This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Monday, May 26, 2014


Have you ever noticed people who are just absolutely fanatical on a subject?  Whether it is Westboro Baptist screaming everyone is going to hell who doesn't follow their pastor or atheist liberals wanting to convince us abortion is not murder, they get so passionate about their cause that spittle flies off their lips trying to convince and force their beliefs on you.

Now, there are things I am passionate about, things I am just sure of, but those are not the things that make spittle fly off my mouth; it's when I'm not sure about something, but have this need to convince myself it's true, that is when the spittle flies.  So I often wonder if all these people running around trying to force and shove a belief system on everyone else aren't just trying to convince themselves that they are right when deep down inside they know they are not.

Frankly, if you don't believe me, I don't really care.  If you got information I don't have, please share it and let me ponder it.

So, Westboro was out here a couple of weekends ago protesting because apparently CSU only graduates homosexuals and fornicators they think.   And our excellent police force was protecting them from a small group of counter protestors who looked as stupid as the others as I and thousands of others drove by them on College Ave.  Which is the point, everyone just drove by.

When I want nuts, I have a couple of jars of Organic Almond Butter I spread on the bread with a banana.  Yes, crunchy, thanks for asking.

Fort Collins has apparently passed a whole bucket full of laws that now make everyone pick thru their garbage piece by piece to make sure cardboard goes to recycle, but only certain types of cardboard.  So now I am forced to recycle too.  I have two baskets now, one has anything that might have my address on it and be traceable and the other is where everything else goes so when I throw my bag into the dumpster they won't trace the bag with cans, garbage, cardboard, etc back to me.

As I wrote once before, nuke the F***ing Whales.

So, am I paranoid of the Green Police?  Or the Politically Correct Police?  You bet I am. Law was once simple, it paralleled the 10 Commandments and you knew stealing and murder were wrong.  Now we have about 50K new laws per year passed in this country and ignorance of the law is not an excuse but seriously, who isn't ignorant of all the laws?  Which means we have a totalitarian government that anytime you piss them off can just pull some law out of the books and nail you to the wall and because most of our population is brainless, they will convict you in a heartbeat so they can get home in time to watch Wheel of Fortune.

Being paranoid is just common sense in todays America.  Think about it.  Do you think, just for a minute amuse me, that our government might be doing something we are not aware of that might harm us in some way?  What about corporations?  Do you honestly think that media manipulation of stories, commercials, the shows, the movies, etc aren't designed to make us think certain ways about certain things?  Do you honestly don't think that financial manipulations are not taking place that aren't screwing the average american into the ground?  I know my imaginary readers are not dense, but how many millions and millions of americans still think unemployment is around 6% and inflation is around 2% when the cost of meat has doubled this year?  Duh?

But if you think these things, you are considered paranoid by the government, the media, and the APA.  They will take away your guns, give you psycho drugs and tell you to just watch TV like everyone else.

Look back over TV the last 30 years, the very slow introduction of homosexuality into mainstream shows: a gay character here or there, never showing any gay behaviors, just mentioned.  Then shows slowly started introducing more and more into the system: successive approximations to the target behavior.  We were programmed.

Now I'm not picking on homosexuality here, just using it because it is a more obvious example.  Like most, I don't really care what people are doing as long as it's consenting adults.  Ask me what I think about gay marriage and I really don't think about it, could care less.  I only get PO'd when I'm told my thinking is bigoted or something because I don't see the world someone else's way.

I am not a bigot, I just rejected the brainwashing.  Northern Exposure, one of my favorite shows, pulled his off beautifully.  They introduce a gay couple wanting to start a bed and breakfast and when Maurice finds out they are gay, he tries to pull out of the deal.  Maurice was wrong and made to look stupid and foolish, everyone else in town was okay with it.  Gay couple good, against it was stupid and foolish.  Happens all the time on TV and movies.

Same with Islam, I really don't care.  People want to pray to a false god, no problem here.  Go for it, pray to a moon god, a sun god, predict your future from tea leaves or bowel movements, have at it.  But if you tell me about it, I will tear it to shreds; if you don't want it torn to shreds, don't mention it.  Now if I tell you about Christ, you are welcome to accept it, reject it and if you are dumb enough to try to tear it to shreds, you better be prepared for a debate.  But I won't hit you, spit on you, cut your head off, tear your beating heart out of your chest like those peaceful moon worshipers are doing.

I admit I still feel totally out of place in the world today.  I kind of feel like I'm sitting in a rocking chair watching train wrecks forming up and realizing there is no sense in screaming from the roof tops because these wrecks have been planned for so long there really is no stopping most of them today.  There is no political solution for our mess, it is a moral mess and we now live in amoral times.  We provide better health care and benefits for illegal aliens than we do for our soldiers coming home from war.  We reward sin, we condemn morality, we promote sociopathic people while moral people are let out the door.

Common sense has been washed from most of the minds of americans.  Our school systems, our entertainment, our food supplies, and our workplace all reward relativism and a mental slavery while punishing individuals and independent thinking.

The farmer, once the backbone of this country, is being forced out of business by corporate farms who use genetically modified seeds that will affect our bodies and our brains.  Did you know that a chicken today has 3x the fat and 1/2 the protein of a chicken back in the 1970's.  We stuff the food supply with genetically modified grains and drugs to make them fat faster and then scratch our heads at why everyone is getting fat who is eating those animals.

Doesn't take a rocket scientist, just a little common sense.

The real problem is how to live in this world until the collapse.  How to hide from the doctors who now report everything to the government, your internet which is read by the government, your grocery shopping which stores sell your buying history to corporations, insurance companies, and the government; how to hide?  You can't even shop with cash anymore without raising alarms.

Paranoia is not insanity, it's common sense in today's world.  To paraphrase an old quote, you can ignore reality, you just can't ignore the consequences of your ignorance.

Turn off the TV, go read some though provoking stuff like Persig or CS Lewis, stop the world and think about what they are saying, what you are seeing.  Read the Wisdom books in the Bible: Job, Psalms, Proverbs then read them again.  Look around and remember, because it won't be here much longer.

That is just common sense.

Waiting here for Everyman--
Make it on your own if you think you can
If you see somewhere to go I understand
Waiting here for Everyman--
Don't ask me if he'll show -- baby I don't know
Make it on your own if you think you can
Somewhere later on you'll have to take a stand
Then you're going to need a hand
Everybody's just waiting to hear from the one
Who can give them the answers
And lead them back to that place in the warmth of the sun
Where sweet childhood still dances
Who'll come along
And hold out that strong and gentle father's hand?
Long ago I heard someone say something 'bout Everyman
Waiting here for Everyman--
Make it on your own if you think you can
If you see somewhere to go I understand
I'm not trying to tell you that I've seen the plan
Turn and walk away if you think I am--
But don't think too badly of one who's left holding sand
He's just another dreamer, dreaming 'bout Everyman