This is my second blog.

My first blog chronicled my experiences over three years caring for my dad as he lived through and finally died from Alzheimer's. That is the book that is for sale.

This second blog kind of chronicles of life, what it is like to start your life over in your late 50's. After caretaking, you are damaged, file bankruptcy, and the world doesn't care what you did. After 8 months of unemployment, you wake each day knowing the world doesn't want you. Finally you do find a job, 5 weeks before homelessness, but doing what you did 30 years ago and getting paid what you did 30 years ago. So this is starting over.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

Thursday, August 29, 2013


Now if I seem to be afraid
To live the life that I have made in song
Well it's just that I've been losing for so long

I can always tell when I'm in a bad mood, I listen to Jackson Browne albums.  They don't depress me, they don't make me happy, like listening to the Monkees would, JB just makes it comfortable to be sad.

I was scheduled to be on a radio show this evening and was bounced to next week.  So it's cool they still want me on the show and I know in such a business being bounced is something that happens, I was just really excited and really looking forward to seeing some major book sales so I can eat this October. Maybe even November and December too!

How many meals will a 70 pound dog provide?

So being the thinker I am, this all takes off in multiple directions in my head, not the math and dog eating, that was a joke.  As a caretaker, I learned to suspend hope; there was no hope, only enduring the day, enduring the night, and repeating the process.  But now, the dreams were bursting forth in my head, publish a book, talk to the radio shows I like to listen to, something will break, and I am a successful author!

Out into the cool of the evening
Strolls the Pretender
He knows that all his hopes and dreams
Begin and end there

When I was a child, somewhere around 3rd grade, I recognized I was different than other kids.  Nothing weird, perverted or anything, I just looked at the world differently.  I sensed something beyond my sight, something good and something evil was out there.  And I've spent my life searching to understand what it is I can't see, but all the time knowing there is something there, something evil, that you can't and shouldn't give in to, something that once you do, it's almost impossible to get out of, escape.

Well I've been out walking
I don't do that much talking these days, these days
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to

And I guess somewhere I view my career as being careful to not be what I do for a living.  That a paint batch, a computer network, a widget really isn't important in the scheme of things for most people's lives.  Living and loving.  I always joked that on my death bed, I wanted to say I probably should have spent more time at the office after all.  Yet, when I was caring for my dad, I saw the look in men's eyes when I explained I quit my career to care for my dad; they'd get this strange look on their face, ask when I was planning to put him in a home, shock when I said I wouldn't, and this strange look that I finally realized was because they were their job.  It's how they identified themselves.  Think about it, what is one of the first three questions out of your mouth when you meet someone?  "What do you do for a living?"

I actually have answered "breathe" to that question.  Yes, I can be a jerk, don't you know.  But the point is, we are brainwashed into thinking we are what we do for a living and think about this; how many people hate their jobs?  So put it all together: you hate what you most identify with as who you are.  Is it any wonder people overeat, drink, take drugs, and veg out in front of the TV for hours a day?  You are what you do and you hate what you do.  So you hate it all.

That is what I mean about seeing the world differently.

Now there are times, careers, where maybe this isn't true; a doctor saving lives, someone working on the project to go to the moon, a soldier in battle with his buddies; I can see in those times and careers giving yourself completely to what you do, for a time.  In any job, I can see giving yourself completely to the task, it's fun.  But it's not who you are.

Ah the laughter of the lovers
As they run through the night
Leaving nothing for the others
But to choose off and fight
And tear at the world with all their might
While the ships bearing their dreams
Sail out of sight

But when do you give up the dreams?  When do you move from being a dreamer to being a parody of Don Quixote, a comic actor the world laughs at as you continually strive for unreachable dreams?  When does the romantic become the fool, or was he just a fool the whole time?

I'm being pulled right now.  Part of me is saying fight for it, go for it, make the book a success, keep pushing on.  The other part of me is looking at 500 bucks in the bank, knowing that from this point forward life is going on a credit card and if I don't make it as an author, I will be homeless in three months.

I'm gonna be a happy idiot
And struggle for the legal tender
Where the ads take aim and lay their claim
To the heart and the soul of the spender
And believe in whatever may lie
In those things that money can buy
where true love could have been a contender
Are you there?
Say a prayer for the Pretender.
Who started out so young and strong
Only to surrender.

I don't want to surrender.  When do you give into the system?  Is there something heroic in fighting it off for 25 years before you give in or were you just stupid to fight the inevitable?  Somewhere, in that fog of my mind, I saw career, marriage, mortgages, debt, and so on  as some sort of trap that once you are in, you can't escape.  Oh, you get to escape for a week here or a week there to go on a vacation where you lay around thinking this is the life, but then it's just back to what you were, the same thing, the drudgery, a job where you are a cog, kissing up to keep your job because your kids need braces or the kids need college or you are just 20 years from retirement and don't want to lose a pension that probably won't be there when you retire anyways.

So throughout my life, I've picked moments in time to pay off all the debts, to be free of debt.  I've change careers at the top, changed jobs, moved to different cities, all to avoid the trap.  But now at 55, where am I?  A broken man who is too stupid to realize he's lost the fight?  A sorry figure waving at windmills?

I want to know what became of the changes
We waited for love to bring
Were they only the fitful dreams
Of some greater awakening?
I've been aware of the time going by
They say in the end it's the wink of an eye
When the morning light comes streaming in
You'll get up and do it again

These dreams are what kept my going, caring for my dad.  They kept me sane.  A promise of a sunny day somewhere in the future, that no matter how bad it got, no matter what I had to do to get my dad thru the day, to get me thru the day, that someday, sometime, the world would shine, that I would shine.   Was it all just some psychological ploy?  A mental trick just to keep what was left of my sanity?   Was it, am I,  all a cosmic joke?  I finished the book, published the book, and then dropped to my knees in prayer and lifted it up to God and asked Him to bless this book and asked Him for sales so I could recover from the last five years.

Is God saying no?  Should I have asked Joel Osteen?

Well I'll keep on moving, moving on
Things are bound to be improving these days, one of these days
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten, my friend
Don't confront me with my failures,
I have not forgotten them

Lyrics by Jackson Browne

Wednesday, August 28, 2013


First of all, notice how few stories today refer to MLK as a Reverend.  I've several times in my life gotten into arguments with people who think there is a separation of church and state and pastors have no business in political discussions and I lead them on and on, naming several conservative ministers who they jump at as perfect examples of the problem and then I say "so if you were around in the 1960's, you would have opposed Rev. Martin Luther King sticking his nose and Bible into the political process?"

It gets real funny then watching them try to argue their way out of that little problem.

Martin Luther King had a dream.  In some ways it came true.  We have black SC Justices, we have black mayors, congressmen, senators and a semi black muslim president.  The glass ceiling was removed for blacks, unfortunately, the foundation of the dream died in Memphis.

I don't see any way no how MLK could look at America today and think his dream came true.  He would bow his head in mourning at the gang problems, the drug problems, the prison system, the children dying in the streets from black teens firing guns willy nilly hoping they might hit something.  He would not approve of roving gangs of black teens playing knockout on white people.  He would turn over tables at the hip hop culture with all their talk of bitches, popping, etc etc etc.

No, Martin Luther King would not be happy with black america today.  Who would of thought, within the dream speech, the majority of white america would have bought into the dream.  Most Christians today are color blind to an extent, we recognize that a black man or black woman is equal in the eyes of God as any white person; that the amount of some chemical in the skin means nothing; lost souls needing to hear the gospel is color blind.

But what happened to black america?  I will admit, the Civil Rights laws forcing blacks into housing projects, giving them just enough to eat junk food, rewarding moms for having kids out of wedlock and no husband sticking around to be responsible for his seed planting, allowing gangs to run the complexes as they wish as long as they don't step out of the circle and when they do we lock them up.  Their housing sucks, their schools suck, the system is designed to keep them stuck in suck.  Physical abuse, sexual abuse of children, trading kids for drugs.  Martin's dream died in Memphis.

I got news for you folks, if they had taken millions of white baby boomer kids in the 1960's, stuck us in housing projects with lousy schools and lousy tools in that lousy system we'd be right where black america is today.  We would be filling the prisons, we'd have grandkids by the time we were 30, we'd be wasted, not care a bit for the sanctity of life, shooting someone would have no affect on our day, rape, prison, and we'd think this is normal.

Martin's dream died in Memphis.  The people who picked up his baton were shells of men, more interested in fame and fortune, aware that if problems were actually solved, they would be out of work.  MLK would have loved to have been put out of work, for civil rights to fix the problems, and he'd happily spent his latter years preaching in a small church.

Martin's dream died in Memphis.  Martin was killed by a white man, but his dream was killed by black men and black women.

Here is the whole speech:


Tuesday, August 27, 2013


Ah, the drums of war.  It's been a long time since we've had a good war, no?  And since our president is the proud owner of a Peace Prize you must know this is the last option left.  Stop laughing.  Hell hath no fury like a pacifist with his own nuclear arsenal.

So Syria is our new target.  The claims are the rebels were gassed by the government.  WMD's, don't you know.  Syria and Russia deny there was gassed used by the government, claims it was the rebels.  Strange how we've reached a point in America where we really can't decide who is more likely to lie to us, the Russians or our own government.  I mean, even the paranoid wing of the country once knew our government might be lying to us but the Russians definitely were lying.  Now, our government is definitely lying to us and the Russians might be lying.

Is it un-American to admit you have no confidence in the executive judicial and legislative branches of government anymore?

Give our government the benefit of the doubt, pick a reason, and maybe the Syrian government did use gas on the rebels, but then we've been arming the rebels to overthrow the Syrians because they are Shiite Muslims and the Saudi government is Sunni and doesn't like the Shiites.  And now rumors abound that the Saudi's are making Russia some sort of sweet oil deal to turn their heads and back on Syria and Russia might take the deal, though I suspect Putin also realizes this is going to be one of those rare moments in history where Russia can kick the US in the balls without worrying about the president doing anything about it because he doesn't have any balls to start with.

Given a choice of a gazillion bucks and knocking the US on it's ass, I'm pretty sure Putin is going for the butt kicking.  Which may be a mistake for the world because you never know what someone like Obama will do.  With all the gay rumors he might decide if he doesn't go full court press on the Russians, people will question his manhood.  Nothing like millions of dead people around the world all because one or two guys have male issues.

China is also weighing in and telling the US to back off Syria.  China could be smart enough to push Russia, China has your back, and then pick up the pieces after the US and Russia punch each other out.  Then China could move northward and take over all that Russian land and rich resources.

So more young men and women will soon be dying, all Bush's fault of course.  Children in some foreign country will die,  mothers and old folks will die,  and it's all for the corporate banking oil government military industrial complex.  The peons will die so the elite can dine in style off the dividends of death.

I wonder where MLK would be marching today.  Would he be nothing more than a larger than life Sharpton?  A parody of his past?  Or would he be crying at the violence, the black on black crime, the black on white violence?  Would he be marching on Washington?  Opposing the wars?  Or would he just be an old man sitting in a rocker, a forgotten footnote of the past, because he lived a full life as a man and didn't die young as a martyr?

Then again, MLK would be 84.  He might be nothing more than a drooling old person counting endlessly into the night.

But maybe these musings are nothing more than watching the inevitable story unfold.   The prophecy was written long ago that Damascus would cease to exist, become uninhabitable, and if this is nothing more than the unfolding of what must be, then all discussions become nothing more than complaining about the inevitable.  And to try to stop such events, as Peter learned, will generate a rebuke from God for Satan to get behind Him.  You can't stop God's plan.

Come writers and critics who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide, the chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon, for the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who that it's namin'
For the loser now will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'

The line it is drawn, the curse it is cast
The slow one now will later be fast
As the present now will later be past
The order is rapidly fadin'
And the first one now will later be last
For the times they are a-changin' 

Bob Dylan

Monday, August 26, 2013


Sorry my few imaginary readers for not posting of late, besides having my 7 year flu, I also answered the question of what happens when an avocado, a sharp knife, and six degrees of stupid all meet.  Yes, I only get the flu about every 6 or 7 years.  But when I get it, I get it bad.  I can trace it back with two walking pneumonia episodes, two high fevers, and two bouts of laryngitis which I always think is so cool to not be able to talk.

Funny, most people who knew me at those times were pretty happy with it also.

As for the stupid, I put a sharp knife almost completely through the middle finger on my left hand.  Damn, did it hurt, I almost passed out twice at the sink.  I eventually got one of the left over unused pee pads I still had from my taking care of dad days and wrapped it around the finger to absorb the blood, taped it up, and drove myself to the emergency room.

I'm a tough old fart.  Stupid, but tough.

The good news is, no bone or ligaments were damaged, the bad news is I severed some nerves.  Right now, besides stitches, I have no feeling at the tip of the finger or down one side of the finger, which makes typing kind of strange; I'm not really sure if I'm hitting the key or hitting the right key with that finger.

But the nice thing is they signed me up for a special Colorado program for stupid people who impale themselves with knives called the Colorado Indigent Program.  Ain't that nice.  I am now officially an indigent.  A little over 5 years ago I made nearly 90k a year.  Ten years ago I had my own business and made 100 bucks an hour.

Today, I'm an indigent.  Don't drink, don't take drugs, don't gamble.  And I'm indigent.  In America. All because I did the right thing.

