This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Sunday, January 12, 2014


Well, things are getting dicey of late, hoping to sell some more stuff in the next two weeks so I can pay bills in February.  I wonder if I can sell my iTunes account?  I think I have about 100 movies, 900 TV show episodes, and probably 3,000 songs; and most of that was purchased back in the good days: those days when I had a high paying job.  That is like nearly $6,000 in entertainment I could sell via the email and password.  Hmm.

I am really getting tired of the age discrimination going on in our society.  I've applied four times to AT&T for a sales job at one of their stores.   I have all the experience they are asking for and then some, but not so much as a call.  Now they are advertising again. But they are not the only ones and I really can't think of a solution to the problem of tens of millions of people in their 50's being shut out of the market: you can't find a job like you use to have, you can't get another job paying 1/2 of what you use to make and if you apply for 10 buck an hour jobs they don't want you because they think you are just going to work it until something better comes along because they haven't figured out yet that there is no better coming.

And that is one of the problems many have, they keep thinking this is a blip on the radar and soon things will go back to where they use to be and the truth is, there is no going back to the way it use to be.  Those times, those days, are gone.  They are not coming back.  The boom of the 80's and 90's are gone.  Those days of 70% of the adults being employed are gone.  The jobs are moved overseas, the illegal aliens have taken up all the lower level jobs, and the baby boomers are being forced out of the market by the younger generations.  There is no going back.

Which is why I spent the last few days watching my DVD's of WKRP, the first season, and Taxi - so far 1/2 thru the second season.  Simpler times.  Small companies, a group of people who are like family, uncomplicated though we didn't think so at the time.  Not a cell phone, pad, laptop, or desktop computer in sight.  No texting, no email.  Joke in one show was Jennifer making 24k a year, which is over 60k in today's world.

I am not just sitting around watching old shows on the tube, though, I am also sitting around reading and listening to Bible commentaries.  I love the wisdom books; Job, Proverbs and Ecclesiastes.  I let others do prophecy, I will specialize in those books, that is if I ever get a job, can start back up at school, and finish that Masters in Theology.

Lot of 'ifs' in that plan.

I do a lot of thinking about things, but that in and of itself is not enough.  You also have to do.  We don't have enough people who think anymore; lots of people who just do what they are told.  But if you just think, and don't do, you are really just wasting your time.  On the other had, if you do and don't think, you end up wasting a lot of other peoples time who have to fix what you do.

But that is the problem today.  I think, but I'm not doing.  I can't get out of the gate and find a damn job.  Generalists are dead, we are not wanted.  Those that have cross functional skills are pushed aside by the single skill players.

Remember the past.  Life and job hunting were very similar to the way the Dallas Cowboys drafted players; take the best athletes and teach the skills.  Take a well rounded talented person and if they didn't have the skills, who cares, they can learn them.  I remember when I got a job in 1985 to support accounting software.  I didn't know jack about accounting software, I'd passed two college accounting courses with a C and a D.  But one year later, I was not only an expert, I was probably one of the best support people in the nation for Software Shop Software.  And was paid well, 30K.

When did we lose control of this nation?  When did businesses, especially big corporations, decide that a strong nation wasn't important to their bottom line?  When did they sell out the american people?

Do you realize that last fall it came out the Obama administration used the IRS to attack organizations unfriendly to the administration?  For us oldies, can you imagine if Nixon had been doing that?  But nada, no one hammers things home.  So now Christy is in trouble for intentionally and unnecessarily shutting down some lanes to get even with some mayor and it is a big stink but watch, it will go away for the next big story.

And maybe that is one of our problems.  Things move so fast today with technology, 24 hour news stations battling for ratings, that we just keep skimming the surfaces of life, never stopping and really looking at this or that, just moral outrage and then we move on and those committing those moral outrages keep getting away with it and know they will get away with it.

Think about it: would Woodward and Bernstein be given time today by the Washington Post to work on the Watergate story?  Would they have dedicated two reporters almost a year of time to dig up the story?  I mean, even if it were a republican?  Or would they be given a month, then move on to the next story?

I've talked in the past about the bell curve and how lonely it is getting out of the right tail of the curve.  We don't fit.  But we've never really looked real hard at the left tail of the bell curve, where the psychopaths and sociopaths live.  They are not just serial killers and mass murderers there, you know.  That is where the Barak Obama's, the Chris Christy's, the CEO's of Wells Goldman America, the brokers trading derivatives, and all the members of congress live.  They are just as sociopathic as the Ted Bundy Charlie Manson killers.  But they are in control.  They promise us the world but really don't give a damn about anyone but themselves and gaining more and more power.

Well, I have to do the dishes, shower and go to church this evening, hoping that God will hear my prayers and finally release me from this circle of hell I've made of my life.

I am weeping, always sleeping
Dreading when the light comes in
Dreaming of tomorrow and the happiness that it can bring

Contemplatin' and debating as the time just drifts away
You will find today can be tomorrow if you let tomorrow be today
Don't wait, don't hesitate
'Cause I want to tell ya
And I have to tell ya
Dreaming isn't good for you unless you do
The things it tells you to

Three Dog Night