This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Friday, September 27, 2013


One of the more fascinating debates with no answer is a statistical debate that goes as follows:

You have a silver dollar, unbiased, that you are going to flip 10 times.  The first nine times you flip the coin, it comes up heads.  What is the probability on the last flip it will be heads.

Most people say 50/50.  And that is true; and it is not.

First of all, in this example, we are assuming total unbiased in flipping the coin but that is an erroneous assumption.  Tests have shown that the side facing up when you flip will more often come up than the down side, something to do with maximum flipping speeds, heights, and all that kind of stuff that people with too much time on their hands figured out.  With tax dollars, I'm sure.

When you quickly answer 50/50 on that 10th flip, you are looking at the event in a vacuum, ignoring history.  The probability of flipping 10 heads in a row is like .00097 or .5 to the 10th power, yet that is at the beginning of the series of flips only; with each flip coming up heads, the odds become greater until you reach 50/50 on the final flip.  In other words, after flipping the first five times and coming up heads, the probability of getting ten in a row is now .5 to the 5th power.

But let me ask you this; if on just one flip of a coin and you bet 10 bucks on heads, would you feel as confident if it was the 10th flip in a row that you were betting on that last flip?

Think of it this way, if you insist the odds are 50/50 on that 10th flip being heads after nine previous flips came up heads, you are what Las Vegas absolutely loves in a gambler, cause they will beat you every time.  But then that is not the best example since it assumes Las Vegas is playing things straight.  But you see the point.

You may argue, statistically, that after the nine flips, the 10th flip is 50/50, but intuitively, you wouldn't bet a dime on that outcome.

Well, it's coming up on the 50 year anniversary of the day, the music died.  Lots of books and interviews coming up about the Kennedy assassination and I will read one of them, Jerome Corsi's new book.  Corsi is a good researcher and I've heard him interviewed this week on C2C and Hagamann.

Back in the late 60's, barely after turning 10, I remember a 60 Minutes episode showing some Vietnam vet sniper trying to fire the bolt action rifle Oswald is said to have used and he couldn't do it in the time allotted.  That made an impression on my brain that something was up with the whole thing. Over the years, I've read a few books, did some internet research, and still think Oswald was a total patsy.  Here is a little factoid; did you know they knew Oswald shot the cop in Oak Cliff because he'd dropped his wallet?  Which really helped iron things up since he also dropped a wallet in the Book Depository.  We all carry two wallets, don't we?  Or the cop who found the gun in the Book Depository immediately recognized it as a Mauser with auto feeding of bullets, except it was later changed to the Italian bolt action rifle?  There are just tons of little things that, in this case, provide sufficient evidence to reject the null hypothesis.

Go to youtube and search for JFK videos.  There is a great one you probably haven't seen, of looking at a distance towards the road the car is going down, on Jackie's side, and after the shots you see all those people pointing and running up the grassy knoll towards the shooter who you can see running away from the wall.  Never saw that, huh.  Blew my mind when I found it.

Fifty years.  The day LBJ, Nixon, and G.H.W. Bush were all in Dallas, though Bush doesn't recall where he was when Kennedy was shot.  Crap, I was in Kindergarden and remember that day.  If you were born in or before 58, you will remember where you were when JFK was shot and where you were on 9/11.  Burned into your brain forever.

Too bad JFK.  The last president who stood up to the CIA, the military industrial complex, and the federal reserve.  If he hadn't been killed, the CIA would have been broken up, the FED would have been disbanded, and we would not have lost 50,000 men and women in Vietnam.  Not sure what we would have gotten in return, but could it have been much worse?  The day, the music, died.

He had white horses
And ladies by the score
All dressed in satin
And waiting by the door

Oh, what a lucky man he was
Oh, what a lucky man he was

White lace and feathers
They made up his bed
A gold covered mattress
On which he was led

Oh, what a lucky man he was
Oh, what a lucky man he was

He went to fight wars
For his country and his king
Of his honor and his glory
The people would sing

Oh, what a lucky man he was
Oh, what a lucky man he was

A bullet had found him
His blood ran as he cried
No money could save him
So he laid down and he died

Oh, what a lucky man he was

Emerson Lake and Palmer

Wednesday, September 25, 2013


I know most of my imaginary readers are very intelligent people who keep up with what is going on or going down in this country.  Going down is a cool 70's term, oh wait, it means something else now, never mind.  But I thought I would take some time to explain what is going down in health care, Obama Care, and our Senate.

Very simply, let me explain why health insurance premiums have skyrocketed over the past three years.  For those who bought their own health insurance policies, we typically would buy policies with large deductibles; say 2500, 3000, 5000, or even 10,000 dollar deductibles.  By doing that, our monthly premiums, even in our 50's, were below 300 bucks a month.  What it meant was when we went to the doctor with a cold, sticking a knife through our finger pitting an avocado, getting a physical with blood tests, we paid out of pocket for those services.  In all my years, only ONCE did I ever blow through a deductible, in 2004.

That is what insurance was for, not for every little dinky thing, just for those major issues.  Now if you had a business or other job related insurance, those your company paid for entirely, until the late 1980's and you'd walk around talking about some surgery that didn't cost you anything, your chiropractor didn't cost you anything, blah blah blah.

Over time, all those things that didn't cost anything really started costing insurance companies a lot of money so they started raising rates and businesses started passing those increases down on the employee, and then every two years they would change insurance companies because insurance companies would offer low rates to get a business then start raising those rates so back and forth things went.

Enter ObamaCare.

So here is why those who are buying their own insurance have seen their 5k deductible policy that was costing them $250 bucks a month go to over $500 a month in the past two years.  ObamaCare decided that certain medical stuff should be covered, every year, in spite of deductibles, so you get a free physical, free colonoscopy, free breast stuff, free cervical screenings, free free free.  And stupid people believed it was free.

Nothing is ever free, except bad advice.

So insurance companies started passing those free things into the monthly premiums and suddenly your premiums have doubled and now those premiums are about to double or more again, if you insurance company will even cover you, many are getting letters stating, 'thanks for all your money over the years, but we no longer want you as a client".

Now Senator Cruz, who will be running for president in 2016 even though he technically isn't eligible either, like Obama wasn't, but now democrats will suddenly find that section of the Constitution while republicans will forget that section; has spent the last 24 hours giving a very good tear down of ObamaCare on the senate floor till Harry Reid told him to shut up.  See, the problem is that congress has to approve a continuing resolution so the government can keep spending money but republicans are willing to do so but not fund ObamaCare, the dems are going to let the government shut down and blame the republicans, and this has all been planned for the past year or longer by Obama and Reid.

See, the reason they need to pass a continuing resolution is because no appropriations have been voted on by the senate this year.  There are appropriation bills for military and all the other areas but Reid hasn't allowed any of them to come to a vote so we would reach the point where Congress would be forced to just vote to continue spending money.  And when these moments in time happen, the media lapdogs all support the democratic position that republicans are trying to shut down the government and kill old people, kill soldiers, kill children, kill puppies, and any other heart tugging emotional response they can think of while republican think tanks come up with the response; "no we're not".

One good thing about a government shutdown is this fall the government has scheduled a whole series of 'tests' for terrorism which ironically always seem to correlate to an actual event taking place, like on 9/11, Boston Marathon, etc.  So if you are living in Zone 3, I think it is, and they are planning a power failure, gee, I wonder how that is going to work out for you?  Then again, it could be worse, Houston has a nuke attack planned.  Wasn't Houston the city that got nuked in Independence Day?  Hmm.

So here is the point of all of this blathering by the unemployed blogger.  The whole thing is a show.  It was planned for over a year for the government to be shut down and republicans blamed.  ObamaCare is designed not to work so that a single payer national health care system can eventually be installed.  ObamaCare is designed to be so frigging expensive to anyone trying to buy insurance that everyone will be forced into the exchanges.  Businesses will have no choice but to drop all insurance benefits for employees.  That in and of itself is not a bad thing, it would make health insurance a lot cheaper if people bought health insurance and it were sold like car insurance or home owners insurance.

