This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Saturday, March 29, 2014


When I started my new job, I had to get a landline copper wired phone; apparently for some reason they couldn't use voice over IP so off went vonage and in came Century Link.  The cost of the phone would be 17 bucks a month, no long distance, but it's all I need for the job.

So imagine my surprise when the 17 dollar service actually costs 29 bucks a month.  Why?  Did I get ripped off in some sort of scam?  No, there are 12 dollars in taxes and fees on a 17 dollar bill.  That is a 41% tax.  And for what?  Well, we have $7.43 for federal access charges and access recovery charges, what ever those mean.  And there are 5.29 in taxes fees and surcharges like federal state county city colorado universal federal universal the colorado telecommunication relay service fund and the city occupation tax.

I didn't use commas because I was afraid they would be taxed too.

So I got curious and looked at my cable internet bill and my cell phone bill and found out when I combine the three bills I'm paying nearly 50 bucks a month in taxes, fees, and surcharges.  That would buy two weeks of Amy's or evol frozen organic GMO free lunches for me.  Smf or And if my fingers were resting properly on the keyboard, now that I'm getting a paycheck for the first time since 2009, it's amazing how much those FICA taxes hurt.  When you are making 90k a year, you don't care.  When you are making about 40% of that, it's a weeks worth of groceries.

Kinda pisses a guy off, don't you know.  But like 100 million others, I'll just take it up the wazoo.  And that is the problem with this country, we just keep taking it up the wazoo.

We send people to DC and our state capitals who just keep adding tax burdens to us in the guise of fees and surcharges on all our bills.  We've seen the monthly cost of health insurance nearly triple in less than 10 years, we've seen higher education costs go up 8 fold since 2000, creating an entire slave class of educational loans drones who graduate with 100k in debt while working at the only minimum wage jobs left at Starbucks.

The good news is our fearless leader is doing everything possible to pick a fight with Russia and making a bastard of a megalomaniac like Putin look like a good guy.  Think of it like this, lets' say the US broke up and became 5 independent countries and Russia decided to put in nukes in TX and Michigan, would the rest of the US be just a little bit uneasy?  Well, how do you think Moscow feels with NATO in Poland and the Ukraine?

So history is about to repeat, nothing fixes bad economies like a good world war, unless you are the loser, though even that may not be true.  All debt will be gone, the population will be thinned out by 100 million people, jobs will be available to rebuild in the non radioactive areas left in the country, and so it goes through history of men playing God while citizens complain over taxes, fees, and surcharges.


Well, passed the last two exams and I've got to say having to take multiple choice tricky questions with ambiguous wording is getting kind of old.  Should people over 50 get some sort of AARP grading curve or something?  It's a lot of pressure to know if you flunk the test you will be living in the car come April 1st.

And after haggling and playing numbers, I renewed my lease in spite of the 30 buck a month increase.  I figured out that when adding up all the costs of moving, new deposits, cleaning old place, truck rental etc that I needed to get an apartment no more the $848 a month and there are no apartments in FC/Loveland with one bedroom for that price.  Plus that extra check twice a year on the two week pay plan would all go to deposits and I need to get the brakes on the car fixed and put some away for savings or for an attorney for bankruptcy.  So I stay, at least that isn't bouncing against the wall of my brain.

By the way, never say woody in a chat room at work, it gets you a visit to the woodshed.  Even when it wasn't blatantly referring to anything but a replacement for excited about something.

I wonder when the day will come when internet usage will be taxed, fee'd and surcharged up the wazoo, to where every letter typed will be taxed.  Somewhere in DC, those elected officials doing all their insider trading are designing such a plan, count on it.

I Don't Know How I Lost The Secret I Was Holding.
Like Far Beneath The Flood, It Has Been Crushed And Broken.
So I'm Going To Find The Way, To Become What I Am.
I'm Going To Find The Way, Back Home.
I'm Going To Find The Way, To Become What I Am.
I'm Going To Find The Way, Back Home.

I Don't Know What went Wrong, I Just Can't Find The Reason.
I Thought The Game Was Won, But Facts Can Be Deceiving.
So I'm Going To Find The Way, To Become What I Am.
I'm Going To Find The Way, Back Home.

Atomic Rooster

Monday, March 24, 2014


I made a mistake in a blog awhile back - besides punctuation and misspellings, talking about science, math, and stuff.  I commented that the whole dark matter stuff was an invention of the human mind to explain why, when, we began to observe spiral galaxies we discovered that the far away stars, from the center, moved around the center in the same time as the inner stars.  But I said speed.

Well, it isn't speed.  If you draw a circle around the center that has a circumference of 200 yards and another at 20 yards, if two people at each circumference go around in the identical amount of time, then obviously the person traveling 200 yards has to be moving faster than the one at 20 yards because he has to run 10x further.

Then again, just to stretch the mind, imagine at the center you have a pole stretching outward 200 yards.  A car is attached at the 20 yard mark, one at the 50 yard mark, one at 100 yards, and one at 200 yards.  The pole is attached to a motor that will spin all the cars around the circles at the same time so each arrives back at the beginning point at the same time.  The pole moves at 1 yard a minute.  So now the car at 200 yards will move at the same speed as the one at 20 yards, yet cover 10x the distance.  How does that happen?

I probably should have paid more attention to some class because I'm not sure how or why that works.

I read at lunch today an article about preppers dying which is about time someone wrote such an article, I think it was at SHTF's website.  But it brings up an interesting point on prepping.

I have some prepping done, a 20 week supply of food for me, always keep an extra bag of dog food in the trunk, water filters, etc.  But I've come to realize people who are stockpiling really haven't thought it through.  First of all, what good is a years supply of food if you can't stay where you are at?  Like the guy out here I met with 25K rounds of ammo, how the heck is he going to carry that?

People really need a four plan prepper guide.  Plan A is supply your home.  Plan B is prepare you car with what it will carry.  Plan C is plan for riding a bike/motorcycle, and plan D is walking/running.  And if you are smart, you won't think of making 20 trips to fill up the car, one or two trips at the most, meaning the car trunk already needs to have several duffle bags/knapsacks filled with clothing, food, water filters, etc ready to go and each bag must have a mixture of the stuff.  A bike rack.  Your home should have the knapsacks ready and packed.  So if you can't get home, or don't have much time, the stuff is in the car, it's out the door, bike on the rack, and off you go and hopefully you don't let your gas tank drop below 50% before refilling each week.

So now you are off in the car, but reach a point where you can't drive, so off comes the bike, duffles on the racks, knapsack on my back (I loved that song as a kid) and off you go.  Then you need also bike repair stuff too.  But now the bike has to get tossed so it's off you go with a knapsack and a duffle, maybe.

Maybe there should be one duffle with just packages of food, a water filter and stove after all.

Gun you wear, ammo in knapsack and waist pack, rifle in knapsack and duffle.

The point is if we ever do get to those situations, you better have more than one plan ready to go at a moments notice.

Which brings me to a second point, a lesson from childhood.  Dodgeball.  We called it War - played with volleyballs.  In boy scouts we played War with volleyballs, basketballs, footballs and 16 inch softballs.  It was a tough neighborhood.  Nothing says ouch more than a football in the side of your head when you don't see it coming, though seeing it coming didn't help reduce the pain much.  Well, except the softball.

But the lesson I learned early on was when the whistle blew, don't run up to the center court to get a ball.  Be cool, hang back on the back wall and wait for the initial barrage to end.  Few survive the initial barrage.  The winners hang back and wait for the canon fodder to knock each other out.

I think that may be the key to those SHTF scenarios too.  Be able to hide out of the game for 90 days.  Let the massacres happen, let the riots happen, let the roving gangs kill each other out.  Then start to poke your head up.  Which is why staying put may not be a good idea.  Eventually, in small towns and such, even those will be overrun by roving gangs.  Lots of people here in CO will head to the mountains, I was thinking of eastern Colorado though, the opposite direction.  All that empty ranch land, got to be a few good places to hide out for three months.

Point of all this is nothing at all.  I'm not sure we will see the death and gloom spouted by talk show hosts selling survival stuff.  By the way, I mentioned at the beginning of the month the John Moore Show talking about on March 5thish that Texas cops were told to be prepared to be on their own and not able to get in touch for awhile.  But, nothing happened again.   That guy is about as wrong as beforeitsnews.com.

But when it does happen, the Biblical one, all the prepping in the world might not save you.  I think God has those picked out that will survive and there is nothing you can do if you ain't on the list.  On the other hand, you get to meet God sooner and probably with a lot less suffering than those picked to stay.

Have a nice day.

