This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Saturday, January 31, 2015


Been reading the Odd Thomas books again.  I really liked the first three or four then read one that got kind of out of hand, in my opinion, and stopped reading them for a year or more.

I'm not really a big Dean Koontz fan, though I think I've mentioned in a previous blog how much I liked Servants of Twilights, but I find the Odd Thomas character comforting.  I guess it's got a lot to do with the first person writing style, I always like reading 1st person books, but also the worldview and philosophy of the books - not just the fact the character sees dead people- but his outlook on life.

The way the character doesn't plan, just moves ahead confident that he will be where he is suppose to be, having a simple life that frees him for what he does.  I realized, it is what I am attempting to do.  I wonder if the whole thing about moving to Colorado in the first place was it just to please my dad or did God want me here for a reason?  And I have, all in all, a simple job.  Work from home, take calls, solve problems, and when my shift is over I leave it behind.  Simplicity.  Was promoted quickly and now some of the people I started with, who were also promoted same time I was, are looking at other positions, but I'm happy right now.  Not as smart as some of them, need to master the position more, but confident that an opportunity will come along for me.

The title today is a quote from Churchill.  Interesting man, Winston was.  Art of Manliness is running a series on Churchill lately and it's an interesting read.  One of the things Churchill was big on was hobbies.

I have no hobbies.  Well, unless vicariously living through TV shows is a hobby.  Strange how I live vicariously thru television shows and don't actually own a television.  Kind of Zen when you think about it.  But each day is the same of late: up, walk dog and pick up crap, read the news and drink a glass of Nestles Quick, dress, brush teeth, go to work.  At my 4 hour break, workout, shower, eat, read, walk dog and back to work.  After work around 10, walk dog, make dinner, watch some BBC mystery show and bed.

Monday I start a year long Hebrew course, though I'm not sure that is exactly a hobby.  And hopefully after I get thru the bankruptcy and my new schedule gives me Mondays off and I found a place in town with art classes; oil painting for two hours.

I painted in college, kind of sucked at it but did some cool abstract things that friends actually liked and I gave them away.  Painted one for a girl I loved, was space and right in the middle of the universe was an open door and thru the doorway you could see a pretty landscape with two lovers standing on the peak looking at the sun.  She dumped me but I think she kept the painting.  Kind of reminds me of the line from the song "It's funny how I loved the book but I never loved that girl" - I wonder if she still has it?  But  please don't ask me to paint a horse, a person, or a bowl of fruit.  But a hobby of oil painting might be a great hobby.  I enjoyed painting, I would work on one for hours and learned to set alarms because time stopped when I painted.

Building a life.  Churchill also was a prolific writer.  I love writing, but to be honest I haven't really been happy with my blog for months; it's lacking the depth I use to write with, I read what I wrote a few days later and think how much better it could have been.  At least it seems to me shallow.  When I wrote about my dad, I wrote about a lot of other topics but there was a purpose to it all and a depth I can't seem to find anymore.  Sometimes I sound like a bored lonely middle aged guy, oh, wait, I am a bored middle age guy!

And therein lies the issue, the original blog was not about me, it was about my dad and what went thru my mind taking care of him.  Now, I write about me and frankly, I'm not that interesting.  I can't write flowing stories about ski trips, hunting trips, camping, exotic vacations, because I can't afford to do any of them.  I try to make the boring, interesting, and I'm just not that good a writer.

Across the evening sky, all the birds are leaving
Oh but then you know, it was time for them to go
By the winter fire, I will still be dreaming
I did not count the time
For who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?
Sad, deserted shore, your fickle friends are leaving
Oh, but then you know it was time for them to go
Oh, but I will still be here, I have no thought of leaving
I did not count the time
For who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?

I know I'm not alone while my love is near me
I know that it's so until it's time to go
Oh the storms in winter and the birds in spring again
I did not count the time
Oh who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?
Who, who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?

Eva Cassidy

Tuesday, January 27, 2015


For those of us old enough to remember the falling of the Berlin Wall and the fall of the Soviet Union, that cry that rang out across America from every newspaper and news talking head, "what will we do with the peace dividend?"

Strange we don't hear that cry today.