Oooh, just got a bad picture in my head of Progressive Health Insurance and
Flo wanting to give me a hernia test, yuk.

Okay, where was I, oh yea, the show.  In the end, this is what all the show is about: should people buy health insurance in a free market environment or should we have national health care like the rest of the world, otherwise known as Europe?  Of course, anyone paying attention knows that Europe's countries are pretty much watching their health care system go broke.

Is there a solution that will satisfy both?  How about this: Medicare for everyone.  Medicare is funded with a 10% retail sales tax.  State run, not federal government run.  A 10% sales tax on all goods and services.  Medicare for everyone.  Now, everyone should understand medicare doesn't pay 100% of everything, so the free market can sell medicare supplement insurance; it is much cheaper than regular health insurance.  Now everyone is happy, everyone is pissed, and everyone is covered.  Businesses no longer will have to spend hours a week managing their health care plans, it is no longer a benefit businesses will provide.  The result is settled, business can start hiring again, the economy booms.


Sweet farts are made of these
Mix the beans right into the cheese
Add some beer for a better smell
Fart so loud they hear it in hell

The Gasrythmics

Saturday, September 21, 2013


I am man who reveals all he digs,
Should be more careful what I say.

I'm getting put down,
I'm getting pushed round,
I'm being beaten every day.
My life's fading,
But things are changing,
I'm not gonna sit and weep again.

During the last three years of my dad's illness, I kept a blog.  It was mostly done to give me a place to express my frustrations, keep skills alive, and vent.  And in spite of all my jokes about my imaginary readers, I actually began to build a small following of readers, for which I will always be grateful.

Comments were a funny thing.  When I first started allowing comments on the blog, nothing much happened, then a few showed up and it was so strange to realize someone was actually reading the blog.  I became accustomed to getting some comments, then the comments didn't happen on a few blogs, making me wonder if those posts were not good, not funny, not interesting until I finally started getting disappointed when there were no comments, excited when there were, and suddenly my daily mood was now tied to comments and not just taking care of my dad.  It was confusing a confused person.

At some point, the thought crossed my mind, that maybe, just maybe, the blog would make an interesting book.  A first person account of a loved one dying from Alzheimer's and the absolute hell of life taking care of the person, where love conquers all, endures all.  And this dream blossomed in my head, this dream that when it was over, when it was done, that I would have a book that people would buy, people would read.  I'd get out of debt and maybe have a year to finish my Masters in Theology.

My karma tells me
You've been screwed again.
If you let them do it to you
You've got yourself to blame.
It's you who feels the pain
It's you that feels ashamed.

When he died, I sent out about two dozen letters to agents and got over a dozen rejections and never heard from the rest.  Thank goodness my history of dating and my history as a broker with EDJ prepared me well for rejection.  But the dream burned in me, I just knew God wouldn't give me this dream and not make it happen.

So I decided to self publish the book on Amazon as an eBook for Kindle.  Everyone can read Kindle, they have free software for every computer, laptop, pad, or phone in the world except that old Compaq running OS/2 Warp.

I still think OS/2 Warp was the best OS of the 20th Century.

I am a young man
I ain't done very much,
You men should remember how you used to fight.
Just like a child, I've been seeing only dreams,
I'm all mixed up but I know what's right.
I'm getting put down

Then I started to contact radio shows I listened to on the net.  One of the first people I contacted was John Loeffler of Steel on Steel.  I've listened to his show for over a decade and we have this strange buddy thing going where we go a year or two without talking and then one of us will call and conversations will last over an hour.  John liked the story, he'd been through something similar with his mom, and we recorded a show in July which finally played this weekend.   Ironically, another  producer of a show I contacted was reading my new blog, which is what you are reading now, and was thinking I would be an interesting guest and was trying to figure out how to contact me when I contacted him and the whole karma thing made me think, here we go!

So last Thursday I was on Hagmann and Hagmann for an hour except it was going well so they held me over another 20 minutes into the third hour.  So here we go!

Thursday night on Hagmann, Saturday morning on Steel on Steel.

I've sold two books.  Two.  Dos.  Deux.  Ni.

Every year is the same
And I feel it again,
I'm a loser - no chance to win.
Leaves start falling,
Come down is calling,
Loneliness starts sinking in.

Now, the funny thing is before I sold those two books, my total book sales were 10, which I guess is a pretty close estimate to the number of friends I really got,  and I had dropped to 980,450 or something like that on the Amazon best selling list. I think they stopped listing your position after you reach 1 million, so I was close to dropping off the map.   After those two initial sales after H&H, I'd moved up to 70,000 something which I found fascinating you could move up 900,000 positions by selling two books.  Thought that was interesting.

Two books.

Why did God plant this dream in me just to crush it, to crush me?  I'm trying to pick myself up off the ground after doing the right thing in life and this is just a kick in the balls I really didn't need.  Isn't that the point of Job, or the sin of Job; thinking since he was doing the right thing he deserved something?   I've wasted 90 days of my life, dreaming, believing.  Why?  Why hasn't a 55 year old guy figured it out by now?  Why do I still hold onto dreams, ambition, thinking there is something out there still to find, to discover, to wonder.

I didn't get into a line, I didn't find my place in life's line, and now there are no lines left.

Two books.  Deux.

And fool that I am till the day I die, I'm going to spend the weekend contacting other producers of other radio shows, piggy backing on my two appearances to try to get on more shows.  Cause that is who I am: never give up, never quit, never give in.  The black knight in the Holy Grail.  Dick Quixote, the sequel Cervantes Saavedra never had a chance to write.

My advice, for what it's worth, to the youth of today?  Learn a trade.  Learn to fix expensive fancy cars, learn to remodel kitchens and remodel bathrooms.  You will always have a job.  It's not much, but it is better than being a dreamer.

On the dry and dusty road,
The nights we spend apart alone.
I need to get back home to cool, cool rain.
I can't sleep and I lay and I think,
The night is hot and black as ink.
Oh God, I need a drink of cool, cool rain.

Lyrics from Quadrophenia by The Who

Friday, September 20, 2013


I'd like to give a shout out to Doug and Joe Hagmann for having me on their radio show last night.  It was my first live radio interview and I had a blast.  Doug did a great job keeping me focused and from going off on tangents, as my millions of imaginary readers know I'm prone to do, and Joe asked some great questions, though I did notice I seemed to have interrupted him about four times and I do feel bad about that.

And lordy, do I talk loud!  Must have been a habit I acquired caring for my dad who was pretty much deaf.

Or maybe he was pretty much deaf because I talked so loud?  Discuss.

Here is a link to the show last night.  I come on just after the one hour mark.  I guess it went well, they held me over into the third hour for about 20 minutes, which is cool.


And tomorrow morning, your humble author will be on Steel on Steel with John Loeffler!

Special thanks to Mitch Santell for finding me and working to get me on the Hagmann's show!

Let the good times roll
Many a mile to go before you close your eyes
And rest your weary soul

Savour all the laughter
Outside the dark clouds form
No-one knows what will come after here tonight
In the calm before the storm

Even when the winds are sailing
And you are lost out on uncharted seas
The compass of your heart won’t fail you now,
Because it was made for times like these

Easy does it darling
Let your hair down to the morn
Many loved ones are together here tonight
In the calm before the storm

Eliza Gilkyson

Thursday, September 19, 2013


I am going to clear this edition out of the blog and link you to Hagmann and Hagmann's edition, which is better because Mitch Santell, the producer, added cool pictures.


But since one of my new readers really liked the Fulton Sheen comment, I thought I would post more of Bishop Sheen:

I often look back at the book Communism and the Consciousness of the West by Bishop Fulton Sheen.  He sums it all up so well, it is scary to think he wrote this in the 1940’s.