 We're still building and burning down love
Burning down love
And when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do

The city's a flood and our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind, trampled in dust
I'll show you a place high on a desert plain
Where the streets have no name


Saturday, March 22, 2014


I was watching Sherlock, episode 4, for what is probably the fourth time, tonite.  Have you seen them?  

The scene where they are having a Xmas party and Sherlock, after sticking his foot in his mouth, leans over to kiss Molly and say thank you for the present.  Just as he finishes, his phone text sound plays, which is the fulfilling moan of a woman.  Molly embarrassingly says it was not her and Sherlock says it was me.

Now how I've missed this before is beyond me, but Inspector Lestrade then says "What? Already?"

Absolutely cracked me up.  How did I miss that!


As I read through the Bible, I am often confounded by some things, amazed by others, and then there are moments that really screw my mind up for quite some time.

When I was neck deep in Alzheimer's, I spent a lot of time trying to decipher Job.  Many times it seemed in Greek, which I guess it once was, but the point is I couldn't get a grasp of anything.  Other times I had these moments of breakthrough, but in the end I was always left wanting and not finding peace.  James, on the other hand, brought me great peace though I am hard pressed to say why.

I actually tend or gravitate towards the books in the Bible that begin with 'J'.  Job, Jonah, Joel, especially Jude, and John.  Yes, I know there are others but I am not listing them all, I'm trying to get to the point early in the blog - don't fall off your chairs.

My new behavior pattern while in training with, oops, almost slipped there, is to awaken, walk and feed the dog, then mix up my breakfast - milk and Nestles Quick - then sit down and read one, two, or three chapters of the Bible.  Great way to start the day: protein, chocolate, and God.  For the past 10 days I was reading through John.

I like John and Matthew for the gospels.  And I always like John 8 even though those expert theologians claim those first few verses weren't in the original, yet when my day comes to face God, if I can ask a question, I think I'd ask what Jesus wrote in the dirt.

But tonight, we are going to discuss a section of John 9, which I am glad I didn't read while taking care of my dad because it might have sent me over the edge:

Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth.  2 And His disciples asked Him, saying, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 
John 9:3
  Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him. 4 I must work the works of Him who sent Me while it is day; the night is coming when no one can work. 5 As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”
John 9:6
  When He had said these things, He spat on the ground and made clay with the saliva; and He anointed the eyes of the blind man with the clay.  7 And He said to him, “Go, wash in the pool of Siloam” (which is translated, Sent). So he went and washed, and came back seeing. 

So why does this bother me so?  A man, blind from birth, and disciples ask if it was his sins.  This can cause a randomly firing mind like mine to spend hours or days on the thought, "how could someone not yet born, sin?".  Mind boggling, isn't it?

Scary part I comes next, his parents sin?  A man is blind for life because of the sins of the father?  Or mother?  Can this actually be true?  Well, biologically, I guess it can.  Think of the crack babies or babies born with issues from the behavior of the parents prior to the babies birth.  But theologically?  Would God really explicitly punish a new born child for something done by a parent?  Scary.

But it's the answer that is the really scary part.  Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him.  So a baby is born blind, goes through life blind, just so he can be sitting there when Jesus comes along to cure him with a miracle.

Now while I am sure the blind man is grateful beyond description to be able to see for the first time in his life, at some point in the future do you think he might ask "I was born blind and spent the better part of my life blind just so God could make a point"?

Man, there were some evenings or middle of the nights with Alzheimer's where if I'd read that line I might  have gone right over the edge.  We can be struck down with something like blindness or Alzheimer's so God can use us as an example?

These are the verses that try a man's soul.  I became so fatalistic as a caretaker and I'm trying to deal with that fatalism then I read that verse and suddenly I'm struck with the complete fatalistic nature of life.l,l,iku8778iy

Sorry, Bosco just wanted to type of few letters.

So, if we take the Bible literally, then do we accept the trials, tribulations, illnesses, persecution of the world as just being part of God's plan, nothing we could have done to change it?  Do we take it literally?

I don't have kids.  What does a parent do who reads that who has a child with X?

So I ponder that verse.  I pondered it most of the week leading to a test on Friday that I wondered if my ability to pass or fail wasn't based on my memory, work, efforts but simply a plan of God.  Thankfully, God's plan was I passed.

Islam is rather famous for it's fatalistic view of God and life.  "Allah wills it", they say.  Did they get that one right?  Did people in those periods after Christ understand something we don't?