During the Bush years, when the national debt doubled from 4 something to 9 trillion, we had two wars going balls to the wall in Iraq and Afghanistan, we had the cleanup of NY and the Pentagon; things that explained the spending.  Oh, yea, we had to bail out all the really wealthy people who gambled with money that wasn't theirs because they were 'too big to fail'.  So they survived, but all the little banks bit the dust and were taken over by those 'too big to fail' institutions so now they are twice the size they were in 2008.  But I digress.

Why is our yearly budget continuing to climb when we have for all practical purposes left Iraq and are leaving Afghanistan so they can both crumble like S, Vietnam did so many years ago.  Should our annual budget be being reduced by 500 billion to a trillion dollars?  But instead, instead of record revenue - read record tax collections from the middle class - our debt climbs ever higher.  Can anyone see the benefit?

Of course not silly.

When historians write the history and downfall of the United States, there will be so much fodder to wade through I hope one thing that is not lost on future historians is the military outsourcing.  We now have public companies, trading on the stock exchange, who make their millions from government contracts to provide  cities, buildings, food services, medical services, transportation services, weapons and contracted soldiers.  Do you really think these large contributors to the personal bank accounts of republicans and democrats are going to 'downsize', and suffer a few years of losses?  Not when our representatives are also stockholders in those companies.

There will be no peace dividend because new wars are being started to assure that many young americans will go off to fight, die, be disabled and then be forgotten when they return so large corporations will have huge profits in the coming years.

And the day is coming when a Google or Johnson and Johnson will go to war against competition with corporate soldiers, countries be damned.

All funded by Goldman Sachs no risk loans because any losses will just be covered by US Taxpayers.  Is it any wonder if the Apocalypse started tomorrow my only words will be "it's about time, God"?

Okay, and maybe "spare me, Oh God, so that I may serve You".

War is now big business and big profits for the companies that subcontract our military and offer sweet stock deals to the men and women who are in DC.  Heck, it may be our most valuable export anymore.

So the war drums are beating with the Ukraine, once that starts Syria will quickly be included and then Iran.  Invest in war to make good money.  The world needs a good world war with billions dead and then the reconstructions of countries can begin and low unemployment and high profits will be enjoyed by all those hiding in their bunkers.  Business no longer holds alliance to a country, who cares how many Americans buy iPhones, it's how many iPhones are sold - who buys them is no longer relevant.

I've also come to realize something else of late; the control of the internet.  To think that all this information is available to everyone at our fingertips, except the control of what information we see is now controlled.  Google decides what we will see, doesn't matter if you use Duck or Startpage, they use Google so once again Google will decide what information they want you to read just as about 6 companies decide what is show on news shows and in newspapers.  The freedom of information is an illusion, just as is privacy, thought and speech.

YouTube, which I think is now owned by Google, censors the information.  Not transparently, just subtle removals of information over time; same with Google search engines - the politically incorrect will slowly be removed from the net over time.  Oh, little ol' me isn't worried, no one reads my blog, but soon the politically incorrect will pay to play and play be certain rules and when that happens small individual voices will be slowly dropped one by one from the world.

But just as I gave up television because I was no longer comfortable with the mind control of the news, commercials and shows molding and dumbing us down, I know am wondering whether the internet is any better for someone.

And so it goes on and on

In the golden fields of yesterday
Where the children used to laugh and play
You can hear the sound of a hammer breaking steel
When you take more than you give, it never heals

I can see it rolling 'cross the sky
On the holy mountain side where eagles cry
Far from Earth below where poisoned rivers flow
Where I'm free to let my soul and spirit fly

This train won't stop, this train won't stop
Till we reach the end of the line


Sunday, January 25, 2015


I have this little physical defect.  I am missing cartilage in my eyelids and ears.  I can bend and twist my ears around and the problem with the eye lids comes during sleep when my face might sweep across the pillow and the act will lift the lids and my eyeball slides across; rarely wakes me, but the next morning my eye is burning, like a bad strawberry from a slide into a base except there are 10M more nerve endings in the eye than our knees or butt.

So today, I spend the first four hours up with ice or a wet cloth on my eye, but even this evening everything is really blurry, so forgive a typo or two tonite.

I yanked this picture off another blog, the picture on the left shows women in modern Iran, the picture on the right shows women in 1960 under the Shah.  But then I thought, what did young woman look, dress, and act like in the US in 1960 and how do they look, dress, and act today and how can I call that better than Iran?  Or an improvement?