Do you know how strange the world is today?  I am relatively a conservative guy though some of my views are not in lockstep with typical conservatives.  I always thought those free trade agreements were a really bad idea; all I had to do is consider Limbaugh and Gore both liked it to know it was a really bad thing even if I wasn't sure why.  And I was right.  Limbaugh and Gore are gazillionaires and I'm indigent.  Is the real secret to wealth in america being wrong all the time?  Lots of evidence for that concept.

Now, I find myself realizing there is a synthesis going on between right wing labelled people and groups like the ACLU.  I pulled this map from the ACLU website:

Do you know what this map is?  Well, some of you might say it's about 100 miles within coast line of the US, and that would be right; but wrong.  Some of you might know that 2/3 of the US population lives within this browned area and that also would be right, but wrong.  What the brown area represents is 'The Constitution Free Zone'.

Yep, in this area, most of the constitutional protections are no longer in effect.  And this happened during the Bush years folks.  Here is a link to the 'fact sheet'"

You can also find this information on right wingy sites like infowars, but then that is not really fair to label them as right wing.  But the point is, most americans were clueless to these new rules.  Anyone at anytime in these brown zones can be searched by any law enforcement officer with no evidence or whatever.  Your papers please.

And I ponder the fact that slowly but surely this nation is nothing more than some corporate state, much like the original Rollerball suggested was headed our way.  I still just shake my head in sadness at the absolute theft that occurred on the american people in 2008.  The government cut a deal with the big banks in the late 90's that made the banks loan money to homebuyers that should not have gotten loans.  In return, Glass Stegall was eliminated.  So millions who got loans they couldn't pay were given loans, the big banks made horrible high risk investments, and lo and behold, one day it all fell apart.

And it was all planned to happen that way.  Yes, planned, because look what the results were.  All those little local banks were taken over and put in control of the big banks.  Assets now became part of the big banks, the loses were paid for by american taxpayers. The big boys set this thing up from the beginning.

I love shopping at this second hand bookstore in Fort Collins.  I love buying books there because I know no large corporation is going to make a cent.  I refuse to shop at WalMart anymore, I refuse to shop at Walgreens.  I am sick and tired of this corporate government complex that exists as an excuse for America today.

There is an old saying by some Roman poet that goes "give them bread and circuses and they will never revolt".  Does that sum up America today or what?  I am amazed at just how much the American male has sold out his manhood; the average french chick could not only kick the butt of most american males today, she'd have more body hair too.

We could have done something, still could but we won't.  We could cancel and move all of our bank accounts, brokerage accounts, etc from Goldman, Wells, and all the other big banks and move them to smaller banks and firms.  How anyone would trust Goldman or Wells with even a dollar of your savings is beyond me.  But you could pull your accounts from these big banks and brokers.  You could quit shopping at WalMart, Walgreens, or any other nationwide chains and shop a local shops.  Yea, it might cost you a little more out of your pocket, but think of the jobs you would be saving, the small business owner that will be open next year because you shop there.

I wonder if history will find the obscure bloggers who warned and wrote about what was coming down the pike and how they were ignored.  Nah, the victors write the history, so Goldman and Wells will look like the heroes of the new world order.

If I had the time
To re-live my life
I don't think I'd care
To change a thing
As long as I find
Just a little peace of mind
I can dream and laugh
And I can sing

I can have my fun
With the silver stars
I can watch the sun
Fall in the sea
And if it rains
I will smile just the same
For the rain
Will make the flowers sing

I know how it is to feel sad
I know how it is when things go bad
But I'm sure that
I have found the way
I'm happy here and here I'll stay
Here I'll stay

Uriah Heep

Friday, August 16, 2013


I am not sure in our politically correct never say anything that might be offensive America if enough people will awaken to the threat.  As a Christian, I don't mind Islamic people in the US, it gives us a much easier chance to share the Gospel with them.  Plus, if we do it here, it's relatively safe; if you do it in their home country, their government will cut your head off.

Islam is a religion of conquest.  Submit or die.  Read history folks, don't take my word for it.  The muslim world spread as far north as Spain at one point.  Now muslim communities throughout Europe are insisting they allow their host countries to allow them to use Sharia Law.

This is what I don't get: why do liberals bend over backwards and forwards for muslims in this country when if muslims got their way with Sharia Law, it allows them to kill their daughters for being 'westernized', rape their wives, prohibits abortion, and kill gays.  Everything liberals accuse conservatives of being, muslims actually are.  Liberals hate conservatives and roll out the red carpet for muslims.

And if you don't think it is happening here, go visit Dearborn MI or search Dearborn MI and Sharia Law.

