This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Saturday, December 6, 2014


Well, sorry imaginary readers, no seasonal whining over the fates cast upon me, God was gracious and I survived the HR monster this time.

I still don't know who reported me, never will.  Don't know who was making decisions, never will.  Kafka foresaw the future, we are all Josef K.

But the good news is I survived to live another day.

I am not a fan of college football, barely follow it, unless it is something important like a quarterback who walks on charges of rape that would have landed anyone else in jail, court and probably prison.  But run and throw a football and they give suspected rapist a trophy.

Living where I do, CSU is quite a story.  In three years they've gone from a long time loser to ten wins this season under their coach.  Same coach signed a new ten year contract before this season and they put a 7.5 million dollar buyout to make sure he was here to stay.  He wanted to build CSU into winner, help build a team and a stadium to be proud of.

And of course, it was all bull.  Florida comes along and just hired him away, leaving the team without their coach going into a bowl game.  Same old story.

May he have the same success in Florida Rich Rodriquez found in Michigan.

I don't get it though.  Why go to a huge school that has a winning tradition when you could take a middle level college and turn it into a monster success?   Why be just one of many famous coaches at a school when you could be the greatest coach ever at a Colorado State, a Western Michigan, or a West Virginia?  What amazes me is I actually feel sorry for the college football players who I am sure signed to play at CSU because of the coach, who bought into all the pep talks, believed in him, and now just learned a valuable lesson: all the talk in the world won't mean a thing when someone waves dollars in front of a face.  The coaches don't really give a damn about your kid.

So once again, the smaller programs feed the large programs; the rich and powerful steal from the middle and poor.  CSU has spent two years pushing for a new football stadium, the coach was a large part of it, and after millions have been spent planning and paying off, the coach splits and the taxpayers are about to get hosed for a huge stadium that will be empty 365 days a year, and that includes Saturdays in the fall.

Think about it.  All the professional/college football stadiums, all the professional baseball parks, and they are all paid for by taxes on the public; empty over 75% of the time, and when people do go they pay more to park their cars than most people make an hour, same with the tickets, same with the food, to watch athletes make more a game in a tax payer funded stadium than most people earn in ten years.

Meanwhile, 11.9 million fewer people have jobs in this country today than had jobs when Obama came to office.  Meanwhile the rules are now set that companies can be fined 3k per employee, unless the employee is a what was formerly known as an illegal alien, then they won't be fined; meaning of course that when you go up for a job and your competition is an illegal alien, you aren't going to get the job.  Meanwhile prices have gone up on the lower and middle class over 12% in the last 5 years, whereas our government says it's about 5%.  Unfortunately, that 12% is skewed by the cost of lower technology things; the actual cost of rent, utilities, food, gas, medicine, etc, you know those things you buy every day, have all been up over 20%.

But lets go ahead and build those massive stadiums on the back of taxpayers.

What do all these things have in common?  The unknown monster that eats away at us daily.  It takes large chunks out of our paycheck before we ever get our money.  Our bills take the next hunk; rent, utilities, and food.  Our lives are in the hands of faceless and nameless bureaucratic people  that can ruin our lives in an instant.  A game of musical chairs with more and more people running around in circles with an ever disappearing number of chairs available.

It's governments, it's corporations, it's a legal system, it's a news system, an entertainment system,  it's the religious systems, all designed to take, rarely ever to give, and eventually wear a person down till there is nothing left.

All alone in the universe, sometimes that's how it seems
I get lost in the sadness and the screams
Then I look in the center, suddenly everything's clear
I find myself in the sunshine and my dreams

And I'm looking for space and to find out who I am
And I'm looking to know and understand
It's a sweet, sweet dream, sometimes I'm almost there
Sometimes I fly like an eagle and sometimes I'm deep in despair

On the road of experience join in the living day
If there's an answer it's just that it's just that way