Which brings me to today's chautauqua on evil.  Evil in our world.  I remember Bishop Sheen's quote that Satan is "I am who am not", that convincing people Satan doesn't exist is the best strategy.  Deny the existence of evil.

Yet who can look at the world and deny evil exists?  The orgs and goblins in LOTR, were they not representative of men with no souls?  Men for whom no act is too atrocious?  I remember about 10 or 15 years ago hearing of a story in the Chicago area where some guy and his girlfriend went over to the home of another woman the guy had knocked up and they killed the woman and cut the baby out of her, except in the other order, and I naively thought that has to be the worst thing I will ever hear someone do.

Where is evil get it's claws into so many people today?  Look, I don't mind the possibility of one day having to kill another human, shooting in self defense or even some sort of sense of justice; but where to people get the evil to torture?  Where do the mexican, central, and south american cartels find people who dismember people?  Burn them with blow torches while they are living?  Where do the Islamic terrorists go into villages and rape, plunder, and hack up men, women, children?  Drag families out and chop off heads?

Seriously, please tell me the difference between these acts and what the goblins and orgs do in LOTR?

Am I splitting hairs?  What of our torture of prisoners to get information?  Or bombing from 40,000 feet, indiscriminately killing the good and the bad?  Is that evil?  Yes, I get that.  Killing in and of itself is not the subject, it's the evil of enjoying viscousness, it's the acceptance of behavior.  It's mob mentality, mass hysteria; it's taking pleasure in bring others pain - not caring how one's actions affect others.

The main problem is most don't believe in Satan, let's start there.  If you don't believe in Satan, you don't believe in God, except that magic genie sort of God whom you only talk to when life is giving your problems and pretty much ignore when things are going well.  I will bet the farm there are people who rub a cross or crucifix thinking that will call Genie God.   It actually goes to the worldview or philosophy evolved, that humanity's free will determines everything.  There is no 'plan', there is no fate.  It's all cause/effect or the sum of all our 'choose, choose, choose'.  Satan loves the free will believers.

Almost as much, Lucifer loves the followers; those people he convinced that he is good and God is evil.  See, followers of Lucifer don't think he is bad, they think he is good!  He is the one that fought that evil overlord, Lucifer is the one that freed mankind by getting Adam and Eve to take the bite.  Open Pandora's Box, Prometheus stealing the fire from the gods.  They are viewed as the heroes, standing up to the gods.  Evil, to the followers of Lucifer, is good.   And Lucifer rewards the followers, like a dealer offering free samples of meth or heroin, until the person is addicted, and then the cost of evil is similar to the cost of heroin.

The lesson of LOTR, the ring cannot be used by good to defeat evil, the evil of the ring defeats the good.  We cannot use evil to defeat evil.  We cannot ignore or tolerate evil and hope it wishes to coexist.  Evil wants to win, never to coexist unless coexisting is the means to the end.  Thus Islam in Europe and North America will happily coexist, until it has the power to wipe out.  Good is tolerant, evil never is.

Somewhere in America's past, we became convinced we must tolerate a certain amount of evil.  It was rationalized, as in a woman's right to choose because it's her body, or tolerate 'alternative' sexual behavior, or seek to understand the differences and let them be who they are.  We threw away the rod and spoiled 3 generations of children; we let evil educate our children to where sexual education is taught to grade schoolers who are taught everything goes.

Evil must continually be defeated, never tolerated, never appeased.  Yet throughout history, time and time again, evil is appeased until the inevitable occurs and millions die, most who never were paying attention.

Am I arguing that Islam is evil and we are good.  Not exactly, I mean yes on the Islam thing, but I'm not sure the US is good.  We are poking the bear called Russia, screwing with their currency, have troops in Ukraine poking the Russians.  We have twice elected a man who no one really knows who he is, where he is from, how he paid for school, did he actually attend some of those schools.  A man who you can google and find quotes about Christianity nearly all negative and quotes about Islam to be all positive.  We elected him, twice.  So this argument is not some patriotic good ol' USA speech.  The evil that is in the world today recognizes no borders, it's everywhere in every society, just further along in some.