The conflict of the future is between the absolute who is the God-man, and the absolute which is man-God; the God Who became man, and the man who makes himself God; brothers in Christ and comrades in Antichrist.

The Antichrist will not be so called; otherwise he would have no followers.  He will not wear red tights, nor vomit sulphur, nor carry a trident nor wave an arrowed tail as Mephistopheles in Faust.  This masquerade has helped the Devil convince men that he does not exist.  When no man recognizes, the more power he exercises.  God has defined himself as “I am Who am,” and the Devil as “I am who am not.”
His logic is simple: if there is no heaven there is no hell; if there is no hell, then there is no sin; if there is no sin, then there is no judge, and if there is no judgment then evil is good and good is evil.  But above all these descriptions, Our Lord tells us that he will be so much like Himself that he would deceive even the elect – and certainly no devil ever seen in picture books could deceive even the elect.
… he will come as the Great Humanitarian; he will talk peace, prosperity, and plenty not as a means to lead us to God, but as ends in themselves.  He will write books on the new idea of God, to suit the way people live; induce faith in astrology so as to make not the will but the stars responsible for sins; he will explain guilt away psychologically as inhibited eroticism, make men shrink in shame if their fellow men say they are not broad-minded and liberal; he will be so broad-minded as to identify tolerance with indifference to right and wrong, truth and error; he will spread the lie that men will never be better until they make society better….

He will tempt Christians with the same three temptations with which he tempted Christ.  The temptation to turn stones into bread as an earthly Messiahs will become the temptation to sell freedom for security, making bread a political weapon which only those who think his way may eat.  The temptation to work a miracle by recklessly throwing himself from a steeple will become a plea to desert the lofty pinnacles of truth where faith and reason reign, for those lower depths where the masses live on slogans and propaganda.  He wants no proclamation of immutable principles from the lofty heights of a steeple, but mass organization through propaganda where only a common man directs the idiosyncrasies of common man.  Opinions not truths, commentators not teachers, Gallup polls not principles, nature not grace – to these golden calves will men toss themselves from their Christ.  The third temptation in which Satan asked Christ to adore him and all the kingdoms of the world would be His, will become the temptation to have a new religion without a Cross, a liturgy without a world to come, a religion to destroy a religion, or a politics which is a religion – one that renders unto Caesar even the things that are God’s.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013


Finally, some media outlet in England put two and two together.

It is never a good thing when you have a mass shooting, nothing good comes of it.  Democrat politicians, immediately, started screaming for more gun control, which is as predictable as the direction of sunrise.  I wouldn't be surprised if some democrat didn't claim man made global warming was also a culprit.

But The Telegraph yesterday finally made a major story of the fact this shooter, as well as every other damn mass shooter in the last 10 years, spent endless hours playing shoot them up video games.  Finally.


Look, not everyone who plays such games is going to be a mass murderer, but every mass murderer in the last ten years were heavy video game players.  Correlation, not causation.

About 20 years ago, I saw a news story about some new hot game coming out where you get to shoot up aliens or monsters or conservative christians or something and the company that made the game ALSO makes games for the military to desensitize new recruits to killing.  The game is based on the same software used for the military software.  Think about that.  A company that designs software to desensitize people to killing takes that same software and makes little changes then markets it to kids.

And what happens?

Schools get shot up, theaters, workplace, restaurants.  All by video game players.  Desensitized to killing by software.

Now, truth be told there were several articles out yesterday that showed these events are not all that common, but with 24 hour news, it seems like it is more common.  There are less people killed in these types of killings in the last 15 years than are shot and killed in Chicago in a year.  Then again, there are 500 people shot and killed in Chicago a year these days but in the 1970's, 1980's and early 90's there were over 1,000 people murdered each year in Chicago.  So it's less than half of what it use to be but the news coverage makes it seem like there are twice as many.

The sad thing is since the early 90's, trained military members on bases are allowed to keep their guns, they just can't have ammo.  So on this base there was a platoon of Marines that could grab their guns, but didn't have any ammo.  Funny that one of the safest places for a nut to go video game with guns is a military base.  But who would have ever thought such a thing could take place?

Oh yea, Fort Hood.  But that is the exception because that was terrorism.

But this is a two plus two equation because it's not just video games that all these killers have in common; there is a second variable - pharmaceuticals.  Yes, all these killers are also have been taking these billion dollar mind altering pills for a bunch of problems that discipline and the paddle use to take care of when in schools.  Psychotic drugs and video games.  Two plus two.  As my long term imaginary readers know, don't laugh, there might be a few, I've been harping on this for years.

It worried me taking Xanax while taking care of my mom.  I was working full time, paying 20% of the caretaker bill, then taking care of my mom nights and weekends.  My weight was up, my blood pressure was up.  The doctor gave me scripts for two BP pills and for .5m of Xanax.  I only filled the Xanax and my BP came down.  After she died, I quit taking the Xanax for a couple of years, but then went back on it when my dad's Alzheimer's started making life, interesting.  But I alway stayed at one .5 a day, with a couple of exceptions.  And the day he died, I flushed the script down the toilet and haven't had one since.

Plus, I never played video games because, well, I seriously sucked at them.  I mean really bad.  My nephew, one Christmas morning, was quite disappointed with NHL 98 because he found out, before the first period was over, that the game ended when one player reached 99 goals.  I had 2.  I tried playing Doom for about a week but never could seem to survive more than 30 seconds on the first level.  And I have crashed more planes playing Flight Simulator than Japanese Kamakazees did in all of WWII.

I worry that one day Nazi Obama or Feinstein types will decide anyone that ever took certain pills will not be allowed to own a gun.  Government loves those type of rules.  Blanket rules that trap millions of individuals.  So some drunk pot smoker will be able to own a gun but some guy who never has been in trouble or had a problem with 25 years of gun ownership will lose his right to own a gun.  Similar to Obamacare's Rule 76, which says after 76, there are a whole list of surgeries not covered even though that 80 year old might still work full time, run 3 miles a day, and can do 100 pushups, he won't get prostate surgery but the 65 year old obese diabetic with heart disease will get the prostate surgery.

Blanket rules are what has ruined this country.  That and blanket 24 hour news stations.

Some great interviews last night.  Corsi on C2C about JFK and his new book.  Deyo on Hagmann and Hagmann is also very good.  Barkley says check them out.  Twenty four hours until my interview on Hagmann, I'm as nervous as a sophomore in high school getting ready for his first homecoming dance!

Anybody here seen my old friend John?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
He freed lotta people but it seems the good they die young
I just looked around and he's gone

Anybody here seen my old friend Martin?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
He freed lotta people but it seems the good they die young
I just looked around and he's gone

Didn't you love the things that they stood for?
Didn't they try to find some good for you and me?
And we'll be free
Some day soon, it's gonna be one day

Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up over the hill
With Abraham, Martin, and John


Monday, September 16, 2013


It is such and odd existence.

Fort Collins had some flooding but for the most part came through the flooding with little damage and I don't think there were any deaths in Fort Collins, though with all the missing that might change.  And, of course, we had a couple of nominees for the Nobel Prize for Being an Idiot Who Should Never Reproduce who decided it would be cool to kayak down the wild running river through Fort Collins.  Unfortunately, it appears they made it, thus eliminating them from also receiving the Darwin Award.

Yet, west of here, south of here, and east of here a biblical like flood is destroying the lives, homes, businesses, and dreams of millions of people.  Ten minutes south is Loveland and it saw large portions flooded, thirty minutes Longmont is destroyed.  Many people with homes in the canyons are missing, dead, their homes now residing somewhere in eastern Colorado.

In every life a little rain must fall, and sometimes it will wash everything in your life away.  Wildfires and you survive those only to have your home, pets, belongings, and family washed away.  Nothing says ouch like a three ton boulder coming down with the water and smashing through your home.

Crap, I can't find the note of the photographers names, these are from the Denver Post, I'll look them up and post them later.

So how do you prep for everything being washed away in a heartbeat?

