This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Saturday, September 20, 2014


Totally spaced out at the grocery store today.  Needed to buy some soap and shampoo and I spent nearly 45 minutes in the aisle. Soap was about 15 seconds, Ivory bars.  The rest of the time I just spaced in the shampoo sections.  Hundreds of shampoos, ranging from 89 cents to 48 bucks.  Studying them. Old Spice had 7 shampoos with cool names like Swagger, Bulk Up, Sport Jock; yet a read of ingredients and it was hard to find any differences.  Was this some example of the wonder of capitalism or the waste of capitalism?  Glad I finally snapped out of it or I might still be there.  I hate when that happens to me.

One of the mystery's of life: why is it a dollar for a kiss and only a penny for a thought?  Are our thoughts really 1/100 the value of a kiss?  A good kiss 100x more than a good thought?  Okay, maybe a bad kiss for a bad thought, and speaking of bad thoughts.......

President Numb Nuts is going to 'get serious' on the outbreak of Ebola in Africa, thank heavens we can all sleep soundly now knowing the man who has added more debt to our economy than all previous presidents combined, the man who totally ruined our health care system, the man who has reigned over the the largest decreased in employable americans, the man who has opened the floodgates on our southern border allowing hundreds of thousands of people to come into this country - flying them around the country to secret locations - and bringing in with them diseases that are now affecting Americans all over the place, terrorists, and who knows what weapons of mass destruction: but Lord Numb Nuts is now going to put a stop to this Ebola thing.

He's going to send the Marines in to shoot it.

This is why he is president and I am not.  I would have done things like, oh, blocked any travel to the countries where the disease is breaking out, checked anyone coming into this country and placing them in quarantine for 30 days, you know, stupid pedestrian things like that.  But our president shows why millions of people voted for him - he's going to send in the soldiers to shoot it.

Or is this our excuse to invade Africa now?  Or is his plan to send troops over to contract Ebola and then bring them back to the states to infect the military as a whole, weakening and wiping out our military so there will be no forces available to defend the country?

When is the military leadership of this country going to step up and do what needs to be done?  Sorry, my imaginary readers, the majority of the people of this country are lost, face it.  I love the stories of the men and women who came before us and fought and died so I could grow up in an America that I did, but we have lost it and allowed it to be screwed to the pooch so bad only a major reboot is going to be able to fix it now.  And I would rather do it now than when I'm 70 something and not able to defend what little I would have left.

But then, it's God' plan, not mine.

I know this is leftovers from caretaking, my Froedoism, the acceptance of fate or inevitabilities that we deny, we like the idea we control our destiny but we do and don't.  We make daily choices of what to do, what to eat, workout or lay on the couch, stuff like that, but it's all an illusion in some respects; because something or someone else is barreling down on us, totally unaware by us, that will impact our lives and turn them into a total chaotic mess and then we are left to pick up the pieces and try to rebuild some sort of feeling of control in our life.

Where did it all go so wrong.  I sit here and ponder the fact I have taxes taken out of each check and those tax dollars and being sent to buy weapons for terrorist groups in the middle east who are chopping the heads off families because they are Christian and I'm suppose to step into church tomorrow and what?  Ask for forgiveness?

I haven't filed a tax return in four years, but then I didn't make any income in those four years.  Okay, last year I made a whopping 98 bucks in commissions on books sales but I'm not going to spend 100 bucks to buy some tax software to tell the government I didn't make any money.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do next spring.  Do I file and participate in this atrocity or simply refuse to participate any more?  Am I willing to go to prison for this?  I don't know.  And some days I seriously don't care either way.  It's not that I'm not paying taxes, I am, I'm just going to refuse to participate in filing.  First of all, the tax system is screwed up the moment you sign that form, you are setting yourself up for being nailed because any IRS agent can twist or interpret the law in any form they want if they want to come after you.  Something to ponder and make a decision on I guess; do I fall in line and face a pissed off God on judgement day or do I take a stand and get beaten down only to still find a pissed off God on judgement day.

Guess I should have stayed in the shampoo section longer.

I ain't no golden boy,
I ain't no Grecian dancer,
And I ain't no loudmouthed cowboy
from the West,
I'm not the kind of man
with all the answers,
But I surely know the songs
that suit me best.
But lately I've had something on my mind,
It's growing stronger all the time,
Calling out when I'm alone,
But I'm a poet
And I'm bound to walk the line,
Between the real and the sublime,
And give the muses back their own.

Lyle Lovett

and a shout out to elyrics.net for all the great lyrics in one place