This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Saturday, April 5, 2014


Well, the new job is going well, was on the phones all week and my calls were monitored and graded and except for always forgetting one thing I did well.  Had a conversation with the manager on Thursday and he said not hearing from them is a good sign so I felt better.

Life made me paranoid and while I'm not the type that needs his hand held or constant pats on the back, I don't trust things I can't know that are going on, so it makes me insecure; not in myself but in the world.

And on Friday I realized that the chat room with the trainees and senior mentors was an absolute fracking goldmine of questions and answers so before shutting down on Friday I made a copy of a weeks worth of chats and downloaded them to my laptop so I could go thru and create a really great book of solutions to use in calls.

And as the week went by, there were events that made me want to blog but then I really don't like spending the evenings sitting in front of a computer, nor on the phone.  I remember from my past there are two things about telephone support; you never want to talk on the phone when you aren't working - which isn't a big problem for me because I tend to keep my cell phone off most of the time; I find if you leave it on it tends to ring - and the other more dangerous thing is when you spend 40 hours a week telling people how to solve their problems it can bleed into the rest of your life and you start finding yourself telling everyone you talk to how to solve their problems.

But the one thing I miss is all the time I use to have to think - just think about things; stories, problems, issues, theology, etc.  I am not going to let this blog become nothing but some nut commenting on world events or rambling paranoid end of the world rants, if that is all it is, I'll just stop writing.  I want to think about things, bounce and toss things in my head until I come up with something.  But lately finding time to ponder the mysteries of life is difficult.  You can't just think about things for an hour here and hour there, it takes hours and hours some times, well, at least for me it does, to think things through.

I miss that, though no one pays me to do that and I'm enjoying paychecks.  The dog likes them too, I don't sit staring at him wondering how to cook a dog anymore.

My new shift starts late morning to early evening, which is cool.  I can get up and workout in the morning before work and stay up until midnight, which is my natural clock.  I might join a gym, company will cover about 75% of the monthly cost and I found a good one downtown that has a good weight room, a really hard to use step machine - not those wuzzie elliptical things, and also has cross training stuff like kettles, rings, and stuff.  Sitting on my butt 40 hours a week, I will need to daily hit the legs and back in the gym - got to keep those legs in good shape and the intestines moving, don't you know.

And on a special note, I don't know if I've ever thanked many of you, regular readers of my blog for the past year, two years, etc.  It actually means a lot to me to have regular readers who comment and care, strangers who probably know me better than many friends and still hang around and keep coming back.  The blog, unlike the old Barkley blog, doesn't seem to get all those fake hits, and it's consistently getting about 1000 hits a month, which is nice especially now that I don't post as consistently.

So thank you.

 Where did I find all these words
Something inside of me is burning
There's life in other worlds
Maybe they'll come to earth
Helping man to find a way

One day I hope we'll be in perfect harmony
A planet with one mind
Then I could tell you
All the things inside my head

I'm going to sing my song
And sing it all day long
A song that never ends
How can I tell you, all the things inside my head.

Moody Blues