And one day, sooner rather than later, it will come.  We will do battle against this evil.  It will be here, it  will be ugly, it will be bloody, and we may not win.  We will fight the orgs and goblins, people that if we are captured alive will torture us and enjoy it.  They will look at raping and torturing as entertainment, similar to Dancing with the Gremlins.  And maybe we won't defeat it now, but one day we will.   That is faith, understanding that God somehow controls this; that any time evil wins the victory is temporary, that in victory it will sow the seeds of it's future defeat.

Look again at the first picture.  This is the future of Europe and America.  A rising evil taking control, to whom we were told to tolerate and coexist until the day arrives when the tolerated will have enough power to control, and there will be no tolerance, no coexisting.  Blind obedience to evil or death.

And tossing a ring into lava isn't going to help a bit.

Sunday, January 18, 2015


I haven't watched a football game for two seasons, but occasionally on Sundays would sign into fox sports and check scores, which I did today and with 7 minutes left, GB had the ball, 19 to 7 lead.  And in only what I can guess was some sort off tribute to the Bears, they lost the game?

Life is funny, Dallas' coach goes 12 and 4 and gets a 5 year new contract, Denver's coach goes 12-4 and gets fired.  And the Bears hire him, which is good, since the Packers may never recover from what happened today.

Spent the day watching several videos on the Geocentric universe and it was very interesting.  Not sure I'm buying into it yet, but it is interesting the scientists really can't 'prove' the sun is at the center and the earth revolves around it, but then again, neither can the Geocentric proponents really prove their point.  What they can do is using the same math and rules design a geocentric model that works just as well as the heliocentric model.  This is all coming up because of some movie, The Principle, which is pushing the geocentric model.  What spiked my interest was that in a 48 hour period last year, 189 stories appeared blasting the movie, all the same story, and before anyone had even seen anything about the movie - when you see that sort of behavior, it's kind of like "okay, what don't they want us to think about?"

Frankly, I could care less, but I see the point; the whole concept of the sun centered solar system was to show the earth was nothing special in the universe.  Problem is there is some data now that proves otherwise.   I didn't catch the names, but apparently some research probe was launched about 5 years ago that came up with some data that freaked everyone out, so they launched another to get better data and it came back last year and sure enough verified the first finding; which basically shows the earth is actually at dead center of the whole damn universe and the whole thing is angled at the same angle of the earth's tilt.

But in the end, it will be just like people digging up skeletons of giants, so what?  The science machine, the media, the universities will bury it, mock it, and nothing will change.

So, that is going on the back burner for awhile, can't be thinking about that too deeply with Hebrew study starting in two weeks, but it does interest me.  So much of science and economics are just so easily accepted by people because they use math and math doesn't lie.  Except for this little problem, even if you prove something by math, it doesn't make it true, just mathematically proved.  Not the same thing.  And in many cases, the math is made up to make something fit to make a model work, like the bankruptcy paper work - just kidding.  See Dark Matter, for a good example.  Or the speed of light is a constant.  All little things we all accept but are not actually proven.  Those assumptions, they get you every time.

Why Hebrew?  Over the Greek?  Well, at my age, I have to pick one.  Not knowing any is a weakness, but only having a semester of each is even more dangerous, so I chose the Hebrew and after two or three years of study, it will be fun to read Genesis, Job, and those prophets in the original texts.

Sorry about the Packers, Brian, I was rooting for them.

His world is under anesthetic
Subdivided and synthetic
His reliance on the giants
In the science of the day

He picks up scraps of information
He's adept at adaptation
Because for strangers and arrangers
Constant change is here to stay

He'd love to spend the night in Zion
He's been a long, long while in Babylon
He'd like a lover's wings to fly on
To a tropic isle of Avalon

He's got a force field and a flexible plan
He's got a date with fate in a black sedan
He plays fast forward for as long as he can
But he won't need a bed
He's a digital man


Friday, January 16, 2015


Gonna tell a tale tonite, let me see, what shall I use as a name?  I'll use my uncles name, and my granddad on my mom's side, which was going to be my name except my grandmother on my dad's side raised holy hell because there was this long line of Richard James, like 7 of them in a row, so I spent my life known as Dick instead of Jasper and wonder how life would have turned out differently, how much my personality and wit was formed having to defend myself.  Oh well.  On to the story.

Jasper and I met in high school, not really sure if it was freshman year or not, I think it was sophomore year Biology.  We then became lab partners in Chemistry and Physics.  It was Jasper and me that came up with the ingenious way of using calculators to cheat on tests, but that story has been told.  Jasper and I have known each other now for going on over 40 years.  We were roommates for four years of college, well four for Jasper, I took another year and summer to graduate.