Taking care of my dad, I came to the realization that in some ways, our free choice is somewhat an illusion.  I made the simile that life is like getting on I 80 in Chicago and going west.  We think we have free choice, we choose where to get gas, where to eat, when to eat, where to stay the night, but at another level, once you choose to get on that highway, you are destined, no matter what you choose, to end up in Lincoln, Cheyenne, Salt Lake City, and you will end up in San Francisco, there is nothing you can do to change the inevitable of life.

So you prep with years of food, ammo, water, and then the above happens.  Your fortress is washed away, your supplies are washed away.  And, you may be washed away and all the prepping and pushups in the world could not save you.  Wrong place, wrong time.

If a large meteor hits the earth, will you survive?  Not if it lands on your town, you won't.  It is wise to prepare, but it's also wise to accept there are some things totally out of your control, bearing down on you, and there is nothing you can do when it gets here.

In the end, there really is only one way to prep, and that is prep your soul.  You don't know when the dam will break, when the truck won't, when the fire or water comes.  I was lucky I lived through my late teens, twenties, and thirties when I did not believe in God.  Now I do.  Am I a good Christian, I don't think so, but then I'm not really sure what a 'good' Christian is anymore.  I hope I am right with God.  I don't buy into the "if I die today I know I will go to heaven, ask me how" philosophy.  Those Biblical saying of Jesus about narrow versus wide roads, "I do not know you" type lines scare the heck out of me.  I know God loves us, but I also know the line "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom".   So I fear God and fear for my soul.

I guess that is really the first line of prepping, being right with God.  If He wants you to survive a calamity, you will; if He doesn't, all the bullets and food in the world won't save you.

The second thing will be skills; can you survive without your Berkey, eFoods, and crank radio?  Can you build a hut, forage for food, catch fish, know what roots to eat?  I'm not sure I do.  Finally, what can you carry on your back?  That may be all you get, so you better figure out how to pack a backpack and duffel because that may be all you get out with.

So many people suffering, the illusions of their lives meeting the realities of life.  Here in Colorado, at the Navy shipyards in DC.

Well, on another note my imaginary readers, wish me luck.  This Thursday I am scheduled to appear for an hour on Hagmann and Hagmann to discuss my book and taking care of my dad for four years as he died from Alzheimer's.  I am really looking forward to being on their show, I listen to it all the time, and really need a great showing so lots and lots of listeners rush off to Amazon to buy my book.  This is a make it or break it moment for me, please keep me in your prayers, as well as all those people washed away in the flood, their families, the rescuers, and Christians in Syria and Egypt.

And I'm gonna go there free

Like the fool I am and I'll always be
I've got a dream, I've got a dream
They can change their minds but they can't change me
I've got a dream, I've got a dream

And I carry it with me and I sing it loud
If it gets me nowhere, I'll go there proud

Movin' me down the highway
Rollin' me down the highway
Movin' ahead so life won't pass me by

Jim Croce

Saturday, September 14, 2013


Went to the store today to pick up milk and salad dressing and some of the shelves were bare.  Let this be a lesson to you all.  The flood caused a run on a major grocery chain and within 24 hours things were not being replaced because there was only one way into Fort Collins until about noon today when some of the bridges going north opened up.  Still can't go south.

My trunk had a go pack of clothes, two weeks of eFoods, stove, pan, fuel, a full tank, and another couple of things to take to the car if I had to evacuate; like the dog, dog food, and my Berkey.  Want to know something even funny, I have a book packed on how to use a slide ruler and two slider rulers in the box.  Figure an EMP happens and knowing how to use a slide ruler will be a marketable skill, after the kill off and all.

I did discover one thing I was short of; bottles for filtered water.  I only have the one.  Oops.  So later this week I'll buy four of five gallons of water and keep the bottles for future need.

Eastern Colorado is flooding last night and today as the water moves downriver.  Note to any of my imaginary readers in Kansas, it's headed your way, what are you doing right now to prepare?  And it may rain some more here today and tonight.

Fort Collins is pretty much okay, overall.  Kudos to the city for shutting off the water from the river and only going via the reservoir last Tuesday, since the Mulberry Treatment Plant was partially underwater it looked like.  So our water is good.

Loveland didn't fare nearly as well, it's at the bottom of the Big Thompson Canyon and despite the efforts to redirect water through underground pipes to other reservoirs, Loveland was underwater in many places.  Boulder, Longmont, and Golden were also seriously soaked and damaged.

Estes, well, there is no way to get there now from the east, except by plane.  The western route is a narrow road that goes over the divide and is closed once the snow starts to fall and the storm tonite is predicted to be snow about 10,000 feet so things are looking bleak for the town with the hotel made famous in The Shining.

Strange how life is.  The state has been in a drought for so long and it is simply not designed for this much rain.  The system is designed to bring in water/snow runoff from the west side of the divide to provide water to the eastern part of the state but was built with too small a system of pipes and tunnels to handle what happened this week.  So while they tried to off load the water through the system, it was woefully inadequate to handle the amount of water and the water coming down the canyons, beautiful flowing rivers you drive alongside, turns into a roaring tsunami wave like in the scene from LOTR and takes out the road and any homes along side of the road, with boulders dropping down the sides of the mountains like raindrops, then being picked up in the torrent and sent downstream, smashing into homes or cars.

Then the plains flood from all the water.  Three years of drought and now the farms are flooded. Sometimes in life you just can't win for losing.

But once again we see the importance of preparing for something bad to happen.  And you have to have plans; plans when you stay in place with no power or access, plans when you have to evacuate.  Are you ready?  I had a box, empty, that I could have thrown in within three or four minutes all the Bibles, books, DVD's, and my folks ashes.
A knapsack with my passport, checkbook, backups of my hard drives, gun and ammo.  Dog and food in first, back for the box and knapsack, and I'm on the road and in the worst case the tank would be half full, I never let it drop below half.  Would I get everything?  No, I realized I hadn't remembered my mom's handmade quilts, for example.

Holly Deyo wrote a great book, Dare to Prepare, that is considered the de facto book on preparedness.  Do you have a copy?

And all that was for a flood, what if it had been an earthquake?  I wasn't ready for that event, but I will be now.  Two weeks of food, stove, pan, portable water filters, empty jug, and clothes will remain in my car along with a Bible; just in case.


Well, seems I spoke to soon, referring to it as after the flood.  It's been raining from around 8pm last night to about 2am; then started again around 8 this morning and we've had over an inch of rain this morning alone.  So all that water going down here, well, it's back up, which means roads are getting closed off again, and tomorrow Greeley and eastward will be getting even more water.  No rescues scheduled for today, the Broncos are playing this afternoon.

Long as I remember,
The rain been comin' down.
Clouds of myst'ry pourin'
Confusion on the ground.
Good men through the ages
Tryin' to find the sun.
And I wonder,
Still I wonder
Who'll stop the rain.

Heard the singers playin',
How we cheered for more?
The crowd had rushed together
Tryin' to keep warm.
Still the rain kept pourin',
Fallin' on my ears.
And I wonder,
Still I wonder
Who'll stop the rain.
Creedence Clearwater Revival

Friday, September 13, 2013


Wow, must have sent nearly 30 resumes out today for jobs.  Job hunting is sort of like dating except with job hunting, I at least am pretty sure I'll get screwed.

Water water everywhere, and not a dwop to dwink.  I need to investigate the companies that will be rebuilding all the roads that have been washed out from the foot of rain that has fallen between Colorado Springs and Cheyenne.  Fort Collins is pretty well off compared to most of the Front Range cities.  Boulder and Golden are totally flooded out and the road, RT 34, between Loveland and Estes Park is gone.  So is the road between Boulder and Estes Park.  I don't know what that means for Estes Park, but gas and food supplies might be a problem for them soon.  There are other roads westbound but most of them close for the winter due to snow, which should begin up there in about a week.

But we do have some serious road closures, the Platte is HUGE.  You pretty much can't get from Prospect Road north to Mulberry, even if you head downtown to get on Mulberry it is washed out at the river.  So north Fort Collins is cutoff and, this is crazy, you can't even go east to get on I25 because it is shut down between Denver and Cheyenne WY from multiple washouts.  And 287 is washed out between here and Denver which just made me realize maybe I should go shopping today before everyone else figures out deliveries are cut off here to for the most part.

No worries today, you would not believe the crowds of people walking towards the Platte, it looks like what you see for a 4th of July fireworks display or outdoor concert.  Just all walking across streets against lights, between cars, all just without a care in the world, carrying lunch baskets,  that all of this is some sort of entertainment.

I, on the other hand, am packing a go bag and putting a few weeks of emergency food in the trunk of the car, along with water filters, and then putting a go bag in the trunk and a second one by the front door with guns and ammo; just in case.  The weather pattern is really bizarre right now.  We are getting an extended influx of moisture both from the pacific monsoon flow but also the gulf due to a of high pressure system to our east and a low to our west.  The high spins clockwise, the low counter clockwise, so it's creating a channel of moisture from two oceans coming up and meeting in Colorado.  We've had almost 10 inches in Fort Collins in the last 5 days.  September average is 1.25 inches.

The mountains, this side of the divide, have seen 14 to 20.  And remember all those wild fires?  Well, that means it is all burnt trees, no grass, so the mud just flows downhill taking all the dead trees, rocks and boulders with it, which is why there are no roads.

What is worrying some right now are the reservoirs.  They are filled to capacity.  Horsetooth Reservoir, just west and uphill from Fort Collins, has two man made dams, one just west of the CSU football stadium.   I can't tell you how many times when I'd take my dad for car rides and we would pass that section I would comment that if that ever broke, Fort Collins would be wiped off the map if the lake were filled.  Well, it is over filled now.  Could be absolute apocalyptic if that dam broke open, it would wipe out all of Fort Collins and even if you suspected, there is only one road available to go east, Harmony Ave.

Oh well, certainly would eliminate my concerns for work or lousy lousy book sales.  Next week, if we are still here, I'll go to the government employment thing and find out what construction companies are going to be doing all this rebuilding and try to get a job with a road crew.  Hard work, fresh air; sounds like some sort of purgatory.

It's funny how a guy can totally ignore something on the internet and then one day drop by and fall instantly in love.  No, I'm not talking about Katie Nolan, well, that would probably count too if I wasn't old enough to be her grandfather.  I could even overlook her being a Bruin's fan.  Anyways, I'm talking about youtube.  I installed Firefox and it has some additional thingy's you can install so you can download to your hard drive any youtube movie.  Then, you can convert it to an mp3 to listen to on your iPhone.  So I got a compete collection of Zig Ziglar, Jim Rohn, Chuck Missler,  Billy Graham sermons dating back to the 1950's, philosophy lectures, NLP Training, and all sorts of stuff!  It's like a university on my iPhone!  It's a brain carousel!

I had the opportunity to watch the third and final season of Luther, the BBC mystery series.  Really great series, not quite Morse, but I'd rank it higher than Lynley or even Foyle's War.  Okay, and he drives an old silver Volvo like me.  And the first three episodes of the series, there are only four episodes in the season, were really great.  Even a key main character getting killed.

But the last episode was a total friggin' letdown.   It brought back the psycho chick, which was great, but wasted her in the show for the most part, except for the great line "Most little girls want a pony, I wanted to be a widow".  Bad conclusion to the situation, I didn't like the ending.  And when a person gets shot in the leg, right in the thigh above the knee, with a big ass handgun, you can't just wrap your tie around it and spend the next half hour of the show running up and down stairs, walking a mile, etc.  Please.  I think every cop drama or adventurous movie/show should have a writer who has actually been shot on staff to stand up and say "are you nuts?".  First BBC mystery I ever saw where I could actually say the final episode sucked.  I hope the final episode of Sherlock is better.  Too bad for such a great series.  Even got the theme song now on my phone for incoming.

It's unfortunate that when we feel a storm
We can roll ourselves over 'cause we're uncomfortable
Oh well, the devil makes us sin
But we like it when we're spinning in his grip

Love is like a sin, my love
For the ones that feel it the most
Look at her with her eyes like a flame
She will love you like a fly will never love you again

Massive Attack (Paradise Circus, the theme to Luther)

Wednesday, September 11, 2013


Since my dad died, I have found myself escaping into the past of sorts, I am rereading books from the 1970's.  Recently, I picked up John Gardner's great work Grendel.

Grendel tells the story of the last dragon, Grendel, antagonist of the great old English book Beowulf, and what went on in the mind of the dragon, the final dragon on Earth.  I can relate to Grendel right now, I feel like the last dragon.

Job hunting is going nowhere, even worse than book sales, as if such a thing were possible.  I am totally frustrated with our world today, the hiring methods brought to us by university brainwashed human resource graduates.

I applied for a project manager job at a company.  I hit every requirement dead on or better.  I pointed this out in the cover letter, pointing to the requirements and how I compared; but I knew I would not get the job or an interview.  They asked what year I graduated from college; the corporate way of eliminating people based on their age without leaving a track record of age discrimination.  Sure enough, form email arrived Sunday night - yes, Sunday night, informing me while my qualifications were impressive they are pursuing other options.  Form letter from a computer algorithm informing me I'm a dinosaur.

The other day, I applied for a job as the IT Director for the school district.  They had me filling out, online, a series of questions; the first 50 or so had to do with how I would act as a principal at a school.  What does one have to do with the other?  Also applied at a local 'copy center' store for a manager position and did their online personality/honesty exam.  I'm not sure at what point the futility of the situation sunk in, but I completed the questions just because I don't like quitting but there is zero chance of me getting so much as an interview.

Why do I fail them?  Cause I can't bring myself to lie or cheat.  Here is an example of what I am talking about.  You get the question "I prefer working in groups rather than working alone".  Simple question?  Not to me.  What kind of work?  Am I doing statistical analysis?  Am I working on a DOE?  Now what the test will do is ask that question two or three times, and also ask the question differently "I like working alone" or "I like working in groups" and as a lateral thinker I will answer Yes to the first, Yes to the second, because I like both but the test will tell them I am lying or trying to beat the test or something and out spits a rejection.  If I wanted to play the test, I'd look at the job type, determine if it is a team related job, and answer in that mode.

But I don't.  Am I stubborn?  Stupid?  The last dragon?

I miss the days where you put on a suit, had 100 resumes printed, and you hit the streets knocking on doors, talking to the owners of businesses.  At big companies, you found the  reserved parking spots for the VIPs and parked your ass there in the morning or around lunch time and met them when they came out to their car.  Now, you fill out anonymous forms, take anonymous tests, and get anonymous rejections and how many really great employees are missed by companies Human Resources rejects them before the executives or managers never get a chance to see the resume.

I would bet my left nut that if the president of some of these companies took the online assessment exam, they would also fail their own company test.  So would the top sales people.

Speaking of corporate world today, there were about 125 companies that signed a letter to congress wanting them to pass immigration reform so as to allow more aliens into the country and legalize the ones here.  The funny part is most of these companies have laid off thousands to tens of thousands of americans over the past two years; fire the americans and hire formerly known as illegal aliens.

How do illegal aliens with no computer experience take the online assessment?  Or is the act of taking the exam eliminating you from a job?  If you can read this, we don't want you.

We are turning our country into a minimum wage metropolis.  No build, just sell and service.

However, all is not lost!  A new study just revealed that men with small testicles make better fathers than men with large testicles!  Golly!  Should I start walking up to wealthy divorced women with kids and say "Hey, I got small testicles, I'd make a great father!"

The sorry thing is in a country with so many unemployed, we are funding studies on the size of men's testicles and it's relation to fatherhood.  You seriously didn't think that corporate america would spend money on something like this did you?  Know, this is taxpayer funded all the way.  Some PhD student decided to spend his or her dissertation funding on measuring men's testicles and then giving them an assessment exam and looking for correlations with large and small testicles.