I go to say this though; muslims are smart.  They are playing America and pushing all the right buttons.  They are using our laws and the blowhard idiot liberal mentalities to make themselves 'victims' and gain all the rights of our victims.  Now, they are now claiming muslims were the victims of 9/11 and plan to have a march on Washington DC this fall, on 9/11.

Assalam Alaikum Brothers and Sisters,

We at AMPAC (American Political Action Committee) are planning an historic event for 9.11.13 where one million Muslims will march to Washington D.C. and demand that our civil rights be protected by our government. 

We are demanding that laws be enacted protecting our 1st amendment . We are asking President Obama to fulfill his promise from his first campaign for Presidency of a transparent government. Lastly we are asking for the release of the 9/11 commission report to the American people. 

On 9.11.01 our country was forever changed by the horrific events in New York. The entire country was victimized by the acts done on that day. Muslim and Non Muslim alike were traumatized but we as Muslims continue 12 years later to be victimized by being made the villains. To this day every media outlet and anti Islamic organization has committed slanderous and libel statements against us as Muslims and our religion of Islam. 

Yet our Government either sits idly by and does nothing to protect our freedoms or it exacerbates the problem with its constant war on terrorism in Islamic countries, congressional hearings on Islam in America, and its changes to the NDAA law. 

These lies told to the American population has made it impossible for us to do true Dawa. Why do we have to defend our religion while doing Dawa? Why can’t we just share the perfection of the Quran and the beauty of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (SWS)? 

It is time for us as Muslims in America to stop being defensive and start being proactive by using our right to vote and our freedom of assemble and let our voices be heard by our country and the world. Stand with us help us fight the injustices being committed against us. 

Help us to wake the American citizen up to the truth and together Muslim and Non Muslim can take our country back to its true Democracy which is “For the people by the people”. Our Prophet in his final message told us: “Whoever sees an injustice should set it right by means of his hand; if not, by his tongue; if not, then by his heart and that is considered to be the weakest of faith.” And more to the point “If my nation are afraid to say to the oppressor, ‘O oppressor!’, then there is no hope in them.”

Sincerely your Brothers and Sisters in Islam

On behalf of AMPAC
Isa Hodge
Chief of Operations "Million Muslim March"


Gee, you think all those 9/11 Truther idiots will ever realize their efforts to sell DVD's and books with all these government conspiracies have actually fed the muslim victimhood?  That the muslims are using their fairy tales to support them being victims?

I wonder if we could have a redneck cracker march on Mecca to celebrate the day the Ottoman Empire fell?  We could pass out Chick Tracs, eat port ribs,  and sing Onward Christian Soldiers and I'm sure the Saudi Suni Government would applaud our efforts at bringing diversity to the middle east.

Do you want to know the real Islam?  The rioting in Egypt this week, here are a list of churches that have been attacked, robbed, burned, and hundreds of Christians are dead.

  1. Father Maximus Church
  1. St George Church | Burned 
  1. Good Shepherds Monastery |  Nuns attacked
  2. Angel Michael Church | Surrounded
  3. St George Coptic Orthodox Church 
  4. Al-Eslah Church| Burned 
  5. Adventist Church | Pastor and his wife kidnapped 
  6. St Therese Church 
  7. Apostles Church | Burning 
  8. Holy Revival Church | Burning 
Beni Suef
  1. The Nuns School 
  2. St George Church | al-Wasta
  1. St Fatima Basilica | Heliopolis | Attempted Attack
Fayoum (Five churches)
  1. St Mary Church | El Nazlah 
  2. St Damiana Church | Robbed and burned
  3. Amir Tawadros (St Theodore) Church
  4. Evangelical Church | al-Zorby Village | Looting and destruction
  5. Church of Joseph | Burned …
Now, in fairness, there were some mosques attacked, Shiite mosques.  See, the Sunni's and the Shiites don't get along, have different views on succession.  Most of the mideast is Sunni but Iran is Shiite.  But they don't seem to have much of a problem joining forces for terrorist activities.  There have been over 16,000 terrorist attacks in the world since 9/11 and 99% are done in the name of the peaceful islamic religion.

Muslims are not victims, any more than an alligator eating your dog is a victim.  In this country, that alligator is a protected species, you can't kill it, but it can eat your pets, eat your kids, and all the while enjoy the full protection of the US government.  You, the citizen, are not protected from the government or the alligator.  The gator will eat your pets, you kids, your family until it comes for you.  Kill the gator, and the government will prosecute you.  Starting to see the picture?

