A MIND FOREVER VOYAGING THROUGH STRANGE SEAS OF THOUGHT, ALONE


This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.



The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD OF FATE

I feel rather confused, New Years resolution time and yet not sure if everything isn't fated so wonder if this is not some sort of exercise in futility.

On the other hand, last year it was pretty simple: find a job.  And two months later I did find a job.  And it's a good job, yea, doesn't pay what I use to make and I'm very isolated from the world which may be a bad thing for me but a good thing for the rest of the world, but I do enjoy the work, I do enjoy working for the company I don't mention.

Funny thing recently in one of the company chat rooms, someone came out of the closet and another gay person who mentioned it awhile back was surprised and I am laughing because I figured this guy was back in training from something he said and I'm wonder why the straight guy has a better gaydar, as they call it, than the two gay guys do.  Actually, you just listen and catch comments is all I do.

But other than having to read chats from people announcing their gayness, it's a great company to be at and I'm very blessed to work there.  Please copy and paste those words and remind me of that in a month when the new schedules come out and I'm in group 4 or 4 this turn so picking in the last group and could end up starting at 6am and working Saturday and Sunday.

So, before I get to the resolutions for this year, let me also add that Pepsi is being very very bad.  They changed the Pepsi Throwback to Pepsi Real Sugar but I wonder.  I've put on a little weight the last two months and noticed a few times after drinking one how bloated I was feeling and I remembered this is how I feel after drinking Pepsi with corn syrup and now I'm wondering if they are not using "real sugar" as you and I would define it but some other chemical concoction and it really pisses me off.

Thus, first resolution of the new year: stop drinking pop.  Problem is the caffine so I have to start drinking coffee and I hate hot drinks.  So I got this 20 buck french press and found a recipe for ice coffee that I am going to try out to get all the health benefits of coffee, with real organic cane sugar, and some organic milk.

Second resolution is to bite the bullet and do the bankruptcy.  Living this way is just treading water and I'm wide open for being broke and homeless real quick.  I am sure filing bankruptcy, while it will wipe out $600 bucks a month in bills, will have consequences I haven't even imagined and will bite me in the  ass for years to come, it's just one of those things where it sucks no matter what I choose so what will be the advantage?  Saving $600 bucks a month.  Maybe even a little more if I keep working overtime, and build up a nest egg and who knows, maybe a 'newer' car in 2016.

Oh oh, by the way, Irene Huss movies are now available on iTunes for a low price, both seasons, if you haven't seen it, see it.  They are great.

Okay, health is good, but could be better, so being incredibly stupid and masochistic, I've set the goal by the end of the year to be able to hindu squat, pushup, situp, and burpee, my age.  What's a hindu squat you ask?  Oh, about two or three Brahma Bulls.

I love that joke.

Oh yea, fourth goal for the year, don't get fired.  Funny story, about a week before I got into all that trouble, I had a meeting with my manager and we talked about goals and I said my main goal was not to get fired and she didn't like that and refused to write it down as my goal.  A week later, I'm in trouble.  After it was all over and we were meeting, I asked if I could put "Don't do something to get myself fired" back as my goal and she laughed and put it on my list.

And finally, I want to get back to working on my Masters in Theology.  I have 6 classes to go with a 3.9 GPA out of 4 and I want to finish that thing; probably won't get all six in by the end of the year, then again, maybe I can.

So these are my goals for the year.  I wonder what God has planned for me this year and wonder if writing this I am making Him laugh.

What goals did you set?


retrieve us
time deceives us
faith she hears us
but she doesn't listen very hard

as she drifts through our lives
tossing coins into the air
watch them twist
watch them fall
turning hope into despair

watch them twist
watch them fall
then she suddenly revives
every dream that we've had
and we find ourselves
alive

believe me
fate stands near me
fate state clearly
whether there will be another card

receive us
time deceives us
the only moment in our lives
that ever really mattered fate
is now

Trans-Siberian Orchestra