I wonder how much the pay is for measuring testicles?

Four in the morning
Crapped out
Longing my life away
I'll never worry
Why should I?
It's all gonna fade

Now I sit by my window
And I watch the cars
I fear I'll do some damage
One fine day
But I would not be convicted
By a jury of my peers
Still crazy
Still crazy
Still crazy after all these years

Paul Simon

Monday, September 9, 2013


Big breaking news last week on the internet conspiracy string.  Apparently, through anonymous sources, the military was transferring nuke warheads from an airbase in Texas to South Carolina without the proper paper work being signed!  At the same time, the neo conservative war hawk Graham from South Carolina mentions we need to bomb Syria to prevent a nuke from going off in Charlotte.  Put the two together and we have a false flag operation underway!  No facts, anonymous sources, throw it on the wall and see what sticks!

And the best part?  When nothing happens, the internet conspiracy complex will claim their blowing the whistle on the story prevented it from happening!

There is a guy named Mark Dice that does these hilarious videos on YouTube where he goes out to get signatures on petitions.  The petitions are for banning H20 because thousands die each year from H20, it contains poisons, etc.  Getting Karl Marx on the presidential ballot because Obama works so closely with him, you get the idea.  It's funny as hell how gullible people can be.

Well, just as funny is how gullible the conspiracy network can be.

Look, I understand using pseudo names on the internet, I've been posting under Barkley Pontree for years, but it's not too hard to figure out my real name, just buy my book, please!  But we are constantly seeing unnamed mysterious insider experts talking on radio shows or being interviewed for blogs.

I can't think of the name of that blogger that was so hot last year with his Wall Street Insider, DC Insider, and Military Insider breaking all these amazing inside stories on the election, the financial collapse, a military coupe if Obama reelected, etc.  Except, none of it turned out true.

We survived the 1950's.   Great economy, but bomb shelters were in every town and many backyards; nuclear testing was going to cause Godzilla or some giant spider to wipe out humanity; duck and cover drills in school and weekly testing of the air raid system.  In the 1960's we survived the Cuban Missile Crisis, the killing of two Kennedy's and one King, the race riots and Viet Nam.  In the 1970's we survived Nixon, stagflation, misery indexes, and the hostage crisis.  Liberals thought Reagan was going to get us into a nuclear war.  Terrorist attacks in the 1990's, market collapse in high tech.  We survived a contested 2000 vote, 9/11, and the Enron/Arthur Anderson disaster.

Oh yea, and Y2K.

But through it all, there is a cottage industry that makes a living scaring the living hell out of everyone that the end is near, it's all over, duck and cover.  They are kind of like the global weather crisis people that made their money selling the ice age in the 1970's, then switched to global warming, now talk climate change, and all the while run, don't walk, to the bank with their funding millions for not having a clue what the weather is actually doing.

So why disconnected dots?  Think about one of the major stories this year; government spying on all our email, telephone calls, cell phones, web surfing, etc, etc, etc.  We have learned the NSA is listening to every call.

How does the government not know who the anonymous whistleblowers are who are talking to reporters or talk show hosts under pseudo names like XYZ or Gandalf or whatever?

Some guy on the air force base in Texas called infowars and told them nukes were being illegally shipped from the air base to SC by truck.  And do you think the government wouldn't know, within hours, who made that call?  Duh.

Which means, if you think this through, you really need to ask yourself if it is nearly impossible to make a call in this country without it being recorded and monitored, then where are all these 'inside anonymous sources' coming from?

"Could it be,  the government?" asks the church lady.

I fully understand there are serious issues in this country today.  We've got a numb nut, megalomaniac muslim moron for president who doesn't know what he is doing, doesn't have a clue, and doesn't know he doesn't know and is clueless.  Our debt, did you catch this story, has been stuck at the exact same number, just below 17 trillion, for 120 days.  Huh?  That's like the temperature in Peoria being exactly the same, day and night, for 120 days.  No variation is a siren for someone is screwing with numbers.

But if you are running some evil show, how do you cover things up?  Absurdity!  Take something true, make absolutely absurd statements, pound the internet and airwaves with absurdity, and most of the nation tunes out and the absurdity covers up the real truth.

In the book This Perfect Day, by Ira Levin, it talked of a future society and is in my opinion better than 1984 or BNW.  Not a better society, just a better book.  One of the systems setup was 'hiding' an island, such as Cuba, from maps because they understood that a certain percentage of people would be outliers and so they created a system for such outliers to discover 'Cuba' and if they were able to escape the US and get to Cuba, they would think they had escaped Unicomp but Cuba was just as controlled as everywhere else, just different rules to make you think you'd escaped.  Kind of like the overflow tube on the humidifier to capture excess water and feed it to a drain.  A built in system of poke yoke to handle outliers.

For you Matrix fans, which I've never seen the movies, it's that red pill blue pill question but how do you really know the blue pill will let you see the truth, it may just be another pill to show you a different fake reality that you will think is real but is as fake as the red pill.

I often look at third parties as a system designed by the two party system to attract the outliers in each party, to give them an outlet that won't impact anything but make them think they are standing up to the two party system but in reality you are just being led to the place the two party system wants you to be.

I often wonder how much of the alternative media is like this, put in place by the powers that be to attract the malcontents of society, feed their paranoia, create absurd story lines like 9/11 there were no planes those were holographs to fool people and TV viewers, in order to hide the actual truths of things not being as they appear.

There are evil things going on in this world, evil is rampant these days.  And there are a lot of idiots making decisions that will affect all of our lives.  But to all the end of the world will be this week thinking, wait, strike that, feeling people just remember the lessons of history.  In every decade, we thought the world might come to and end, the country might collapse, there might be a world war.  It rarely actually happens.

Jim Rohn was once asked by a group of business executives what he thought the next ten years would look like and after thinking for a few minutes said "pretty much like the last ten years".

One day, we will have another world war.  One day, an EMP might take out all of our power, then again, it might strike the other side of the planet and Europe, Russia, and China will be in the dark and the US economy will boom!  One day, our economy will collapse.  But that one day has been incorrectly predicted for the last 100 years.  It's smart to prepare for bad times, food, candles, security, etc, but don't ever forget that all that emergency food supplies stored up in the 1950's was never used.  And your closet full of dehydrated foods will probably never be eaten.  And in ten or twenty years, there will be another crisis, another ice age coming, another end of the world series of movies, and the same people making money today off the fear were the same people making money off Y2K and will be the same people making money off of the future in 2025.

I guess the point of all this is we are always living in bad times and it is important for us to be aware of the bad and the evil in the world, but don't lose track of the beauty of the world, of life, of love, of living.  And as we march through time, the world and life change, sometimes for the worse, but sometimes for the better.  And when things seem bleak, don't forget that God's goodness can spring from the evil done by men.

Enjoy the day.  If the world ends this week, I reserve the right to delete this blog posting and deny I ever said otherwise.

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact, it's cold as hell
And there's no one there to raise them
If you did

And all this science I don't understand
It's just my job, five days a week
A rocket man
Rocket man

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh, no, no, no
I'm a rocket man
Rocket man
Burnin' out his fuse up here alone

Elton John

Sunday, September 8, 2013



Question:  How many cliches' can fit on the screen of a pair of Google glasses?

Friday, September 6, 2013


I'm in a mood to argue with God.  Again.

In my life, I sometimes get this feeling that most people who believe in God have similar ideas of God.  There is God The Magic Genie, that will bless believers with this or that if they pray just the right way, go to the right church, read their Bible enough days in a row, or do something that will please God.  Besides the issue of works, I'm not sure God appreciates being thought of as a magic genie.  Yet even bible scholars such as Wilkerson, who wrote the book about the Jabez prayer, has this genie view.  If you just repeat the Jabez prayer over and over and over, you will suddenly be blessed with success and riches.