Free choice and fatalism.  Throughout life, there have been times when things bothered me, from the simple and mundane to the complicated.  Sales managers and their arbitrary quota systems with no regard to natural variation for example.  I remember in the late 90's this group on an internet newsgroup, we'd been debating and arguing since 1995 together, and one guy always said to people when things didn't work out in their lives that they failed to plan.  Drove me nuts.  He honestly believed you could plan for anything and everything that was going to come along in life and several times made me wish one of those boulders in life would land in his path.

Trouble is, he wouldn't have been able to handle the boulder.  When your worldview doesn't allow for the unexpected, the unexpected boulder will crush you.

Free choice or fatalism.  Are they mutually exclusive?  How much of life is illusionary?  99% of matter is empty space, yet the sledgehammer breaks the rock.  Do we really control our destinies or are we just riding along making decisions about what book to read, what TV show to watch, and think those decisions mean we control the rest of our lives.  Yet all our plans, dreams, and goals go up in a puff of smoke at the intersection, the doctor's office, and maybe a few flying missiles in the coming days or weeks.

Free choice and fatalism.  My mind is totally wrapped around this debate.  A blind man, blind from birth, so he could be sitting there when Jesus came along so God could prove a point.

John 9 was a most interesting chapter in the Bible.

What once had been an endless realm
Of possibility and dream
Now laid to waste and ruin
Laid to waste again
You wash your hands in blood
You squander time
We borrow from eternity
Is it another lame excuse?
The day has come
You are the fatalist
The day has come
You are the fatalist
You walk on soil that dreams of blood
You are the fatalist

Monday, March 17, 2014


So with all these war drums banging with Russia does that mean Yakov Smirnoff is poised to make a major comeback?

What is it with democratic presidents?  In the Carter Administration, and I'm not a big basher of Carter mind you, but he gave away the Panama Canal, supposedly back to the Panamanians who immediately upon taking it over in 1999, sold major parts of it to the Chinese.

Then Clinton comes along, gives away all our manufacturing, textile, and service jobs to the 3rd world and not to stop there but sold all of our defense secrets to the Chinese too.  Okay, not ALL of our defense secrets, just enough to allow the Chinese to jump ahead about 30 years from the normal evolution of technology.

By the way, pondering any attention to Bill Maher on theological issues is like taking lesson in marriage fidelity from Bill Clinton.

Now Obama has just given away the internet.  We paid for the internet folks.  Our mom's, dad's and our tax dollars paid for the development of the 'net.  Then we paid for it with our dial up accounts, our ISDN accounts, and now our cable bills.  And Obama just handed control of it to some unknown, unaccountable, foreign group.

So what happens in a year or so when I make some comment that this group finds offensive?  UN soldiers at the door, and it's off to Denmark for trial.

On the other hand, the way Obama is going, giving away the internet won't even be remembered by the time he is through dismantling the country.

Anyone catch the story that Libya was never behind the Lockerbie Scotland bombing?  It was Iran, in retaliation for the shooting down of an Iranian airliner in 1988.  So all these years, we've blamed the Libyans and it turns out most intelligence agencies knew by the late 1990s that it was Iran.

Does anyone remember the blog I wrote about Libya under MK?  How they got all these great things, like free college, a big fat check when they married to buy a home, free medical, cash to buy a car, gas was less than 50 cents, etc etc etc?  Well, how is Libya today?  A total fracking disaster.  Their oil output is about 25% of what it was before the US led overthrow.  Country is really run by gangs now.  Hope and Change.  Want to know what America is going to look like post Obama?  See Libya.  Except speak Chinese.

Except in parts of the Ukraine where they voted this weekend to join the Soviet soon to be reUnion and now America is saying it's not right that the people could vote for that.  Apparently overthrowing governments only counts when you overthrow a successful government that houses and feeds people and replace it with Muslim fanatics who will slaughter Christians, blacks, and drive the economy into the ground.  Like America!

But the good news for millions is the story that soon scientists will be able to implant chips in our brains that will allow us perfect memory and hyper focusing capabilities.  And billions will rush out, stand in line - er, I mean a queue, to get the chip in their heads.

