This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Thursday, October 30, 2014


Well, it sure is trendy for people to come out of the closet and announce they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, trisexual, transexual and whatever else makes them the toast of hip relativists everywhere.  I thought about being bisexual once, but didn't have enough self confidence in myself to be rejected twice as often as I already was being rejected.  Bad enough attractive women said no, but by men too?  I'd feel like those kids when we were all 12 years old, you know, the absolute last ones chosen when picking teams; you'd be down to two kids and when one was picked he was so relieved that he wasn't the last one, like I really suck, but not as much as you.

I'm still trying to figure out why people get all tatted up and pierce their bodies with metal.  Now they run around, all tatted up with pieces of metal sticking off their faces proudly proclaiming who they slept with last night.  Who defines themselves by who or what they sleep with?

It's bad enough we define each other by what we do for a living,  "Hi, nice to meet you, what do you do for a living?" not "Hi, how are you, who did you sleep with last night?"  Of course, if you are lucky, you have a job with someone and don't have to say what you do, just that you work for Google or Apple or the IRS.  You could be the janitor, but you work for them.

But I thought today, I too, would come out of the closet, come clean, and announce my true nature.

I am totally square.

That is right, I am square.  Totally square.  Square Power shirts coming soon.  Get a lobby group, a 501c3, special civil rights protection and make companies all over America hire a certain percentage of other squares like me.

So what does it mean to be square?

I believe in God, not man made global warming.

I believe Jesus died to take the punishment of mankind's sins, which means I also believe certain behaviors are sinful as opposed to those Christians who go to churches where rock bands play rock music with lots of Love words.  Squares wouldn't be caught dead in such a church.

James 4.17 would be my life verse if I believe in life verses, but being a square, I don't.  Life verses are for the hip Christians.

So, as a Square, I believe we are faced with choices between right and wrong and should do the right thing, which means you can't believe that truth is relative and be a square.  Squares have 4 sides and any relativist worth their salt cannot stand that kind of absoluteness.  To an relativist, they have no problem accepting that somewhere in the world, there are squares with 3 sides.

Squares are absolutists.  Hair gets grey, life does not.

Squares hold open doors for other people, man or woman, even if we're not sure which.  Squares like me get a confused look on our faces when someone asks why we don't shave our chest hair, leg hair, back hair, underarms, or other parts of our body and are greatly uncomfortable when a guy is asking.

Squares can make all sorts of things in the kitchen, but only if we like it and never order a drink at a bar that requires a blender or with fruit.

Squares might watch our weight, but we will never count points or calories.

A square bathroom has a tooth brush, toothpaste on sale,  razors, soap, shaving cream and stick deo.  One bottle of shampoo.  If you have more than one bottle in your shower, pay for expensive soaps, rub body lotions on your skin, or have smelling stuff other than Old Spice, you aren't square.  Plus, we don't floss, we just brush harder.

Squares don't cheat on their spouses or girlfriends, because it's wrong and most squares aren't good liars to get away with it anyways.  Plus it takes too much thinking time to keep lies straight, we like straight lines, 90 degree angles, and simple.  Affairs are too complicated.  They are like factorials.

If factorials are so cool, why are they always framed in a square?

Squares are not ashamed of being square, we just don't think it's anything to brag about and secondly we really don't want to hear others talking about their lives in such detail.  We never watch daytime talk shows, soaps, reality TV, or any other show that plays to our stupidity, which means a real square doesn't even own a television.

Squares, if asked who they think is really hot, will name women like Jackie Bissett, Ali McGraw, or some other actress or model from 25 years ago.  Squares have no idea who famous people are today because we like being totally out of touch with culture.  And we are.  If you can name more than 3 winners of that TV show singing thing, you aren't square.  A true square says Carrie Underwood and shrugs.

Squares smart phones have music, lists of workouts and groceries, and contacts we might need to call like police, fire, etc.  We memorized our friends numbers.  Squares don't text, facebook, instagram or have any games on our smartphones.  We refuse to stare at them for more than 5 minutes unless reading the news or getting sports scores.  Or reading obscure blogs  by other squares.

A squares most sophisticated exercise machine is a jump rope and are not ashamed to go outside and look like an idiot using it because squares like to act like they don't care what other people think.  Truth is squares do care, but realize as squares, people aren't going to think much of them anyways so might as well feed the dingos.

Squares never wore tie dye shirts, designer jeans or designer underwear, and certainly never wore a leisure suit, leather pants, or jeans showing underwear, cracks, or look like your grandma is wearing them.  We buy gym shoes and clothes by what is cheapest at the time, not because we think if we wear certain shoes or shirts we will be like Bo or be like Mike or, crap, I'm out of stars.  Squares have no idea if they under pronate or over pronate because we have no idea what pronate means nor do we care.  It sounds like something people drinking wine and eating french cheese would talk about.

Blue jeans by Lee or Levis, never calvin klein.  Underwear Hanes, never Fruit of the Loom because we are uncomfortable with having clothing with the word Fruit on them.  We shop at Sears or Penney's and worry late at night about where the hell we are going to shop if they both go out of business.  Does ACE carry clothing?

Squares don't understand what is happening in the world.  We don't mind change, we just don't like change that doesn't serve a purpose, costs more than what it was and doesn't improve things.  Squares don't buy the latest version or release of anything, we wait until the II version comes out with all the bugs worked out.  Squares still have a map book, or will look at an online map before going somewhere, but would never let some car navigation system tell them how to get somewhere.  We will drive around lost for hours before listening to a computer.

I'm a square.  I feel liberated now.  I am square and I'm proud of it.  No longer will we squares take the prejudice we face by the beautiful hip people of the world.

Wayfaring warrior Soul
still wild, the archer stands
Arrow measured to the goal -
sing of strong and living man
In his mind there is a vision wand'ring
through the forest towns
Telling of riches only given if through
the woods the way is found


No comments: