A MIND FOREVER VOYAGING THROUGH STRANGE SEAS OF THOUGHT, ALONE


This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.



The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

AND SO IT BEGINS

For those who have an image of me as being this cool dude who never gets excited and never gets upset, who always holds his temper and never goes off half cocked, you should have witnessed me this afternoon when I got the phone call and was told I got the job.

Fortunately, I'd already pulled off the side of the road.  Ever see a 50 year old guy dancing in his car?  Probably looked like the gopher in Caddyshack.

I am not going to tell you who hired me because I want to keep writing a blog and separate the two, though if you eat one every day you can keep the doctor away.  And please, in any comments, don't mention the company name.

Yes, after 6 months of looking for work and being rejected by everyone and their mother, the most difficult company to get hired at in America, hired me.  Imagine how loyal I am going to be.

The irony.

But the irony doesn't end there.  I've talked before how the business world apparently doesn't cotton to a guy who gives up his career to take care of someone.  Women do that; it's understood women have to do that, but men are not allowed to, it means you don't take your career seriously, you can't be trusted, you are an outlier.

The ironic part is I am going to be doing a job I did back in the 1980's, from 1985 to 1989.  Different company, different product, back then it was accounting software for the construction industry.  But the pay is the same.  1/3 of what I made when I began this journey.  But then, the pay isn't the same, since with inflation it will have 1/2 the buying power it did back in the late 1980's.

I have been pushed back to the beginning of the line, where I started 30 years ago, for what I made 30 years ago.  The irony is not lost on me.

Yet I am extremely grateful and honored to have this job.  And to be honest, I've had three real goals in my life: to pitch for the White Sox, to work for this company, and to have a NYTimes best seller.  Even if I developed a knuckleball now, I still won't pitch for the Sox, but I've wanted to work for this company since I was selling their products at a ComputerLand in 1984.

And so it begins, the long slow climb back out of the abyss.  My goal will be to the best at what I am going to do by one year from now, so they will promote me to the next level.  I will, though, probably do a Chap7, I've run the numbers over and over and there is just no way I'm going to ever get out of this debt otherwise.  That shames me.  Never again.  That 500 a month is a lot of money on what my income will be, especially when you consider rent costs along the front range.  But such is life.

Today, I worry not.  That will be for tomorrow.  Today I rejoice, thank God 1,000 times, and set my sights forward.  Thanks to all my real readers and commenters who helped keep me sane.

Took this love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
And can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Oh oh I don't know, oh I don't know

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older I'm getting older too
Yes I'm getting older too