This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Monday, October 14, 2013


Read an article this weekend on companies using online psychology tests to determine good potential employees.  One company even came up with a game where you are a sushi chef and you have to provide food based on attitude of customers, keep the sushi bar clean, etc.

I'm never going to find a job in this world again.  When is someone in the business world going to understand that doing good on a test means you are a good test taker, and most people in HR departments are the silent wallflowers in a classroom who get perfect scores on tests?

Thinking about football this weekend because I don't have a TV and don't have a clue what is going on in general.  Allegory?

Denver was favored by something like 4 touchdowns over Jacksonville.  Did anyone check the betting on the game?  Anyone notice the heavy betting on Sunday morning on Jacksonville?  I have a friend who gambles and he told me it was happening….

Article this morning on Fox Sports about how players who get injured are not finding their jobs available when they come back which for years was an unwritten rule of sports; you don't lose your job to injury, well, unless you are Darryl Stingley or Chuck Hughs.  They pointed out how last year Smith went down with the 49er's and didn't get his job back and how certain quarterbacks this year are going to go through the same thing.

Here is the problem.  If you can lose your job to injury in professional sports, players will quit reporting their injuries and the problems with football players, hockey players and other who suffer concussions will only get worse, not better.  Unintended consequences from smart people only focused on winning and not the whole tapestry of life.  Shame on Jim Harbaugh for breaking the contract.

Which made me think of the 85 Bears.  There were better teams over time, the Steelers and Cowboys of the 70's, the 49er's of the 80's for example, but I don't think there was any one team that so dominated the league for one season, oh shut the hell up 72 Dolphins - you didn't dominate anyone.  They not only scored a lot of points, they didn't give up any points.  Hmm, makes me wonder what the biggest points for/points against spread is for a team over 16 games.  But as a Bear fan from way back in the middle 1960's when Sayers ran and other players ran from Butkis at Wrigley, I think of that 85 team and it is so sad, what became of these 'heroes'.  Some of those monsters on defense, Perry, Marshall, and others are crippled old men by the time they hit 50; broke with medical expenses out the wazoo; artificial knees, hips, shoulders, and everything else.  McMahon has severe dementia, Duerson took his life due to the mental decline.  Walter died of cancer, with the unspoken question of whether his liver problems may have been a result of things he took when he was a player.

I'm not sure how people can watch football anymore, knowing the young studs they watch and cheer each week will be physical and mental wrecks in 20 years.  It's like cheering a train wreck.

And this 11:11 thing is really driving me nuts.  I mean it is happening almost every day now.  11:11 or 1:11, I catch it constantly.  About six months or so ago, I actually took a two week survey and wrote down any time I looked at a clock to see the time.  I never wear a watch, you see, and have no clocks on the wall, though my Bose radio has a clock on it, my Mac has a clock, and my iPhone has a clock.  So it's not like I am constantly surrounding by the time or constantly looking at a clock.  Over the two week period I saw 11:11 twelve time, 1:11 eleven times, and no other time recorded repeated.  But for the last two weeks it is constant, every damn day.

I've gone through the Bible and looked up every 11:11 chapter and verse, though I'm not sure that is such a sign.  After all, those chapter/verse things were done by an obviously drunk or blind monk at some point over the centuries.  You have verses ending and beginning in the middle of sentences!

If you look up hebrew numbers/meanings, it is also sort of strange because a 1 means unity or new beginnings while 11 means disorder and judgment.  Well, I certainly can relate to the disorder of my life and the feeling I'm under some sort of cosmic judgment and not coming out real well on the scale of life.  And unity or new beginnings can sound nice, but it can also be a warning ala, oh Lenin, Mao, and others brought unity and new beginnings.

So why 11:11?  Why never a 10:10 or 12:12?  In my two week study, I only got one other number, one time, that was like that, 3:33.  So the face these two numbers showed up over 40% of the possible times in a two week period and no other number repeated is a statistical interesting concept and for the past week it's been happening every damn day.  Is this some mental attraction thing and if so, why can't I attract a job or money or something, why is it some stupid number?  My brain hurts.

In the beginning, I believed every word that you said,
Now that you're gone my world is in shreds.
Oh, you loved me and left me,
You took all the things that I needed so bad,
I'm standing here wondering where is the love that I had?
In the silver, blue and gold,
The color of the sky I'm told,
My rain-bow is overdue.

Bad Company