This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Saturday, May 31, 2014


Last night, after getting off work at 8pm, I decided I'd order a pizza from Marco's.  Marco's is about as close as you can get to good south side Chicago pizza out here in Fort Collins; thin crust, lots of sauce and mozzarella cheese, and cut in squares as opposed to the slice.

So I called them up and they are closed down.  Out of business.  Gone.  So I had left over lamb stew and a grilled cheese sandwich.

Today after I left the gym I thought I'd go grab something for lunch and decided to swing by Corner Bakery to grab the best dang potato soup I've ever had.  Strange how much I like good potato soup because I really don't like potatoes; don't eat fries, don't like 'em baked, just not a fan.  But I do love Corner Bakery Potato soup.

So I swung by their store on College Ave and then are closed down.  What the hell?  I knew they didn't do a good evening crowd but it was always busy in the mornings and lunches.

So this afternoon, I did a little research and found a rather terrifying factoid; retail stores are hurting, even WalMart is seeing slumping sales.

David Stockman, the young financial wizard of the Reagan years, who is not so young anymore, wrote a great column on what is happening:


You really should take some time to read the link, it is very eye popping.

There were several things that caught my eye, including the following:

Wall Street investment bank geniuses rated JC Penney a buy from $85 per share in 2007 all the way down to $5 a share in 2013. No more needs to be said about Wall Street “analysis”.

First of all, as a life long JC Penney shopper, I am sadden to see another great store bite the dust very soon, not sure where I'll buy stuff next time I need to buy clothing.  But it's the Wall Street Analyst comment, buy buy buy, as the stock dove dove dove.

If we are to ever fix the american economy, the first thing that needs to go is Wall Street.  I'm not against stocks or bonds.  Nor puts or calls.  I even appreciate good mutual fund companies.  But all the other gimmicks they come up with have led to a lot of our economic decline and when derivatives burst, well there are more derivatives owned by banks and pension funds than there is money in the economy of the planet, which if that doesn't make sense, that is my point.

All publicly traded corporations now are playing this quarterly earnings game where if you are just a penny off per share what some stupid Ivy League analyst predicted you would be at, your stock will tank.  I'd love to see the next time some analyst at XYZ predicts some big earnings per share for ABC company that they miss, if that XYZ company weren't shorting the ABC company and make millions off the missing of the earnings per share.  That is part of the rigged game going on and you can bet payoffs are aplenty in this game.

Secondly, at that link you see the following graph

This is a most telling graph by what it shows and what is not included.  If you look at the top 1% of earners, most are pretty flat in terms of growth except those 1% of the 1% who are seeing great gains in income.  What is missing from this graph?

You and me. See, the bottom 99% would really screw up this graph because are earnings have been going down down down.  Even if you were working all those years, making 5% raises every year, guess what, you'd still have less buying power today than you did 30 years ago.  In other words, if you were making 30k in 1984 and now make 65k in 2014, guess what, you were richer in 1984 in terms of buying power. And that is using the fake inflation numbers out of Washington.  Use the real inflation rate and you'd have to make over 90k today to equal 30k in 1984.

So, how bad is the economy?  This is labor force participation of all adults 18 to 65 years old.  Now remember something important here, we are at the same % as in 1979, but in 1979, the women made up much less of the workforce, the nuclear family was still around and popular.

But pay attention to what has happened since 2009 - I know, blame Bush.  The point is our current holder in office has done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to revert the trend.  Nada.  The economy was crap when he came in and it's just continued down the crapper.

Well, unless you are a 1% type person, but then they ate out at 5 star restaurants last night, they don't order pizza or visit corner bakeries, now do they.

As each retail store closes, more people lose jobs.  As each loses a job, they quit shopping, causing more to close.  As more and more look for work, the wages of labor go down and down, creating and ever increasing spin cycle of doom and gloom for the economy.

And now baby boomers are retiring, spending will drop, many spending retirement money planned for their 70's in their 50's as they lost those jobs they thought were safe so who is going to buy new stuff?  New cars are not really selling anything close to actual production, I can't find the link but read an article a couple of weeks ago that showed photographs of areas stacked with unsold cars, one companies test track area is now a parking lot of unsold new vehicles.

I am glad I found a job, have a job, and doing well at the job, but at some point as more and more people are out of work, when will my job be affected?  When people don't buy new toys or computers every two years but every 5 years, will I have a job?

Other than outright theft, I still cannot figure out how Obama was able to win reelection with so many people out of work, unable to find work, or under employed so badly. Did Romney have the answers?  I don't know, but I sure know that Obama doesn't have a clue how to fix this thing and we've got two more years of going down ahead of us.

Avarice and greed
Are gonna drive you over the endless sea
They will leave you drifting in the shallows
Or drowning in the oceans of history
Traveling the world, you're in search of no good
But I'm sure you'll build your Sodom, like you knew you would
Using all the good people for your galley slaves
As your little boat struggles through the warning waves

But you don't pay
You will pay tomorrow
You're gonna pay tomorrow, yeah
You gonna pay tomorrow

Save me
Save me from tomorrow
I don't want to sail with this ship of fools,
Oh, save me
Save me from tomorrow
I don't want to sail with this ship of fools,

Where's it coming from?
Oh, where's it going to?
It's just a
It's just a ship of fools

Here we go
All aboard

World Party

Monday, May 26, 2014


Have you ever noticed people who are just absolutely fanatical on a subject?  Whether it is Westboro Baptist screaming everyone is going to hell who doesn't follow their pastor or atheist liberals wanting to convince us abortion is not murder, they get so passionate about their cause that spittle flies off their lips trying to convince and force their beliefs on you.

Now, there are things I am passionate about, things I am just sure of, but those are not the things that make spittle fly off my mouth; it's when I'm not sure about something, but have this need to convince myself it's true, that is when the spittle flies.  So I often wonder if all these people running around trying to force and shove a belief system on everyone else aren't just trying to convince themselves that they are right when deep down inside they know they are not.

Frankly, if you don't believe me, I don't really care.  If you got information I don't have, please share it and let me ponder it.

So, Westboro was out here a couple of weekends ago protesting because apparently CSU only graduates homosexuals and fornicators they think.   And our excellent police force was protecting them from a small group of counter protestors who looked as stupid as the others as I and thousands of others drove by them on College Ave.  Which is the point, everyone just drove by.

When I want nuts, I have a couple of jars of Organic Almond Butter I spread on the bread with a banana.  Yes, crunchy, thanks for asking.

Fort Collins has apparently passed a whole bucket full of laws that now make everyone pick thru their garbage piece by piece to make sure cardboard goes to recycle, but only certain types of cardboard.  So now I am forced to recycle too.  I have two baskets now, one has anything that might have my address on it and be traceable and the other is where everything else goes so when I throw my bag into the dumpster they won't trace the bag with cans, garbage, cardboard, etc back to me.

As I wrote once before, nuke the F***ing Whales.

So, am I paranoid of the Green Police?  Or the Politically Correct Police?  You bet I am. Law was once simple, it paralleled the 10 Commandments and you knew stealing and murder were wrong.  Now we have about 50K new laws per year passed in this country and ignorance of the law is not an excuse but seriously, who isn't ignorant of all the laws?  Which means we have a totalitarian government that anytime you piss them off can just pull some law out of the books and nail you to the wall and because most of our population is brainless, they will convict you in a heartbeat so they can get home in time to watch Wheel of Fortune.

Being paranoid is just common sense in todays America.  Think about it.  Do you think, just for a minute amuse me, that our government might be doing something we are not aware of that might harm us in some way?  What about corporations?  Do you honestly think that media manipulation of stories, commercials, the shows, the movies, etc aren't designed to make us think certain ways about certain things?  Do you honestly don't think that financial manipulations are not taking place that aren't screwing the average american into the ground?  I know my imaginary readers are not dense, but how many millions and millions of americans still think unemployment is around 6% and inflation is around 2% when the cost of meat has doubled this year?  Duh?

But if you think these things, you are considered paranoid by the government, the media, and the APA.  They will take away your guns, give you psycho drugs and tell you to just watch TV like everyone else.

Look back over TV the last 30 years, the very slow introduction of homosexuality into mainstream shows: a gay character here or there, never showing any gay behaviors, just mentioned.  Then shows slowly started introducing more and more into the system: successive approximations to the target behavior.  We were programmed.

Now I'm not picking on homosexuality here, just using it because it is a more obvious example.  Like most, I don't really care what people are doing as long as it's consenting adults.  Ask me what I think about gay marriage and I really don't think about it, could care less.  I only get PO'd when I'm told my thinking is bigoted or something because I don't see the world someone else's way.

I am not a bigot, I just rejected the brainwashing.  Northern Exposure, one of my favorite shows, pulled his off beautifully.  They introduce a gay couple wanting to start a bed and breakfast and when Maurice finds out they are gay, he tries to pull out of the deal.  Maurice was wrong and made to look stupid and foolish, everyone else in town was okay with it.  Gay couple good, against it was stupid and foolish.  Happens all the time on TV and movies.

Same with Islam, I really don't care.  People want to pray to a false god, no problem here.  Go for it, pray to a moon god, a sun god, predict your future from tea leaves or bowel movements, have at it.  But if you tell me about it, I will tear it to shreds; if you don't want it torn to shreds, don't mention it.  Now if I tell you about Christ, you are welcome to accept it, reject it and if you are dumb enough to try to tear it to shreds, you better be prepared for a debate.  But I won't hit you, spit on you, cut your head off, tear your beating heart out of your chest like those peaceful moon worshipers are doing.

I admit I still feel totally out of place in the world today.  I kind of feel like I'm sitting in a rocking chair watching train wrecks forming up and realizing there is no sense in screaming from the roof tops because these wrecks have been planned for so long there really is no stopping most of them today.  There is no political solution for our mess, it is a moral mess and we now live in amoral times.  We provide better health care and benefits for illegal aliens than we do for our soldiers coming home from war.  We reward sin, we condemn morality, we promote sociopathic people while moral people are let out the door.

Common sense has been washed from most of the minds of americans.  Our school systems, our entertainment, our food supplies, and our workplace all reward relativism and a mental slavery while punishing individuals and independent thinking.

The farmer, once the backbone of this country, is being forced out of business by corporate farms who use genetically modified seeds that will affect our bodies and our brains.  Did you know that a chicken today has 3x the fat and 1/2 the protein of a chicken back in the 1970's.  We stuff the food supply with genetically modified grains and drugs to make them fat faster and then scratch our heads at why everyone is getting fat who is eating those animals.

Doesn't take a rocket scientist, just a little common sense.

The real problem is how to live in this world until the collapse.  How to hide from the doctors who now report everything to the government, your internet which is read by the government, your grocery shopping which stores sell your buying history to corporations, insurance companies, and the government; how to hide?  You can't even shop with cash anymore without raising alarms.

Paranoia is not insanity, it's common sense in today's world.  To paraphrase an old quote, you can ignore reality, you just can't ignore the consequences of your ignorance.

Turn off the TV, go read some though provoking stuff like Persig or CS Lewis, stop the world and think about what they are saying, what you are seeing.  Read the Wisdom books in the Bible: Job, Psalms, Proverbs then read them again.  Look around and remember, because it won't be here much longer.

That is just common sense.

Waiting here for Everyman--
Make it on your own if you think you can
If you see somewhere to go I understand
Waiting here for Everyman--
Don't ask me if he'll show -- baby I don't know
Make it on your own if you think you can
Somewhere later on you'll have to take a stand
Then you're going to need a hand
Everybody's just waiting to hear from the one
Who can give them the answers
And lead them back to that place in the warmth of the sun
Where sweet childhood still dances
Who'll come along
And hold out that strong and gentle father's hand?
Long ago I heard someone say something 'bout Everyman
Waiting here for Everyman--
Make it on your own if you think you can
If you see somewhere to go I understand
I'm not trying to tell you that I've seen the plan
Turn and walk away if you think I am--
But don't think too badly of one who's left holding sand
He's just another dreamer, dreaming 'bout Everyman

Sunday, May 25, 2014


Wow, I pulled one off this weekend.  I made lamb stew, which I never made before and hit it out of the park on the first try.

My philosophy on cooking is get an idea, read some other recipes on the topic, then head to the store and throw the kitchen sink at the meal.  And it usually sucks, so then I spend the next week working on leftovers, adding some of this, a little more of that, until I get something editable.

Dead solid perfect out of the gate.  I mean there are beans, several root type veggies, onions, two bulbs of garlic, lamb, sherry, cinnamon, vanilla and I don't remember what else.  There is also enough of it to supply a meal every night for the next two weeks, though I suspect I will take a break here or there.

Garlic is SO much easier now that I have this really great garlic peeler.  I just wrap up the garlic bulb in paper towels and then take the garlic peeler, sometime referred to as a hammer, and smack it three of four times and can get that garlic out in seconds.

Tomorrow is Memorial Day, when millions of americans will celebrate the holiday honoring cows by sacrificing various cuts of meat over the barbecue to honor the beast while drinking as many adult beverages as their spouse will allow.  I am not sure that is what it was meant for.

So let me explain to the younger generations why you or a parent has the day off tomorrow so you can sit on your butt and play 10 hours of some video game where you are the super soldier killing all the bad guys.  Tomorrow is the day we honor all those men and women who didn't play soldiers, but were soldiers, and died giving you a country where you could waste your life away playing dumb ass video games while downing energy drinks and potato chips.

These men and women died on the fields of New England and the mid eastern states back in the late 1700's so we were not under the rule of some idiot who called himself Obama, er, I mean King.  Then we killed off millions of each other so black men and women were no longer slaves, though if you really look at the history you will find that famous Emancipation Declaration really only freed slaves in southern states, not Union states and the whole slavery thing came about during the war; the real reason it started was a states rights versus federal rights thing but that doesn't make good history.

Our ancestors fought twice in Europe, because after the first time we set it up to make sure we had to go back and millions of people died in those two wars.  Then things started to get ugly, with wars being fought not so much to free men but to create jobs and profits for the military industrial complex but that should not take anything away from our fathers, grandfathers, brothers, sisters, etc who died in Korea and Vietnam.

Speaking of 'Nam, you've probably heard about what a great progressive newsman Walter Cronkite was, but that man single handedly cost another 15,000 amerians their lives in Vietnam.  See, the Tet Offensive was a complete loss for the viet cong; they shot their wad with it and lost on every front.  So they were contacting the french to act as intermediaries in their surrender when good ol' uncle Walter got on the evening news and announced the war in Vietnam was lost - causing the vietcong to cancel that surrender and another 5 years of fighting ensued ending with us leaving and millions of southern vietnamese being slaughtered.  Wonder how that went on judgment day for ol' uncle Walter.

And we've had men and women die in the middle east in I forget how many wars now, I think the world just decided that all wars now will be fought in the middle east cause no one cares about all that sand or the people living there.

The point is, these men and women didn't spend their time fantasizing about being soldiers, they were soldiers, and when they died, the game didn't start over, they didn't get to buy magic wands or belts or something to ward off the bullets, they died, most painfully, probably crying for their mom's or wives or husbands or dads, and there were not Red Bull breaks.

They died believing they were dying for a reason, to leave a better world behind, so that their kids, grandkids, nephews, nieces, etc etc could all live in a world where they can sit on their butts playing video games, eating barbecue, getting high and texting their friends while they play war across the internet.

So take a least a minute out of your day tomorrow and try to remember some of these men and women who died.  Okay?


Well, since I already broke one rule this weekend by repeating a blog, I am now going to make it two days in a row and do something I vowed never to do: give advice on raising kids.  Not being a parent gives me that certain viewpoint of objectivity, code word for never actually having done it so I don't know what I am talking about.

So my knowledge of child rearing is very similar to Obama's knowledge of economics, foreign affairs, leadership….  well you get the point.

I've been reading some of the stuff on the nut job who went off over the weekend in California and killed 7 people cause he couldn't get laid.  Now there is a way to cut down on the population, everyone who can't get laid go on a killing spree of those who can get laid.  His dad is some powerful hollywood director of Hunger Games.  Father of one of the dead kids, who is suffering in ways I can't imagine, blames politicians and guns.  Maybe, one day, said father will think that if he'd trained his son proper handgun usage and made his son take gun classes and made his son work to buy his gun then his son would have been carrying a pocket Beretta Nano on that day, be alive today, but that thought will come later.

But the victim's father isn't the problem here.

In reading about the kid's life, one thing became very evident - this is a case where you can blame the parent.  Talk about producing and raising a sociopathic snobby brat of a child.  He can't understand why he can't get laid, he wears nice clothes and drives a really hot car - which is true - that is a hot BMW black coupe, I wonder if his folks are selling it?

But read where this comes from.  This is a kid, if I read this correctly, who got a private party birthday gift of Katy Perry performing at the party.  This kid was spoiled so badly he thought he deserved the love and adoration of all those girls on campus

It really is fascinating reading to get the background on this kid and realize this was inevitable; this kid was going to kill and it's a fracking roadmap for many a psych student for future papers - or parents wishing to raise a sociopath.

Parents who buy their kids everything.  What is that about?  Replacing love and time with monetary gifts to create a child who thinks he deserves love because he has all the 'stuff'?

And then comes the temper tantrum.  I will bet the farm that if you look further into this kid's past, you are going to find other times he did something bad, illegal, and was 'gotten out' of the problem by his folks -  a life with no consequences for behavior.

And no moral compass, a 22 year old who didn't mind dying because there was nothing left, nothing more, just blink out of existence.  A spoiled wealthy kid who never had to work for anything in life, had everything given to him, and grew to expect all that stuff  given was because he was 'special'.  He had no skills at handling rejection, no skills at understanding he wasn't special, no skills at anything other than superficial thinking and temper tantrums.  And, we will soon find, poor little rich kid grew up on ADD or other such drugs as a regular part of his diet.  Watch.

I'm surprised his dad hadn't hired Bill Clinton to coach his son on scoring with the opposite sex.  I'm sure Bill would have loved spending a week on campus showing the kid how to pick up da chicks.

Life in America.  Bunch of young people killed by some snobby spoiled rich kid; people thinking that it was all the fault of the gun; twitter verse alive with young girls and boys who think the dead psycho is 'hot'; and one peon guy in Colorado thinking that no matter how weird this all sounds, it is only going to get stranger and stranger as we move forward to the inevitable conclusion.

I can't seem to face up to the facts
I'm tense and nervous and I can't relax
I can't sleep, 'cause my bed's on fire
Don't touch me, I'm a real live wire

Psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est?
Fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, far better
Run, run, run, run, run, run away

Talking Heads

Friday, May 23, 2014


May 24th is the anniversary of Barkley dying.  I kind of had a rule never repost old blog postings just to fill space, but I am making an exception today.  So if you read the old blog or if you are one of the 30 readers of my best selling only in my dreams book, then you've read this before.  If not, enjoy:

Thursday, September 15, 2011

The REAL Barkley

I wrote all of these journals as a blog called The Cognitive Dissonance of Barkley Pontree.  Truth is, Barkley was my dog.  

In 2000, I contacted Michigan BC Rescue and adopted a new border collie.  Kahlua, my first BC, died in 1999 after 14 years.  Got her in Texas, she travelled with me from there to NJ, then MI, then UT, then IL.  I think the dog crapped in about 35 states.  Man, I loved that dog.  To this day, when highway driving and I hit the blinker to get off at the next exit, I can still see,  out of the corner of my eye, Kahlua waking up in the passenger seat to look out the window.

Barkley had two previous owners but had been badly treated.  I was told he was called Barkley after Charles Barkley.  I'm surprised they didn't sell me the Brooklyn Bridge while they were at it.

Barkley was, shall we say, disturbed.  He would bark and howl like he was caught in a bear trap when, oh, the postman came by, UPS, Fed Ex, or you gave him a bath, or combed him out after a bath.  It always cracked me up picking him up at the vets after a bath and you could hear him howling like a banshee when they tried to give him a comb out before bringing him up. And he was bullheaded to the core.  After about a month, I realized I got a dog that was me, my mirror image in a dog.  I felt like calling every boss I'd worked for and girl I dated and saying I'm sorry, never realized what a pain in the ass I could be.

One time, I had him at the vet and he wanted to trim Barkley's nails.  So I'm up on the table putting the dog in a full nelson while wrapping up his back legs and the doc is cutting his nails and that dog sounded like we were killing him.  When we walked out into the lobby, the two girls at the desk and four customers were just staring at us and I said "boy, that's the  last time I try to save a few bucks on anesthesia when I get a dog fixed."  The desk gals were not happy with that comment and rushed to assure the shocked customers I was kidding.

We tried everything with Barkley to get him to behave including a shock collar, which just pissed him off.  He loved to herd people, including nipping them in the ass, which kept him on the local police department's list of dangerous dogs and the homeowners insurance agent busy.  Pulled my dad down twice when being walked; once my dad broke his nose, the second time his shoulder so I banned him from walking the dog any more and put up a fence.

The dog, though, thought the backyard was part of the house and refused to go either ways to the bathroom.  I had to order wolf urine over the internet and spray it around the backyard to get him to at least piss in the yard.  I was at work eating lunch when I ordered the urine and a woman came up behind me and saw what was on the screen and asked why I was ordering wolf urine and I told her it's for male pattern baldness and bent my head and showed her how great it was working.

The woman never talked to me again.

Finally, I just learned to appreciate Barkley for what Barkley was and quit trying to change him and things went well after that point.  After a couple of years, Barkley started 'seeing ghosts'.  He would be lying on the floor and suddenly jump up, look straight up at the ceiling, back and forth with his head, and then dart out of the room and you'd find him lying underneath a couch or bed.

I took him to the vet after about six months of this going on and sure enough, he did it in the docs office.  The vet, in his 50's, said "wow" and left the room for about 10 minutes and when he came back in he had his college textbooks and suddenly the cash register sound started ringing in my head.  He explained the behavior is called 'fly chasing' and very rare.  Sometimes it's caused by seizures and other time behavioral, and that Purdue University has a great program and he'd like me to take the dog to Purdue so the dog psychologists could study him.

At this point in my life, my mom was bedridden.  While at work, I had a caretaker come in about 9 hours a day to take care of her (cash register rings) and then in the evenings I'd pick her up out of bed to put her on the portable toilet.  That was my weekends too.  Dad helped but he couldn't lift her.  And I was in the process of straightening out my dad's finances which I'd ignored until it was way too late and was going to have to take out an additional home equity loan to fix.  And now some vet wants me to hire a caretaker on Saturday's so I can drive 3 hours to take my dog to see a psychologist at Purdue?

I said, "Doc, there has to be a pill.  There has to be a pill either for the dog or for me.  I don't care which one of us you prescribe a pill for, but one of us is walking out of here with a script and I'm not going to Purdue." (Little bit of info here, those dog tranquilizers they give dogs for fireworks and such, that is Valium.  Same Valium people take but a lot cheaper.  After finding that out, I found taking two doggie downers myself was a much more relaxing way of dealing with 4th of July fireworks and the barking dog than giving them to the dog.  A couple of doggie downers and Dark Side of the Moon thru the headphones and it was July 10th before I knew it.)

So the dog (damn) got put on Phenobarbital which is a great elephant tranquilizer and good to stop seizures in dogs apparently.   And no, I never took the Phenobarbital.

The first half of 2010 was a bad year.  I was trying to sell the house so we could move to CO, where my dad wanted to live again.  Dropping the prices, selling silver coins, sell my beautiful Acura, trying to keep us afloat until we could sell the house and one morning in May I wake up and Barkley can't stand up.

So I take him to the vet and they run some tests and find he's got a big tumor on his heart and the sac around the heart is filled with blood, pressing on his throat and spine.  So they drained it and got a good look at the tumor and said there was nothing they could do, chances of him living thru surgery are pretty small.  They didn't know if the sac would fill up in 24 hours or 24 days.

It actually filled up again in about 7 hours.

By 10 that night, he was unable to stand without falling over, weeping in pain.  You could see the confusion in the dog's face, looking at me like what the hell is wrong.  I'm laying with him on the floor of the living room and go get the towel.  I can't let the dog suffer all night long.  I'm crying and I am praying to God to please take the dog, don't make me go thru suffocating him.  I'm hugging him, praying to God for 10 minutes to please please take the dog and don't make me do this. Suddenly, the dog licks my hand, takes three deep breaths, and dies.

Are you crying?  I am, again.  Man, I've been burying that story for over a year.

And to all the atheists or agnostics or deists who don't think that was an answered prayer, well, blow me.

So that is who Barkley is, or was.  The dog nobody wanted.  The dog nobody would keep or put up with that landed in my lap and I gave him 10 good years of life.    

Lane, Dick (2013-07-17). FOLIE A DEUX: A Madness Shared By Two (Kindle Locations 1804-1835).  . Kindle Edition. 

Saturday, May 17, 2014


Well, Thursday night I started a new blog about conspiracy theorists and how being such a person is really common sense, then this morning I read someone else's article on the same topic and it kind of ruined the whole thing so I had to delete it and start over.

I hate regurgitating in my writing.

Which brings me to being about 2/3 of the way thru re-reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.  There is a section on the very topic of writing which I adopted years ago.  Even today, when I write a scholastic paper, I read and read, then think and think, then I just write the paper from my own mind; later I go back and add the quotes and references to satisfy professor types who insist that all writing be footnoted with wise people of the past and present, whether it really adds anything to the paper or not - what it really means is you can't write an original thought, if you have an idea, it must be shown others have had the same idea before in order for the idea to be legitimate.

Persig talks in the book of students that are stuck and making them draw down to something specific, don't write about the town, pick a building in the town, then start telling the story of one brick - that way you have to put on paper the words from your mind, not someone else's.  I remember when my niece was in HS and she had to write a paper on Egypt and was stuck and I told her to write the story from the perspective on the top stone on a pyramid; give it a consciousness and it's awakening being made to it's placement and it's view of history.  Don't know if she ever did it or if she did what she got, but I thought it was a cool idea.