More deep thinkers tend to view God in some cosmic battle with satan, moving pieces here and there on some cosmic chessboard as needed to fulfill prophecies and thwart the devil from screwing with His plans.  In some ways, you can kind of see this play out in the Book of Job, the life of Joseph, Moses, Elijah, Jesus, and the disciples.  Sometimes, I've related to this theory of God.

Frankly, often of late, I think we are nothing more than some sort of God's pets.  We live in God's big aquarium and some of us get really fresh water, good food, cool little toys to swim around in while others sometimes find our water isn't getting changed, the food is cheap crap, and all the toys to swim around with are broken.  And finally others, the water is never changed, sometimes you feel like you are swimming around in God's toilet, the food is never there, and irregardless of what the little pets do to try to please their master, you just can't seem to get out of the toilet.

Of course, as a Christian who believes in God, His only begotten Son, and the Holy Ghost, but is not sure if they believe in me anymore; I know there is an easy way out of all this.  You switch sides.

See, the devil totally out markets God.  The devil is like a Professor of Marketing from Northwestern who worked for Proctor and Gamble for years while God's marketing plan is a dirty kid selling lemonade at a lemonade stand with a sign "Everlasting Life".  If you are on God's team and decide to switch sides, the devil has a great life plan for you that will promise you money, nice cars, chicks or guys whichever you prefer, both, you can have it all and the only time you get a bill is when you die.

Unfortunately, if you are an atheist, you probably don't get as good a deal because the devil already has your soul.  All he has to do is make sure you keep thinking God doesn't exist.

I guess what brought this all on was me sitting around last night planning for the possibility of becoming homeless in a couple of months.  I've paid 3 months rent on the CC, will eat and pay bills off the CC, so I figure I got about two months before the bank figures it out.   Book is not selling; the one radio interview I did has never aired.  The show that almost had me on bounced me and now I'm off their radar because apparently the world is coming to an end, which at this point, to be honest, wouldn't bother me a bit.  I've sent out about 30 resumes for jobs and so far heard nothing.  Contacted another dozen stations for a radio interview and nothing.  I am a dinosaur, out of place, out of time.  I'm even living in an area of the country I don't really like, but I'm stuck.  Stuck on nothing.

I thought God would reward me for doing the right thing, take care of me.  I thought taking care of my dad would earn me some kind of blessing afterwards, maybe it will, God just isn't ready, testing my faith, playing with his little doggie.  Are we God's pets?

I know, I'm feeling sorry for myself.  I hate feeling sorry for myself.  So I'm pissed at life, upset with God, pissed at myself, pissed at the world.   Maybe this is some sort of phase all caretakers go through afterwards, I suppose the cycle you go through has a lot to do with whether you got money at the end or not.  I know one cousin that after her dad died, she spent the summer in Europe.  Probably easy to mourn touring the ruins and drinking wine while eating french food.

So what is one of God's pets suppose to do?  Do I need to pray more?  Do I need to read my Bible and after I reach a certain word count the little lever is depressed and I get a treat?  Thy will be done.  And if we get trampled in the process, who are we to complain?

Somewhere the devil is enjoying this little play.  For all I know, God is getting a real hoot out of it too.  I seem to be the only one not finding things very funny.

God, are we nothing more than little rats in a maze, running around for your amusement?

There's a little black spot on the Sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday
There's a black hat caught in a high tree top
There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain

There's a fossil that's trapped in a high cliff wall (that's my soul up there)
There's a dead salmon frozen in a waterfall (that's my soul up there)
There's a blue whale beached by a springtide's ebb (that's my soul up there)
There's a butterfly trapped in a spider's web (that's my soul up there)


Thursday, September 5, 2013


Been doing some pondering of late on things.  Or is that on things of late?

Big thing now in tech is the virtual server.  It's a server, except it's not really a server.  Let me explain.  You have a server with 20 1TB hard drives. It's setup as a RAID, so when you write a file to the server, it splits it up into 5 segments, and then writes one segment on five drives then repeats the process on five other drives so it is a mirror backup and then if a drive fails, you still can have access to the file.

Now what the tech world does is takes that big ol' server with 20 1TB hard drives and it creates virtual servers on drives.  So it looks like you have  a server called Accounting and a server called Operations, etc, but they are really just virtual servers on the one.  Then if you need to add a new server for some department, you just copy over a raw clean virtual server to a new spot and give it the name Human Resources and bingo, you just installed a new server.

It's kind of like if you have a Mac and run Parallels or some other program to create a virtual hard drive on your Mac to install Windows so you can run something like Minitab.

It looks real, but it's not real.  Which brings us to math.

Most people don't understand math and thus are completely helpless when talking to people who do understand math.  Get a good math person a white board and a crowd of non mathematical people and he/she will be able to convince the room of just about anything with math.  Like with Obamacare, soon your health insurance will cost you less than your cell phone bill.  Kind of makes you wonder why your phone bill is about to go up by a factor of 10 or more.

But, math models are not real.  Math is the effect of the world, not the cause or explanation, to an extent.

Newton watched the apple, the fruit, not the computer, fall from the tree.  He started thinking, studying, running experiments.  What he saw was an apple fall to earth.  He then tested apples, oranges, the dog, and other objects, measuring the distance they fell, the time it took to fall, and one thing led to another and he created this entire mathematical model to explain gravity.  The math didn't exist before the apple fell, it was made up in the mind of a man to explain the apple falling.  And other people tested his math with their own apples and dogs and got the same answer so it was called truth.

It's not truth.  Math is a virtual synthetic reality.  It is not reality.

Now I know we can use math to create cool toys, devices, and all sorts of drugs that save lives.  I'm not suggesting math doesn't explain some things, I'm not suggesting math doesn't help us create buildings and computers and cars, etc.  Just watch.

We create this mathematical model to explain our observable universe around us.  Since we created the math to match what we can see, obviously, it works!  Then, we see something else we never saw before, and it doesn't match the model.  What is the problem?

Now, normal common sense people would immediately recognize, there is something wrong in the math model.  The whole thing might not be wrong, just parts, or maybe the whole model is wrong on a macro scale but works on a micro scale of what we knew.

But that is the 'wrong' answer.  The math model is not wrong, there must be something else we still don't see or understand.  Okay, that might be a reasonable alternative explanation.  Unfortunately, the scientist won't stop there, now they start speculating what that something else must be in order to cause the model to not work that would then explain everything in the model.  Are you following?

Back in the 1930's, we first realized spiral galaxies didn't spin the way our math models said they would.  The stuff near the center didn't spin faster around the center than the distant stuff.  They went around at the same speed, like blades on a fan.  So, the guy suggested there was massive amounts of invisible matter in the galaxy that would explain, in the math model, why is spun that way.

Didn't you learn in school science that 90 something percent of the mass of the universe is missing?  I remember learning that, it works in science, but don't try to convince your banker there are millions missing from your checking account.  The point is, the claim that the mass is missing is not a reality of mass missing, it is missing in making the math model work!   Well, they found it on the blackboard, it's called dark matter.  They gave it properties of all kinds, can't see it, really small, travels through matter, going through me as I type, right through me through the earth.  And it all looks so neat on the black board or white board but it is not real.  It's made up.  All so the model stands.

It is virtual reality of a synthetic universe created on a space of reality.

See, you don't really 'prove' a scientific theory; you either disprove it or are not able to disprove it.  How do you disprove the existence of something made up in someone's mind that is designed to not be provable?   That is why science decided they will not include God as a cause, because they determined you couldn't disprove God; then they created al these 'scientific' things that are nothing more than made up in some math equation that are more impossible to disprove than the God they claim doesn't exist because He can't be disproved.  Yea, the sentence does make sense, sort of.