Are you familiar with the term abrogation?  It is very important in Islam.  See, the Quran has verses that seem to make Islam a peaceful can't we all just get along Rodney King type of religion.  But, it also has kill the jews and Christians statements.  Is this a conflict?  Well, yes and no.  To the non muslim, this might appear to be a conflict, but to a muslim reader there is no problem, for Big Mo was asked about these conflicts and he explained if allah told him something yesterday and then tells him something tomorrow that contradicts what he was told yesterday, then you go with the new saying and ignore the old saying.  That is called abrogation.  So what is the point in all this?  The warlike hateful things in the Quran were written down AFTER the peaceful Rodney King like statements, therefore, the kill the jews and Christians takes precedence over the live in peace with them statements.  But the Quran, as we see it, is not published in chronological fashion, which makes it more difficult for researchers to explain, well, that and the threat of death if they write something.

I know there are muslims who are nice people, I've known some.  Most people, regardless of what country, religion, etc they reside, all want the same thing.  We want to live in peace, work, have food on the table, a roof over our heads, and die after a long life with loving friends and family around us.  I get that.  But if you are muslim and you are looking the other way when you know there are people in your mosque, in your community, who are plotting terrorist activities, then you are part of the problem.   If I attend a church and find out there is a group of men plotting to blow up abortion clinics or something like that, I won't sit back and ignore the problem.  I would bust their asses in a heartbeat, even if it meant my life would be in danger.  Opposing abortion is Christian, blowing up clinics and killing people is not.

I honestly don't think America is prepared for what is coming, between the invasion from  Mexico and the invasion of Islam.  I would honestly be surprised if America exists as is, 50 states, by 2100.  And by the way, if you ever listen to Obama and the 57 state thing, pay closer attention: he said he'd visited 57 states, had one more to go, but wouldn't have time to visit Hawaii or Alaska, meaning he actually thought there were 60 states.  But back to America, at some point Americans in some states in the south and west will step up and say no more, maybe, or millions will just head to the hills and let the country go down the toilet.

The real question, since it is God - Country not Country - God, is what will Christians do?  Will you have the faith to not deny your faith at the risk of a muslim sword to your neck?  At your child's neck?  It is time we examine our faith in God, his only begotten Son, and ask the Holy Ghost to fill you with the wisdom we will need in the coming future.  And while we can still attend church this weekend without worrying about being imprisoned, tortured, or killed; please pray for our brothers and sisters in Christ living and dying in Egypt and the other Islamic countries around the world.

And the children of Melrose strut their stuff
is absolute zero cold enough
and out in the valley, warm and clean
the little ones sit by their tv screen
no thoughts to think, no tears to cry
all sucked dry, down to the very last breathe
bartender what is wrong with me,
why am i so out of breathe
the captain said excuse me ma'am
the species has amused itself to death

amused itself to death
it has amused itself to death
amused itself to death

Roger Waters

Friday, August 9, 2013


I broke down.  After nearly 8 weeks without television, we had a very bad storm move around and across Fort Collins with tornadoes and I was totally oblivious to it happening until it was right on top of me and I realized being without a television may not really be safe.

I don't really know how many TV's I've bought in my lifetime.  I remember a small B&W in college and for a few years afterwards, probably had a 13 inch screen.  I did buy a color TV in Dallas in the mid 80's but for the life of me can't remember a damn thing about it. Which is probably good, I remember my stereo but not the boob tube.  I remember buying a portable TV once, then buying my folks two new TV's for their house.

The point is, you took them out of the box, plugged them in, attached the antenna and viola, you have 20 or more channels to watch.

But that was the old days.  We have a new improved system that is better for everyone except for one thing, it's not easy.  Technology is suppose to make our lives easier and better and all this switch to digital did was create a week long march of money, pain, and frustration.

So I order this small 7in RCA TV from Amazon.  Comes with it's own antenna too.  I thought, hey, this will be easy.  And it was, if you don't mind spending 80 bucks so you can watch two stations, well, two stations if you put the TV and antenna here, but not there, whereas over there you could get PBS stations though not necessarily PBS sound with the station, sometimes you got a whole other station sound with the PBS show.  Or in this room you could get almost 10 stations, the original two, PBS, and the rest were in spanish which might have been great if I spoke spanish which now apparently is the official language of the USA.  And the digital RCA wouldn't work with the cable coming out of the wall, like the old TV did and got about 30 stations.

So after two days of dinking around, I ordered a better antenna that was on sale and waited two days for it's arrival only to discover it's no better than the one that came with the RCA except at least the RCA didn't break in the first 3 hours of trying to get it to work.