In chapter 11, Persig discusses Hume and Kant, the Bevis and Butthead of philosophy.  Hume made the argument that all knowledge comes from our senses; sight, sound, touch, etc.  Hume postulates that if you took a baby at birth and put it in a chamber where it could not move, see, hear, make a sound, of feel anything and took the person out after 18 years Hume argued that said person would have no thought in his brain, that all knowledge comes from sensory learning.  What this implies is that all knowledge comes from outside, the environment, substance, whatever you want to call it and we 'learn' it from our senses. The implication: all knowledge exists out there and we discover it through our senses.  Which means we will need to define what this is, but since it cannot be defined, measured, etc., the logical conclusion is that it is just in our imagination.  For example, causation - is that something we observe or something we imagine we observe?

Hume laid out a fairly logical argument that all "laws of nature", logic, and reason are just inventions of the human mind.

The problem with Hume, my thinking here, is what is missing and that 18 year old is missing language.  Take that 18 year old out of sensory deprivation and he sees a car and there is no way for him to conceptualize or explain anything other than pain, pleasure, or something in between because without language there is no context to explain, categorize, or identify.

Which brings up an interesting theological question I have always pondered: when God created Adam, how did God communicate with him?  Adam named all the plants and animals, so Adam was created with language, how did that happen?

Which introduces Kant, who understood if Hume was correct then all scientific theories were nothing more than inventions of the human imagination, which may be the only thing Hume said that makes any sense.  So Kant's book on Reason is an answer to Hume, to explain that all men are born with an a priori knowledge, that we are born with certain knowledge wired into us, like birds flying south, and this a priori knowledge includes the laws of nature and logic.

A good argument to refute Hume except Kant made it all up in his imagination - you cannot ask Kant or anyone to prove this existence of a priori knowledge existing in an infant at birth, Kant saved science and reason by being quite unscientific and unreasonable.

Truth is, time doesn't really exist, we made it up but outside of our little bubble it is timeless.  Same with matter.  An atom, if you take the mass of the elections, protons, and nuclei, add them all up, only account for an incredibly small amount of the space of an atom, something like comparing 1 second to 3,000 years.  All the rest is empty space. So this table, if the atoms stopped moving, would theoretically simply disappear, which is rather mind boggling when you think about it but I won't because I suspect going down that thought path would eventually lead to some sort of insanity, so this is the end of today's story.

Confusion never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks, gonna
Come back and take you home
I could not stop that you now know


Come out upon my seas
Curse missed opportunities, am I
A part of the cure
Or am I part of the disease


Friday, May 9, 2014


I miss writing.  I miss the passion I wrote with not so long ago and now it seems forced. Too bad I didn't earn a living writing.  I know I might have made some money if I'd sold space on the blog or a web page, advertising anything and everything to make a buck, but I always felt if I did that I'd be selling out.  Once I signed up for a pay pal 'please send me money' thing and think I had it on the old blog for almost 24 hours before I took it back off.  Seemed, dirty.

I have learned one thing, we really should make people take IQ tests before they are allowed to do certain things like drive, vote, buy technology.  Nothing more on that topic though.

Well, we learned this week the definitive definition of how to kill your career, no not mine, though writing this I guess could catch the attention of the PCP and end my career I reckon.

I'm talking about two stories: the coming 'expose' about Monica Lewinsky - which sounds strangely like a plot to clear the air before Hillary's run for the White House.  I don't think I ever mentioned Monica by name in any blog I posted because I can't imagine the hell the poor girl has faced in life forever associated with the BJ.  How could that not possibly come up, no pun intended, on the resume?  I don't care what degrees you put after her name, Monica Lewinsky PhD, MD, DrDiv, DDE, DDT, PCP, or JJD; all anyone will remember is BJ.

Always felt  a little sorry for her.  She is scarred for life and Clinton lives like a king.  I wouldn't leave my dog alone with Bill Clinton.

On the other hand, the two bit actress who decided to film her abortion like it was some sort of senior film school project hit a level of disgusting that really can't be described in words.  What I did find fascinating though was her comment that she had a sonogram taken of the baby before she aborted it.


Anyone keep the x-rays of that tumor, abscessed tooth, or bad heart around to remember it by?  But keeping the picture of the baby in the womb so you could remember how you decided to snuff all it ever could have been out, not just for your convenience but to make a short film?  Who is going to hire this chick for a movie now?  "oh, let's invest 100 million dollars in a film and let's put this babe in it that millions will refuse to see the movie because she is an absolute twit"?

