This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Sunday, August 17, 2014


Blogging is a strange thing.  So many people with so little to say write so much to so few.  There are some blogs I've written I really really liked and 5 people read it, others I wasn't really happy with get dozens, and then sometimes out of nowhere, some blog I posted awhile back suddenly takes off on the numbers, like Flipping Off Mr. Charlie which for some reason has 17 hits this week and it was posted months ago.

Have a appointment tomorrow to get my eyes checked, been five years since I could afford to get a check up and new glasses and I've noticed for awhile I needed a new script - I've been avoiding reading a lot lately because it gives me a headache, so that will be nice.

Read an article recently, the topic of todays blundering, about how churches are opening up around the country for atheists.  Looks like a church, they meet regularly like churches, sing songs, have sermons, study groups, do good things in the town, but there is no God.

I have been thinking about this and wondered if this wasn't inevitable and a commentary on the whole church scene in this country as a whole.  I've been in a lot of churches over the last 10 years and generally find it 'wanting'.  My dad and I visited about 5 churches in Fort Collins of different denominations and most were so similar; rock band type 20 minutes of music with everyone dancing and swaying, announcements, a Bible passage is read and then a 30-45 minute sermon based on the passage, supposedly, but strangely missing any further references to scripture.  More of a quasi Tony Robbins style seminar with golf stories.

I hope when Jesus makes his return it is on a Sunday morning so millions of people attending churches will leave church and wonder where everyone went.  Plus they will be shocked at Jesus' return and discovering He doesn't play golf.

The church I attend now, though not regularly, is old fashion: Hymnals and old fashion Hymns and I like that.  And the sermons are good, multiple references in your Bible, even sometimes verse by verse preaching without any sports metaphors.  But, still, there is something missing, it doesn't feel holy.

Maybe the problem is me.  Have to acknowledge that possibility.

But these churches from the Rick Warren Church Growth programs to the Joel Osteen services that fill 30,000 people 3x a day on Sundays, to the emergent churches, and is it really surprising we now have churches starting up that just finally dump God entirely?

The serpent in the garden.  The shiny one, charismatic, the deceiver, not a snake in a tree, tempting Eve, saying you can be like God.  And how many stories in the Bible are nothing more than people thinking they can be like God, they can be without God, we are God.

We live in a world today where stories are constantly filling our minds with the prospects for immortality, we can live forever, we can manipulate our DNA to be part man, part animal, part machine.  Super soldiers, half man, half beast.  Homotechnologia, man and machine as one.

Are artificial limbs playing God?  Hip or knee replacements?  Probably not.  Are chips implanted in our brains?  Much closer.  Some 'official' and member of the Gates Foundation commented yesterday about the concept of implantable chips to prevent reproduction in people not suitable or deemed 'worthy' to have kids.  Artificial wombs so non reproductive couples, read gay, can have kids.

You can be like God.

So when you have chips implanted in your brain, how can you know who you are?  How do you know that thought, that idea, is yours versus a 'suggestion' from a chip?  Will, 'the chip told me to do it' be a valid legal defense?  You may want said chip to prevent seizures or something, but what do you give up in the process when scientists now control your thinking?  Will you vote for whom you wish or whom you were programmed to vote for this election?

A year without TV, well, not really, because I have about 400 DVD's, endless downloaded movies and TV shows, so in all honesty I am probably watching something four or five nights a week.  But I have not seen or heard a commercial now in over a year and I find myself less and less 'wanting things'.  In fact, about the only thing I 'want' but not necessarily need is a device that I support on the phones but don't have in front of me and sometimes it's frustrating.  Well, and a manual transmission.  I swear if my 99 Volvo had a manual, I would have no desire to have another car.

By the way, the light on the dash is the catalytic converter, but I had it turned off, passed the emissions test, so I can go two years before the next one.

But the no commercials and the change it's made in my thinking made me realize how much my life was influenced by commercials, so now I find myself analyzing the TV shows or movies to see what is being said to affect thinking.  Watch Joss Wheton(?) shows and you get a seriously anti God atheist philosophy.  But even Buffy was good over evil, what I've heard is on TV today is that Evil is good, being a dead demony thing like a vamp is cool.

But maybe Buffy was the segue, maybe Buffy without God, good witch Willow, semi good Angel was the necessary step to Evil being Good.

I just can't figure out where the TV and commercials convinced an entire generation or two to shave all their body hair and get tattoo'd up.

So after decades of television and movies, after decades of churches removing sin, repentance, damnation, consequences for bad behavior, ordaining blatant sinners, and implementing market research to church growth, is it any wonder we've now entered a time period where churches are being created to provide the social structure and removing God?

As believers in God who take the Word seriously leave churches, the pews are being filled with non serious 'believers' who are looking for a feel good feeling, for social contact, and the next step to just eliminate God entirely was entirely natural and expected.  Hitler did a similar thing in Germany; add the swastika next to the cross, his book next to the Bible, then one day the swastika is on the cross, and then the cross is gone leaving only the swastika.

And we've placed Us up on the alter with God, then combined the two as Us/God, and now have removed God from the alter.

As in the days of Noah.  We are God.  Homo Sine Deus.

Yesterday, when I was young
The taste of life was sweet
Like rain upon my tongue

I teased at life as if
It were a foolish game
The way an evening breeze
May tease a candle flame

The thousand dreams I dreamed
The splendid things I planned
I always built to last
On weak and shifting sand

I lived by night and shunned
The naked light of day
And only now I see
How the years have ran away