I ask you something: if you got such a chip in your head, when you woke the next morning, who would you be?  How could you know?  How would you know what thought comes from you and what thought came from the chip?  Will it tell you how to vote, what to think, where to work, how much to pay in taxes, what to do this weekend, what political opposition should you assassinate, which school to shoot up, you following where I'm going with this?  How would you know what if free will and what is chip programming?

Once you allow a chip in your brain, you are no longer an individual, you are a controlled biological slave.  Getting sassy, hits the pain shock to bring you in line.

What blows my mind is all of this kind of stuff was all over literature, television, and movies in the 50's, 60's, 70's, and 80's: warning us of what was coming and we just let it happen with any voice in opposition being a crazy nut of some sort.

Hello, I'm a crazy nut, pleased to meet you!

The Borg were evil just 20 years ago, today they are the goal of Google and Facebook to make us all part of the collective google consciousness and millions will line up to get chipped.  Almost makes you think if the Borg really showed up to Earth if they wouldn't skip Americans less they corrupt the overall intelligence of their system.

It's a cookbook!
Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!
Fight UNI!
Fight the Future!
Make it so!

 But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

Sunday, March 16, 2014


Just a quick note to alert long time imaginary readers, computer generated commenters, and the real people; there is a great blog on hospice linked below.

If you read my book, you know about my feelings towards hospice, swedish word meaning euthanasia, and what happened with my mom.

So here is another article/blog that discusses.  After reading it, think again about my post concerning the line:  How to care for the well identified chronically ill so as to reduce costs.


Friday, March 14, 2014


This just in, President Obama has put Putin on double secret probation.

How many times have you been told not to sweat the small stuff?  Well today was the first of three tests new trainees have to pass to keep with the program.  Fail and you are gone.  All week long we were told, don't worry, no problem, you're doing great, it will be easy.  Don't sweat the small stuff.

The problem with that theory is it's wrong.  Plain ass backwards.

Look, if you live long enough, you will see some big bad hit your path in life.  Death, disease, accidents, business loses, job loses etc.  And you know something I've realized? You can't really do anything about those times.  You can't really prepare for them, you won't see them coming, you just take the hit and try to get on with life.

But it's the small stuff that will really get you.

Did you want ice cream or a ruby red grapefruit for desert?  Ice cream?  No problem.  Having ice cream once won't hurt you.  It's a small thing.  No big deal.  But after 10 years of choosing ice cream over grapefruit, guess what, it's now impacted your life big time.  Work out today?  No big deal, but after several years of no exercise, now that little thing, the small stuff, is having a big impact on your life.

How hard is it, really, during a break in the day to do as many pushups as you can do?  Not hard at all, but we don't.  It's easy to do and it's easier not to do.  So we choose each day, each moment, little choices, small stuff, but it's those choices that really define who we are and what we are.

Yea, how we respond to the big stuff is important, don't get me wrong, but it's usually all that small stuff choices we've made that will determine if we survive the big stuff.  Taking care of my dad, how different it would have been if I'd been in bad shape, high blood pressure, etc.  It probably would have killed me with a stroke or heart attack.  Or what if I'd had a bad back?  Doing all that lifting?  I don't think so.

But it's because I've spent most of my adult life exercising, because I have a rule only eat desert twice a year, because I choose Amy's or Evol frozen foods to eat instead of burgers, fries, and stuff every day that I was able to survive being a caretaker for Alzheimer's.

The test was not easy, by the way.  I know they monitor our behavior on the computer they provide: they can listen to our calls, watch what we do on the screen, and it wouldn't surprise me if they can listen to each of us or even watch us.  And I'm okay with that.  I plug the computer in, attach the internet cable and turn it on when I'm on their dime and when I'm done it gets unplugged and disconnected from the net.  So they very well could of heard me bitching and complaining about the questions while I took  the test.

Fortunately, I sweat the small stuff.  I'd screen captured every damn page of every damn lesson, took notes by hand, so I found the correct answers that others, afterwards, were complaining about to the instructors.  Some of those questions I swear were never discussed during the last two weeks, I have a good memory for what I hear, though I don't alway hear everything because my brain is off on a tangent of sort.

So in the end, because I sweat the small stuff, I aced it with a perfect score.  Several in the class, much smarter than little ol' me, didn't get a perfect score though they passed.

Sweat the small stuff folks.  Look at all the little choices we make each day and start changing one or two each day.  Pick the grapefruit over the cake, do the pushups, squats, yoga or whatever at a break.  The small stuff will kill you.