And you are keeping a picture?  Isn't that borderline serial killers keeping souvenirs of the people they kill?  Why didn't she just eat it when it was done?  Oh, maybe she is a member of PETA, which just would bring a whole new level of 'bang my head into the wall so I can just be a stupid as the rest of the world".

But there was one other thing that happened recently that has been bouncing around my head.  I was talking to someone last weekend about things and the subject of being a caretaker for my dad came up and Alzheimer's.  And one of the people in the group commented that, towards the end of that disease, the person you are caring for isn't really your mom or dad anymore.

I don't remember if I addressed this attitude before, but let me tell you something: of course it is your mom or dad, who the hell else would they be?  Yes, they may not know you, know who they are, where they are, or even what planet they are on, but that is still that mother or father that raised you, sacrificed for you, worked overtime for you, put you thru school, bailed you out when you wrecked the car, and every other little thing you did, they were there and to just throw such people off to homes and tell yourself that it's okay because it's not really them is as big a lie as telling yourself that a baby in the womb is not really human life.

But toss away both, we do.  And one day the bill for that decision will come.

 We were so close, there was no room
We bled inside each other's wounds
We all had caught the same disease
And we all sang the songs of peace
Some came to sing, some came to pray
Some came to keep the dark away

So raise the candles high
'Cause if you don't we could stay black against the sky
Oh, raise them higher again
And if you do we could stay dry against the rain

Lay down, lay down
Lay it all down


Thursday, May 1, 2014


So, another one bites the dust, maybe…

Some guy who may be a nice guy or the biggest racist in the country had a private conversation with a woman he apparently trusted exposed in public and now the politically correct  police (PCP) are having a conniption and their panties are all in a wad.  The NBA immediately overreacted and have banned him from any stadiums and are looking at forcing him to sell his ownership in the NBA where the racist evil man is paying black guys 10's of millions of dollars to be his slaves on his plantation.

Not my word there folks, that is what several blacks have said, he has some sort of plantation mentality.

This comes about two months after a guy, I'm too lazy to look up his name, who is one of the founding genius's of the internet world wide web and had just been named president of a big high tech company and one month of being on the job and the politically correct police (PCP) discovered, oh my gosh, he contributed some of his own money to fight the gay marriage bill in California so he is out of a job.

Gays come out of the closet and he is out of the job.

So here is a question: have you ever said or done anything in your life that will cause you to lose your job if the PCP find out?  Scary, huh.  I sometimes wonder about some of the things I write here or wrote in my book, would it offend some member of the PCP and cause them to come after me?

So this guy, who may be the biggest jerk in the world, buys an NBA team and now they can just strip him of the team?  They take his business away from him?  Or the guy who was forced out of his job because he contributed money to a cause the PCP opposed?

Remembering some jokes you once told?  Wondering if they will come back to haunt you?

What you really see here should not surprise anyone.  History is full of this phenomena.  Look at any country in history, where the government treated a segment of society badly and when that segment rose up and overthrows said government, what happens?  They become just as evil against others as people were against them.  Hell, the entire 20th century was nothing but this playing out time and time again; Lenin, Stalin, Pol Pot, Mao, Castro and others, rising up against one oppression and creating a created oppression in return.

So gays are out of the closet, which is good.  Discrimination against gays is going away, but being replaced by discrimination against those whom don't believe a gay life is perfectly normal and not a sin. Now those people hide in the closets, which are certainly clean and well decorated, to hide from 3% of the population.  Now some rich guy who could buy an NBA team gets stabbed in the back by some chick and now his players he pays 10 or 15 million dollars a year to play some stupid game are screaming about being slaves?

Sure is a strange world that just keeps getting stranger.  I hope he sells the team to Oprah so she can institute all that love and pay all the players the same and provide them 100% heath coverage, a retirement plan with 100% matching and all those other things.

In some ways, what we see are children who are never told no have grown into adults and are still whining and throwing tantrums to get their way and no one can tell them no any longer.

Something bad is happening here and nothing is going to stop the flow of this mentality until the whole thing comes crashing down.  It's not like straight white people are going to stand up and say no.

 Before the breathin' air is gone
Before the sun is just a bright spot in the nighttime
Out where the rivers like to run
I stand alone and take back somethin' worth rememberin'