I have plenty of funny stories, like the time he left a party in the middle of winter, we were home on Xmas break, and I realized about 45 minutes later he had not come back, so I went out and found him half submerged in a nearly frozen creek, passed out, and he'd thrown up all over the roof of my dad's Gremlin, which I am pretty sure increased it's retail value.  So I hauled him up into the car, drove him home, carried him towards the door, knocked, his two brothers, mom and dad were all there and I said "Jaspers' not feeling well, which way is the bathroom", then took him back, left him in the john, and said "Have a nice evening" and left.  It was pretty funny.

Then I tried to find an open car wash on New Years Day about 2 in the morning.

Jasper and I pretty much have absolutely nothing in common.  We like different music, subjects, movies, girls.  He drank, I got stoned.  He listened to the hard rock crap, I liked the progressive or guitar singers.  He majored in Accounting and has had three jobs, two addresses, and one marriage since 1981, I majored in psychology and have had 20 jobs and lived at close to as many addresses in ten states though some were repeats.

And in all that time, we never had a fight, never had an argument, never got pissed off at each other.  Very weird.

What brought all this to mind was we had a conversation yesterday, we talk maybe two or three times a year, and he is about to leave his current CFO position and is thinking of retiring.  He has a paid for home in Chicagoland, a paid for 2000 sq foot  lakefront home in MI with a bunch of boats, and over a million in savings/market.  What brought all this up is I am filing my papers for bankruptcy and I just added up my life and it comes to less than 5k.

Fifty seven years on the planet and have less than 5k to show for it.  Which should make bankruptcy easier, it's not like they are going to come in and take a 16 year old Volvo, a 20 year old flute, and my dog.

But it's strange how to high school guys, friends for years, can end up so differently.  Of course, there is somewhat of a tradeoff, he has had some serious health issues, almost died a few years ago, and I'm under 200 lbs, swinging kettlebells, no issues with heart, blood, or anything that I know of.   Though carrying two boxes the other day from the mail drop area, a 25lb kettle and a 35lb kettle bell in two boxes, one on each shoulder, across an icy parking lot came seriously close to not being real healthy - would of made a funny video when I slipped on the ice and boxes went in opposite directions, I in a third, but landed in a burpee like squat ok and then carried them one at a time from there.

Jasper is the one person I could turn to and borrow money from twice, paid back once, and will pay back again though he doesn't really care.  It's just nice to know someone on the planet I can trust and who trusts me.

But he and the wife are looking for a home out of country, testing Mexico next, though frankly I think the home in MI would be ideal for the ITEOTWAWKI situations; hard to find, fresh water, fish, game, and with enough people defensible.  Foreign countries are not good, especially south, when things get bad the locals will look straight at the rich americans.

Did anyone else ever wonder why Gandolf didn't call for the eagles as soon as they found the ring in the Shire and just fly to Mordor with the ring on the eagles, drop it in the lava, and be home the day after Bilbo's party?  Sure would have been a simpler solution, and a much shorter book.

So finally moving forward on the bankruptcy, it will be nice to be able to put 500 bucks a month away for the inevitable runaway train of the future than spend 8 years paying them both off and then planning to save for retirement when I was 65.  Also be nice not to be reminded every month of taking care of my dad, it's like spoiled leftovers.  I still feel guilty about it, but it's a no win situation, and I'm sure either way will not workout for the best, but at least this way I can have money put away for a future job loss, car death, illness, etc.

And just signed up for a year long Hebrew Language class.  Just keep plodding forward.  After the bankruptcy, it's back to finish the Masters, God willing.

It's been such a long time
I think I should be goin'
Time doesn't wait for me
it keeps on rollin'
There's a long road
I've gotta stay in time with,
I've got to keep on chasin' that dream
though I may never find it
I'm always just behind it

Well I'm takin' my time
I'm just movin' along
Takin' my time
Hey I'm just movin' along
Takin' my time
Just takin' my time, yeah
Takin' my time
Woh I'm just movin' along
Takin' my time ...