Monday, March 10, 2014


Ezekiel Emanuel, one of the architects behind Obamacare, is now claiming that “insurance companies as we know them are about to die.” Critics of President Barack Obama’s signature health care law have long alleged that one of the real goals of the law was to put private insurance companies out of business.

“The good news is you won’t have insurance companies to kick around much longer. The system is changing,” Emanuel writes in an op-ed on New Republic. “As a result, insurance companies as they are now will be going away. Indeed, they are already evolving. For the next few years insurance companies will both continue to provide services to employers and, increasingly, compete against each other in the health insurance exchanges.”

Due to Obamacare, “new actors will force insurance companies to evolve or become extinct,” he continues. Instead, new groups called “accountable care organizations” (ACOs) must start competing directly in the health care exchanges for exclusive contracts with employers.

The ACOs will have “standardized, guideline-driven care plans for most major conditions and procedures to increase efficiency,” says Emanuel, the brother of Obama’s former chief of staff and current Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel.

“They will have figured out how to harness their electronic medical records to better identify patients who will become sick and how to intervene early as well as how to care for the well-identified chronically ill so as to reduce costs,” he notes.

The focus, for most, is Emanuel's discussion of the end of the insurance industry.  Many have predicted, myself included, that Obamacare was designed to fail from the start, the real goal is single payer government health care and by bankrupting insurance companies and causing the masses to be without insurance and forcing a single payer cradle to grave system.  And don't think for a moment that corporations don't want to get out of the health insurance benefits business; it's an added cost to their goods that foreign countries don't have.

But that last paragraph sent a chill down my spine. 

How to identify patients that will become sick and how to intervene early.  Do you understand that?  Your government doctors will determine that in X years you might get Z and therefore they can start treating you, controlling your behavior.  And that is not even the part that bothered me.

How to care for the well identified chronically ill so as to reduce costs.  If you are over 50, that should terrify you.  Who is chronically ill?  Define that?  And how to care for them not for their benefit, not to save their life, but to reduce costs.

Kurt Vonnegut, that well known liberal sage, wrote a short story Welcome to the Monkey House about a society that encouraged people over 60 to visit their local Suicide Parlors.  Vonnegut really was good at seeing the future except he always assumed that it would be the other side creating all of this living hell in the future - I'm sure he never envisioned those like minded thinkers of his would be the culprits.

As costs escalate and services, drugs, and other health care providers become unable to accommodate the masses, those operations and treatments we saw our parents and grandparents receive will no longer be available; unless of course you are part of the elite where all the latest will provide with extended life spans.

Of course, such treatments won't be given to the elite until the experiments on the masses have run their course.

I don't know, maybe I'm paranoid.  Maybe you have to have been a caretaker to even catch that line.  But remember it as the train we are on continues it's runaway path down the track to nowhere.  You will be seeing it again and probably not in a blog.

MY tower was grimly builded,
  With many a bolt and bar,
"And here," I thought, "I will keep my life
  From the bitter world afar."
Dark and chill was the stony floor,         5
  Where never a sunbeam lay,
And the mould crept up on the dreary wall,
  With its ghost touch, day by day.
One morn, in my sullen musings,
  A flutter and cry I heard;  10
And close at the rusty casement
  There clung a frightened bird.
Then back I flung the shutter
  That was never before undone,
And I kept till its wings were rested  15
  The little weary one.
But in through the open window,
  Which I had forgot to close,
There had burst a gush of sunshine
  And a summer scent of rose.  20
For all the while I had burrowed
  There in my dingy tower,
Lo! the birds had sung and the leaves had danced
  From hour to sunny hour.
And such balm and warmth and beauty  25
  Came drifting in since then,
That the window still stands open
  And shall never be shut again.


Well, the new job is going fine so far if you enjoy sitting on your butt for 10 hours a day watching and reading the computer screen.  In fact it's a lot like unemployment except you don't get to choose whats on the screen and you get paid.  Actually, it's  a lot of fun.

But after spending that amount of time in front of the screen, while I've been chomping at the bit to write on the blog, I haven't felt like sitting in front of the computer.

The tonight I read an article that hit me hard:

The body of Jesse Kirby, 76, was discovered Friday afternoon in his bed when police went to the home to check on the couple, said Morgan County Coroner Jeff Chunn.

Living inside the house was his wife, Doris Kirby, 78, who was hospitalized after the discovery.