Today, I said screw it, went to Best Buy and bought a digital antenna that cost as much as the damn TV.  But at least I did find out the reason my new RCA didn't work with the wall cable was last week Comcast started blocking local stations from being able to read the signal without an official Comcast cable box.  But I brought home the super duper nuclear digital antenna which I was promised would probably pick up not only every Colorado station but Moscow, London, and Kalamazoo.

Two hours later, even after I called the toll free "call to learn, don't return" number and worked with Katy for 30 minutes, I boxed my new super duper nuclear digital antenna after learning not only would it not get Kalamazoo, it wouldn't even get Fort Collins unless I put it in the west window of the bedroom, held it up with my hand while holding the TV with the other hand and then I could bring in over six english language stations!  Back to Best Buy to stand in line for 30 minutes to return the antenna and then I came home and boxed up the damn RCA 7" TV and got my RMA from Amazon to return it to them.

Isn't the advancement to digital signals wonderful!  I have that brilliant leap forward in technology to thank for a week of making something that use to be so simple to do and now you spend hours, miles, money, and everything to have the great technology not work.  Boy, I sure am glad we don't have that stupid analog signal that seemed to work for about 80 years just fine, oh wait, technically, we do because the digital ready TV will switch that new improve digital signal back to analog because the human ear only hears in analog.

So we all underwent the massive change to move from airwaves in analog to airwaves in digital and took something that worked and was simple and easy and made it a royal pain in the ass, more expensive, and who actually benefited from this change?  Well, the media companies benefited, the government benefited because you can cram more channels with a digital signal and the government gets to sell those, and all the companies that make all this crap in China now gets to sell multiple TV's, Antennas, and cables till someone can get it to work and, of course, cable companies benefit because so many will just give up and order cable because why?  Cable is simple.

Heck, I'm a geek.  I was a Novell CNE at several different versions, a MS MCP in several software packages and operating systems, hell I passed TCP/IP on one attempt!  But getting a dinky little TV to have a picture?

Have you noticed lately your cell phone coverage isn't quite as good as it was?  Areas it use to work now it doesn't?  I go walk the dog in the evening and there are now over 1/2 dozen people each night outside just to talk on their cells.  Heard people talking about it in line at Best Buy.  Notice recently all the people with server problems?  Didn't see that a year ago.  Our roads, bridges, sewers, and electrical systems are breaking down and we spent how many years and how much money to do what?  Move TV signals from analog to digital  so nothing would work.  Now phone companies will no longer be putting in copper wire phone lines.  Gee, why not?  Why eliminate the system that worked for over 100 years, the one way you could call in a power outage, the one way the government couldn't easily tap your lines.

Everything in our lives is more complicated, nothing works simply any more.  Our cars, our TV's, our music, our jobs, shopping, everything is more expensive, more difficult, less friendly, and complicated beyond all recognition.

Technology was suppose to change our world to make things easier and better.  Cars replaced the horse.  Calculators replace the slide rule.  Word processing replaced the typewriter.  But no longer, those days are gone.  Technology and change today is simply designed to make corporations more money, shoved down the throats or up another orifice of everyone who doesn't want it but must take it because the government has been bought off to force the change so the corporations can reap huge profits.

Back in the 80's, geeks had depth.  We were all Psych, Philo, Poly Sci, English, and other such majors and we understood you should always ask "should we?" not just "could we?".  Today, most computer graduates don't even take a single class in the classics, so to all you shallow geeks, guess which digital finger I am holding up.

There's a fellow roaming round the street
I think most of all I'd like to meet
I must consider him a clever lad
Making like a young sir galahad
Everywhere I go I think he's been
He autographs the walls around the scene
If you look hard enough you'll find him there
In rooms of public places everywhere

Kilroy was here
Left his name around the place
Kilroy was here
Thought I've never seen his face
On a short vacation with my friends
I found I had time on my hands to spare
Surveyed my telescope around the land
And saw his name imprinted in the sand


Monday, August 5, 2013


So, aging baby boomers, have you been practicing your duck and cover drills?  Seems Al Quacko, whom we were told not to long ago was on the run and out of business by our president is now about to unleash some major bad against the US and our president.  I don't know why they would be lashing out at Obama, that would be like Christians lashing out against Billy Graham.

Be that as it may, now it's not just our embassies overseas that are targeted, but our cities so TSA is stepping up their sexual assault of US citizens in response.  When are the sheep in this country going to have enough?  When will people say enough is enough and refuse to fly, refuse to shop, refuse to go along with some former felon sticking his dirty latex glove down the pants of your wife, daughter, or son?