Saturday, January 10, 2015


Jeepers, spent 180 bucks at the grocery store today.  Nice to have a car to haul it all.  Part of that was Evol frozen meals, a Colorado company that makes really healthy, mostly organic and GM free foods, were basically buy one get one free, so I stocked up with 16 of them.  Plus fresh veggies; it's funny, in the winter, I pound fresh veggies with every meal and rarely eat any fruit - in the warm summer weather, I rarely eat veggies and gorge myself on fruits.  Wonder why that is....

Lost in the myst of Islamic terrorism this week was a little story about one of Bill Clinton's great buddies.  One of those guys with more money than people on the planet who gets busted for crimes, does some club med time, and lives to continue some rather hedonistic ways.

Seems the guy has quite a few powerful friends.  Our ex president's numbers, over 20 of them, were in his list.  Our ex president flew quite a few times on the ex con's private jet including multiple trips to his little private island where he rubbed elbows with Prince Andrew, the old one, and other really elite people - and apparently a gaggle of young girls - also known as underage - Chester the Molester material.

I guess that's how people live when they have everything, they just want more.    The old joke about the Texas rancher who didn't want all the land, just the land next to his.  So guys who have it all, in their 50's and 60's, are flying to the island to have sex with teenage girls, hey, who's kidding who, bet there were a few boys in the gaggle too.  And so rich, so powerful, they know they can get away with it.

Baby, if you ever wondered
Wondered what ever became of me
I'm sitting here in the penitentiary 
Honest, I swear, she told me she was eighteen

So we have the leaders of this world, the men who make decisions that make or break the lives of billions, wars, jobs, careers, all hang by a thread where these men make more bucks and give no thought to the lives they ruin; and to relieve the pressure they fly off on private jets to an island of the richest of the rich and strip down their flabby naked bodies on 15 year olds.

And the royal family, the washington media, the New York media will all let this little thing slide right off the pages, hell, they will probably start a war if they need to in order to cover up the perverted peccadillos, what's a few million dead in order to keep the perversions off the papers.

Got kind of tired of girls around my age
Can't divorce, marriage in a cage
Maybe I retired before you turn turned age 3
But honest I swear I thought you were eighteen.

Then, of course, we have Bill Cosby cracking a joke the other night, warning the women to be careful drinking around him.  At least Cosby has the decency to only force himself sexually on woman over eighteen, which I guess makes him the moral compass of the elite.

Been watching some interesting videos from the lunatic fringe, otherwise known as people who are laughed at today and what they say will be common sense in 10 years, and the videos are from The Aberino Analysis and one of the more interesting videos  (  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jF86-hl7DlY ) is on underground military bases in America and around the world.

You can watch the video and judge the evidence for yourself, but there are some interesting dots connected here that will make sense of things.  One is the reports around the country and world of strange humming sounds, loud booms, vibrations, and numerous earthquakes where earthquakes were unknown, like Oklahoma and Texas.  Funny, two years ago it was sinkholes in Louisiana and now it's west with earthquakes in Dallas and Oklahoma.   The documented evidence of a device to tunnel underground from 1972 patents for example, could explain what people sense or feel, the loud booms and weird sounds, the earthquakes, as well as our underground water aquifills being emptied could all be explained by a system of bases and underground transit systems connecting them, as well as supplying them with water and it fits with the elite's desire to have a system of cities and the ability to move between them without being subject to whatever is happening on the surface of the earth.  What really impressed me was the Rand Corporation Report back in the late 1970's laying the whole thing out.

See, when you look at our world, sometimes there doesn't appear to be hard evidence of this or that, but if this or that 'fits', then it is wise to consider the probability that it is true.

Think of the trillions of dollars that have disappeared from different departments over the last few decades.  Remember when this federal department and that federal department all had over a trillion dollars that it could not account for back during the Clinton years?  How about Rumsfeld announcing on September 10th, 2001, that the Pentagon/Defense department had a 2.3 trillion dollar unaccountable shortfall, which most people forgot about the next day.  (by the way, this is the only evidence I've ever seen for 9/11 being an inside job, way to coincidental - but unfortunately, nothing else fits the conspiracy).  The point is, maybe these missing trillions were being diverted to fund the building of these underground cities, bases, and the transportation system between them.

And, it sounds like something the elite would do.  Build a little underground world for them to all go and hide out for a decade while hell is let loose on the surface and after a decade or two, kill off whoever managed to survive and now you have 500 million people with a whole planet.  I'll bet 10 bucks there will not be an Arab Sheik or muslim cleric underground anywhere.  Probably no Baptist pastors either.