The man had numerous health problems including heart issues and apparently died of natural causes in his sleep about four weeks ago, the coroner said.

The door was closed to the bedroom where the man died, Chunn said, and the woman continued living in other parts of the house with access to food.

“I don’t think she even realized what was going on when (emergency medical workers) came to take her to the hospital,” said Chunn.

Police saw the man’s body through a window after going to the house in response to a relative who had been trying to contact the couple and could not reach them. Two dogs that apparently died of starvation were found in the bedroom also.

Neighbors were unaware anything was wrong, said Dean Hayes, who lives nearby.

“It’s a shame all of us live right here and didn’t know how bad his health was,” Hayes said.

Hayes said the Kirbys were good neighbors but seldom went outside. Hayes said she saw Doris Kirby about two weeks ago.

“I had seen her on the porch and then going to the mailbox, so I thought everything was all right,” she said.

Chunn said the man has two children who live in the Decatur area, but neither realized what had happened because their Kirbys were “sort of loners.”

The children, who are grown, believed the man was taking care of the couple’s needs, he said.

(© Copyright 2014 The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.) 

I don't know what you think and feel when you read the article, but believe me it's not what I feel.  The incredible sadness I feel for that husband and his wife.  Alone, neighbors who are not really neighbors - just strangers that lived next door.  Kids that were too busy with their lives.  And an old man being run night and day until exhaustion finally overcame him and he died in his sleep.  The wife, out of her mind, spending a month wandering around the home and no one knew.

The dogs dying of starvation.

This is our world.  A world with no heroes in a world that needs heroes.  We let our elder parents suffer the ending years, alone.  What is sadder, the fact the kids didn't have the balls to care for them, to make the decision to put them in a home, and just let them go thru the hell of old age alone.

And what does this say of us, our culture?  Once upon a time in this nation, families of multiple generations lived together.  Grandparents, parents, and kids.  Each caring and helping for each other.

I'm glad I don't have kids (save that quote for me in 20 years when I need help and there is no one there).  You have that moment of joy of birth, raising the kids, sacrificing for the kids, and then they just jet off and leave you to your own with the obligatory Thanksgiving or Christmas visit, the card on your birthday, the call on Mothers Day or Fathers Day.  If you are lucky.

The Simpsons.  The laughter and putting Grandpa Simpson in the home, taking over his house.  How many generations laughed and learned.

Lots of garbage coming up in my head after reading that article.  I often worried that I might die, drop dead of a heart attack and what would happen to my dad and to the dog.  How long would he live with me dead, would he wander out the door in the cold, fall.  I know what that man went through, most only imagine it.  Golly, I wrote a 700 page book and didn't even really put it all in there.

We are so wrapped up in our lives, me included, and do we really know our neighbors?  Do we really look after others?  We are so stressed with inflation, unemployment, job insecurity, food shortages.  Why are people worried about their 401k when the market is doing so well?  We've lost the dream of that magic retirement, we have lost the American dream.  We don't die in a bed, our families surrounding us.  We die alone and our death is nothing but a pain in the ass for someone to deal with.

A pox on their children and their neighbors.

Look back on time with kindly eyes,
He doubtless did his best;
How softly sinks his trembling sun
In human nature’s west!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014


Well, imaginary readers, the new job is 3 days in and doing fine.  Lots of training right now learning an operating system, history, philosophy of the company, and stuff.  It's fun except from some reason sitting on my butt all day blogging and reading never bothered me but sitting on my butt training sucks.

Open for opinions on that topic.

So, for the next 6 weeks, I will only blog on weekends, which might be good because maybe fewer blogs will increase the quality of the blog content, then again, maybe not.  It certainly can't make it worse, in my humble opinion.  I got a health care quote where everyone is focusing on the guy saying health insurance companies will soon be obsolete but there is another quote in the sentence that sent chills down my spine, working with elderly the way I've done.

Oh, and man do I love a health care plan with 300 deductible for 30 bucks a check.  Jeesh!

See ya later alligators.

Saturday, March 1, 2014


Wouldn't it be funny if we'd been misinterpreting the greek all these years and rapture was really rupture, meaning all believers would suffer a painful hernia at the coming of our Lord?

You know, if Obama starts a nuclear war with Russia just as I am about to start my new job, I'm going to be really pissed.  On the other hand, doesn't nuclear annihilation wipe the debt clean?