Probably never.

Anyone catch the story of Barnaby Jack?  Barnaby was a healthy 31 year old guy, living in San Fran with a girl, and found dead one day.  No information is available, no autopsy will be available for months.  Who is Barnaby?  One of the worlds most talented ethical hackers who was about to travel to Vegas to give a presentation on who people can hack devices like pacemakers or cars to cause the pacemaker to induce a heart attack or the car to crash into a tree.  You know, like what happened to Michael Hastings recently.

I don't know what happened to Hastings for sure, but there are some strange things looking at the photos of the accident.  Now, understand, I am fully capable of realizing that in chaotic events, strange things will happen.  I'm not sure how the engine ended up where it did; I understand the engines are designed to drop down to the ground in a frontal collision, but they are not suppose to end up 150 feet away UNLESS the car flips over a few times leaving it behind.  But no flips?  And I guess when the engine falls out you will get gas spilling but it sure would be more believable if the tree the car hit had more serious damage to it like it was actually hit by a car traveling 100 mph.  Some damage to the front of the car to explain the engine dropping and the fire would have been nice too.  Doesn't the government have a secret school to train agents on staging accidents?  Or maybe the point was to show it wasn't really an accident?

And, as someone who gave up drinking in 1983, it would be more believable Hastings was drunk if he hadn't become somewhat of a non drinker too.  But we will never know because the body was cremated although the family specifically said no to being cremated.   Huh.   Cremated body against the family wishes.  Last I heard, MB engineers who like to review any accident involving a MB still have not seen the car to study.  Bet it's been cremated too.

So now we got this perfectly healthy 31 year old hacker with what must be the coolest name ever, Barnaby Jack,  who was planning to show a group of hackers at their annual convention how nefarious people could cause someone with a pacemaker to have a heart attack or drive their car into a tree and he is silenced.

Meanwhile, Barney Frank announces he is a gay pot smoking atheist as if we needed an announcement to know.  It's like Orson Wells or Marlon Brando announcing they like food - I know, it's a dated simile but I couldn't name three actors or actresses today under 30 years old, maybe even under 50.  With Frank, you have 30 years of voting to know whom he serves.

So, we come to the question.  Who are we more in danger from, Al Quacko or our government?  Frankly, no pun intended, I'm more afraid of the government than I am of Islamic Terrorists.  I'm more likely to be struck by lightning than by terrorists.  But our government?  I don't honestly know if my blogging hasn't put me on some sort of list somewhere; I know, delusions of grandeur, thinking anyone has noticed me.  And I do drive an old car, so if they want to make an accident, they will have to do it the old fashion way of cutting the break lines or something.

Admit it, my imaginary readers, you also fear your government more than you do Islamic terrorists, don't you?

I looked up taxation of book sales this weekend.  So my book has sold about 10 copies and counting - ever so slowly.  Other than medicare, we had no government help those four years I took care of my dad and his Alzheimer's.  The government took a 10% penalty when I withdrew my 401k early, my IRA early, and hosed my dad year in and year out by claiming there were little or no increases because the cost of living wasn't going up.  But the book sales will be taxed for 15% for SS/MED as well as regular income.  So, let's pretend I sold 10,000 copies of the book, somehow.  At 6 bucks a book, that would be 60,000 and the government will want about 40% of that money for the pleasure of living in a country where they ignore old people, ignore the people caring for old people, monitor my phone, my internet, my car driving through town, take away my rights of just about everything they can, send all the jobs overseas, and if you talk to much they kill you.

I guess that's a lot for just 40%.

If you woke up from a coma today after 20 years, would you recognize the USA?  After a couple of weeks, you'd probably wish you were back in the coma.  In 20 years, we've sent easily over 100,000,000 jobs overseas.  How many wars?  Terror?  The shredding of the constitution.  Gays and illegal aliens have rights, Christians do not.  Those cool computers you remember that helped you calculate information and type reports are now controlling everything; your entire life is now determined at the decision of algorithms and people just pass you the yea or nay decision.  You can't argue, you can't reason, the computer has decided.

So who killed Barnaby Jack before he could tell the world how to hack pacemakers and cars?  Islamic terrorists?  No.  Your very own government?

Sundown coming down too soon
No time to be alone
So I'll take a glass of memories and understand the blues
Oh they're the last thing you'll lose

Slowdown sundown, all I really need is time
For faded love songs and feelings in the wine
Let them take me down the line

Sunrise, a woman's eyes
Good loving one warm afternoon
Here's to all the strong ones who don't care if they win
The kind you'll never see again

Steve Winwood