This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Friday, March 14, 2014


This just in, President Obama has put Putin on double secret probation.

How many times have you been told not to sweat the small stuff?  Well today was the first of three tests new trainees have to pass to keep with the program.  Fail and you are gone.  All week long we were told, don't worry, no problem, you're doing great, it will be easy.  Don't sweat the small stuff.

The problem with that theory is it's wrong.  Plain ass backwards.

Look, if you live long enough, you will see some big bad hit your path in life.  Death, disease, accidents, business loses, job loses etc.  And you know something I've realized? You can't really do anything about those times.  You can't really prepare for them, you won't see them coming, you just take the hit and try to get on with life.

But it's the small stuff that will really get you.

Did you want ice cream or a ruby red grapefruit for desert?  Ice cream?  No problem.  Having ice cream once won't hurt you.  It's a small thing.  No big deal.  But after 10 years of choosing ice cream over grapefruit, guess what, it's now impacted your life big time.  Work out today?  No big deal, but after several years of no exercise, now that little thing, the small stuff, is having a big impact on your life.

How hard is it, really, during a break in the day to do as many pushups as you can do?  Not hard at all, but we don't.  It's easy to do and it's easier not to do.  So we choose each day, each moment, little choices, small stuff, but it's those choices that really define who we are and what we are.

Yea, how we respond to the big stuff is important, don't get me wrong, but it's usually all that small stuff choices we've made that will determine if we survive the big stuff.  Taking care of my dad, how different it would have been if I'd been in bad shape, high blood pressure, etc.  It probably would have killed me with a stroke or heart attack.  Or what if I'd had a bad back?  Doing all that lifting?  I don't think so.

But it's because I've spent most of my adult life exercising, because I have a rule only eat desert twice a year, because I choose Amy's or Evol frozen foods to eat instead of burgers, fries, and stuff every day that I was able to survive being a caretaker for Alzheimer's.

The test was not easy, by the way.  I know they monitor our behavior on the computer they provide: they can listen to our calls, watch what we do on the screen, and it wouldn't surprise me if they can listen to each of us or even watch us.  And I'm okay with that.  I plug the computer in, attach the internet cable and turn it on when I'm on their dime and when I'm done it gets unplugged and disconnected from the net.  So they very well could of heard me bitching and complaining about the questions while I took  the test.

Fortunately, I sweat the small stuff.  I'd screen captured every damn page of every damn lesson, took notes by hand, so I found the correct answers that others, afterwards, were complaining about to the instructors.  Some of those questions I swear were never discussed during the last two weeks, I have a good memory for what I hear, though I don't alway hear everything because my brain is off on a tangent of sort.

So in the end, because I sweat the small stuff, I aced it with a perfect score.  Several in the class, much smarter than little ol' me, didn't get a perfect score though they passed.

Sweat the small stuff folks.  Look at all the little choices we make each day and start changing one or two each day.  Pick the grapefruit over the cake, do the pushups, squats, yoga or whatever at a break.  The small stuff will kill you.