Pity the fools.  Their underground cities will make a great tomb.  And maybe that is how God intends to separate the chaff from the wheat.  No one ever gets to the end of Ecclesiastes to understand the point.  Oh well.

This coat that fits you like a glove
These dirty streets you learned to love
So welcome back my long lost friend
You've been to hell and back again
And God alone knows how you crossed that span

Back on the beat, back to the start
Trust in your heart
That's the measure of a man

It's the fire in the eyes, the lines on the hand
It's the things you understand
Permanent ties from which you once ran
That's the measure of a man

You've come full circle, now you're home
Without the gold, without the chrome
And this is where you've always been
You had to lose so you could win
And rise above your troubles while you can

Elton John

Thursday, January 8, 2015


Well, finally got my battery charger toy and it worked just fine, man, I have car again!  Of course, I have to put it in the car everywhere I go to start it again, but finally after 3 or 4 days it seems to catch but I'm still getting a new battery this weekend. Should have done it this fall and saved myself a lot of heartache.

Was watching a british detective show as usual and they were talking about a suspect as fitting some profile of a killer, then go on to mention five or six things and I'm eye rolling because I just hit on all five.  Maybe I'm being to hard on the FBI and Scotland Yard, maybe I am a serial killer and just haven't started yet.

The problem with psych profiles is they don't account for the antithesis of what they are measuring, in other words, thinking bell curve, standard deviations and z scores here, if the serial killer criminal minds exist at say less than or equal to -2, then what about those at greater than +2?  See, the behaviors of someone at those two extremes will be very similar, except those at +2 are the antithesis of a person who has no empathy, like the sociopath, for example and will have too much empathy and the behaviors are similar for protection in a society or culture.  Whereas the -2 person is intelligent enough to hide his true being and  acts like they are in the middle of the curve, the +2 people are smart enough to hide from the middle and culture for safety: yet to these profilers they won't make the distinction between them.

Of course, profiling is illegal, though it's done almost all the time.  Profiling is never used when it states the obvious, well, obvious to all those not educated in elite universities.  Which is why the media is falling all over themselves this week to try and figure out how to explain how Islamic terrorists went into the offices of a magazine in France and slaughtered a bunch of writers and cartoonists for publishing satire about Islam without actually mentioning they were Islamic terrorists.

How do liberals sleep?  They bend over backwards to not offend Islam and think that Islam will appreciate all of their efforts except when Islam gets enough power, they will make the women cover head to toe, beat them, sell their little girls, kill the gays, you know, all those things liberals accuse Christians of wanting to do and hoping to ban us from existence.

Liberal Europe, so open minded, is now experiencing the cost of their open mindedness.  Sweden is having serious problems with the Islamic population, areas the police won't even think of venturing.  England, France, Germany, Denmark, are all twisting in their liberal thongs.  They ignore away the killing of British soldiers on the streets of England, they abduction of teen girls native to the country to be gang raped by the Islamic men, but now the events in France are blowing the whole thing wide open.

What is the difference between a Christian and a Muslim, well, besides one worshiping God and the other Satan?  When Hollywood or the media make fun of Jesus, we turn off the set and never watch the show again.  Muslims hunt them down and chop their heads off.  Guess which ones liberals want to ban?  It's viewed as being so cool, so edgy, for comedians to make fun of Jesus, except after 30 years it's become rather predictable and boring, except to liberals.  You really want to be edgy, gutsy, lets see a comedian make fun of Mohammad.


We are losing the war with Islam across Europe and North America.  We are losing the war because of political correctness.  We are tolerating ourselves right into Sharia Law.  And everything liberals have fought for for decades, abortion, gay rights, woman in the workplace, education, and legalized pot will go away under the power and control of Islam.  And the irony will be the libbers, gays, female executives, professors, and reporters will be standing right beside the Christians for head removal and only the Christians won't be wondering what the hell is happening.

Wake up world, we are at war with Islam because Islam is at war with us.  It's time to burn the fields to wipe out the blight.