I once read a joke about a French WWII rifle for sale, like new, only dropped once.  For those of my younger imaginary readers, many felt the French gave in way to quickly to the Germans in WWII, thus the joke.  Not really fair, for the French resistance was famous for screwing with the Germans and quite a few young french women sacrificed their virtue to spread the clap to as many German soldiers as they could.

Why do I get the feeling that Obama, by the time he is done, will make all the old French jokes obsolete?  We are picking fights with Russia, we are picking fights with China, and we are about to gut the military.  We have double digit unemployment for 6 years and we are going to legalize 30 million illegal aliens.

Here is something else I don't quite understand.  Obama has run about a trillion dollar deficit each year he's been president.  That would be 5.  So how has he increased the debt by 9 trillion?  Approximately double the yearly cumulative deficits?

In other words, if I owe 10k and this year spend 1k more than I make, now I owe 11k minus any debt payments I made off the 10k.  So technically, the new total debt should be over 10k but less than 11k.  Not so the federal government!  Somehow, every year except 2011, we add more total debt than the deficit can account for.   The only year it looks normal is 2013, which I think means this is a projected number cause they are exactly even, as it always should be but never is, thus speculation it's not a real number.  Heck, even in 2001, we had one of those famous phantom budget surpluses but still managed to add more to the overall debt.  Holy mind numbing numbers, Batman!  I guess we know now where all those Arthur Anderson and Enron accountants and finance people ended up working.

So, once again, the question is, why does the increase in the total debt not match the actual deficits cumulated in the yearly budget?  Exactly how much of our federal government spending is 'off the books'?  Can we all do our home accounting like this?  No!  Prison!  Gee, there is an idea for a presidential candidate - promise if elected you will throw every current and former member of congress into prison, which brings us back to Putin and Russia.  Ya gotta love a clever segue - yea, I didn't know that is the actual spelling of the word either.

Our brave president stood tall and announced yesterday that Russia better stop it or there would be hell to pay.  He would not visit them this summer and call a meeting of other country's girly men of leadership and they would produce a very terse letter and get their caviar elsewhere for the spring dinner season.

Brings a tear to your eye.  The thought that Barak and Michelle would give up Russian caviar, man, they are one of us after all!

This news just in, Britain, France, New Zealand, Colorado, Texas, and Ohio have all announced plans to invade neighboring lands even if it means the president must cancel his coming visits.

Heard someone talking the other day about the key of the Ukraine for the Russians.  It not only provides a key strategic sea port for the military, but the mountains are a natural barrier to keep some enemy from just rolling tanks across the plains, which is why Russia is so against the Ukraine from becoming part of the EU and NATO.

Think about it, would you want China to take over North Carolina and Russia PA?  By the time you realized they were shooting tanks towards DC, they would be in DC.  Same with Moscow and the Ukraine.

By the way, changing the topic for a paragraph, remember when the "cold war" ended with the fall of the Soviet Union and we got this huge "peace dividend" from defense spending?  Yet no one ever actually got a check and there was no tax cut because, if you remember, Clinton tearing up telling us he tried, he tried harder than anything he's ever done to get the middle class a tax cut.  Then we less than 10 years later find us in Afghanistan for over a decade now, the Iraq war, so I guess the military got their money back but now that we are out of Iraq and leaving Afghan, will our budget get a peace dividend?  I mean they are planning serious military cutbacks, so I'm sure we will see a corresponding drop in the actual budge... quit laughing it could happen.

Obama avoided all of this middle class tax cut by just eliminating the middle class.

Well, anyways, with that spineless example yesterday, all rumors of our President being some kind of reptilian creature are put to rest because reptiles have a backbone.  So today I start a new rumor of alien jellyfish that come to Earth with the vision of taking over the planet by raising global temperatures thus raising sea levels until the whole planet is covered by water then they can send a message to the mothership to send everyone.  These jellyfish like creatures are capable of taking on the form of humans and the only way you can tell them apart from normal humans is the jellyfish aliens don't have a backbone, thus identifying our president as the leader of the jellyfish alien invaders!  In fact, Barak, in swahili, means Box, which makes him a alien box jellyfish hybrid!  Box Jelly Fish can kill a human in 5 minutes, where as a alien box jellyfish hybrid can kill a county in less than 8 years!

Run for your lives!  They're here!!!!