This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013


Am working a temp job this month from home.  Old friend and boss of mine hired me for the month to follow up leads for his product, which is actually a seriously cool product.  I think he hopes I will take this on full time as a rep here on the front range, but right now not sure starting a business already 16K in debt is a good idea.  Cold calling is never fun, I listen to Mozart's Requiem in the background.  Bad numbers, Left Messages, and then about every dozen calls you talk to a person and about every 5 or 6 of those people you talk to, you get a lead.  It's like fishing and I hate fishing.

Last night they started a new workout program at Fundamental Strength and I picked the Shredding class over the other one they wanted me to be in.  More cardio, less heavy weights.  I figured the 'shredding' was symbolic for my life since I am constantly shredding stuff in order to eat each month.  Unfortunately, the youthful instructors have no idea what jump rope - push ups- jump rope - squats - jump rope - steps repeat 5x then move on to the next series and then there are 4 more series and what that means to a 55 year old body.  I'm going to save these workouts and then vow to live another 30 years so when they are 55 I can find them and force them to do the workouts they are providing me now or I will smack them with my cane or walker.

On the other hand, if I ever intend to actually make that cross country bike ride when I'm 60, this is what I need; but then again I'm not sure we will have a country to ride across in 2018.

Shredding your life is sad.  My dad has a collection of about two dozen books, probably cost him over $600 bucks to buy over the years, all railroad stuff, and the best offer I had so far was 100 bucks.  I had a great CD collection which I tried to sell and people were offering about a nickel a CD for the collection so you know what I did, I tossed them all in the garbage.  I'd rather throw out the past than prostitute myself for a dime.  Everyone is so give me give me give me.  I don't know why it makes me so sad, so I'm dumping things and I fear this whole collection of rail books and pictures is going to end up in the trash.

Voting today in Colorado on whether to tax pot sales something like 50% in order to raise money and I am sure it will pass since most pot smokers won't remember today was the day to vote.  The bigger issue is fracking.  I studied this one week taking care of my dad and am pretty convinced the science of fracking is not all it's cracked up to be and I am sure residents of Arkansas and Oklahoma would agree.  The number of earthquakes produced in fracking areas is mind boggling.  A few years ago, right here in Colorado, they started fracking in an area and small tremors started occurring.  So they stopped the fracking and the earthquakes stopped.  Started up again, more earthquakes.  Stopped, no earthquakes.  Took them awhile to figure it out and fracking was halted and haven't had any quakes since.  But with voters, who knows.  This area also had a slight problem, well they thought it was a problem but I thought it would be kind of cool, where they could turn on the faucets and light a match and ignite the water coming out of the faucet. That is even cooler than blue darts.

We need our own oil, but not that bad.

Two big anniversaries this month.  We will be hearing, reading and watching a lot about the 50 year anniversary of JFK's murder this month.  The lone gunman nobody believes. I suggest to everyone, in the onslaught of books, to read Dr. Mary's Monkey which is a great book about the efforts to create a fast acting cancer and all the characters involved including a man named Lee Harvey Oswald and how Dr. Mary ended up dead.  THEN read all the JFK stuff with a perspective.

But this is also the 75th anniversary of Kristallnacht.  I am sure most don't know what Kristallnacht is if your knowledge of history is limited to a public school system, but it is a dark moment in history and chilling when you read stories today about how there are calls for the TSA to be armed and the new story about a special force being setup in WI and MN.

My second sophomore year of college, I lived in an old house in the student slums on Bellevue Ave. in Kalamazoo with five other guys.  It was this narrow T street and we lived in the house right on the top of the T.  The street was a narrow one car width street so houses were really close.  Right across from us, on the top of the left side of the vertical part of the T, four girls lived; Michelle, Leslie, Suzie and Granmama.  I can't remember the last gals name but she looked with her hair like a young Gramama on the 60's show The Adams Family.  They were Jewish which didn't mean anything much to us, they were cute.

Well, one weekend we had this big party and I mean big.  We had friends from our home towns coming up for the weekend so from SIU, NIU, IL State, Uof I, U of M, and all the working friends who didn't go to college descended on Kalamazoo, plus students. I don't remember if this was the official end of the year Bellevue block party or not, memories fade, but I don't think so.  Nor was this the party where the old lady next door died, but that's another story.  But because beer was so expensive in MI because of the new 10 cent a bottle/can recycle thing, all the guys from IL loaded up with bottles of Stroh's and Old Style before heading up.  So, around 4 in the morning, we have about a dozen drunk, tired, stoned, guys sitting on the porch with a dozen cases of empty beer bottles and someone got the great idea to have a contest of bouncing the bottles off the house across the street, back into the street, and see who could bounce the bottle the farthest without breaking the bottle.

I'm not sure who actually won, if anyone won, but an hour later, the street was littered with broken glass.  What was amazing was not one window was broken on the house where the girls lived.

But, oh gawd, were they pissed.  Michelle came out the next morning with a plant that had somehow managed to get broken sitting on their porch, slammed in down on our porch and said a string of words I'm not sure I'd ever heard a girl say before.  Oh yea, the police came too.  But by 7am, we managed to completely sweep the street, yards, porches, and whatever else of all the broken glass so you never knew it happened.

The girls, however, never forgot.  I think the only thing they said to us the rest of the year was 'F You!".  That was not a compliment, even in the 1970's.

Sometime in the middle 1980's, so about not quite 10 years after this occurred, I was reading a history book about Germany post WWI and when I got to Kristallnacht I just went "Oh shit!".  What was fun for a bunch of drunk stoned college boys was just so much more to a house of four jewish girls.  The difference between a public school education and living history.

I don't know how, but someday I hope to run into Michelle, Leslie, Suzie, or Granmama again, they are actually four of the people on my Top Ten List of people from the past I would most like to meet again, just so I can say I am sorry.

So sometime between all the JFK stuff this month, take a moment on the 9th or 10th, and read about Kristallnacht,  Coming soon to a country named America.

I went to a Garden party
To reminisce with my old friends
A chance to share old memories
And play our songs again

When I got to the Garden party
They all knew my name
No one recognized me
I didn't look the same

But it's, all right now
I learned my lesson well
You see ya can't please everyone
So ya got to please yourself

Ricky Nelson