fort Collins - in other words, doesn't exist, and that my food bill for one person should be no more that 310 bucks a month.

Three hundred bucks a month?  Are you serious?  What can I eat everyday for 310 a month besides McDonalds and chinese boxes of mac and fake cheese flavor?

But in the end the 'consultant' agreed bankruptcy was the best option, gee kid, thanks.

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Among the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
So she took her love for to gaze awhile
Among the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold
Will you stay with me? Will you be my love?
Among the fields of barley
And you can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We will walk in fields of gold

Eva Cassidy