I like math, well, some math.  Never could get my mind around geometry.  Algebra, trig, calculus, and stats I was fine, sometimes even really good at it.  Geometry, greek to me.  But it kind of blew my mind when I understood what math really was, nothing more than some virtual reality, made up in the mind of mankind, to explain the observable universe.  Then, as new stuff is 'observable', and the model falls apart, rather than just junking the model and starting over, they start making up stuff to keep the model alive.

That is why you can read or find information on some really interesting science, like plasma, the electric universe, or that constants like light are not really constants.  It is funny, the Norwegians, Swedish, and Russian scientists are much more into the study of the electric universe than the rest of Europe or the US, because they live under the electric sky; plus Lord Kelvin of England is some sort of deity of science in England or something and he blah blahhed the electric universe for this made up model.

Look at our modern world and finance.  Do you really believe the numbers?  Do you really think SAP's numbers for inventory for your 2000 stores is what is actually in the 2000 stores?  Do you really think the numbers on the earnings report are true, oh former Enron employee?  It's all just a virtual synthetic reality.

Now if I could just convince my bank that my checkbook balance wasn't real, was just an illusion….

Dear Mister Fantasy play us a tune
Something to make us all happy
Do anything take us out of this gloom
Sing a song, play guitar, make it snappy
You are the one who can make us all laugh
But doing that you break out in tears
Please don't be sad if it was a straight mind you had
We wouldn't have known you all these years
But doing that you break out in tears
Please don't be sad if it was a straight mind you had
We wouldn't have known you all these years


Wednesday, September 4, 2013


I've really had it with food advice.

New study out shows that when I buy red snapper, there is an 87% chance I'm not getting red snapper, but some other fish.  Tuna, just a little better, there is a 40% chance I am actually going to get tuna when I order tuna, except if I eat the tuna, there is almost a 100% chance it will have high levels of radiation if it came from the pacific ocean, somewhere between Japan and the USA.  So should I be happy if the tuna isn't tuna but escolar, which is often, like 84% if the time, substituted for white tuna, and it is good for you if you don't mind intestinal issues including oily discharge from your butt.

Holy brown underwear, Batman!

Even halibut is often replaced with grouper or tile fish, which apparently tastes about the same except for the much higher mercury content of the fish.  Seems most fish have this high mercury content.

So we got it out of our paint and then put it in the fish?

At this point, I refuse to eat fish from the gulf of mexico or the pacific.  Between the radiation from Fukushima and the oil in the gulf, I don't want to eat either.  I love Alaskan Salmon, which is always wild, it's illegal to farm raise them, but how much of the radiation has hit the salmon? Cod is from the north atlantic, which is about the least polluted of our oceans.  And we have a nice trout farm here in the foothills that is suppose to be pretty good, though one wonders at this point if any fish is safe.

Chicken is so pumped up with steroids and stuff like arsenic in order to make the chickens grow fatter faster.  Hmm, feed the chicken stuff to make it grow fatter faster, then tell people to eat more chicken, now people are getting fatter fasters, nah.

People were in a lot better shape when they smoked, ate steak with a salad, and drank hard liquor every night after work.

In my lifetime, we were told butter was bad for us, to use margarine, so millions did and ended up with clog tubes because it turns out margarine is worse for us than the butter; it's not nice to fool with mother nature, don't you know.  Eggs were bad, eggs were good.  Now we are to eat more vegetables, but those veggies are now genetically modified with pesticides by companies like monsanto and I'm thinking if the pesticide is so good for us, why not just put it in the water, oh wait, it is in the water, never mind.

The good news is you can't taste the pesticides in the water because of all the pharmaceutical drugs that are in the water from all the drugged up citizens pissing their birth control and tranquilizers into the toilet and then we recycle the toilet water into drinking water and, and, oh yuk!

And people wonder why I have a big water filter system on my counter with regular and fluoride filters.

So, what do I eat tonite?  Organic cereal with fruit and then pour organic milk on the stuff knowing the cows that gave the milk were probably eating grass tainted with radiation from Fukushima?  How am I suppose to really know if the fruit, veggies, or something I am eating hasn't been bio engineered?  Or peed or crapped on by some worker?  So I wash it off with tap water poisoned with fluoride, pharmacology, and pesticides and feel safe?

Heard a guy the other night talking about that 'bot' system that scans the net to predict the future and it came up with future foods that not only stress organic and non GMO but will also publicize it is radiation free, just in case my few imaginary readers think I am making all this stuff up.

Back in the 60's, kids drank pop all the time.  Lots of flavored sugar water.  They even had this great penny candy that were little wax bottles filled with sugar water and you bit off the top of the little bottle and sucked out the tasty liquid.  Sugar Pops, Sugar Frosted Flakes, add some sugar to the cereal, and we finished the whole bowl, especially the sugary milk left!   Sugar Pops and Captain Crunch made the best tasting after milk!

And when we went to school, there might have been one overweight kid in a class of 30. But we stayed in our seats because if you didn't, there was this principal with a nice paddle hanging on his wall….

Thought of that today while I walked 3 miles to the car mechanic to pick up my car.  Thankfully, the leak that drained the power steering fluid was a hose.  But it cost 170 bucks for parts and labor to change the gas filter!  Last time I change that filter!  Put it on credit card.  Everything is on credit card now.  I know, the gas filter has nothing to do with the power steering problem, it was scheduled for an oil change and I change the air filters and gas filter once a year.

I think often of the 1950's.  I don't remember it, I was too young, wasn't even born for most of it.  But people seemed happy back then, well, unless you were a black guy in the south.  People ate whole foods from small farms, drank a drink or two each night, smoked a pack a day, got married, had kids, had grandkids and died in their 60's or 70's. Families were close to each other, geographically.  Today, we eat fast food, packaged food, don't marry until we are in our thirties if ever, don't drink, don't smoke, and try to act like we will live forever; riding elliptical riders, bikes, and such and we will live into our 80's and be babbling idiots with the bodies of a 40 year old, assuring a long slide of life into infancy again where we poop our pants and eat baby food.  Well, until Obamacare starts euthanizing everyone over 80 except politicians.

Now doctors have 1/3 of the adults over 40 on blood pressure pills, another 1/3 on pre hypertension blood pressure pills even though there is no such thing as pre hypertension, it was a made up thing by guess who?  That's right, the pharmaceutical companies realized they could double their sales if they convinced everyone they had pre hypertension.  A doctor told me about the whole thing, he was a neuro, so it wasn't coming out of his pocket.  If you are 40 with a blood pressure range in the prehypertension category, there is no evidence that in 20 years you will have high blood pressure; in other words, being 150/85 at 40 means you might be 150/85 when you are 50 or 60.  Blood pressure doesn't automatically go up as you age!

A better world through pharmacology!

The 1950's were a lot like today.  Everyone was living in fear of nuclear radiation, everyone was building bomb shelters in their back yards because any day now the Russians that the US were going to wipe the planet out with nuclear bombs.  Today preppers are preparing for the EMP that will wipe out our electronic infrastructure, scared our own government stockpiling 2 billion rounds of ammo are going to go door to door and kill it's citizens.

But people were mostly happy then, we are not today.  Why?

I was pondering all of this since Sunday.  I went to church Sunday night and zoned out when the sermon was about sports and kids.  I swear if I ever finish my masters in theo and ever get to be a preacher, I will have a note on top of my Bible that says "NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT SPORTS, ESPECIALLY GOLF, AND DON'T TALK ABOUT KIDS EITHER".  So I was thinking about all this comparison of the 1950's and today, wondering why people are so unhappy today but for the most part were happy back in those days?  Wasn't a problem thinking about this in church, there are a lot of empty seats in the churches these days, not like it was back in the 1950's.

Must be the mercury in the fish.  Or the electronics.  Or maybe the GMOs are making people unhappy.   Just can't put my finger on the problem.

 It's an easy ride to roam
You'll never walk alone
Naturally we blew
Simple things we say
Everyday we find the way

Seems like we've opened up the door
Feels like we've walked this way before

Simple things you say
Everyday you'll find the way
It amazes everyday

Zero 7