This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Saturday, January 25, 2014


Been listening to R.E.M. today.  I always like them and the strange thing is with REM that I tend to like their work as they aged, whereas with most musicians, I like the early music, before they get famous and start having people telling them what to do.  Or before they start writing for dollars and not art.

While REM mellowed over the decades, they gained their depth.  The funny thing is, while I have most of their albums, I had to look up the name of the lead singer because I had no clue.

Never idolized musicians, I either like the music or not.  I don't particularly care what and who they are when they are not singing, hell, if I did that and decided to only listen to straight, non drug taking, no alcohol, no fornicating adulterating, singers, I'd be stuck listening to the 3rd grade band playing only Sousa.

Crap, you can't even listen to monks chanting without wondering anymore.

And I wait to hear whether I got the job with XXXXXX.  It's been a long time I've ever wanted something like this; I don't like that my whole life is being decided for me by a bunch of strangers that don't really know me.  Get it and I get to live, not get it and I get to live in my car come March.

But REM made all that easier today.  I even liked the way they quit.  No pre announcement, no farewell tour, just 'Bye'.  Classy move, hope they stick to it and don't get talked into some reunion tour or album.

Though a benefit concert for a homeless author that no one reads might be cool.

I don't know why you're mean to me
when I call on the telephone.
and I don't know what you mean to me
but I want to turn you on, turn you up, figure you out, I want to take you on

These words, "You will be mine."
These words, "You will be mine." all the time.

the fool might be my middle name
But I'd be foolish not to say
I'm going to make whatever it takes,
ring you up, call you down, sign your name, secret love,
make it rhyme, take you in, and make you mine.

These words, "You will be mine."
These words, "You will be mine." all the time. oh

I tripped and fell. did I fall.
What I want to feel, I want to feel it now

You know with love come strange currencies
and here is my appeal:

I need a chance, a second chance, a third chance, a fourth chance,
a word, a signal, a nod, a little breath
just to fool myself, to catch myself, to make it real, real