This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Friday, December 13, 2013


Back in college, I took est, Erhard Seminar Training.  It was real popular in the late 1970's and I wrote about it before so I won't repeat myself, but I remember taking the course because I felt different than others.  After three days in the class, I realized I was different, but I wasn't totally fracking nuts like the others in the class, so I left after the third day.

One of the difficulties of my current situation is it is making me focus on me, me finding a job, me getting my life in order, etc.  I don't like focusing on me; I figure if you focus on others, take care of others, the me takes care of itself.  I rarely look at myself in the mirror, never comb my hair, hell, I don't even own a brush or comb, and besides shaving or brushing teeth, never spend a whole lot of time looking or thinking about how I look.

So I was struck today by an article on Bruce Jenner.  I remember Jenner, when he was 'the world's greatest athlete' one year winning the Gold in the Decathlon.  But not being an idol worshiper, I really haven't paid much attention to him over the years, other than seeing a picture here or there and thinking 'now that is bad plastic surgery'.  I have no idea what he's been doing all these years, did he make enough money off the Gold medal to coast through life or did he start a business, I don't know.  He just looks weird.

And today's story, Jenner is reported to have said 'I just never liked my trachea' and is going to have some surgery to reduce the size of his trachea and I am thinking, who the hell ever thinks about how their trachea looks?  I mean, I don't think ever in my life have I even given one second of thought to my trachea and how it looks?

I mean waist size, sure, I've thought about it.  Not when I was young and it was flat, but when I got older and it was no longer flat, but I'm working on that problem.  Bald spots, sure, every guy is bugged with hair loss and if the guy says he truly doesn't care if he is going bald, he is lying through his teeth.  But I've never done anything about the hair loss, I really don't care, just wish I still had a full head of thick curly hair.

But my trachea?  Do people really think about that?  Does that mean people out in the world worry about how their elbows or knees look?  With all the problems in the world, all the problems at work, in the home, in life, who has time to think, is my trachea attractive?

Honest to God, I've never met a woman and thought, wow, she is hot except for that trachea.  Then again, if I saw a large trachea on a woman I would probably run the other directions since there is a good chance she is not a she in the first place. You know, I will confess, when I use to watch Ann Coulter on TV, I'd watch her trachea along with counting the hair flips.   Which reminds me of three friends from high school who, while in college, went to New Orleans one spring break and walked into a bar and thought they'd found heaven for it was filled with hot looking chicks.  So they drank, danced, and then the one guy in pre med noticed that the girl he was talking to did have a large trachea, put two and two together, and went to find his friends who were both either sitting or dancing and doing some serious tongue wrestling with the 'girls' and got them out of there but they really don't like people telling that story too much.  I, on the other hand, love to tell that story.  Especially when they are around and in front of their wives.

I guess if a guy or gal has way too much time on their hands, they might start thinking about how their trachea or elbow or big toe look but then I have had nothing but time on my hands and the thought never entered my mind.  I'll bet even after reading that article and writing this blog, I still won't remember to check out my trachea later today.

Am having a devil of a time uploading a spreadsheet to Event Brite.  I've saved the file as a csv, as told in the instructions, it's below the size limit, have the columns correct, even went through to remove any floating commas that might have been in the sheet.  I am doing a part time job for an old employer and friend which could grow into something else, we shall see.  I also decided to start going to high end restaurants in FC and Loveland next week and apply for a waiter job.  I'd like that; up and moving around, tips, and then I might be able to create a life around the two jobs giving me two sources of income.  Been a long time since I've waited tables, but the last time it was on a moving train so how hard can it be in a stationary building?

And three sources of income if my book becomes a best seller.  I know, but dreamers should never stop dreaming.

Dreamer, you stupid little dreamer;
So now you put your head in your hands, oh no!
I said "Far out, – What a day, a year, a life it is!"
You know, – Well you know you had it comin' to you,
Now there's not a lot I can do.

Will work it out someday

If I could see something
You can see anything you want, boy.
If I could be someone –
You can be anyone, celebrate boy.
If I could do something –
Well you can do something,
If I could do anything –
Well can you do something out of this world?

Take a dream on a Sunday
Take a life, take a holiday
Take a lie, take a dreamer
dream dream dream dream dream along...