Sundown coming down too soon, no time to be alone
So I'll take a glass of memories and understand the blues
Oh they're the last thing you lose

Slowdown sundown, all I really need is time
For faded love songs and feelings in the wine
Let them take me down the line

Sunrise, a woman's eyes, good loving one warm afternoon
Here's to all the strong ones who don't care if they win
The kind I'll never see again
Slowdown, give me just a little while
It's not the darkness, it's just the night's so long
Puts the sadness in the song

Here's to someday when someone understands it
Why life keeps turning like a mad thing
Until that someday I'll just play what I have to play though I play it alone

Slowdown sundown, all I really need is time
For faded love songs and feelings in the wine
Let them take me down the line

Steve Winwood

Thursday, January 1, 2015


I feel rather confused, New Years resolution time and yet not sure if everything isn't fated so wonder if this is not some sort of exercise in futility.

On the other hand, last year it was pretty simple: find a job.  And two months later I did find a job.  And it's a good job, yea, doesn't pay what I use to make and I'm very isolated from the world which may be a bad thing for me but a good thing for the rest of the world, but I do enjoy the work, I do enjoy working for the company I don't mention.

Funny thing recently in one of the company chat rooms, someone came out of the closet and another gay person who mentioned it awhile back was surprised and I am laughing because I figured this guy was back in training from something he said and I'm wonder why the straight guy has a better gaydar, as they call it, than the two gay guys do.  Actually, you just listen and catch comments is all I do.

But other than having to read chats from people announcing their gayness, it's a great company to be at and I'm very blessed to work there.  Please copy and paste those words and remind me of that in a month when the new schedules come out and I'm in group 4 or 4 this turn so picking in the last group and could end up starting at 6am and working Saturday and Sunday.

So, before I get to the resolutions for this year, let me also add that Pepsi is being very very bad.  They changed the Pepsi Throwback to Pepsi Real Sugar but I wonder.  I've put on a little weight the last two months and noticed a few times after drinking one how bloated I was feeling and I remembered this is how I feel after drinking Pepsi with corn syrup and now I'm wondering if they are not using "real sugar" as you and I would define it but some other chemical concoction and it really pisses me off.

Thus, first resolution of the new year: stop drinking pop.  Problem is the caffine so I have to start drinking coffee and I hate hot drinks.  So I got this 20 buck french press and found a recipe for ice coffee that I am going to try out to get all the health benefits of coffee, with real organic cane sugar, and some organic milk.

Second resolution is to bite the bullet and do the bankruptcy.  Living this way is just treading water and I'm wide open for being broke and homeless real quick.  I am sure filing bankruptcy, while it will wipe out $600 bucks a month in bills, will have consequences I haven't even imagined and will bite me in the  ass for years to come, it's just one of those things where it sucks no matter what I choose so what will be the advantage?  Saving $600 bucks a month.  Maybe even a little more if I keep working overtime, and build up a nest egg and who knows, maybe a 'newer' car in 2016.

Oh oh, by the way, Irene Huss movies are now available on iTunes for a low price, both seasons, if you haven't seen it, see it.  They are great.

Okay, health is good, but could be better, so being incredibly stupid and masochistic, I've set the goal by the end of the year to be able to hindu squat, pushup, situp, and burpee, my age.  What's a hindu squat you ask?  Oh, about two or three Brahma Bulls.

I love that joke.

Oh yea, fourth goal for the year, don't get fired.  Funny story, about a week before I got into all that trouble, I had a meeting with my manager and we talked about goals and I said my main goal was not to get fired and she didn't like that and refused to write it down as my goal.  A week later, I'm in trouble.  After it was all over and we were meeting, I asked if I could put "Don't do something to get myself fired" back as my goal and she laughed and put it on my list.

And finally, I want to get back to working on my Masters in Theology.  I have 6 classes to go with a 3.9 GPA out of 4 and I want to finish that thing; probably won't get all six in by the end of the year, then again, maybe I can.

So these are my goals for the year.  I wonder what God has planned for me this year and wonder if writing this I am making Him laugh.

What goals did you set?

retrieve us
time deceives us
faith she hears us
but she doesn't listen very hard

as she drifts through our lives
tossing coins into the air
watch them twist
watch them fall
turning hope into despair

watch them twist
watch them fall
then she suddenly revives
every dream that we've had
and we find ourselves

believe me
fate stands near me
fate state clearly
whether there will be another card

receive us
time deceives us
the only moment in our lives
that ever really mattered fate
is now

Trans-Siberian Orchestra